HvnBound

I could not sleep good all night, now am doing some last min tidying....he will be here in half an hour. Please let him offer me enough so I can move!

DonnaK, Tweety76 and I are in chat now, ShineOn tried to get on but got booted out, hope you can return, would love to chat with you!

I am downsizing and it is almost three years for me. I am hoping for a decent offer tomorrow, if it is at least $50K then I will sign and sell my home. This place is just too doggone big for me and I am tired of paying over $150/month on gas & electricity, sometimes this winter the bill was over $240, too much for just me.

Hey all, I just finished chatting with two lovely ladies in chat and the thought hit me that I really need positive vibes and or prayers for Friday. I have a guy coming over on Friday at 11am CST to look over my house and to make me a cash offer. If my home was located just 10 miles south, I would be able to sell it for $250K instead of hoping for $75K if it was updated, primed and painted. My home needs to be brought up to code. It has aluminum wiring and in some spots in this house it has copper connections. How do I know that? Because it is evident when you look behind the plates covering the connections. There has been 4 small fires downstairs, that is why the light bulbs are removed in the living room area downstairs. In 2011 DH had an inspector and an electrician walk through this house, the electrician quoted us $2800.00 to bring it up to code. Why didn't we do it then? We had the money! If I get low balled on Friday then I will have to purchase chemical erasers, to clean the smoke off of the walls, then prime and paint this house. I will still have to sell as is unless I finally get a decent job paying more money, which if I do then I will bring it up to code. I am really hoping for any and all prayers, to whoever you believe in and for those that do not believe, I just ask for positive thoughts to get at least $50K. This would be totally life changing for me. I will no longer be in the house where he died in. This would be monumental for me. I have always hated this town and this state, except for the two wonderful senior widows I know in IL. Thank you all!

I felt guilt in the beginning because DH woke me up at 5am the day he died to tell me that we had to get up early so he could go to dialysis, I had to remind him that the time changed from 7am to 11am for his appointment, so we went back to bed. I then woke up at 7:35 and found him dead. I felt so much guilt for about a month because I thought if I had gotten up then he would have been okay until I went to lunch with a widow who was a hospice volunteer and I asked her about why his right hand was splotchy reddish purple the day before he died, she told me it was mottling, caused by the fact that his heart was failing and the body pulls the blood from the extremities to protect the heart. My guilt was relieved at that point and I never felt it again. I am so sorry that you are feeling guilty again, hugs to you!

Cool, will be there in a sec!

