ATJ

"Sometimes you have to wander around until you find where you really belong - And sometimes it's right where you started." ― Rachel Gibson Wishing you and your family Happiness and Contentment with this New Beginning! ATJ

May your path ahead be paved with Happiness and Contentment! To New Beginnings! ATJ

How did it get so late so soon? It’s night before it’s afternoon. December is here before it’s June - My goodness, how the time has flown. How did it get so late so soon? ~~ Dr. Seuss ATJ

"On the sands of life, sorrow treads heavily and leaves a print that time cannot wash away." ~~ Henry Neele "Time is like the wind, it lifts the light and leaves the heavy," ~Doménico Cieri Estrada ATJ

WifeLess, Thank you for being the noble and valiant defender of those who no longer have a voice and who made the ultimate, desperate choice for their final exit! As you mention, for those who died by their own volition, whether through mental illness (the predominant cause), or who were driven to this act through other tragic reasons, society does not show much compassion and often treats them and the survivors as pariahs. Such behavior is callous and inhumane and reveals indeed the true character of those who pass judgment, and NOT of those who have been affected. The very fact that the term 'commit' suicide is primarily used to describe this type of death insinuates at minimum tacit disapproval, as well as an imperious sense of moral superiority and hubris. Neither blithering ignorance nor wrapping it in a mantle of moral/religious rectitude are exculpatory factors, but shameful behavior by self-appointed paragons of society in further hurting those who have already suffered unspeakable tragedy. I feel equally passionate about this matter! May 'cosmic justice' ultimately prevail! As you reflect on this solemn day, may you take comfort in the beauty of her soul and the joyful moments lived and shared with her. "Though my soul may set in darkness, It will rise in perfect light!" -- Sarah Williams In memory of your Beverly, and in solidarity with You! ATJ

(((L.))) You have received many kind and caring responses. It is comforting that there are others who know how to listen without judgment and offer their compassionate support when you do not have any other place to turn to. Your situation contains so many complicating, contributory factors, which are interwoven in the loss of your husband, and therefore make it more difficult to deal with it. My heart goes out to you! Please do not feel that you have to conform to other people's arbitrary standards of what they perceive to be 'the norm' or 'typical' in the healing process, viewed through their personal, myopic lens. Presumptuous societal pressure to "show progress" and applying simplistic benchmarks only adds to an often overwhelming and painful situation. I do know how many multi-front, determined and valiant efforts you have made over the years to come to terms with your very complicated circumstances, meanwhile creating a warm and nurturing environment for your son to grow up and experience the joys and adventures of childhood. You have introduced him to the wonders and awe of life and have given him rich experiences that many children will never know. You have done your utmost to compensate for the absence of his father, despite your deeply broken heart, and are an exceptional mother. As to your undying, deep love for your husband and painfully missing him, it reminded me of the following poem: I love thee, I love but thee With a love that shall not die Till the sun grows cold, And the stars grow old. ~~ Bayard Taylor For those who were fortunate enough to have experienced a deep and all-encompassing soul connection such as yours, it is hard to live with the 'absence of presence' of the one who is gone, and it is indeed not something that can be "fixed". The best we can do is trying to learn to live with it, which is easier said than done. "With great love comes great pain." -- Henry White Wishing you Peace, Healing and a bright and sunny horizon! ATJ

"With each day we are given a chance for a New Beginning!" -- Unknown "Earth teach me regeneration as the seed which rises in the spring." ― William Alexander ATJ

"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward." ~~ C.S. Lewis May beautiful New Beginnings lie ahead! ATJ

Sending healing Light and Energy your way... from my heart to yours. May all be well! ATJ

(((Carey))) This is one of those moments for some sincere HUGS. You've got mine!! Best wishes for your Health and Everything else to improve soon! ATJ

