Max2507

so sorry for your loss Kenneth. What you have described is perfectly normal considering your situation. 5 weeks is no time at all, tears are healing. I cried everywhere for a while, the bank, the grocery, at work all the time. I had a roll of viva papertowels, visine, and afrin nasal spray on my desk for at least a year. i could have done an ad for viva papertowels I had rolls of them everywhere. I would hesitate on the antidepressants at this point unless you are unable to function enough to at least go through the motions of life. I heard that early on as well and I was grieving and crying and sad but what I considered normal given the situation. At a year and a half I got to a point where I could hardly get out of bed, felt like a zombie, didn't care if I showered for days just was not functioning well and having anxiety that felt paralizing. At that point I did go on antidepressants and it helped make me a lot more functional. Grieving is not depression but you can become depressed along the way. I also found that I could no longer watch the same tv shows, sit on the same couch, go to the same restaurants. It was so painful. Now at almost three years I have come to realize I have had to find totally different things to do, that I now enjoy, but it is like starting your life over, it will come in time but do what you feel like doing. Be gentle on yourself, drink plenty of water, eat regular, don't worry if other people are uncomfortable. Try to get enough rest. Come here and post. The old forum and this one got me through along with cat and dog videos on the internet.

You mention "that he's just not into you". I think that is a great movie everyone should see. You deserve someone that IS that into you. I agree with marriage being like an announcement of intentions and commitment for this to work and last forever. The wait and see if we don't argue or look how it turned out last time do seem like excuses but maybe like Ben Affleck he could have a change of heart and realize its important because it is important to you. Not like you forced him but because he values your relationship so much that he wants to make that statement. If not then maybe you don't want to stay in it. Its a hard place to be in because feeling insecure in a relationship tends to make people want to pull back and not put all they have into it, so to avoid getting hurt but this causes a relationship to stagnate and slowly die. Maybe give yourself a break from thinking about it and say revisit it again in 2 months, see if counseling is an option, work on developing your relationship as it all kind of happened fast, make some good memories, little things go a long way in cementing a relationship. Maybe he will get there but right now you are a little a head of him.

Tell me about it 3 years is a long time, some prime years lost

Oh my, yes RobFTC those are awesome spots to get kissed and Tormented you might have a career in writing erotica. Hot stuff

Because you have certain tasks to accomplish it will give you something to focus on. It will be hard to be involved with after all you have been through. But wonderful for her to have someone complete some tasks when you know what an overwhelming situation it is for the family. I think you will be glad you did it.

When I was heading towards the two year mark I started getting less functional. Prior I was grieving but able to do activities of daily living and at that point I struggled to get out of bed, to shower, get groceries. I went on an antidepressant and it helped with that stuff a lot. It didn't take the grief or sadness away just made me able to function and do what I needed to do. I found in the second year I had days of just being profoundly sad. It was different than from the beginning, hard to describe. Now I am heading towards the 3 year mark in May and his birthday is next week. I feel more like a whole person and have future plans and such but even though they are fewer still have moments and occasionally whole days of that.

Once you get settled let's set up a lunch bago or something. I know Tavares, my grandmother was from there

I live on the east coast, southeast from there and know 1 wid from Tampa area that is west from there. I think Bear lives around there though. We had a get together in January.

Fuck you facebook, I do not want a memory from three years ago popping up in my news feed so I can think of the fun we were having just a month and a half before my husband died.

Never before being widowed have I experienced such indecision, required to decide so many things, not had anyone to discuss decisions with. The stress is overwhelming. The one things that helps to calm my frenzied mind is nature, a walk on the beach, a hike in the woods. Hope you get some peace during your spring break.

I am introverted as well and find making friends difficult. Sometimes the big difficulty is while I know I could use some socialization I don't really want to be sociable. I wanted to chime in on meetup. I have had good luck with being able to get out and do things that I like to do, hiking and kayaking, that aren't that safe to do alone. The people have been nice and friendly and while I joined more to do stuff I can see I could be friends with some members and it got me interested in joining our state trail association. It was really weird to go to the first meetup but try it! I have had to push myself more than I ever had in my life these last almost three years.

No loss Momtokam, if he is potentially too tired for lunch he will be too tired for anything and everything else.

I have been thinking about leap day as well and it has been kind of wrecking me today. It always seemed like it should be a special day just coming every four years. 2008 we had a family party and campfire. It was so wonderful everyone around the fire eating s'mores. 2012 was a busy year. It seems like we didn't do anything really for any day just working, trying to recover from the recession, exhausted. We did nothing for leap day and really not for any other holiday that year. Then 2013 he's gone. Now it's already almost three years since he died. Next leap year 2020 sounds insane.

Sounds awesome, I will have to see if I can get a few days off and get up there.

Yes.

Wow, what a wonderful update. So glad you are doing well.

This sounds totally reasonable. You can only do what you can and want to do. When I asked about forgiving her its not really for her its for you to release the negativity towards her. I have really found that at least for me, forgiveness is a gift you give your self.

Always feel free to vent here. I understand that aggravation with people that think if you are smiling, then magically you must be healed, fixed, over it. It took me a while but realize that if you haven't been through it there is absolutely no way you can understand what its like. Some people are better at being there and trying to understand and some are just freaking not going to get it (such as a divorced friend that wanted me to go to a afternoon music thing yesterday because she was meeting a guy she met on match.com, seriously you ask a widow to be a third wheel on your valentines date?) An email is perhaps not the best but it is something. One thing we all can understand here is that life can be short, much shorter than we expect and do you really want to be estranged from your family. Maybe take some time and a send her a well thought out response. Can you forgive her? Do you want her in your life?(Some family members people might as well do without because they are toxic so not that one has to maintain family relationships of they don't want to)

Exactly how I was feeling and I was thinking how glad I was we lived like that. I have always disliked valentines day because if you weren't in a relationship the sad spotlight was on you and if you were the pressure to do something, buy something was there.

He sounds like someone that hasn't ever lost someone close to them. Not an excuse for saying the lamest of all "you should just get over it" like oh WTF I didn't think of that. It took a long time for me to find my guy and have a great relationship, it was like a fairy tail that is until he died. Definitely pisses me off to have to start dating or just be alone.

I can see how that would totally freak you out.

So happy for you, love hearing such wonderful news

My first response would be to say hey if you are really worried run over and put a plate of brownies on my doorstep, ring the bell, and drive off...and I really mean drive off because I don't want to see you just want some brownies. Obviously she knows nothing about you or how you are doing or not doing.

Yes, its crazy some of the weird stuff. But glad to hear other stuff is going well!!! Good for you!

I am already in pj's. My son has 3 friends over to spend the night (he is a senior in high school), my daughter (24) and her boyfriend are here, not going out. We had take out chicken and have a lot of junk food, I probably won't even stay up till midnight. I am off tomorrow and am picking my dad up at 6:15am to go watch the first sunrise of 2016 over the ocean and then go out to breakfast. He always did this as long as I can remember, always alone as the lone morning person in the family. After my husband died I started going with him. I guess it was a way not to have to face a new year alone. This will be the 3rd new year. It still sucks