Virgo

Stillwidowed, yes that's completely different. Arneal, that could be. I don't think my mindset is there yet. It's slowly getting there. I think most men would say we move fast, but in my experience the men do. I would rather let things evolve naturally at a slow pace. Obviously I haven't met the man who will change my mind yet.

Stillwidowed, you're only as old as you feel. I'm 44 and think a haunted house would be a fun date. But, I also like being in the pit at concerts, going to waterparks, and gokart racing. 😁 Very playful! It's hard to find guys my age who can keep up. Off topic, I told a coworker that I feel like my purpose in life is to make everyone else happy. It seems that way anyway. I'm the go to person for advice and support. Then they find their special someone. I'm still by myself.

What does her therapist say about the situation? My middle daughter was 12 when my husband died. She has had some anxiety and issues with possessions. I'll be completely honest, I'm not always patient with her anxiety. I believe a lot of it is mind over matter. I don't coddle her. Instead I try to help her with coping mechanisms. Not just that, but facing her fears. It's a process, and takes time. She's 17 now and still has her days. We went to a concert last night that she had given me every reason why she didn't want to go. She yelled and cried. All fear. She went and had an amazing time. I told her that I was proud of her for facing her fears. I don't want her to miss out on experiences because of what "might" happen. Her issue with possessions was a little different. It wasn't letting go of things, but more like not wanting to use certain things that reminded her of her dad. I guess you could say I caved or coddled her during that phase. I felt it was different than her anxiety because they're just possessions. Remove them, change them up, and the problem is solved. Her way of grieving. I replaced our dining set and two sofas. For the first year after he died I stood up at our bar while we ate dinner. My three daughters sat on the three bar stools. My middle daughter refused to sit at the table. Same with the sofas. She refused and I didn't want to push her. The new furniture helped her. We all grieve differently.

I feel like I've recently regressed. February will be six years. I started dating around two years after he died. Very cautiously, slow, and light hearted. Nothing deeply emotional. It was nice to get out and socialize. I've never really let any of the guys I've dated get to close. I revisited a relationship soon after my dad died this February. I think ending it set me back. I was starting to envision a future with him and it overwhelmed me. Now I just feel numb again. I feel like I'm pushing guys away.

Amazes me what people will settle for. Not me.

Sorry to hear that RyanAmysMom. I have those days too. Hopefully next Saturday will be the opposite for you. I worked 9-3. After work I picked up my girlfriend. We went shopping (retail therapy), had dinner, and then met some guy friends at Buffalo Wild Wings. We all just played Golden Tee while listening to music. It was fun. All of them knew Phil.

I was thinking about going out of town to see Stone Temple Pilots, but the urge to stay home in my pjs was stronger. Our weather here lately has been terrible. It has rained almost every day for the last three weeks. Last weekend we had tornado warnings. This weekend we're having hail storms. I didn't really want to get out in it.

I wore my ring three times. It hurt me more than it helped me. I decided to do something to change the meaning for me. I had the center diamond removed and set into a heart pendant. He'll always be a part of my heart. Then I put the rest of my ring in a dish on my dresser until just recently. I finally decided that I didn't want it to just sit in a dish anymore. My dad passed away in February. My mom died three months before my husband over 5 years ago. My parents were both born in March, 18 days apart. I decided to set their birthstone (aquamarine) in the center of my ring where my diamond was. Now when I wear it I think about all three of them. It makes me smile.

Northern Indiana here.

Melissa, I tried to preoccupy my thoughts by physical activities. I worked on projects around my house, redecorating, and also going to the gym. I agree that the first year was robotic for me. Being back at work has been a little bit of an adjustment for me and my daughters, but it's a good thing. Of course I would be okay with being home too. Ha! I'm currently taking care of my dad's estate too, so I feel like my free time is extremely limited. I'll be relieved when the house sells and the estate is closed.

Momtokam, I'm glad you found someone you enjoy spending time with.

I was a stay at home mom when my husband died. I didn't want that to change for my daughters. Thankfully I was financially able to stay home the past five years. We needed that time. I started a full time job in March. It's very low stress and laid back. Great fit for me.

Saturday night at home. I had plans with a friend, but he canceled. It seems to be the theme lately with everyone. I'm enjoying being home, but I've been feeling lonely lately. I think next Saturday I'm going to get away for a bit, go out of town. What are all of you doing tonight?

I'm back to thinking dating is just a waste of my time. 😁

I started donating blood around those sad dates. My husband received a lot of whole blood and platelets during his treatment. He was told he would not be able to donate blood anymore because he received chemotherapy. I promised him that I would always donate with him by my side or not. I have an appointment the 30th to donate. My middle daughter is going with me. It will be her first time.

That's a great attitude to have. Family isn't just blood. I hope you all stay close.

I just read the article and I can definitely relate to Phase 2. Thanks for sharing Leadfeather!

Love2fish I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you two had each other even for a short time.

I'm worried that they'll get attached and things won't work out. I guess I have no control over that though.

You've just echoed what my girlfriends have been telling me. You're also right about me feeling like it won't last. He is the only man that I've been with other than my LH who makes me feel vulnerable. Thanks for talking, and the well wishes. Why are you down?

I normally don't involve my girls, but since he and I dated for 8 months before we started involving them. Mostly just spending time hanging out at his house. My daughters are 19,17,and 11. It's my 11 year old that I worry about the most. It's funny, when we started talking again my girls just knew. They saw me smiling and laughing while I was on the phone and they excitedly asked, "are you talking to M? You only smile like that when you're talking to M." I tell them that he's a great guy, I like him a lot, but right now we're just friends. We're enjoying spending time together. Yesterday we went out for breakfast and spent a few hours together. Then we went about our day. After my 11 year old and I went grocery shopping he suggested that we drop by his house on our way home for a bit. We ended up staying a few hours. My daughter ended up baking with him. It was sweet, but this is what worries me.

We stopped seeing each other in April last year after he said "I love you" and I didn't say it back. We had been dating for 8 months. I had feelings for him, but I was keeping him at arms length. Saying I love you still felt like a betrayal to my LH for me. I just wasn't ready. He was also processing a breakup from a 4 year relationship. We reconnected in August, but weren't really consistent. I'm trying to just take it day by day, enjoy spending time with him. He's the only guy I've dated that I've ever been able to envision a future with. He's a great guy. My daughters like him too, which makes seeing him again more challenging too.

I started talking to my ex. Maybe it's just me being vulnerable right now, or maybe it's me hoping it was our timing before. We started talking more in January, but after my dad died in February we started seeing each other again.

There has been an interesting correlation between the alcoholics in our family and hoarding too. My dad was an alcoholic, but also a widower. The last two years of his life he was sober. He stopped hoarding too.

Tybec, after making phone calls today I can definitely see it's going to be a longer process than I thought it would be. Thank you for sharing. I made an appointment with an attorney who was recommended to me. Her earliest availability was March 21st. Until then I'll work on clearing out his house.