Needytoo

First off let me start by saying after a year or so on dating sites I still really don't know what the heck I am doing. I have read numerous articles and even books and I still have no clue. I just can't seem to connect with anyone. I just am lacking in something in all of this. I first joined e harmony and what a waste of money that one is since there are very few members in Northern Ontario. I tried Match as well and maybe a few more contacts. I tried Ok cupid but there was only 4 guys from the north on it. I am on POF and I think I am at my breaking point. At first I had the weird dos sending me messages but that has stopped. Now I just seem to get the separated guys that I am sure have just recently separated. Good luck and keep us posted.

It was fun and hopefully this optimistic feeling sticks around.

You guys are freaking me out. Youngest son birthday is Aug. 28. jlp it is great you are posting this. I had huge problems with procrastination and now it is heck of a lot of work to get caught up. I use to be so great at time management and multi tasking. Not so much anymore. I find everything takes me a long time to get it done but at least I am working on it.

Wow it is hot outside so I am continuing on "project decluttering. I really like the ideal of being a minimalist. My husband was a collector of stuff. I have got rid of so much stuff but so much more needs to go. My oldest son seems to have the same feeling for this, my youngest son not convinced yet or maybe it is because he is lazy and just doesn't want to be involved. Went through my clothes and got rid of a lot of stuff and organized it the Marie Kondo way. I feel a little stupid that I didn't know of this before. Today went through the closet in my oldest son's old room. I found clothes in there I swear when he was 10 years old and now he is 20 years old. My oldest son called at noon and I told him what I was doing and he said he wanted to do it by himself. I am keeping my fingers crossed he is going to do that. Then I moved on to the book cases. Was doing well till I find an old binder which my husband wrote on. Message was some crude remark he use to say all the time but instead of laughing at it, had to have a little cry. Dammit hate that. Had my cry and continued on. Still a very long way to becoming a minimalist.

My husband and I didn't have the "typical" marriage as well. He passed away suddenly and let me tell you I had huge anger issues at everything. The funeral home director suggested for the kids and I to write a letter to him this was right after his passing and I let him have it. I don't think it is cruel at all, you are just speaking the truth.

Too hot to work outside. Today started (again) on the decluttering. I even read a book called the Japanese are of declutting. She suggests to declutter by category and if you don't love an item it goes. I am use to declutting a room not going by a category but hey I will try it. Today I am working on clothes. Even that is giving me memories. Have to take little cry moments and wow do we have clothes. I am using her suggests on how to fold the clothing and have to say I am impressed. Thanks Trying you just reminded me I need to make an appointment for a hair cut.

Have you ever had one of those days that just give you so much hope and optimism that makes you so excited you just can?t sleep? Saturday went with a few friends to a Mystical Magic Fair where psychics, tarot card readers and people who do your horoscopes would be present. I use to be a huge skeptic but I went to a psychic a few months ago and it was amazing so I was up for it. Last time I went it pulled on my heart strings since my husband and my mother came had a very strong presence and she said she couldn?t see too much into my future. As we were driving over to the fair I said out loud to my husband and mother I love you guys but I really would like to hear about my future. Currently I am a contract worker at a college and have been laid off for the summer and let me tell you I am tired of not knowing when I am being laid off and having my hours cut it has been difficult. To get permanent hours I would need my office mate to find another job but so far no luck. We arrived at the fair right when it started and I was the very first to be read by the psychic. Right away she says you are sick of being jerked around at work and will be offered a new job. She felt it is going to be a little different than I am use to but I will be able to do it. She also said I would find a new love and it is going to happen when I least expect it. Then I went to the tarot card reader. She picked up on the job offer and new love. She says she sees a school and felt it was an old boyfriend maybe from high school. Then I went to another reader that uses a pendulum thing to do the reading. She picked up on the new love and that I would meet him at work and at first I might not be attracted to him but just to let things happen. Lastly I got my horoscope done. Best part I got was that I am going to run into an old friend today. When I got home I went to pick us up some take out and turned around and ran into an old friend. Later I checked my email and there was a message saying to tell my office mate congratulations. I emailed her back and she told me he was offered another job at the college. Wow the news I have been waiting for so long, finally my opportunity. My scientific brain cannot explain Saturday but hey I will take it.

