Needytoo

Sounds to me like this site is better than all the others. When I first joined a free site I got so many requests from guys who wanted to send me pictures of their junk. I have been on dating sites for awhile. Still don't have it down. My first part is the first communication part. Getting these guys to type more than "hello" or "how are you tonight" is like pulling teeth.

You are right LisaPop it did feel like a kick in the gut. Now other family members (who I haven't seen in 35 years) are making remarks. I feel making any comments is just not the correct thing to do. It is what it is. My brother and sister were invited to go to my father's this weekend. We didn't get an invitation. My sister swore my father said we were all going to be there. Oh well I would have found an excuse not to go.

Another fellow "wall starer" My BIL who was widowed 5 months ago and dabbles in buddism also told me the same thing. He also told me for some reason I needed to stare at a wall it was my way of mediating. Broken down lawn mower, maybe this is your new hobby.

Sending you strength. .

Again I am in a spot where I just don't know what the correct answer is. I will try to make this short. My father is very wealthy and over 25 years ago when his brother died he paid for the funeral and gave his widow a lot of money. Very nice of him, I would say. When my Mom passed away my father married her palliative care nurse 6 months after passing. This women did what she wanted with my Mom's belongings and my sister, brother and I didn't get anything. My father didn't do a thing about this. She is one "piece of work". When my husband passed away my father didn't come to the funeral and hasn't visited. I remember having a bank issue right after my husband's death and in a panic I asked my father if I could borrow money and he turned me down. He know doesn't send us any gifts (this includes my brother and sister's families). We have gone down to visit a few times. The first time we went he didn't even recognize us. I had a lot of anger towards my father but now I just accept what it is. My cousin that I haven't seen in over 35 years has cancer( his father's funeral was paid by my father.) We have been texting back and forth and playing on-line games together. He is worried about his young kids and his employer set up a site that people can donate money to. I have been laid off work so this morning I was applying to jobs and I get a text from my sister telling me to check out the donation page for my cousin. My father gave a huge donation. She asked what I thought of it and I told her I was at a lost. My cousin then text me about it. He kind of knows my father has been an asshole but I don't want to cause him anymore stress. I totally don't know what to think about all of this. Thanks everyone. I know it shouldn't be all about money but wow.

Too funny, thanks for sharing.

They got out of bed. Truly amazed just with that. The brunch was being held at a golf course that am taking lessons at. First opening of the season and they were a little disorganized. Lots of complaints from my kids but at least my eldest thanked me, just a grunt from the youngest. Can 16 year old males get PMS? Next year might just have brunch with other Moms and maybe a game of golf.

I had cognitive dissonance big time and it is such a hard thing to describe. I didn't want to live but I wasn't suicidal. I remember my sister-in-law telling me I just go home everyday from work and just relax. That is when I took up wall staring 101. Maybe I had to do the wall staring to move on, hard to say. Not sure why I took my sister-in-law's advice she really hasn't done anything else to be supportive. I dreaded weekends way too much time spent wall staring. Big hugs to you, I do think Kamcho has a really good point. Get hand busy. I never really had hobbies and now I am so open to trying new things. Once in awhile I still have that little voice telling me things trying to stop me trying new things but I can now shut it up pretty quickly.

Subject line sure sounds horrible doesn't it. lol My sons are know 20 and 16 years old. They don't do much to help me around the house. My eldest does minimal but my youngest does basically nothing. The high school teachers are on strike but my youngest still does nothing but lie around in his underwear playing X-box. Now I do know they can actually move they are both extremely athletic (when not at home). They both go to they gym and play football and soccer. I have talked to other Moms and I know I am not the only one out there with this problem. When they were younger we did lots of things together, now not so much. I have tried to make plans to do things with them. Either they don't get out of bed or they change their minds the last minute. I get it, they don't want to hang around with me and I am ok with that. I just hate being stood up over and over again. During grieving and recovery I have been working on not being an enabler. I do struggle with this but I know I cannot keep doing everything for them. I have heard a few times them say that I just don't care. I keep my cool and make them figure out things on their own. Gee it does sound horrible doesn't it. Mother's Day is tomorrow and since I don't expect that I will be getting breakfast in bed I reserved a spot for brunch. I am a little worried that they will not get out of bed and here is the thing I have two other widow friends with children that aren't doing anything for them and they would love to go to brunch. What would you do if your kids don't get out of bed?

I really wish I knew the urban dictionary meaning before this lecture I most likely would have said something. This "expert" was far beyond any expert. I ran into a few people that were attendance and they feel the same way. I do worry about the newbies because she was in my opinion so far off. You do need to grieve but you also need to put your self first and in when you are ready you might want to explore new hobbies and live your life because we all know it can be cut short. I enjoy my STERBS and I am thankful for them.

Thanks for your inspirational words. Hugs to you.

((Hugs)))

I think Mitzpah is on to something. On the weekend I read a post on facebook from my sister. Guess my brother and her have been invited to my father's. Not so long ago this would have hurt me and made me very angry to be forgotten but I don't feel at all this way. I don't even feel pity for them that they just have block us. I feel totally ok with it. Maybe I have hit serenity. Have to tell you it ROCKS!!

Not sure how I am doing. Last weekend I was much more in a frame of mind that we most likely will have to relocate. This week at my work lots of talk of good things that are going to be happening that will give me full time employment. It sure does get my hopes up. Yesterday did a fund raiser with a bunch of people and my sons came as well. We all had such a blast. The kids and I have come so far and the thought of moving and doing the restart on life again just isn't sitting well with me. I hate being confused. How is the great job search going for you?