Apparently many of us erroneously believed that we had some true, honest and loyal friends. Here are some thoughts on friendship: "A true friend stays at your side when everyone else has left you." ~~ Unknown "A true friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else." ~~ Len Wein "Nothing is more noble, nothing more venerable than fidelity. Faithfulness and truth are the most sacred excellences and endowments of the human mind." ~~ Marcus Tullius Cicero TEST: "Misfortune tests the sincerity of friends." ~~ Aesop "Time ripens all things. With Time all things are revealed. Time is the father of truth." ~~ Francois Rabelais LESSON: "Words are easy, like the wind; Faithful friends are hard to find." ~~ William Shakespeare "True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation." ~~ George Washington CONCLUSION: "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best!" ~~ Marilyn Monroe ;D ACTION: "Do not keep on with a mockery of friendship after the substance is gone! Bury the carcass of friendship; It is not worth embalming." ~~ William Hazlitt ATJ

Jess, The swift hand of fate has suddenly thrown us into unknown territory. Having to let go and being forced to start over again can become an emotional vortex of anxiety and confusion. The past meant comfort and familiarity, the future causes apprehension of the unknown. It can feel like being torn between two worlds, trapped in an emotional schism. "Every New Beginning comes from some other Beginning's End." ~~ Seneca "You must be able to walk firmly on the ground before you start walking on a tightrope." ~~ Henri Matisse Moving forward is a challenging high-wire act. It takes time, courage, perseverance and stamina to find our balance after we have been forcefully knocked to the ground and stumble to get up again. "Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go, but rather learning to start over." ~~ Nicole Sobon ATJ

Ah, yes - It's a wonderful world! (((HUGS))) to You, Trying! ATJ

Here's what others have expressed about "being strong": "The problem with being strong is that nobody ever asks if you are hurting." -- Unknown "Sometimes the strongest people in the morning are those who cried all night." -- Unknown The Problem with being strong: "People think no matter what, you're always standing like a rock, and you never need their help. They expect you to be there for them around the clock, while you're fighting your own battle." -- Unknown ATJ - a.k.a. "The Strong One"

"When people show you who they are, believe them the first time." ~~ Maya Angelou "We teach people how to treat us." -- Phil McGraw Simi, You have shown great courage and resolve so far! It is really very simple - if you regard Yourself with respect, then you won't allow people to treat you otherwise. And it is also important that this is clearly understood from the first encounter! I have also been kind, caring and giving throughout my life, but from my early beginnings, I NEVER allowed others to treat me disrespectfully. I always insisted on mutual courtesy and respect and drew a clear line in the sand. Human imperfection is excusable, but disrespectful or dishonest behavior should never be condoned! But you know this and have already taken the necessary steps to determinedly reclaim your life. It is indeed better to be alone than to be in the company of someone of dubious character. You have jumped the biggest hurdles already and are now in the homestretch. I am rooting for you and know that you will succeed! Stand Tall! You are on the eve of a New Beginning!! ATJ

"It isn't for the moment we are struck that we need courage, but for the long uphill battle to faith, sanity, and security." ~~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh (((L.))) I can certainly understand why you must feel so very weary and tired. Especially when there are complicating factors involved in the surrounding circumstances, it can feel like walking through an endless minefield. It robs one of any sense of security and constancy, and the setbacks can come swiftly and strike at lightning speed. Each new round chips away at our protective armor and leaves us vulnerable again and again. I do know the feeling! This road is long, treacherous and unpredictable, and it takes enormous resolve to keep going, especially after repeated setbacks. I am walking at your side. Lean on me! Sending you Strength and Courage on the wings of hope! Thinking of you and standing with you in solidarity! ATJ

This made me smile! Sometimes a smile is the only "little Happy" I can find! Oh, how to be young and innocent again! ATJ

(((Maureen))) I do understand how difficult it is having to "come home again" to one's reality. Meanwhile, I wish you much joy and peaceful moments as you embark on phase II of your big trip. Be safe and well! ATJ