I am so glad I posted this. Yesterday was just one of those days, but I just kept on going and after posting not once the rest of the day did I feel sorry for myself. After posting this I went to yoga. For half of the class we all just sat and chatted. I didn't share too much but hearing other people and what they have done for their own recovery is amazing. We all have our stories to tell and we all have to be very aware of our own self recovery. After class I noticed I had a text message. My BIL text me to let me know my former supervisor passed away just the same way as my husband. That brought it all back like a black cloud and it wasn't horrible feeling. Then around lunch time I received a text from a friend that she was in a crash. Like a snap of the fingers I was back in the present. Thank god no one was hurt badly. Then in the evening went for an art class and laughed so hard my sides hurt. What a roller coaster of an emotions I had yesterday. Life is that way sometimes. I am so glad you got back to me Bluebird, just like you Alanon opened my eyes so much. I think I will try it again before going back into therapy. Thanks for the advise.

I need advice; hopefully I will keep this brief. My husband was a functional alcoholic. He also had good traits but his alcoholism was a huge strain on our family. Often he would get off work and go straight down to the basement without saying hello and drink. He was never abusive and never missed work he was just often absent in our marriage. A few months before his passing he admitted he had a problem but still wasn?t there to get the help he needed. He was starting to be more present in our marriage and being a father then he passed away from a ?widowmaker? heart attack in his sleep. My husband?s father also passed away from a heart attack at a young age and I think my husband always struggled with that and that might have been one of the root causes of his alcoholism. I found therapy soon after his passing. I was referred to one of the best therapist (I was told) in the city. At the time we still didn?t know the cause of death and I focused a lot on his drinking (I now know this is a common thing to do). The therapist told me ?it was a good thing your husband died?. Those words, those dam words screwed me up so much. Because she was ?the best? therapist I kept on going and she just kept screwing me up more. Finally on another site a member told me to fire her and I did. During all of this I was also struggling with my oldest son with his mental illness and the total lack of support from anyone. I felt so alone. I faked it at work and would come home and just stare at the walls. I can?t even remember how I got to an Al-anon meeting but thank god I did. It helped me so much understanding my husband?s problems and how it has affected me. I tried two or maybe it was three other therapists. Some of them quit or just kept cancelling my appointments so I gave up. I feel I have come a long way but still having some issues. Sometimes I really still feel sorry for myself and I think I am having some serious intimacy relationship problems. When I say intimacy relationship problems I mean the ability to trust a friend or family relative. Of course I would like intimate relationship with a guy but let?s just focus on this right now. I have had a few problems with friends/family and it has sent me a little bit of a step backwards. I really don?t want to just throw my money away and I sure in hell don?t want a therapist like my first one. Has anyone done therapy for intimacy problems and what should I be looking for in a therapist?

Big hugs to you.

Hugs to you.

No it just isn't you. Lately it seem like drama is like a monkey on my back and I can't get away from it.

Changed all the crusher dust to this polymer sand between the patio stones in hopes to keep the weeds down and the stupid things still were growing. I put down a sealer down on the patio and my God that better keep the weeds away. Now I am staining the fence and have to say that is so much rewarding than the patio experience. Nice to see a change right away. Why is it so hot?

Glad you had the conversation and everything went well.

I loved it. Thanks for sharing. The overcooked meals reminded me of my mother's cooking and I will admit a wee bit of my own cooking.

Thank you everyone for your great responses. I will admit I sometimes still feel very awkward in new friendships.I want very fun supportive people in my life and yes I am getting very tired of drama. My friend did shock me yesterday and I am not use to being talked to in that way. This afternoon she called and apologized and we had a very rationale talk. Today would have been her husband's 50th birthday. Don't you hate the dam triggers.

Like so many of us after the death of my husband no one was there to give my kids and support. Very hard time but I have moved on. I have gained a friendship with another widow who lost her husband 14 months after losing mine. Our journey is the same in some ways but also different in a lot of ways. I finally understand the term ?taking care of yourself first? and just by doing that it has helped me heal. Through Al-anon I learned that I was an enabler and I worked on myself to free myself from that. My friend feels differently she says she will be happy when her children are happy. He children are 26 year old girl and 24 year old boy. My journey hasn?t been smooth that is for sure but my kids have come a long way. Especially my eldest son who was a lot of antipsychotic medication is now drug free. After the death of his father he worked on himself and is so much better and I also stop enabling his behavior. I will admit my kids are not perfect but then again I am not as well. My friend and I try to do some social things together but more and more she cancels on me. I try not to let it bother me but it does bother me. Her 24 year old son moved back in with her and is having issues. One of his problems is anxiety. I hate anxiety I battle with it as well but I really try not to let it control me. I feel he is having other issues as well. The boy is cruel to his mother, to his mother?s pets and anyone else that crosses his path. His mother?s house is just a giant party place for him and his friends and she is paying for the big long summer party. I received a text from her yesterday saying that her son said that I had words with him. I have not spoken to him in over a month. I went over to her house and she said that I told off his son which wasn?t true. My son during the worse of his mental illness also suffered from delusions so he could be having an episode but for some reason I couldn?t tell her this. I have no idea why I couldn?t do it. I think I was just stunned being told off and I have no idea how to proceed. Any ideas?

