First Widow

This is one of the things that's surprised me the most about myself now. I rarely worry about anything from this new perspective. I can remember stressing about the logistics of picking DD up from freshman year at college in DC last spring when DH was here to help and do all the driving, but this past year I was completely relaxed even though I was doing it myself, even with a new location and smaller vehicle. I definitely have to bite my tongue when those around me are losing their minds over the most trivial of things.

Congratulations Rooshy. A five minute commute is awesome! Wishing you all the best in your new adventure.

(((hugs))) So sorry Maureen.

Great update. Continued prayers for all.

Prayers for your niece BH2.

(((Hugs))) Sugarbell - that must have been so hard.

Jen - I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of almost 20 years to a self-inflicted gunshot to his head just outside our house while my daughter and I were home last May. This past year has been the hardest of my life but seeing the posts of others like Portside and WifeLess early on helped me understand that it would not always be as hard as it was in the months that followed. I still have moments of sadness, but the gut-wrenching pain has subsided for the most part, along with most of the anger. I've worked hard with a therapist to let go of the whys. My daughter was able to return to college in the fall and is doing well, my son completed his Eagle Scout project in memory of his father and is looking forward to college in the fall, and I've recently started a new job after running a business with my late husband for a quarter of a century. I hope reading this offers you some hope for your future, just as other's posts helped me. Wishing you some peace.

Here's the reply I got in case it helps anyone else: Thank you for your inquiry about federal student aid. If a student?s parent is deceased when the student completes the Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA?), the student should provide information only for the surviving parent. No information?including name, Social Security number and date of birth?should be reported for the deceased parent. Even if the parents filed a joint income tax return, the student should provide financial information only for the surviving parent. The student should report the information as if the parent had filed a separate return. However, if the surviving parent has remarried, the stepparent?s financial information is required.

I have googled and googled and I'm just not finding clarification on how to fill out the FAFSA for the newly widowed. I followed the directions and gave them the exact numbers from my projected tax filing, but one of my son's potential schools asked me to update the FAFSA and omit any earnings that my husband made prior to his death in 2015. Is this really okay to do? It's not the only school he's applied to and it is a federal form so it seems wrong to omit earnings that will be included on my tax forms. I did email FAFSA but it blows my mind that I can't find an easy answer. Maybe I'm suffering a widow mind block??

Me too! Even though a few friends have sent me Valentine cards and wishes (including the young son of a friend who showed up at my door today with a handmade card for me because I "lost my Valentine") and I love everyone for thinking of me, it's just not the same. Hugs to you all!

Adding my hugs and wishing you a much better week to come.

Congratulations! You were the first person to reply to my first post when my husband passed away earlier this year and your announcement gives me such hope. Wishing you both much happiness!

Talking about the holidays in my counseling session last week was the first time I really cried in a session since early on. Like Carey, I was such a holiday girl and I really don't know how I'm going to get through it all. I resent the fact that I just want it to be January 2nd. Sorry for the epic fail at words of encouragement, just wanted to say I get it and you aren't alone.

Mlb34u - I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in May and like you, I didn't know any other young widows. I adopted the username First Widow in an attempt to acknowledge my new reality. The inspiration came from something my son's counselor explained to him in his first session after my husband died, that my son shared with me. He said that grief is like a curtain and we can't see what's on the other side. As we process grief, we first approach the curtain and fall back from the pain. Later we are able to reach the curtain, but when we touch it we fall back again. Eventually we are able to pull back the curtain and move through and that is when we can begin to feel better. It inspired me, I just wanted to get to the other side of the curtain as fast as I could. I think I've decided that there might be many sets of curtains in my grief and I still struggle, but coming to this site and seeing the progress members have made and working with my counselor has helped me so much. Sending much love and prayers to you and your daughter.

Another big believer in counseling. For me it's been so helpful to be able to say things to my counselor and not have to worry about how they effect her...the one time I don't feel I have to be strong. Tomorrow will mark the 6 month mark for me Phil, and I have to say the waves are still there but they not as strong and they don't hit as often. Hang in there.

I completely understand. I had a sick tree taken out of the front yard last week and when the company came out to give me a price, the plan was for them to just drop the tree and we (my 17 y/o son and I) were going to cut it up for the wood stove for next year. I was thrilled when I came home to find that they had come and gone and that they cut up the wood and left it where we keep the wood. I was not looking forward to using the chainsaw...or letting my son use it either. I used to get nervous when my husband used it. I hope you find someone to take care of it for a decent price.

Seriously, fuck this! I am so overwhelmed thinking about everything my husband did in the winter, FUCK winter!

Mr. C - I'm new to the forum, having just lost my husband in May, but I wanted congratulate you and thank you for posting about your progress. It gives me hope to read about the accomplishments of everyone here further ahead of me on this journey. Wishing you continued healing and much success with your new contract.

This is exactly how I feel, like an actor...and I can't even imagine the scene where I truthfully answered anyone who asks "how are you really?" (((hugs))) Dark Rose, wishing you rest and comfort.

Hello everyone, I lost my husband of twenty years to suicide a little over four months ago. I found this site early on and reading here has been a great inspiration to me, but I wasn't ready join in the conversation here back then. Maybe I wasn't ready to claim the title of widow just yet or maybe I was more concerned with taking care of my grieving children. Now that they are back at school I've had more time to turn my attention toward myself and my future. I have a daughter who is a sophomore in college and son who's a high school senior looking at colleges. For the past twenty year's I've run my husband's business (which doesn't exist without him) so now I have a lot to figure out. I'm so sorry any of us belong here, but I am grateful to have found this site and look forward to getting to know you all better.