Mac

I wasn't that great at this stuff prior to marriage. Not that confident when it came to women. Not that great at reading the signs either. A couple of women that I knew in college later said to me: "You really didn't know that I was interested in you?" I guess that even Cindy was interested in me as more than a friend way before I even realized it. Not so many years ago she said to me: "I kind of wish that you would have gotten things started sooner." Things are so different now. Confidence is on overdrive. I'm proud of and grateful for the life that I have led. Cindy and I had an incredibly blessed life together. I have experienced so much in my life. So talking to women in social settings is fun and easy. Flirting is fun too. I somewhat doubt that I am any better at reading the signs though.

I couldn't remember exactly when it was, so I when back and looked at when I joined that section on YWBB. Looks like it was at about 2 years. Here's what I wrote. Well I guess I belong here now. In ten days it will have been 2 years. Sadness isn't as much a part of my experience anymore. Extreme emotion and some tears at times, but not sadness. Strong feelings of gratitude for much, including the 27-1/2 years of marriage and 37 years of friendship. Of course I think about Cindy all of the time, two truly do become one. My children are happy and we are thriving as a family, grateful for that. We did struggle so much initially. Do I feel somewhat alone at times? Yes, but I don't feel lonely. I'm grateful for that too. I have dated successfully, glad that many of the mysteries are gone in that department. A whole new world after 28 years. Still not sure what I'm looking for there, but time will tell. We are all such different people from who we were before on so many levels, that's for sure. Part of this more recent phase has been letting go of some of the past, especially as it relates to friends. Realizing that those relationships will never be the same and letting go. I?m sure that we will still see each other every couple of years or so. So with that, it is time to develop new friendships. I?m glad that we have this online community, it certainly has helped me.

Thank you so much for your kind words SimiRed. Cindy has left me with a wonderful foundation built of gratitude and wonderful memories. It does make this "new life" so much easier.

I had a bunch of people over to my house the night of the funeral, after the formal reception. One college friend said to me: "Well Cindy must have been a bitch and a nag at times." My response: "In terms of the bitch part, we all have our days don't we Kelly? In terms of the nag part, Cindy never wanted to be a stereotypical spouse. I can be a bit of procrastinator at times, she didn't even nag me about stuff that she probably should have."

Cindy & I had so much fun with all of our adventures. We never found any drive to be boring. Never bored waiting at an airport. We were easily amused and were constantly laughing. She always said that it was because of the fact that we were both born in the year of the monkey (Chinese). One time we took a trip to Kauai. We had fun traveling off the beaten path, trying stay away from the more touristy areas. We were driving back down the hills from the forest. I pulled over to the side of the road to get out and enjoy the scenery. We saw that there was a river there so we climbed down the banks of it. Before long, a boat approached. It was a tour boat. We then realized that we were on the river leading up to the Fern Grotto. The tourists on the boats didn?t seem to be smiling much or to be having much fun. Neither did the guides. Seeing the boats go by reminded us of being on the Jungle Ride at Disneyland. So we gathered some leaves and branches and put them in our hair and clothes. Then as each boat would approach we would do the hula together and entertain the tourists. I was hoping that we wouldn?t offend the Hawaiian tour guides. They thought that it was really funny and gave us a big shaka sign. The tourists were no longer bored. Some them did the hula back to us. Everyone was laughing. We stayed there and did it for over two hours. Two monkeys = big fun!

Thank you Bluemoon15. I see that you are early on your journey. Wishing you all the best. Glad that you found this online community so early on. I hope that you will be able to meet some widowed people in your area, it's nice when we can share. My wife wrote some fun stories about our life together. Grateful to have all of the letters from when she was living overseas and from when we first became a couple. I would encourage you to write about your "journey" of discovery and experience in your new life.

Thank you. That she did, made things so much easier for us. Thank you. It's been nearly 33 months. Life is being kind to me. I hope the same for you.

I'm a very spiritual person. Not sure why that strong spiritual connection to her has faded. Maybe she feels that I'm doing well and she doesn't need to be around anymore.

Grateful to be experiencing so much of this. It did take time and and different experiences to get here. I am grateful for the amazing life that I have had. For having Cindy as a friend for 37 years and for having been a couple for 28 years. Life was kind to us on so many levels. Sometimes, I refer to my "new life" as the bonus round.

"Everyday, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts toward others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can." --- The Dalai Lama

Wow, what a difference!

I screwed up on one of those. I thought that it said "smile."

