Max2507

We are all rooting for you and stand with you! Your strength shows in the words you wrote. Regardless, if tears do come they will be from joy and relief you are free from that! Congratulations

Around that time all of the numbness had worn off, any lingering help had headed for the hills, the rest of the world had moved on and I was like OMG this shit is real! I also felt like I was going through withdrawals from lack of physical affection. I did feel like a was going crazy. What helped me a lot was I went to a widdabago around that time and then to camp widow and it helped a lot to be around people that understood. Laughing and crying in the same conversation. Weirdly at 18 mths it got worse again and I went on antidepressants, I had gotten really started to get barely functional. Now it's been 27 mths, had to stop and count. I feel like a person now if that make sense. I tried to explain to someone back then that it was like I was a piece of plaid fabric and he was one of the colors. So with him gone, all his threads ripped out, now I am loosely woven, thread bare and frayed in areas. Now I am not dating yet but am warming up to the idea, having fun with friends, doing new things, feel like I am standing on my own, it does get better but it is an active process.

That has some great practical tips as many will be sending their kids back to school soon. I did many of those things with my high school age son. They need it as much as younger kids. School seemed to be a relief for him, a predictable, continuous flow that I think was a break from grief for him. Surprisingly or maybe not his friends were supportive while the adults kind of had the look of wanting to run away when I told them.

ugh, yes I understand feeling stuck and feel like I am wallowing in it this week. What has helped me be unstuck in a mental way is exercise, going out with friends (even when I completely don't want to), kayaking, getting outside, sometimes I just lay in the grass and feel connected to the earth. That last one sounds weird but it is somehow therapeutic for me. What is really causing me to be stuck is a lot of stuff that I had nothing to do with yet now I am stuck with such as employing my BIL to operate a business location that is not making money, I have my MIL cat (I loved my MIL dearly so I would never do anything with the cat but I still have her), I have my husband's ex wife fucking chihuahau dog that is 16 years old and spry as can be (she was going to take it to the pound so she said, manipulative bitch) I love the dog but I don't want a dog I wouldn't do anything with her either because I couldn't give her away after she's lived with me14 years. I have rental properties that barely break even, need repairs blah blah, I am stuck trying not to be bitter about the stuff he stuck me with, what the hell am I supposed to do with a big box of his family photos that his doesn't seem interested in either? HE was the good stuff and he's gone. Sorry for the vent/partial angry hijack.

So glad to hear things are going well.

I had to pick up a few things at walgreens and being a bit bad got a coke. When I got back to my office I stuck it in the freezer for a bit so it would be really cold. Ahhh best way to enjoy a coke. After about half was gone I saw the name on the coke was my husband's. It said "share a coke with M" Gave me a smile. It was a nice surprise and coke was our favorite soda so we had shared a great number of them. I took a picture and thought I would post a look what I got on facebook but quickly realized no, that would only result in a phone call from my sister in the next few days asking if I am all right and no response from anyone else.

I think sometimes you just have to let yourself go there, feel it. Its a happy memory in one way, a trigger in another. Having just attended a funeral too so difficult. I wouldn't call it torment its not like being masochistic its more like if I listen to it this time will the happy memory out weigh the trigger. Eventually I have found somethings like that have evolved from too painful to eliciting sweet memories, so I hope it will for you too.

I wish I had something to say that would help. It's such a roller coaster ride. Sometimes I just give into it for a limited time, like if I feel like laying around doing nothing or crying in bed I do it for a day or two but make a plan for something to do after that. Sometimes it passes faster if you don't fight it. Sometimes its exhausting trying to maintain a basic level of functioning. It it doesn't let up maybe check in with your doctor.

Of course I had to click on the amazon link. You really can buy anything on the internet. It does have a lot of positive reviews, lol

Take some deep breaths, once you get past the move and get settled you might be surprised how fast you will turn a corner. It's such a stressful event to move add in the widow stuff, ugh.

Good for you! I have a trip to hike the Grand Canyon rim to rim in sept. Would have never done that if DH were alive because its not something he could have done and if we had a vacation I wanted to spend it with him. I also bought a kayak and went camping. I think a physical/ mental challenge like an ironman is fantastic, that's what I had in mind with the Grand Canyon hike, I felt like it would be healing.

Congratulations, Love to hear good news!

Wish I could come over with a glass of wine and hang out. I am sorry you are feeling so alone tonight.

