Virgo

My late husband was a K9 officer. Tuesday his police department is having a police officer memorial service. They want my daughters to be a part of the service. They want them to lay roses down on his memorial marker. Part of me is honored and grateful that they want to do something to acknowledge him. The other part is disappointed that the only time they reach out is if it's seen by the public eye. I don't appreciate my daughters being used as a public relations stunt. Why can't they do this part of the ceremony for family and his fellow officers before the camera crews show up? My mother in law of course is honored and wants to be involved too. She thinks we should all be there. My 18yo is scheduled to work and refusing to go. My 15yo has a choir practice, but I can pull her out. She's undecided. My 10yo says she'll participate if her sisters do. I am starting school Monday, so I wouldn't be able to be there until later. More than likely after the part of the ceremony where they would honor him.

These are all great questions which I'm sure will get mixed responses to. I'm not in a relationship, but I've asked myself the same questions. In a lot of ways not being married makes more sense financially for ourselves and our children. I'm not sure what I'll decide if and when that time comes. My opinion is that it's your choice. You two define your relationship. What other people think wouldn't even be a factor in my decision making process. Congratulations to you both!

For those of you who don't know me I haven't ventured into online dating. I'm honestly not sure that I ever will. I have been dating though. I think I'm ready for another break. I took a break last May. Sort of ironic. Then I met the guy I was dating in August (on my birthday). We ended things a few weeks ago. I'm starting a certification program next Monday, so I'm guessing that I won't have much time for dating anyway.

I'm glad you got some closure. Hopefully he pays what he owes you so you don't have to see him again.

It is definitely bittersweet. I have three daughters, but I see their dad in all of them. Their mannerisms, repeating things their dad always said. My oldest daughter looks the most like her dad. Fair skin, freckles, strawberry blonde hair. She has his temperament too.

I'm sorry it didn't work out LF.

I went out to a local Mexican restaurant to listen to a band. My 18yo and 16yo work there. It was fun seeing them, and of course I always get great service. Several of their coworkers came up to me and said how much they adore my girls.

This is so true! I wanted to say that I've also described my first year as numb/robotic. The second year was when my new life started to really sink in. The third year I started doing more for myself. 2/4 will be 5 years for me.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I agree with everyone saying not to be a stranger. Ask them what they need. Tell them you are willing to help in any way. They might be overwhelmed now, but that support will fade quickly. My husband was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. He had aggressive chemo treatments immediately. The local hospital transfered him to a cancer center three hours from where we lived. I stayed with him there for three weeks. He always took care of our finances, so I brought all of that with me. He showed me how he did things. By the time we went home I basically took over our finances so he didn't have to worry about it. Maybe approach the topic in a different way. Remind him that he is going to have bad days during treatment. Days where he won't feel up to doing much at all. It would be one less thing for him to worry about, and it would be beneficial to his wife to know how he does things. One less thing for her to worry about as she helps care for him. Then he can take over the finances when he's up to it.

I think I'm done there too. He hasn't mentioned getting together again. I start school May 14th, so I'm going to be really busy the next few months. I might just take another dating break. Thanks for asking!

I experienced that quite a bit from family members when my husband died. My mother died three months prior. They were comparing the 41 years my parents were together to the 22 years I was with my husband. I reminded them as calmly as possible that they were talking about my husband and mother. Both painful losses to me. It was so hurtful. It still is. Ignorance is bliss.

Nice that it was a good dream. I usually dream about Phil when I'm working through other things going on in ny life, or I'm taking another step forward. Away from our life together. It's comforting to me in a way. It sometimes makes me feel like his presence is helping me come to conclusions.

My three daughters have pillows made out of his sweaters. I also saved his tshirts and am in the process of having quilts made for each of them too. The pillows have been comforting to my daughters.

I agree with that stunned feeling never completely escaping our thoughts. It resurfaces even years after loss. Different things or circumstances trigger it. I was dining out with my youngest daughter Saturday evening. Just talking to her about her day made me sad that her dad wasn't there to take it all in too. Realizing how much she has grown since he died. It's not something I think about every time I look at my daughters, but it just hit me. It took me immediately to that feeling of, "is this really my reality? I can't believe he's gone!"

I agree! I won't settle. A friend told me that my marriage was a blessing and a curse. I know how good it can be, which makes me walk away from guys to quickly. I disagree.

Kid conflicts, so we didn't see each other. I was free, he wasn't. I'll let him suggest another time.

I guess we'll see. We might see each other again tonight.

I'm sure it does. ❤

Thank you! We had a great time. I dated this guy for a month before I decided to take a 6 month break from dating. I was just overwhelmed by the amount of guys contacting me at that time and needed a break. The guy I was dating was the first guy I dated after my break.

The guy that I have the date with Sunday asked if I would like to meet him for lunch today. I did. It was fun. Not awkward considering we haven't seen each other since May.

I also hate seeing "hunting widow " or "fishing widow." It doesn't bother me as much now though because people don't know what it's actually like unless it's their reality.

I've decided not to contact him. I'll let you all know if he contacts me. In the meantime I'll do my own thing. I have a date this weekend.

I agree Mike. That's where my thinking is too. When you're with the right person the relationship isn't hard. I think I'm a little jaded because my relationship with Phil was so easy. It makes me wonder if I move on to quickly now, but I should just go with how I feel.

The last time he did this he told me that he gets very depressed around the holidays. He's not close to anyone in his family and he lost a lot of friends in the military, PTSD. It seemed reasonable, but now I'm wondering if it's a pattern. I'll think about contacting him maybe this weekend if I don't hear from him before then.

Arneal, he did this once before around Christmas. I was the one who reached out first after almost two weeks of not talking. One of the first things he said then was, "I know this isn't how it works." I don't know if I'll reach out this time. It seems like he's making a choice. I'm not going to try and sway his decision. We would more than likely be in the same spot in a few more months. He's going to have to reach out to me this time.