My name is Mac. It has been nearly 33 months since Cindy passed quite unexpectedly. We were married for 27-1/2 years and we were friends for 37 years. I have a daughter and a son, we are doing well as a family. My wife was an amazing woman. She was beautiful, extremely intelligent and so very kind. Prior to our marriage she had traveled the world. This included living in C?te d'Ivoire for two years and Japan for two years. She spoke many different languages. We traveled the world far and wide together, always so compatible. No plans necessary. She had a wicked sense of humor. The first thing that comes to mind for so many people that knew her is her laugh. Without my asking, she was devoted to my parents in their final years. She kept them safe and happy. She included them in her daily life. We welcomed people from around the world into our home. She was a dedicated mother and because of this our daughter and son have turned out to be kind and loving. If you were to meet her, she would make you feel like you had known each other for years. Life is being kind to me these days. I am grateful for the past. I am embracing and enjoying the present (most of the time). I trust that the future will be as amazing as the past. Different, but amazing.

I'm almost at 33 months. Here's something that I wrote at 14+ months. t?s been a little over 14 months since Cindy passed. As some of you know, we were married for 27-1/2 years and best of friends for 37 years. We had a wonderful marriage. We raised two great kids together. And had a very rich family life on so many levels. Most times now when I think of Cindy or look at photos or videos our life together, I smile. I have so much gratitude for having been blessed to have such an incredible woman in my life for so long. A true partner, lover and friend. Most days now are going well. A few things I am grateful for: I am grateful for Cindy?s love. I am grateful for my two wonderful children. I am grateful for the fact that my children realize what a social person I am. I am grateful that they are open to and encourage me to have a significant woman in my life again. I am grateful for the lessons and realizations that life is teaching me. I hope that I am understanding things to my best ability. I am grateful for the kindness of the people that have been there for me on this journey. I appreciate what they have done to help me with this ?journey.? Most of all, listening and letting me share. I am grateful for some of the new friends in my life. I hope that these are permanent friendships. I am grateful for the love that I feel. The love from others. The love that I have for others. And for the love of my life that was always there for me, will always be with me. That showered me with so many permanent and lasting gifts.

Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability - A TED Talk Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability

64 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Grief http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/64-things-about-grief/

So many of our friends, where did they go? I knew that it "came with the territory" so I did expect it to happen. And indeed it did. It did take a while for me to accept it and to stop putting any energy into staying in touch with friends who don't share that mutual interest anymore. Grateful for my new friends. Grateful my BIL who has proved himself to be such an incredible friend in my new life. The Jayhawks - Blue https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dYHZhqD6g0

I posted this in September of last year. It has been 27 months since Cindy passed. Overall, things are going well. I am grateful for that. My son and daughter are doing well. We are a connected and engaged family. I think about Cindy and feel close to her so often. Two truly do become one, especially after 37 years of friendship and 27-1/2 years of marriage. We had an amazing and eventful life together. I was in a relationship for 7 months. She is a very beautiful and a very kind woman. Things went well and so many questions about my ?new life? were answered. Ultimately we were just too different. Some people were surprised that I ended that relationship. There were so many good aspects to it. Dating has been easy, so to speak. I?m 58 years old. There is a shortage of eligible men in my age group. I guess that I am considered to be a ?good catch.? It is easy to meet women and it appears that they respond well to me (at least initially). I wasn?t the most confident person when it came to women prior to marriage. So it is quite the new experience to have confidence on overdrive and to have so many people that would be interested in going out with me. Still trying to figure all of this out. I do well by myself. I?m not lonely or bored. I do lead an active life. I think that for now, I need some solitude and freedom. I do enjoy my alone time on the weekends. Right now I do have some doubts that there will be another long-term relationship in my life. I am open to it. I will continue to accept introductions. I will probably focus more on other aspects of my social life now as opposed to dating. Of course, in my ?new life? this is all subject to change on rather short notice. In closing, I am grateful for much both internal and external. Wishing the best for everyone in our community.

How Flirting Works In this article, we'll examine the standard signs of flirting. We'll also look at the biological factors that lead to flirting and explore how flirting has changed through the years. http://people.howstuffworks.com/flirting.htm