Thank you IfIonlycould. I tried that vinegar, dish liquid and vinegar recipe last year on the weeds but unfortunately the weeds were just too high and it rained so much I don't think it got a chance to work. I still have a bunch of epsom salts left over so I will try boiling water and salting it. I definitely will go a section at a time. I have a bunch of apple, pear and cherry trees and unfortunately most of their fruit just fell on the ground. I found out that the local food bank will come out and pick the fruit for us this year if I can't keep on it. Definitely will take them up on that this year if I need to. I have collected bags and bags of huge pine cones which I will be bring over to the senior center so they can make Christmas wreaths. My flower beds are totally full of that crab grass stuff. I will go and pick up the stuff at Costco next week. Did a 5 km run this morning and then put in a couple hours cleaning the yard and I am so sore. Now going to try salting the patio.

Last year I did hire a guy to chop down some dead trees too bad I didn't clean up the mess afterwards. Worked on my patio all day yesterday, it is looking better but I will need to do some work on the patio stones. Guess my husband was correct when he said we should have done a deck. Cleaned out the old BBQ and it still works! My husband bought a boat and used it once. Little bit scared what I will find when I remove the tarp, hopefully there isn't a family of raccoons in there. Really wish I was on this last year.

Since my husband's passing I have had half of the house renovated which has been a huge improvement in this old house. My husband was a bit of a hoarder and the basement was packed full. I have gotten rid of so much down there but there is still crap down there, it is a never ending story down there swear to god it multiples during the night. During our marriage he had his chores and I had mine and for some reason he never liked me helping me with his. Not sure if he thought I was overbearing or because he thought that was the correct thing to do. Anyway I still have issues doing his chores and I know I have to get over it. It is a mix of the grieving monster and self doubt when I do chores he use to always do. Well fellow wids I am ready to face it. "Operation, fix my yard so it doesn't look like an abandoned farmhouse" has started today. Today was the first time I walked my property since his passing (yes I know shocking I know I have issues) and things are bad. Today I started on my patio. Two years of untreated weeds have taken up residence between the patio stones. Been out there for five hours and it still looks horrible. Any inspirational words? Kicking myself for letting it go this long.

Unfortunately A Tout Jamais I understand this. The total abandonment in my opinion is totally cruel and inhumane. Moving beyond the hurt/anger took me awhile. I don't think I will let these people back in my life or my children's life. One of people that I feel abandoned me the most was my own father. He never came to the funeral and still hasn't come for a visit. He calls me every week and I just don't give any information about the kids and I. I just say we are doing fine. I do like the way you said good bye to your anti-supporters. I did it a little different and not sure why. I analyzed all my relationships and then came to the conclusion basically that I didn't mean anything to them in the first place. Not sure if that is the correct way but it helped me to move on in a way. I really didn't like the look of my future, being alone that didn't sit well. Very slowly I am meeting new people and actually starting to trust again. I would say that I now have four friends that I can be open to. That "intimacy" part was very hard thing to do. Trusting people and opening up your heart is scary. I still tend to guard myself. Because my extended family isn't close my new friends our are new family. I would like to find serenity with my father and maybe I have.

Hugs to you.

Second time I have ever posted on this thread and the first time was yesterday. 1. Won a free photo shoot and I am ready for the new family shoot. 2. Wonderful day raised over $300 today for "threads of life". 3. Charges finally against the companies that caused the death of my friend's husband.

Had two of them today. They can attack me anywhere but I am especially not fond of the ones that hit me when I am driving.

1. My sore throat wasn't as sore. 2. Youngest son did one thing on his chore list. Amazed. 3. Opened up my Mastercard bill and got a really pleasant surprise. A while back I fell for the "free skin cream trial" and of course it wasn't free. I sent everything back but the dam company and they still charged me. Mastercard got all my money back. I am so happy.

I totally understand this. I still have some things that for some reason I procrastinate or just can't make up my mind about it. It is so frustrating, but then I look back at how I use to be and there is progression. I am starting to look elsewhere for employment (current job is just contract) and I might have to relocate. Part of me is excited and the other part is totally terrified. I did change careers in my early forties, this was before my husband's passing. It took me two years to figure out what I wanted to do before I grew up. There is so much out there. I went from being a veterinary technologist to working at a college in the chemistry field. I had no idea I could do it. Maybe start going to open houses and see what you like in homes. I am trying to get back into exercise as well and having a really hard time.

Thank you everyone. Good luck to you too Amor.

I have been working at a local college on contract basis for the last four years. I generally love the job but of course there is a few pit falls because as we know life isn?t perfect. The Dean (my boss) each semester has been cutting my hours. So basically I am doing a full time job in 24 hours a week. My counterpart basically doesn?t do a thing but she doesn?t address it. He is the full time hire that can get away with anything. The Dean has admitted to me and other people that the other guy has to go but she does nothing about it. The only way I see it that I will get a full time position is if my counterpart gets another position in the college, but what I hear from other people other departments don?t want him either. I knew I would be getting laid off for the summer but I thought I would at least be working in May. The Dean got her assistant to email me and gives me my layoff notice. Wow she couldn?t even say it to my face. She has to be the worse manager going. So I am facing the truth I need to find another job. Unfortunately there isn?t much in my field so this will mean relocation. I am terrified. Finally was putting my life back together and then slapped like this. When does it end? Thanks for reading my vent.