RobFTC

If he isn't reading your message, it's almost certainly because he's not paid up. Ain't no guy gonna refuse to read a message! Match will drop hints that you visited his profile, but he can't even see he has a message from you if he's not paid up. You assume the worst a little too fast :-) Take care, Rob T

Valentine's Day pic, on Facebook and everything.

LOL, you could be my sister! She's also widowed and 13 years older than me, and she can't get over how OLD the guys in her searches all look. It's putting a damper on her dream of having a knight in shining armor ride up to her doorstep! Take care, Rob T

I don't understand what's wrong with these guys. Bad taste AND bad manners? Geez. Hugs. Take care, Rob T

Hi folks, A few who are Facebook friends know this Canuck had his US naturalization interview AND his oath ceremony today, and so I now have my citizenship certificate. It's weird - I have been living in the US for 27 years, and felt like this would not change much, or give me The Feels. I was wrong. I applied last fall when it seemed clear how the election was going to go. With the election surprise, it feels like I pledged allegiance to a very different country today. I just needed to do this for my family, so that is what it is, but I know I have had some nerves about it. The interview was so easy - it felt like, "Yeah, we were wondering if you'd ever do this." The relief was great. They offered a same-day oath ceremony, at the regional office an hour and a half from home, which meant nobody would be there with me. I thought I could go and do that as just a no-big-deal paperwork thing, but then it became clear how many people had a partner or even whole families with them to cheer and take pictures. Nobody was there for me, though I did ask for one of the great staffers to take my picture. Michelle never worried that much about my status, it was always my thing, but I know she'd have been there and made a fuss. I missed her. And then there's all of the emotion of seeing where everyone was from - we had 57 people from 22 different countries, and I loved that they made a point of naming each country and asking people from that country to stand up and be applauded. And that they were careful to say the name of each person, wait for applause and give enough time for photos for each person. Most USCIS folks I've dealt with are border guards who can be pretty jaded, but these people believed they were doing something great in people's lives and were having fun with it, and were darned proud of what they did. Federal employees at their best, really. Next stop, passport office! Take care, Rob T

Hi Still_lost, I think talking about chores could be reasonable if approached carefully - and important for me - if the discussion centers around what would help the child develop and learn skills they were ready for. It sounds like bf and his son overstepped in what they talked about and were using an unreasonable metric - bf's son - where comparison doesn't make sense. We started the girls cooking simple meals when they were 8, backed off when their Mom got sick, and they might have been 11 before I started that up again. They have mostly been champs in that department (I say while I wait for a meal plan for tomorrow from Miss R so I can shop :-). And they started doing their own laundry at just over age 10. I would say you could be open to brainstorming and experimentation about what your son can handle, but it probably needs to be clear that you're the boss. If you move in together, more should be discussed. Take care, Rob T

I saw a feature about Travis Hamonic on Hockey Night In Canada - I think what he's doing just rocks :-) There's some great folks out there who Get It, so good to see. Take care, Rob T

I should add an update. It's not all I want, but not all bad. Rebecca dug in and passed all of her classes, including the AP class she was struggling with. Not banner grades, but more good than bad. She seems to be tracking better, and keeping up with things despite the self-diagnosed depression. Sarah failed *two* classes last semester, an English and a Geography class. She's just so unresponsive - low grades are not a clue she picks up on that she should do something different, and her habits are etched in stone and don't readily change. She'd tried to make a difference in Geo by doing a big extra-credit project, but she says she may have missed the hard deadline to turn it in by just a few minutes :-( Sigh. Worse, after a "don't miss assignments" deal with me, she missed more English assignments, prompting a parent-teacher-counselor meeting the other week. I think that got her a get-well plan for the stuff she failed. She's got a chunk in the afternoon without her phone apps now, and has responded somewhat to that. I am again trying to ask questions rather than give orders, and we'll see how it goes. Take care, Rob T

