mmg19

Just wanted to wish you peace and good feelings today. Holiday is over and hopefully you and your daughter will be able to talk and come to an arrangement that works for you. Disrespect toward a parent is never acceptable whatever the reason.

Teenagers tend to be innately selfish. I remember I was at that age. I believe the following has helped my boys in their thinking about gift giving. In elementary school there was a Christmas shop designed just for young children to purchase family gifts. Usually from 50 cents to $2.00. My kids saved and used their money to buy for each other and for their Dad, me, and grandparents. I don't think they ever had more than $10/00 total but the gift was worth more than any amount of money to me. Of course, they are past that stage but this year as tween/teen they still remembered their gift list and had added friends to it. I received a bottle of finger nail polish (out-dated cheap kind) and it was my favorite gift and they were so excited when I couldn't wait to do my nails. I am well aware that next year it may be a different scenario. This is probably more helpful to those with little ones but I highly recommend this approach. Add greed, commercialism, and teen selfishness to the mix and parenting gets harder. ((Hugs)) to parents of teens and I may be the one needing the hug tomorrow.

I am so relating to these feelings and emotions. Really thought I had it all under control and the grief monster was giving me a pass this year. Not happening. The kids are sleeping in this morning and remembering DH and that quiet time after all the festivities were over is hitting me hard right now. Having my morning coffee alone and feeling that life will never be the same. Time to shake it off and begin my mantra "I can do this". Sending warm hugs to all the widows/widowers out there and we will face a new year and life will be kind and loving again because we have no choice and that is what we do.

1. Difficult to limit all the good things of the last days to 3. Family and friends spending time together heads the list. 2. A full week of no school and time to just hang out. 3. It's the day after Christmas and not one exchange to be made and I don't need to face a store today.

Stopping by and exchanging gifts with both sets of grandparents on Christmas Eve after early church service. Christmas dinner at my house for all the grandparents which is quite easy since I do the meat and desserts and they bring lots of sides. Still haven't decided which chicken recipe to use. Saturday out of town friends are stopping by and we will catch up, laugh, and hopefully have plenty of left-overs.

1. Ran errands yesterday and not a Grinch to be seen. 2. Christmas caroling with boys youth group at nursing homes last night. 3. My teaching evaluation for 1st semester was a joyful early Christmas gift.

Agree with others on the party with kids. DD will just have fun with kids. Since my boys are older I stayed away from mixing parenting and dating.

Glad we don't have an elf in the house. My boys must have missed this phase. Sorry SB but it's almost over.

Thank you Helen for bumping up this thread. 1. First good thing today is seeing this thread and stopping the busyness and reflecting on what can I contribute. 2. Attended church with my family this morning and allowed by heart to be open to God's word and reliving the birth of Jesus. 3. Gifts are bought and wrapped, cookies and candy made, and my credit card balance is $0.

Wow! An at home party of 75. I would have anxiety and be uncomfortable too. NG took me to a dinner party(business related for him) and although I did not know anyone there personally most were polite and stayed within the graces of social amenities. We are both comfortable when attending church or civic social activities that have a mix of friends that are not particularly interested in whose doing what with whom. Fortunately the friends that were social with DH and I have remained friends with me and the same is true for NG. NG knows I do not enjoy large affairs and am more comfortable with small groups. Tonight we are going to dinner with 2 other couples who are long time friends of his and his DW. Hope they have Christmas goodwill and we relate. It's not easy starting over again but I feel NG is worth it.

Change is hard for kids depending on age, emotions, and situations. Thankfully they are resilient and I've found time does take care of so many things. I understand how this must have hurt when your daughter voiced it would always be home. Time is very different in a young child's mind. Sending hugs.

Yesterday brought many emotions and one was gratitude. DH loved Christmas candies, cookies, and treats. I loved making them but after checking all the recipes and costs at the grocer, I casually said at the family Thanksgiving dinner that I probably would forego the extensive baking this year. When I came home yesterday my kitchen table had two baskets filled with the spices, extracts, sugars, nuts, and the supplies needed for candy and cookie making with a red bow on top and a card saying Enjoy - Mom and Dad. December just became brighter, warmer, and reminded me of the reason for the season. Love, thoughtfulness, and caring have no boundaries and don't have a price tag.

Last year I just marked all was used for kids but was aware that this scrutiny was a possibility. I started a spreadsheet and followed the same approach that others have mentioned. Dividing all expenses by 3 put them over the amount they received from SS. I could not count them as dependents with IRS last year since I did not provide more than half of their support but wondering if that has anything to do with who gets audited.