Signs, so many over these past almost 3 years....standing outside of a Steak n Shake in 2012 with my now 81 year old widow friend, we were talking about our DHs and then suddenly a blue jay chased a Cardinal in the parking lot, then suddenly the two birds circled around Lucy & I 4 times, she wiped her eyes and said to me, did you see that? I said yes, she said they just said hi to us. Finding pennies for the longest time, then I finally asked for dimes and quarters - now I see dimes and quarters, lol! (Now I am asking for paper money and found a $10 bill on the floor last week, it suddenly appeared) Still cannot get that one. Having a bad day when in the minivan and suddenly every fave song of mine comes on the radio, song after song until I arrive where I am supposed to have gone, even if I change stations because of a commercial, the fave songlist continues Hearing these loud knocking sounds coming from the fridge, happened every time a now ex-widower friend was over or one of the exes was over, when my guy came over, no weird knocking sounds. Another song thing - one day had to drive an hour to get home when it started to sleet, I HATE ice! It scares me to no end to drive in ice/sleet/freezing rain, so I prayed and then turned on the radio, had two wonderful songs come on and when I listened to the lyrics, it made me feel better and safe. I found a widower in my town in 2013, we became friends but twice while he was in my home weird things happened. He is not a member here so I am going to say that I found out some real bad things about his family after our friendship ended from people he went to school with. One time during a cleaning run I was trying to remove the smoke stains from the mirrors in the rooms, each bedroom in the house has folding or sliding glass mirror doors, I called him into the master bedroom to show him the smoke stains I could not remove, he stepped into the room and I heard a noise, I said WTF is that? He pointed in front of him to the floor, I stood up and walked around the bed and saw a bracelet that had previously sat in a wicker bowl on my dresser, under a pair of sunglasses, roll on the floor. He immediately said 'Hi Bob'. Then a month or two later, we were sitting in my living room, he was chatting to his GF on the phone and a penny sailed in the air between us. After the friendship ended I realized it was DH trying to warn me about him....see my DH took this guy under his wing when he was a teen, my DH was a cop in this area and this now ex-friend told me that if not for my DH, he would have been dead or in jail. I see Cardinals, butterflies, dragonflies, eagles and hawks during a bad day or just because. I have been seeing certain birds and at the same time a song would be playing and just know that the two are related in some way, like I am being told to pay attention to the lyrics. The lyrics are always what I need to hear at that time. I also look at the clock and will see repeating numbers or numbers in a row like 12:34, 9:11, 10:11, 4:56, etc, it happens constantly daily. Before DH died though, the oddest thing happened. From Christmas Day 2011 til May 4, 2012, I woke up every single morning at 7:35, no matter how many times during the night I was called by the hospital, nursing home or DH, I would wake up at that time. I woke up the last time at 7:35 on 5-4-12, ran to the restroom and came back to find DH not breathing. A week or so later I was going thru papers, DH died at 7:35, found his Mom's death cert, yep, you guessed it - she died at 7:35 also. So, if you are seeing birds or certain flying insects, coins, rocks, hear those special songs that help you at that moment, or your fave songs....you are pretty much getting signs.

I live in the best neighborhood in a town that is slowly becoming East Saint Louis so I have the storm doors and the dead bolt solid steel doors locked and closed, in my bedroom I have my .357 beside me in bed and have the dresser pushed against the door, been doing this since DH was in the hospital or nursing home back in 2011.

I am a new hockey fan and thanks to my chat buddies, have learned a lot about it, so, with that said - GO BLUES!!!

Virgo, yes it sure does feel great! I delivered all of the clothes to Goodwill today Done. I have a meeting with a possible buyer on Friday, he is one of those we buy houses people. But if he offers me more than $50K I will probably sign just to get rid of the house. Not sure if I really want to clean off the smoke off the walls, then prime and paint in order to sell...we will see what he offers first.

All of the clothes are in bags in the back of my minivan now!!! I can now actually see my floors and swept all of them, my entire bedroom suite is now in the master bedroom, papers have been sorted and boxes are all in bags. What a week! I actually did it!

MS, so sorry that you had to do this but you have to do what is right for you! Hugs to you.

This is just a vent. It is Opening Day and I was supposed to work 12:30 to after 6. I work at Busch Stadium. I was running late because I am not familiar with it and made it downtown at noon, thinking I would just get my parking ticket for $7.50 so I could park in the employee/fan parking lot. It took me an hour just to get to the place to buy the ticket, then 30 mins to go 3 miles to get to the parking lot. Guess what? Parking lot is full. My choice is to pay $60 to pay to park or to risk parking on the street which could impound my vehicle....sorry, cannot risk that either so I drove around to other lots and no one was willing to accept my parking ticket. So no work for me today, had to actually call in. Next time I work is Wednesday, guess I will get there two hours earlier so I can find a place to park. FML. Thanks so much for letting me vent. I am pissed (obviously!!!)

Since last Friday until yesterday I felt horrible and here it is Friday already, nothing really has been done all week and then on Monday, I work Opening Day at Busch Stadium. Oh why oh why did I have to feel bad this week? I wanted to get so much stuff done before the season. Next week the only days I have off is Tuesday and Sunday. I am thrilled about having money come back in since the plan is that whatever I earn from this job will become my savings since the money from the auction I can live off of for a few months. (Both of my parents are impressed by how I have managed to survive on just a few part time jobs or the selling of my things, good, glad they are proud of me because I am too!) So next week my goal is to finish going thru the clothes and to finally take them to Goodwill - why is this task so challenging to me? I cannot wear my bigger clothes and cannot wear his. I have got to get it done!

