RobFTC

Hi Momtojandj, Good behaviour here would have him planning something definite with plenty of notice and no need to touch base on the day of the date unless it involved a hospital visit. I'm sorry he didn't think so. Take care, Rob T

Hey Gayle, That is a creepy amount of information. Maybe the issue is that we don't all know or agree where that 'creepy' barrier is anymore? In this as well as several other areas? I've searched a couple of times, mostly when my spider senses tingled for some reason. One woman had told me about getting sick at one point, but had failed to mention that she'd lost both of her legs below the knee to it - I saw a feature on her in the local news later. I could see that being hard to know how to talk about, but it made me wonder. She seemed open when we talked about it, and so I saw her further. Next there was the double standard she had, talking about how she hated her ex driving by her house and then later talking about walking to the park across from his house. So finally, she had this consulting business, and it occurred to me to search for stuff about it. Hmmm - at least a couple of customers had wound up getting stiffed, to hear them tell it. Next! To the Google generation, I would suggest that because you can doesn't mean you should, and that getting to know someone over time and learning at a more stately pace can be a pretty good deal. If you get a good match, lots of good can happen. Take care, Rob T

Hey Momtojandj, you might be onto something there! Maybe a checklist: Please enter responses as truthfully as possible: - Gender: __ Male __ Female __ Who's asking? __ Where's a Target, I need to pee - Have you ever been a: __ serial killer __ politician __ pipeline engineer - Are you in the armed forces? __ Really? - Have you ever visited __ Ghana __ Nigeria __ Turkey __ Sudan - Are you there now? __ - Are you missing: __ teeth __ hair __ an arm __ a leg __ a breast __ multiple parts __ Mr. Happy - Do you take: __ Viagra __ Cialis __ Addyi - Men: Insert penis pic into this toxic waste container >> << - Women: Flash boobs into your own NSFW container >> << - Do you text: __ well __ badly __ yearly __ monthly __ daily __ weekly __ hourly __ omgly - Do you like: __ walks on the beach __ long talks - How do you like children: __ OK __ can't stand yours __ can't stand my own __ boiled Essay section: Write about why you're the right person: Women: _______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ Men: _____________ Take care, Rob T

I loved Dune, and have urged my girls to read it this summer. But I pretend there were never any sequels! :-) Take care, Rob T

SVS, I get it. I remember their reactions when we told them Michelle was terminal. Rebecca howled in rage; Sarah turned into a puddle. Rebecca dealt with it herself and with her friends, while Sarah avoided dealing with it for some time, and could turn into a puddle again when the subject came up. It was tough to see. All I could do was to be there and talk a little about my journey. And while it could never be everything I wanted to give them, it was enough. They are OK, broadly. Will they miss their Mom on the big milestones? I am sure they will. But that's how they can express their love, and so I wouldn't tamper with that. Take care, Rob T

I have only met a few that were certifiable :-) I've actually been pretty impressed by the women I have met, just not always their taste in men! Take care, Rob T

Somebody sane that I like enough to let myself fall in love with? Take care, Rob T

imissdow, it sounds like you are swearing "never, never" - are you sure you want to make that statement? It seems much tougher to climb down from there than, "nothing like that is happening soon, but it might if we really love each other". The former statement also seems like it could convey "and stop asking those pesky questions!" without that being your intent. I don't know how open you want to be with any of your kids, but I would want to find a way to understand what they are thinking while on-topic. Take care, Rob T

Hey SunshineFl, Thanks for mentioning your impressions of meetmindful.com - I have been reading stuff from them for awhile as well, and some of the articles are good. I have a limited profile there, and haven't paid them money; for me, the population density means there just are not a lot of people nearby on the site. But it could be good for people nearer to or in cities. Worth checking out, especially if you like yoga :-) I hope you're well, it's good to hear from you! Take care, Rob T

The thrust of this conversation is uplifting! Take care, Rob T

TalksToAngels, you can probably your one special person, but if you focus on one person at a time, there's a risk that you are measuring them for a permanent relationship. That can send people scurrying. Dating multiple people until something clicks and someone you want wants to go exclusive is one way to avoid that by deliberately keeping commitment off the table. Take care, Rob T

Nope - a man should be able to schedule something with a little notice, too, and not get bent out of shape when a busy woman says that's what he needs to do. But do remember to counteroffer, not just turn them down, if you're interested. That means having your own calendar in order. "I'm pretty busy" is the leading signal for "not interested" these days. Take care, Rob T