Great idea Rob. My boys are 12 and 14 and I've been "trying" to practice this pragmatic approach to parenting since my boys were toddlers. Read the early childhood book and found it the most realistic and useful book. Now I need the Love and Logic book for teens since I sure do need a refresher course on staying consistent. Amazon has the paperback at reasonable prices. Looking forward to having a sounding board and discussion group of like minds. I'm in.

I am thankful that my children have grandparents, cousins, and family that will all reconnect and share this Thanksgiving Day. This year has been bountiful for our family. I have a job that gives me joy and provides stability and benefits. On the light side, I'm thankful that I have 3 days to just enjoy the people I love. No schedule, no trips to grocery shop, no papers to grade, lots of silly games, leftovers and no cooking, and today a grateful heart. Happy Thanksgiving.

I can understand how the holidays could trigger the blues. I too enjoy Thanksgiving and the whole Christmas season. Thanksgiving is my favorite and DH and I always hosted the family for the meal. I miss that part but since moving to a townhouse rental, the space won't work any longer. This year we are at my parents and I am helping with the cleaning, shopping, food preparation, etc. There will be aunts, uncles, cousins and lots of extended family. I am grateful to have family that understands and it lessens the sadness that creeps in. We never bought into the commercialization of Christmas and that has not changed. Christmas is still about the reason for the season and we do decorate, have lots of church activities, and limit the gift giving. Last year was harder but this year I find myself feeling more joy and accepting the new normal in my life.

This Other Half ...."It is like getting turned on by all things wholesome and good, and finding safety, refuge, and a direction forward with that. It is life affirming. It affirms me and my own values as good." I don't know how to use quote function but wanted to repeat this. Exactly how I feel. Thanks for putting it into words.

Don't think I'm obsessive but I am concerned about my health and fear not living to get my children raised. Think this comes when one is the solo parent. Although I have my will with grandparents as guardians of my children, I so want to get them through college and see them as successful adults. Perhaps this is common with all widowed parents and we just cover up that fear in our hearts.

Two different types of anger emerged SB. As a parent and teacher I would be angry over this language from my son's teacher. Don't know the entire story but problem solved. Your son is out of her classroom and administration handles it from there. Make a teachable moment of this with your son in how inappropriate teacher's anger was displayed along with the consequences she faces. Truth is I would be livid but I would not allow my anger to corrupt me. Revenge only begets more pain, because hurting people never has resulted in happiness or relief. ― When my kids want "payback" my go to comment is ... Revenge is often like biting a dog because the dog bit you. Sorry you and your son were placed in this situation. Get back to mellow and don't waste your energy.

Not a pity party at all. I'm glad you have this place to share those feelings. I truly belief love never ends and the pain wanes, I will always have moments of grief. I just called my Mom before seeing your post and got a lump in my throat when I realized I will not always have my Mom. I talk with her daily not because I have to but because I want to. I'm so sorry for the sadness you are feeling right now, but thinking what an amazing Mom she must have been and is smiling down on you. (((Hugs))

Big decision but it sure sounds like the right one for good reasons. Went through selling my house last spring for different but similar reasons. The kids were not going to be changing schools but it all had to do with their future education. Financially I could not maintain the mortgage, maintenance, and utilities and save for their college education. Best decision I've made and now renting, debt free, and kids have learned a lot from this experience. Be prepared for a lot of elbow grease and hard work to get the house on the market but it paid off for me by getting more than I expected. Good Luck with the process and feeling your sense of relief that the decision has been made.

Wish I had advice or words of wisdom but I do understand the feeling. One morning after about 12 months, I woke up and noticed the sun was shining and felt good for at least 30 minutes. Can't relate to the boredom since I had 2 boys and they were my motivation. ((Hugs))

Definitely now officially NG and moved out of the friend zone. He joined my family in church today. Another appealing quality that I did not know became apparent. Great baritone voice. We went to lunch with some of my friends after church and it felt good. Slow and easy but in a forward mode.

This week has been good. Don't know when it will all catch up with me but I'm going with the flow. Sleepy and in bed at 9. Awake and up at 5. I was right about my internal clock not adapting to change and now it is Saturday and no laundry since I do a load in the mornings before school and house only required the vacuum today since I've had time in the mornings to put in 30 minutes. This week had no evening activities and I may be in trouble if and when I do. DH was a proponent of "Early to bed, early to rise" and he would be amazed at this schedule. Any one else liking the change in time?

Ah, sojourner, I really like what you said. At this stage in my life I view life as too long to accept instant gratification. If I am fortunate enough to have 40 more years, I want it to be the partnership that endures as we share the golden years.