You can't know if you don't ask. I didn't e-mail every woman I found interesting or who looked at me - I targeted the best fits and worked through a list (I literally kept a spreadsheet, LOL!). It was always worth some attention when someone reached out to me. You could turn this around and have them wondering if you were interested when you looked at them but didn't leave a message, right? Take care, Rob T

I acceded to a request to take the girls shopping after dinner. I was in Goodwill playing "guess the purpose of the mystery appliance" while they looked for dress-up clothes for a thing at school, and then in Barnes and Noble marveling about how they still have these things called books, and even more anachronistically, how they have a big section of vinyl records for the hipsters (ugh, I hated vinyl and am not in the least nostalgic for it). After that, it was a rousing evening of guiding Sarah through a reinstall of Windows on her computer. It's just how we roll here at Chez Thurlow! Take care, Rob T

Don't let that annoy you. Match really discourages you from hiding your profile, even when your membership lapses - e.g. my membership has lapsed, and they send me daily matches every day, but since my profile is now hidden, I can't look at them. All you have to do is be tempted to look and forget to re-hide, and you're out there on display again. They do this so that they can use inactive profiles to market to you, the hapless member. It's nowhere near good enough to tempt you with people you could actually meet, they want to tempt you with chimeras as well :-) You have correctly stumbled on about the only way you can know if someone is a paid-up member - whether your messages are read or not. Keep sending messages, and best of luck! With all of the above said, Match was still very good for me this time (for a change). Take care, Rob T

iloveyoualways, We've met in person, and I thought you were attractive - and you know that I believe in you. You know that I know how hard it can be to believe something good is coming, but it can! Take care, Rob T

INTJ - the few, the proud, the odd :-) Take care, Rob T

Fuck my unstable and now-blocked niece, who spent the early part of Sunday apologizing for some over-the-line comments in chat from a few days ago - and then lost her shit that night and cussed me out again after I failed to respond - because I was up a mountain skiing and oddly enough not responding! And fuck her trying to get me involved in a fight with her brother! Take care, Rob T

My hug quota has been much better of late, but they have all been standing or sitting. I would most like to hold someone, all night, who didn't mind my hand wandering some. OK, maybe a lot! Take care, Rob T

I have an appointment for her - March 8! That's with the wife of the fellow I see, though - I talked to him, and he has some, um, influence :-) So we should be able to do better than that. Still so glad this is out in the open. Take care, Rob T

I think the biggest thing for me was to learn not to take anything personally. Women won't respond - who knows why? Women flake - I don't know why there, either. I'm not their flavor of the month; they have an oh-so-close-to-a-relationship pending; they aren't paid up; it's none of my business. I only need to worry about the ones who do want to meet. It's been easier. Take care, Rob T

kilm - meet him and see, if that feels safe. All you can do! Take care, Rob T

It's late, I've had two drinks (! for me), but ... (Think of this as performance art) (I love me some e.e.cummings) Tonight. My oldest told me that she has self-diagnosed as depressed. Not a little, but severe. Can't quite function. Says she is unhappy, impulsive, exhausted. Depression, anxiety! And has been for over a year. I knew. I'd talked about counseling, but she's not been there. If only! Monday, I should know when she can talk to someone, and maybe get some meds. Someone who's not her Dad, who she could only IM about this. I love this girl so much. I remember holding her for the first time, and for that to be the thing that made me shed my "Will I be a good Dad?" anxiety and go, "Oh - I get it - it's someone I know I already love. Hi!" She is like her Mom in so many ways. Whip-smart, edgy, a FORCE. SO all about equality! Though so hard-edged right now. And so unlike her Mom in so many other ways. I met her Mom at 35, when she'd had relationships. When her dream guy in Utah choked her and made her scared. When she'd learned good social skills to make the church ladies think she was So Cool. When she had grown a gentle side. (Though not gentle enough yet to nor diss Connie Kaldor.) Why she picked me, who knows. Other than that I was smart enough and a better catch than Chuck from Fort Worth, who was too obsequious to love but who I looked a lot like. Note to self: ask Cheryl more questions about that. Miss R, I say I love you every morning as you head to the bus, and I wish I'd hear a response some day, but I'll keep showing up. And I will keep holding you accountable for your bad choices. And I will Not Yell. And I will walk this walk with you to the degree you let me. I want to see the amazing woman you WILL become. I want to tell you how your best parts remind me of your Mom. And how amazing that will always be. Having written my weirdest post ever, I'm off to bed. Thanks for any warm thoughts for my girl. Take care, Rob T