Don't think it sounds creepy at all, I do the same thing. Not ready to date or be in a relationship but look around, peruse match.com hoping for a future, have a person for me.

Your trip will be awesome! The only time I have been away from home was to go to a widdobago and to camp widow here in my home state and really a change of scenery and hanging with people that understand, priceless. You are a year behind me and I remember that being such a hard time. Be gentle with yourself. It does help to do things outside your comfort zone or just something you wouldn't be doing if your spouse was here. I took up kayaking and love it. Exercise, join a meetup. It is so hard to make yourself do anything but it does help especially if like me you need to find some new friends. I still have to push myself because it is tempting to stay in bed. I allow myself some of that but make plans ahead to try and avoid that on my days off. People are rooting for you!

I don't have any answers but I am 2 months over the two year mark and just took off my rings last weekend. I have gone back and forth on it, feeling it was time or not. I understand what you are saying. My rings to me said to the outside world that I was special, I was loved. I felt like they did have some super powers. Even to myself I always looked at them and thought that. Now off for a week, there is still an indent on my finger, and I fight the moments of feeling like a sad nothing. Just in limbo between active grieving and an actual life, trying to figure out how to not feel so f-ed up and empty all the time. Hachi makes a good point about how you perceive yourself. Maybe that's what I should work on and the rest will follow. You aren't alone in all this at least and also I second nonesuch on would rather have balding, overweight than skinny long haired.

I take it the urn is a metal of some sort. Seems like it could get soldered on or engraved right on the urn. Doubled sided tape seems weak but epoxy glue will hold something on forever if that's your only option is to affix it on there.

Great news!

We survived on cereal, sandwiches, frozen pizzas and eating out the whole first year.

It is hard when your life has come to a screeching halt and everyone else's is just going along. I remember being in the grocery store and watching people picking out bananas and thinking WTF? My husband just died and you are just standing there picking out bananas? As if a stranger in the grocery store had any knowledge of whats going on in my life. All the friends that "will be there for you" seem to disappear. Like widowhood is catching. Even worse women who think you will be after their husbands, really? It does change your address book as they say, some just don't know what to do so they do nothing. I found support in the most unusual, unexpected places. Eventually you may have different friends all together. A good place to call to find out about a grief support group is your local hospice. Many also have grief counseling. Not just related to terminal illness but loss from any reason. Also soaring spirits international has regional groups, camp widows, and an online component. There is church based programs, I think one is call grief share, maybe there is one in your area. Check meetups.com some have grief group. As for your son, my son was 15. I think the most helpful thing I did was tell him that I was going to be sad and cry a lot BUT no matter what we are going to be OK. Now of course I felt like I was completely lying at that point but he needed to hear that. He accepted that answer and I think it gave him reassurance that even though his dad died we will make it what ever that means. Now two years later he's doing well. It sounds selfish but teens kind of think how is this going to effect me? Also I find he is very protective and secretly worries about what would happen if I died. I talked to him about that and he seemed relieved, mom has it under control. Remember to take some deep breaths, drink water, eat regular, sleep and shower when you can. At this point its one moment at a time.

Congrats! You seemed so miserable at your old job, glad this one is going so well!

Wow, he has a baby at his house too? Try next time he comes for the weekend plan the whole time with him spending time with either you or dad with no contact with your daughter. Toddlers are very selfish by nature. He sounds like he needs attention and is displaced everywhere.

None of the violence is ok. It does seem like at 41/2 this kid has been through a lot. He has his mom that must have had some kind of relationship with his dad, then his dad had a girlfriend and she died, then dad got married and has new baby. Maybe his dad needs to make a point of spending one on one time with him and interject some lessons on how to care for others. Its a shame the mom can't get involved and work on it with you guys. It may help for you to spend one on one time with him as well, do you have much of a relationship with him? When I started dating my DH my son was 6 and was very short tempered and angry about it. Didn't help that my loser ex was also telling him all kinds of crap too. They started doing things together exclusive of family time, even just going to the store. As time went on they were so close it was like they were joined at the hip. Heartbreaking because my DH was really a dad to him and his bio dad is still out there alive wasting oxygen.

I think its a great idea. Love therapy animals. I wouldn't have made it without my pets and animal pics and videos online. It would have been a great experience to go to the funeral home and had a therapy dog there.

Its so hard to relive those events but please know you didn't fail her.