This past summer I attended some very special weddings. I wrote this after the first one. I?ve gone to four weddings since Cindy passed. The first wedding was at 6 months. It was emotional, but in a good way. I was with family. It was a very ?colorful? ceremony. And I knew how much Cindy loved my niece and how happy she was for her. I could feel her there smiling. The next wedding was just before the one-year anniversary. It didn?t go so well. It was for a coworker that I don?t feel particularly close to. I wasn?t engaged in the ceremony so my mind did wander. There was much sadness for me and I was glad to get out of there. The third wedding was for Cindy?s nephew. This was at 15 months. They asked me to perform the ceremony and to say some words. I was honored. It was good experience. I am very close to my sister-in-law, her husband and their children (and their children). It was great to be there as a family and in so many ways to share the love and friendship that Cindy and I had in our marriage. This weekend was Cindy?s niece?s wedding. It was on my sister-in-law?s land, a beautiful mountain setting at 10,000?. I was there with the family all weekend long. Working on the final preparations Friday afternoon and Saturday morning. It was a fairly large wedding. The ceremony was next to a rustic creek surrounded by incredible peaks. I had fun dancing with family and friends at the reception. Cindy was on my mind all weekend long. So many great memories of time spent at the cabin with family. I knew that she would be happy for her niece. Certainly some emotional moments for me during the day. As I sat at my table and looked at the table where my son and daughter and their cousins were sitting, I had such a strong feeling of pride and accomplishment. Cindy and I always tried to put family first and both felt that family is the most important thing in life. I could feel her beaming like I was at the fine individuals that they have become. There is a quiet place on the land that is dedicated to Cindy. We had a ceremony there 8 months after Cindy passed. Sunday morning I went there and meditated and focused on Cindy. It was good to have that quiet private time. Irises were always a big part of Cindy?s life and had very special significance for her. The Wild Irises were in full bloom. What an incredible bonus!

Shit People Say to Widows

Early On: "Some of the neighbors think that you aren't grieving enough." (You should see me behind closed doors or with those that I trust). Going to the Optometrist. This was at about 7 months: The other day I was at the optometrist office. I had requested a copy of Cindy's charges from last year. It was supposed to be waiting for me. They didn't have it ready, so I gave them her name and DOB. The receptionist looked at me and said: I show that she is dead. She said it in the tone of: I see that you have changed your phone number. The employee sitting next to her turned and looked at her in a state of disbelief. That employee then looked up at me and started crying. I replied: Yes indeed, she is dead. There had been some other sadness earlier that day - so that kind of just added to that. By about 9:00 PM I actually started to find it somewhat humorous that she was so clueless. If I would have been on my toes, I would have responded to her: "As coroner I must report, I thoroughly examined her. And she's not only merely dead, she's really most sincerely dead."

This was a post from just over a year ago. My GF and I just split up. We had been going out for 7 months. It was a wonderful 7 months together, but ultimately we realize that the differences between us are too much to overcome. She is a wonderful and beautiful person for so many reasons and I do/will miss her. She is totally different than DW or anyone that I dated before I got married some 29 years ago. That was nice to experience. By being in this relationship so many questions that I had after DW passed were answered. I am grateful for that. I am not planning on dating anymore (at least for now) and look forward to having more time in my life for me.

Soon it will have been 33 months. Here's a post from when I was at nine months. This past Thursday = 9 months. Things have been going well for me. Certainly still some emotional moments. But most days are very good. Some people have asked me why I think that I am doing as well as I am. I?m not quite sure, but here are a few thoughts about some of the themes or elements of this journey so far. The physical, emotional and mental pain was extreme to say the least during those initial months. For me, the best route was to not drink any alcohol except for maybe just a sip or two of wine. I also decided that I didn?t want to take any drugs to help with my sleep or other issues. When the pain did come, I embraced it and held on tight. The sense of despair was also great during that initial period. Luckily that totally subsided with time. And with that the feeling that ?I have been blessed in the past in so many ways and should have the same expectations about the future.? I do have a strong faith, and that has been very helpful/comforting. It also helps me feel positive about the future. Since Cindy first passed I have spent a lot of time reading letters, her writings, going through photos and videos. Initially, there was much sadness, emotion and sobbing related to this. With time it now usually leads to smiles. Cindy & I were blessed to be friends for 37 years and to be married for 27-1/2 years. I don?t have any big regrets from our marriage. I know that Cindy shared those feelings. We were blessed when it came to that. I?ve been fortunate to have a couple people that have been there for me every step of the way to listen to me as I share what I am feeling and to share my emotions ? very grateful for that. Not always easy for us guys to find that. Our wives seem to be the only people that we have for that. I do find myself setting limits a bit more. Nothing drastic. But making sure that I am taking care of me. I don?t plan on being alone. And I have faith that all will be fine in that department. Cindy and I had discussed this in the past, usually in a joking manner. I do know that she wouldn?t want me to be alone. I do pray/talk to her and ask that she helps me make sure that I meet kind women. I do feel that I have a responsibility to be a good person, to be a good father and to contribute to this world. So I certainly focus on this. Not to say that I haven?t been in the past. But use this as a reminder that I need to be engaged and not withdrawn.