This weekend I was sick with I guess sinus/headache/chills/fever/heartburn/runny nose/sneezing/coughing. I had to attend a motorcycle swap meet to sell raffle tickets for a motorcycle wheel chock. BF had me sit while he unloaded and loaded everything, I did not have to lift a finger. BF saw that I was not feeling well so we closed up the table an hour early so he could get me some medicine for me to take. He got me stuff for my cold and heartburn and made sure I took the medications and then insisted I get under the covers and take a nap. I was woken up due to someone calling him on his phone so I got up and he asked why are you up? You should get your rest and then he made me dinner. What is this? Can someone explain? My DH never took care of me when I was sick and I still remember after my bad accident in 2006, when I had a grade 4 concussion/whiplash and my minivan was totalled, that the very next day he woke me up so I could go with him to help take care of his Mom. I had electric burning fire going down my back with extreme dizziness for weeks but yet, every day I had to help. Whenever I was sick I still had to help him, no one made sure I had meds or made sure I got rest. This is totally new to me and I am in shock!!!

I went to the cemetery once since it is about 3 hrs away, met up with a widow friend from here in southern Illinois so she could visit her DH's grave and I could visit mine. I teared up when I saw his grave and this sweet lady offered me a tissue. I was trying to stop the tears by singing his fave hymn "I'll Fly Away" but could not sing. That was the only visit. I do admit to thinking it is cool that I have not been able to afford a headstone, here is this guy buried who used to work undercover and no one will know where his grave is, sort of funny in a sick way, but funny to me

Back when I was a newbie, back in 2012, the chatroom started about 10pm CST til 1 or 2 in the morning with about 20 people, lately it is hit or miss, usually there is someone online around 10-11pm CST. Hope to see you there one day!

@Photojunkie the only job in nursing in this area that I know of, that is M-F, days, is to get a job working for an insurance company as a nurse who directs treatment of injured workers in workers compensation. I wish you the best of luck!!!

myjohnny, I am so happy for you!!! Congrats

Sorry I missed you Kamcho! There are three of us on chat now.

My trips weren't as cool as going to another country but I drove to multiple states meeting other wids at minibagos and bagos. The two trips that meant the most to me was driving to OK to hang out with shewill and driving to FL to see my Dad for Christmas in 2012. I felt so much pride in myself since DH & I went to both those states together and I did it alone.

Finally I get to chat with Tweety76! We are in chat now

@Lmsmdm I have to say I smiled when I read your post above but I hate to admit to you that I did worse! I was talking to a wid friend on the phone in 2012 and I was walking around and finally I said to him, where the heck is it? He asked what are you looking for? I said, I am looking for my phone. He said ummmm hate to tell you this, but you are talking to me on it! He still reminds me of that fact every now and then

Finally there is sunlight!!! I get motivated when there is sun. When the estate company came to get the furniture I thought things would be easier but actually there seems to be more stuff to deal with. I discovered more clothes of his and more of mine. I am getting to the point that I want everything that is too big for me to go, although some of them hold memories like the teeshirts I bought in Hawaii for $2 a piece at the Aloha Stadium's flea market. My to do list for the week - 1. Get a skirt to wear at Saturday's Leather & Lace dance. - done 2. Bag up all the clothes and finally take them to Goodwill! - still working on figuring out which ones I want to keep for me 3. Break down some more boxes before tomorrow and put them in the trash. done

Oops, I spoke too soon! LOL! I am the only night owl up at this time, staying on chat for a while....I will keep checking while I do things in the house but they left Normal people with normal jobs have to go, lol!