Hi Helen! I want my sexual partners to not be batshit crazy, which takes a bit of time to figure out. As such, I am not up for sex on the first date, no judgement if others are. I wrote about the last such offer I got and refused, not to shame but just because it went with the rest of a good story. For sex once past your own limit, it should be what you both want. I think talking about this out loud can be cool to get consent and what you both want out of the way, but not all want to do that. At any point, you should enjoy yourself, and if that stops being true at any point, it's not too late to say so. As to going how long do you wait for sparks, I don't have rules, but I get a gnawing sense of "I don't think so" somewhere around the 2nd or 3rd date often enough that it's a trend. Is that enough? I'm not sure. But I only have second thoughts about one person I stopped seeing for this reason. I don't take flirting in a very sexual direction much, and I really hate doing too much of anything via texting (got burn scars, thanks). I prefer to at least have people hear my voice, and in person is better. I think too many guys "sext" like idiots. On the "slut shaming" sidebar - Mike, you imply "all or most" men are a certain way, and while I feel older than average most days, your post makes me feel young - i.e., on the other side of a generational divide. I like my side better, as my peers and I aren't like you imply. Take care, Rob T

Needytoo, it looks like he believed you were stringing him along. This could happen if you didn't counter-offer for the cancelled dates - if it's you having to break the date, it should be you showing you're still interested and not just making a polite excuse. If you came up short, he could read it as lack of interest. His response was not very gracious - a gentleman would express condolences and leave it open for you to get in touch later, even if he expected that to not happen. So you don't appear to be missing much. Take care, Rob T

Counseling and good will can solve a lot. I think you should pitch visiting a counselor, because you have a child - would it not be vastly better if you don't split up? Yes, it will mean you will have to listen to him potentially saying what he's feeling, which might not be what you want to hear - but if you're not willing to do that, you're going to make a decision on what you THINK he might say, not on what he does say. I bet there's more going on. I thought a clue was that he wanted more peace for awhile (though saying "no fights for a year" is not a mature statement or a good plan). Actively working on more peace and harmony in the relationship would work better. In that dimension, counseling or not, I recommend this book, "Couple Skills" - I still have two copies: http://www.amazon.com/Couple-Skills-Making-Your-Relationship/dp/157224481X/ This helped me and DW really learn to handle disagreements in better ways and get to be a better team. It's laid out like a shop manual - if you're having this problem, start by reading these chapters. Learning better ways to introduce an issue and better ways to react to that were both skills, and most of us could use some spit-and-polish there. Take care, Rob T

Oh man. Suicide is so sad to hear about. I'm sorry, Maureen. Take care, Rob T

You could get a lot of applicants, TTS - maybe you want to spread out the audition load? It's a tough job, but someone has to do it! Take care, Rob T

Wow, they have Macs in heaven? Cool! ;D Take care, Rob T

Momtojandj, I think I see good reasons and bad reasons to date multiple people. The good: Many people just out on the market don't know what they want, or perhaps what their choices are now. If they have to figure that out by focusing on just one partner at a time, it can take a very long time. If you can find a better match by figuring out what you want, dating multiple people until someone stands out can be good. The bad: If people are either very picky or focus on the richness of choices out there (or both!) the "just click next" thing is too compelling. I think there's a whole lot of people out there looking for purple unicorns, and a beautiful horse without that horn on their head or sporting a different colour need not apply. I think dating multiple people can be OK as long as people are honest and can talk about wanting or not wanting an exclusive relationship. I think people do better if they slow down and don't expect to know the outcome right away, which can give time for more than one set of dates. If you have The Talk, and the both break off with the runners-up and hide dating profiles, no harm done (he says hopefully). By preferring one at a time, might you be trying for exclusivity too soon, or do you just feel overwhelmed by juggling too many people? Take care, Rob T

Might as well start the relationship honestly, with a lie, right? :-) Take care, Rob T

Of course, the real secret is to see how many wonderful spots on a woman I can kiss - there are so many grand ones! Take care, Rob T (trying to keep calm here!)

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/npr/n12810 Shades of that great Betty White SNL routine! A great NPR spoof, too. Take care, Rob T

A woman's neck is such a lovely thing. To gently massage the back of your neck, around where your hair starts. To gently touch that lovely cavity below your larynx. To kiss my way from where your collarbone connects, up the side of your neck, to your ear. Just one of many lovely spots. Take care, Rob T

Well, awhile after I wrote this, I heard from her. It looks like she might have flat-out missed my invitation, haven't actually talked so it's unclear. We're set for a walk Thursday. Take care, Rob T

Everyone should hide their match.com account if they are not looking. If you don't, your image will be used to try to interest others and will sometimes generate fake views even if you stop logging in. I think I am hiding my account tomorrow. The five-date widda I took on a picnic a couple of weeks ago seems to have gone poof - I'd asked her to breakfast on her day off tomorrow, but it's been enough days since I heard back that I don't expect to do so. I hadn't thought she was a poofer, but you never know. If I try to Get A Life in April and actually try to get some PICTURES OF MYSELF WITH OTHER PEOPLE, maybe I will come across better. Take care, Rob T