I joined online dating sites way back when I really wasn't ready to date but now I am ready and well..........it hasn't been easy. The last two guys that I met just rambled and rambled about themselves and the last guy smelled so much like diesel I wish I brought my full face respirator. I have no idea why the conversation just stop or they stand you up. Seriously why? Is this how they treat people and if so I recommend them to stay single forever. There is one lady where I work. She is slightly older than me and not to be cruel but she isn't a beauty queen. She brags about have a different date every week. I must be doing something totally wrong or she if full of it.

My oldest son and I talk a lot about my husband, sharing memories ect. My youngest on the other hand hasn't shared anything since his passing. Yesterday he shared a memory of one time when he hit a kid at school and how his father disciplined him. He remembered and acted out everything his father did. My husband could be full of drama that is for sure. Very nice that my son was finally able to open up and do this, it filled my heart.

DonnaP I think I would go with a), my kids often have that tone in their voice that just pushes my buttons................well you know what I mean. Bad Kitty Virgo. Finally talked to some of my widow friends who know the whole story with my SIL. They told me not to get involved. Old me always went out of my way to help people but as many of us know it sure is a slap in the face when your the one that needs some support and there is no one that gives it back. I know it sounds cruel but I just can't forgive family/friends who did nothing to help us. I am just not comfortable coming out and saying "sorry your life sucks so bad but since you didn't show any sympathy or compassion to my sons and I, I will do the same to you". Slept a little better last night.

What a wonderful evening. I too wish it continues for you.

Hugs to you Baylee. I just don't share any feelings with those kind of people. I have no idea if this is the correct thing to do or not but I find I have to protect my heart. Sorry for my ramble not sure if it made any sense at all. Third day of not sleeping. Guess this stuff with my nephew has sent me for a spin. Far as I can see my nephew hasn't had any success with treatment. Angela did say they tried some kind of treatment to change his attitude of being a transgender. I have no idea what is involved in that. I personally think my nephew needs to live away from his parents. Learn to function as a human without having the helicopter annoying mother around. I am not sure if there is places where he can do this. Today my nephew is being seen by a specialist to see if he is a candidate for the surgery. I just pray she suggests some kind of treatment for his severe anxiety and agoraphobia first. Still receiving text messages from my brother in law, I understand being lonely in the mist of disaster but just not sure if I want to get involved. What a mess.

JeanGenie I understand how you are feeling. I was always the one that was calling other people to do this or that, very rarely did they ever call me. I guess now I put a range on my friendship level from acquaintance to very good friend. It has taken me awhile but I would say now I have four friends that I can talk to about anything and visa versa. I honestly can't say that there was any friend from before that I could totally open up to. Maybe you are a little like me, time to find new friends. Big hug to you. Well this really guess doesn't run into the vent category but I don't know where else to put it. Because of this big family meeting I spent a lot of time with my BIL and two SIL. My SIL Angela (my huge pain in my side) has a son who is twenty and has severe social anxiety. He just stays in his room for the last 5 years, he is now 20 years old. I am worried he is going to commit suicide. I know this has been a huge stress on the family. I know Angela and her husband Frank have almost divorced over this. I am not sure how to say this nicely so I just have to come out and say it, Angela has been insane whenever I see her she stress me out. This weekend Angela told us her son is transgender and she is also thinking she is gay as well. Wow, didn't see that one coming. And now my BIL Frank is texting me a lot. I assume he is just so lonely and is just reaching out but yikes, seriously not sure it should be with me. I find right now I can't even talk about this with one of my friends since it is such a sensitive subject.

You guys are the best. As far as the church group I will be mentioning this to the church secretary when she gets back from church and let her handle it. Right now I am still unsure if I want to continue, I want to support people and I passed wanting anyone's pity if you know what I mean. As far as the football, I will keep on volunteering when I can. This is the first time in three years where I can't help on game day so I have nothing to feel guilty about. Just wish these life events didn't cause me anxiety.

Never ever let mother nature take over a patio. Wow it is hard to get it back but I think I am finally winning. Weeds are gone, new polymer sand put between the pavers (huge nasty job did it on my hands and knees), now cleaning the pavers and will seal them on Sunday and then paint the fence then onto next project.