Needytoo

Good luck Donna, keep us posted if it works for you. Let's just say I have two slobs I live with and it isn't easy. Here I am again. All the yoga and mediation and I still need to vent. I am a believer of volunteering and I volunteer as much as possible. I will admit now that my life has changed I am also looking to find new friends. So far I haven't found a friend but have met a lot of new people. I while back I started to help with a church support group. I am not a member of the church but do believe any support you can give someone who lost a love one is the correct thing to do. I call elderly members once a month to make sure they are alright. Took a long time for them to even answer the phone since I assume they didn't recognize my phone number. The monthly meetings have stopped for the summer months but the secretary of the church asked if I could go out to lunch with a few members that need some support. I agreed. There were eight of us, and we started talking about all the outside chores we have to do. One of the lady's said her parents come down for 2 weeks each year to help her, this lady knows my SIL (SIL is only local relative but can't say she has given any support to us). She makes a comment that I must be so lucky that Angela is my SIL since she is such a giving person. I didn't want to make a comment and tried to focus on the other people but another lady comes out and says oh no Jen hasn't had any help from anyone isn't that horrible. Isn't that just great. The look everyone gave me maybe me feel so useless and I felt ashamed Yes, world no one gives a dam about my kids and I. That night I get a phone call from my SIL and she told me I need to keep my mouth shut and that I am strong and that I don't need any help. Well not sure who I am more upset with, the lady who must have called my SIL, the lady who opened her mouth regarding my situation or my SIL is so thick in the head. Not sure what to do with all of this except maybe quitting the group. Everything in group suppose to be confidential but guess it is not. Guess technically I shouldn't be talking about it. I also volunteer with my son's football league, I help with the junior and senior games selling tickets and other things. This year a few new parents have volunteered. Last game I had to listen to them brag and brag about their husbands. One of the volunteers who organizes the volunteers last game just kept taking off. Usually we take turns at the gate so at least you can see some of the game. This weekend I have a meeting with my husband's family corporation and I just don't want to volunteer for this weekend. The volunteer organizer called me and was begging for me to help I told her I couldn't because of this meeting I had to go to. She remarked that she never sees my husband at he game maybe he could volunteer. I told her that wasn't possible, and then she went off about this and that. I said the meeting is regarding my husband estate. She then went on about that he should deal with his own estate issues. I finally said it, he is dead. Then the silence hit. I have no idea what to do except just keep moving on. Thanks for listening to my vent.

Parenting teens is very hard. People warned me and they are so right and then doing it as a single parent even harder. I am so glad this counselor is helping you.

I can only tell you what happened to me. My father married my mother's pallitive care nurse (she told the other nurses she would get my father). This women took over all my mother's belongings. My father did nothing. It caused a lot of hatred through out the years. Not saying this woman is like that but if I could do it over again my siblings and I would have saved some of her stuff. Just remember to breath we all tend to get over protective. Ehy does life have to be complicated?

Sending you big hugs. I have no idea why people can be so cruel then to go ahead to put it on Facebook. I wonder if they post it on Facebook to rub our noses in it or is because they just don't care about us anymore? One of the ways I try not to fall apart with one of these episodes is just remind myself I am not responsible for them and a lot of mediation and wee bit of wine helps.

I suspected right from the beginning there was something off with this guy and he did let it slip the word "we" a few times. I really don't understand why people have to be like this? Thanks everyone for your advice.

I remember a year ago I thought I was ready to date, I find that so funny because I wasn?t even close to being ready. Now a year later I can say I am ready. Sure isn?t like when you were young and could head off to a bar with your pack of girlfriends. I only know of two ladies who are my age and are single. One who is also a widow who isn?t ready to date and another who is but likes the one stand night thing. I have tried the dating sites and I am not a fan at all. The last three guys I met in person a week or so after chatting and they just talked and talked about selves I think I said hello and nice meeting you that was it. I know two other ladies who met their first husbands online and both of them said they chatted for months before meeting. So I thought I would be a little more patient even though I have read so much advice from members this is not the way to go. For a month or so I have been chatting with this guy. No real big red flags except for that he never asked my name. Today he sends me a message saying that I am the only real person he has chatted with but because of all the other weirdos he is deleted his profile. One last note I went to see a physic a month ago she said watch out for a Paul, this guy?s name was Paul. Proof again for me that online dating sucks.

