Max2507

I feel like it is very important to be ok alone and focus on yourself. I too married later after being independent. We both had a brief previous marriage. We had dated several others before dating each other. We had something together that neither of us had experienced with anyone else. We just clicked and got each other. I guess I don't think I could get that lucky twice in a lifetime and at this point don't feel like putting any effort into it. I am lonely at times, craving physical attention, and would love to have someone to do activities I want to do that mostly need a partner (camping, backpacking) but just see potentially having a buddy not a relationship.

She is not old enough to think hey mommy's got a boyfriend or even comprehend what that means. A party with other kids would likely be fun for her. Its just more people to her don't get hung up on arbitrary time frames you have set for yourself.

So glad you are enjoying your new job and those guys are lucky to have you, someone that cares, not just wearing their headphones (that is sad). I am lucky to have family that understands but I think its because my sister was widowed, my younger sister died 25 years ago, my mom died 8 years ago (my dad widowed), everyone is like do what you want. Its low key and no body pushes. Wish your family would be more understanding. Unfortunately they probably won't get it until they have experienced more loss or develop empathy (hopefully).

I know you shouldn't need it but marriage is a legal/emotional/outward sign of your commitment to each other that is universally recognized by everyone. It is not a gray area you are not boyfriend/girlfriend, life partners, engaged, been together 10 years, all those are great and may have a deeper commitment and love than some actual marriages but its just a gray area. Married, you are or you are not. There is power to it. With that said do what you want!!! When I got married we ended up living apart in the same town for almost 10 months because my kids had to finish the school year, we got married earlier than we planned on thanksgiving because of sick parents. If your intention is to be together why not get a discount on tuition! Marriage is about love but hey the perks don't hurt nor should you feel bad about that being a consideration. My sister and her guy decision to get married was pushed ahead for the reason that he could get great insurance for everyone. What you bring to a marriage matters too, its taking care of each other in a multitude of ways.

I saw that no too long ago and wrote it on a slip of paper that's in my desk drawer so I see it once in awhile when I shuffle things around. It is sad in the strongest sense and true. At the same time it represented a bit of transition as well. I am on my 3rd holidays, definitely better than last year. Still hard, miss and need him more than ever. Yet thinking about moments of our life give me more happiness than pain. The phrase to me sums up when you reach a point that he is not actively a part of your life now, part of your life and always will be, just not in an active way. You don't sound like you are at that point, you may feel different tomorrow or five years from now. Last year I don't know if it would have resonated with me, maybe would have felt kind of offensive.

When my kids were little and I had a job that I couldn't just take off from I had to make some crazy arrangements. Plan a, b, c, d its horrible and looking back don't know how it all worked out. The stress is beyond belief and then add all the other stuff you have now. You have made it this far though! Pat yourself on the back for that! Do you have a nursing service in your town? You can hire a nursing assistant (they are typically background checked, know CPR ) getting to know one or two and your daughter as well so that when the need arises call the service. Costly, but if it gives you peace of mind to go in for the big meeting its worth it.

I am on the east coast of south florida

Awesome, glad its been positive.

Congrats! Sounds like a great fit for you

I don't know what people are thinking (or maybe its that they are not thinking) sorry you did not receive any invites for thanksgiving. Its times like this I wish there was a widow train to wisk widows off to a holiday meal so you could have some support with people that understand.

I am so sorry for your loss. This is a safe place to vent your feelings and not feel alone. There were so many days early on that I just wanted to lay on the floor in the fetal position. Try to take it one moment at a time, drink water, eat regular, take deep breaths.

Hope things went well for you today. Work gave me something to focus on and some structure. It also provided for some social interactions. I had to go back to running our businesses within two weeks out of necessity. Makes sense for your line of work to take that time out and now getting back into it I hope you find you can enjoy it.

I have sat in my car on more than one occasion and just screamed or yelled expletives it helped release some of that. Others have suggested putting out a tarp and then either making a trip to goodwill for extra dishes or use any you don't need and just smash them. For some reason breaking stuff and screaming feels good sometimes. Keep reading and posting, just getting your feelings in text helps.

So sorry for your losses. I was lucky to find the original board this one sprouted from just a few days after my husband died after an accident. There was so much information that helped me not be surprised by things such as no one mentioning him again, never hearing from people who were going to be there for you. Never seen people run so fast if my eyes started to water the smallest amount. I also found support in the oddest of places. People stepping up or even just strangers with some understanding. You have had two major losses in such a short time. People don't realize that a couple months or even a year are almost no time at all. I am at 2 1/2 years and things are so much better yet it is still hard in some ways. I don't know if I would have survived without the online support. Another thing that helped me tremendously was going to a camp widow. campwidow.org It is not camping but like a convention for widows with great speakers and lots of people that can understand each other. There are get togethers with widows/ers in the widobago section on this board. That helped tremendously also.

Is it wrong to be excited that I am ahead of the game for Christmas because my tree (artificial) is already up given that it is already up because I didn't take it down last year?

I feel like this a lot too. I am trying new things, trying to find the new me. Maybe we are just worn out from the grief and have to recover from that in the "beyond active grieving"

One thing we had in common was that our favorite holidays were Halloween and thanksgiving. On Halloween we only get a few trick or treaters and my husband loved to get the big size candy bars and hand out a candy bar and a dollar to each child. I have continued this tradition. The kids always have such a reaction. One Halloween when we had been dating over a year but he had just met my kids he dressed up as Darth Vador and my son was a storm trouper and they went trick or treating it was hysterical. Everything is so bittersweet these days.

Congratulations for doing that. It must have been hard to do but also a very healthy thing for you.

Jen I can completely identify with both of your comments. Wish I had some advice or ideas.

After over 2 years I took his towel off the hook in the shower. I only did it because my 16 year old dog died and it seemed like using it as a shroud for him was a good purpose. My dog had a long, happy life, 112 in people years, hardly feel bad about that. Now I just see the hook and miss his towel, miss him so much. Don't think I will ever feel normal again.

Congratulations! So wonderful

Planning things for the future helped me a lot and I am still doing that. Whether its a weekend away or just a concert it helps to have something to look forward to.

Hi Matt, it's basically a get together with fellow widows/widowers. It could be just meeting for lunch or it could be a weekend get away. It is a chance to get out and talk to people that understand some of what you are going through. I have been to a few things and it has helped me a lot.

Sometimes things get so overwhelming and it really sucks when just when you think its coming together something else happens, breaks, explodes, or melts down. But look what you have been through already and you are still making it.

Take a deep breath, the power is out, people can live with the power out. Can you get ice to keep your food cold. Borrow coolers or even fill your frig with sever bags of ice. Any friend that could store some items in their frig/freezer for the short term? Look your kids in the face and say well we will make it regardless. It won't hurt them to be without power for awhile. Nothing to be embarrassed about it is what it is.