(((BrokenHeart2))) Go ahead and vent as loudly and forcefully as you want!! I am listening and understand. Oddly, My husband used to often say "Life is good!" as well, even when he was sick, but felt a little better. Now I can't stand to hear that expression anymore! So, YES, I do get it! (Big HUG) to you, and may better days lie ahead! ATJ

"Life is going on, however, You are lost. You are lost in this world all of your own, A world that seems to be perfect chaos." ~~ Unknown Author (((Lost35))) I am one of those 'further out' and know how it feels to be "lost in my own world that seems to be perfect chaos" - an aberrant world, beyond control, insight, reconciliation. By nature I am a resolute "fixer" with fierce determination to fight against the greatest odds. I got a lot of practice during my husband's long cancer battle. But, with a sudden, heavy blow, (gunshot), life came to an abrupt halt, and the surrounding circumstances were "chaotic", casting long, dark shadows to follow me wherever I went. My inherent nature wanted to fight back, but it felt like trying to slay a mythical giant monster with many arms and heads. With each blow, the beast grew more heads - a seemingly never-ending battle. After walking down this very long road, I have learned that some things simply are Not conquerable, Not fixable! This realization resulted in a blazing inferno and ensued in a long series of tumultuous, often conflicting feelings - furious anger, resentment, denial, withdrawal, weariness, exhaustion, desolation, capitulation, sporadic nascent hope, resignation - ever changing emotions, like colors and patterns in a kaleidoscope, and often going in circular motion. A great inner battle erupted after facing the utter futility of my attempts to "fix it". My emotions passionately protested: "This is Unacceptable!" - Reason argued: "What choice do you have?" - "Make peace with the Unacceptable!" - Two warring sides, neither willing to concede nor surrender. YES, St. Francis of Assisi, I hear you!! You've devised an inspirational and impressive prayer, indeed. BUT, for a "non-saint" it is very difficult to successfully practice. I have had the COURAGE to change the things I could. I even found the WISDOM to know the difference. But I still can NOT serenely acquiesce and accept some things that are not acceptable. "Silly child!", you say. "How long will it take for you to learn?" Reluctantly I have to admit: "You are right, I am a slow learner!" Someone else wrote a slightly different version of this prayer, and I find it SOMEWHAT easier to follow that particular train of thought, even though it may merely be semantics: Some things can Never be "acceptable" to me. However, I have fought too long of a losing battle and have wearily come to see its futility. Therefore my least objectionable choice is trying to REMOVE myself - Walking Away from the "Unfixable" and "Unacceptable" with its myriad facets. I am diligently working on the latter, trying to reach at least a permanent "Accord of Détente", but it is HARD work and takes daily resolve! While it does not grant me satisfaction, I seek to at least feel less torment and eventually reach some kind of enduring peace. It is not "a Win", but a Compromise. In business terms: It's the "best deal" I can negotiate! - Sometimes in life that's all we CAN do. I wish you eventual Peace! ATJ

May many Unexpected Blessings come your way! Congratulations!! ATJ

Hold on!! (((L.))), I have heard you!! Sometimes cumulative life experiences come to such a crescendo that the emotional lid flies off - and understandably so! Lots to carry on your shoulders for so long, and all alone. It's good that you can come here to let out your scream of frustration, loud and clearly. It is heard by an entire chorus of "fellow screamers" who, for their own reasons, get it. May bright Rays of Light shine into your darkness and renew Hope for a better tomorrow! Warm (((HUGS))) from a "fellow screamer"! ATJ

"The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are." ~~ Unknown Sending Support, Strength and Love! ATJ

"All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother." ~~ Abraham Lincoln "Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible." ~~ Marion C. Garretty (((HUGS))) to You and your amazing little guy! ATJ

"Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you." ~~ Oscar Wilde "The human heart has hidden treasures, In secret kept, in silence sealed! " ~~ Charlotte Bronte ATJ