My kids are 16 and 20 years old. I do address some of their attitudes and others I just say nothing and walk away (silent treatment, worked on me as a kid). I am just tired of being upset all the time. I am at the point that I am accepting my life and I am doing things to change it. My yard was neglected I am responsible and now I am fixing it. But miracles do happen. I was out last night and my kids cleaned up the basement (the basement is another constant disaster story of my life). They actually gave up their plans and did it. WOW I almost cried.

Thanks Virgo for starting this post. I was trying and trying not to bitch and complain about my life and be more positive but today I just have to have a little vent. A few weeks ago my oldest son asked me if I was lonely and at the time I couldn't answer it. Took a few weeks to come up with my answer. I have been working on my neglected yard and it is taking me a very long time to get things back to together. I hired a lawn care service to help me with the weeds of the yard but basically doing everything myself. Now working on resetting my patio stones and it is one heck of a hard job. I finally came to the conclusion that I have to learn to do things by myself. I wasn't counting on help from my kids but what I didn't know they would do is gang up on me. They are saying I am wasting my time and money on doing outside work. I want to be proud of our home, it is paid for and their was one nasty way it was paid for. Also I might have to sell it and we all now about curb appeal. All of this has made tension in the house a little nasty between all of us. Sure wish my husband was around to have my back, miss that a lot. November my SIL passed away and I paid for her cremation because my BIL had no money and I didn't want my nephew to pay for it. I had a feeling my BIL wouldn't ever pay me back but right now it is stinging a bit. He has already started dating and if going away on a little vacation with her. He was in the area but didn't call or stop by, nothing. Just saw on facebook my sister and brother are making plans to spend some time together. Thanks for the invite. I am tired for no one caring and feeling invisible. I can now answer my son's questions, yes I am lonely.

Sending you strength

I also don't have too much I can add. Just go one day at a time. Everyone is here for you. You and your kids are in my prayers.

It took a long time but I finally can say the yard is back to its glory with exception of a few dead branches on some trees. All flower beds weeded, landscape cloth put down, mulch covered and flowers planted. It was very drooling hard work but I did it all by myself. Now onto my patio. Weeds are now all dead and need to be removed. Going to wash the patio stones down, put this polymer stuff in the cracks and paint the fence.

Great article, thanks for sharing.

Congratulations.

You guys are so wonderful. Thank you for all your responses. Isn't it wonderful how many of us feel the same way on putting the anger to rest. Anyway I think I might have jumped a little too ahead of myself. During my recovery I have found my thinking on so many things have changed and I know sometimes you just have to take your losses and stop wasting time on things. Mental well being is very important to me and I am so open to trying new things to get it. My SIL and I work at the same college and I was attending a positive psychology work shop and during my break I went to visit my SIL to talk to her about my BIL coming for a visit. She has a son with mental health issues and was complaining about it. I have no problem about hearing her problems but I made the mistake of mentioning she should take the positive psychology course and she flipped out on me. Ok, someone who is in denial,not my problem. Then she proceeded to talk about my BIL. His wife died 7 months ago. He is going to be staying at an old girlfriends house on the weekend. She has so many opinions on this. She said he still cries over his wife he isn't ready to date. I didn't dare say too much but I did get out, that you never get over a lost. So on the weekend we will get together for some family time but I will be treading lightly around her. Thanks everyone for all your responses. I think we are all are fantastic.