I'd consider going - heck, I'm a hug addict anyway. It would stretch my comfort zone, but my comfort zone is pretty distended from what I've done in the past year anyway! Take care, Rob T

Hi klim - yes, size matters :-) There's a price break where you need a more expensive and more flexible membership past 50 people. I would prefer to have more people actively drop when the group stops meeting their needs. Take care, Rob T

Hi @RyanAmysMom, There's someone for everyone, and it seems like everyone has unique tastes. Your laugh, your violet eyes, or any other of your characteristics could be an attractant. If you attract attention, you attract attention. I did find interest in me picked up fairly sharply when I lost weight, but was that actual appearance or the fact that I made a positive change? I don't care, I'll take it :-) Writing about recent positive stuff is a good thing, regardless. I usually exchange a few messages and then suggest a very public place to meet, like a coffee shop, for an hour so that we can get a feel without wasting each others' time. Some prefer to hear my voice first (which I enjoy - I think I give good phone), while some want to message more. As long as I don't feel like I could be forming some kind of attachment with a phantom, I will let the woman steer here. Guys can rush in like fools, and Not Being That Guy is a nice new thing for me. Regarding phone contact, one thing I have sometimes done is give out my phone number and ask a skittish woman to call me for that first call, further inviting them to use the caller-ID-blocking prefix. I also like the idea of a Google Voice number and an alternate e-mail address to give yourself a cushion. match.com also has a virtual phone feature that seems good, too. The best advice is probably to actively listen to your gut. It may not be clear immediately, but it should get clearer. Take care, Rob T

Um ... what the absolute fuck? I've seen dual profiles a couple of times, mostly when someone forgets how to log into their first account! Take care, Rob T

TooSoon, you know I'm rooting for you. In a way, it wasn't until Michelle and I cleaved from our friends and moved to a new place that our relationship really gelled into the great partnership-on-all-levels we were known for. Being in new life we were building together, with only each other to lean on, was a lot of work, but for a great result. There are other ways, but it's fun to look back on. I hope you get your position as desired! Take care, Rob T

Yup, I like Meetup groups. I inherited a young-widows-and-widowers group when the former organizer had to move to take a new job. I was a member and had used it to advertise the two bagos I hosted. She had talked about making me a co-organizer, but hadn't (I think there's a story there), so the group was about to be shut down when I jumped in. Overall, it's been good, with some issues. I am a bit the wrong person to be a social organizer to the degree this group really needs ("what, I need to plan again???"). It's gone months without an event at times, and if I don't schedule an event, few others will. And there's the fees - I pay about as much to support the meetup group as it costs me for match.com every six months. Meetup.com does have a couple of ways to share that cost around - mandatory annual fees, per-event fees, and assistance with asking for and collecting voluntary donations. After wondering whether anyone would care if I just shut it down, I added the latter last fall, and I got more help than I had expected. I think the thing that makes me saddest is something that's hard to get around - we have a massive membership list, but north of 90% are idle. Many haven't even logged into the site for any purpose for more than a year. At 135 members, I'd guess we see a dozen turn out for events. I've pruned some, and will keep doing that, but it hurts when people you have met and liked are the ones who don't care about the group any more. And I then feel guilty that this group with my name on it doesn't have more activity and more varied activity to keep people engaged. C'est la guerre. But still, when six of us old hands get together for a great breakfast in Old Town and meet one new person who's been lurking for a year, it's pretty cool. I love these people :-) Take care, Rob T