Just like many of us I sure had my share of the anti-supporters and boy the anger and hatred I had was through the roof. I did get to a point where I just moved beyond it but still some anger towards two people. One being my SIL and one being my father. I think I have developed my "new" relationship with my father (which isn't much) and I am ok with it. Now for my SIL. My SIL is the only local relative I have, she was the first one I called when my husband died. She did help during the funeral and kind of took over everything. There are a few things she did during the funeral that really caused me some anger issues but guess it is water under the bridge now. I do remember during one of my very low moments pleading for help and I got nothing. Anyway to make an long story short my SIL is an odd duck. Actually her whole family is odd. For example when we go over the whole family disappears and leaves my kids and I sitting in a living room alone.She will go months and we don't hear a word from her. She says things and does that pity look at you when she talks. The kids and I honestly found being around them a little too hard to take. I think maybe in her weird odd way she did try to support us but she just didn't know how to and I was too blind to see it. The kids and I got to a point that we just didn't want anything to do with them but now I am wondering if we are doing the correct thing.

Goals for today: -get husband's car towed away -laundry -weed last flower garden -mow grass -fertilize lawn -put down landscaping cloth down on garden -walk dog -

I will admit I am having some problems with this as well. My husband was a bit of a hoarder and I hit the hoarding problem quickly after his passing then almost two years later I am having a real hard time facing it again. I know I have to but ....you know that grief monster. I am also having problems doing my husband's chores. Weird thing it isn't just me its the kids as well and things have gotten a little out of control again. I don't want too but I have to face it. It isn't fun but at the end when you see that your labour has paid off and that you did it does feel good. Hugs to you AG,I know it sucks.

Hugs tmpphg2015. IfIonlycould I still feel I don't get enough accomplished. Wish that feeling would stop. Well my week didn't go as plan. Had to euthanize our old cat and kids were very against it. Told them he passed at home. Driving back my low tire pressure went on. Thought I better get that taken car of so I drove to Honda. I was making a left turn into honda on a busy road, waited for the light to turn yellow, looked clear and turned and then got hit by a van. Grrr. Got the car and tire fixed. Was not a fun day. Now our dog has diarrhea and I am worried sick (she gets diarrhea often eats anything). Last week I was at work everyday and I have been laid off. This week I for another meeting that stretched out for the whole day. I calmly pointed out I am not getting paid so supposely they are going to try to get some pay for me. Next week they scheduled me for another three meetings, hello people hire me back. Didn't get my husband's car towed away. Think I might have found someone that can use our old boat. Put down landscaping cloth in one flower bed and planted it. Planted 8 hanging baskets, 6 more to go. Next flower bed is a real disaster I think I should rent out a rototiller.

This week I WILL: Get the flower gardens weeded and prepared for planting. Hopefully the weather warms up and maybe I will plant the flowers. I have to make arrangements to have my husband's car towed away to the wrecking yard. Good luck everyone with their goals this week.

Very inspirational article, thanks for sharing.

Hugs to you.

I too don't think it is weird at all. In the beginning I hated the word widow and I was afraid to announce it to the world. I was scared of being taken advantage off and that look from people that made me feel I am being judged. Widow means so much more now to me. It means the courage to go on and so many other things. But oddly I find less and less the topic comes up but if it does people I am meeting are reactivating differently when they know I don't feel that I am kind of freak. Hard thing to describe.

Sending you prayers and warm wishes of a speedy recovery.

Well that sucks, been there. I was putting way too much money into the old cars and I still didn't trust them at all. I bought a new car and with the better mileage and quitting smoking I can afford the payments and now I have a car I trust. But I still have a boat, husband's old car and a camper that I need to have towed away. One thing at a time. Hugs to you. Mexico does sound good.

Been working on project "stop my house looking like an abandoned farmhouse". Still lots to do but finally seeing some progress. Been pulling weeds out of the flower beds and found some tulips. With the weeds gone the flowers actually opened up. My kids actually came out and helped without being asked. Every inch of my body is in pain.