TofinoMan

Hot golden sand.....and squish my toes down so deep i find the moist cool layer underneath. Learn to fly a helicopter or speak Spanish?

There are a few songs that just make me a mess. I'm scared of hearing one when out someplace public and having a meltdown.

While I would prefer a water or milkshake those sadly were not choices. So whiskey on the rocks. Mashed or baked potatoes?

My daughter Kate (aka Boo) turned 5 just this May. Today she asked me why I was sad and mad. I said because it hurts and makes me mad that your Mama went for a run, fell, and hit her head, and died from that. So she asks me what it is to be dead? I have explained that as best i can to her several times already...but I am not good at explaining it to her. And she asked also if jogging is bad? I'm usually pretty good at answering her questions. But I just sat there speechless. I admit that the hardest two things lately is dealing with my anger, and trying to answer questions from Boo. There is no longer a way to get my brain wrapped around how to answer her. As i am trying to explain that going for a run isn't bad, everything we do has risk, it then leads to Boo asking me at least 5 more questions that i don't have any answers to. I refuse to lie to her. Or just ignore her. But i got no answers either. I still cannot accept that she went running in her womens run group and died. And I surely cannot explain why to my daughter. So when your child has a question for you that you cannot answer, what then?

I am powerless to do so, but wish I could take your pain away Sandrine.

Monday.....although I picked it because I had to choose just one of those two. Regular amount of cheese on your pizza or double cheese?

Today marks the 3 months mark since Jenny passed. I can't say it was a good day, but I got through it. M three positive things from today: 1. My daughters hugs and telling me she loves me. 2. Cooking dinner together with my girl...she set the table, poured the milk, put the salad in bowls, and stirred the spaghetti in the pot so it wouldn't stick. 3. Someone anonymously left a bag on my door step with fresh vegetables in it. And a note that said " Fresh from my garden".

Drive in....we went once actually. Shower or bath?

Congratulations on making this step Jen. I'm proud of you. Blessings

+1. I'm not going to disagree with a thing already said. But might add that i would be more concerned about the child only 12, the adults aged ones should have jobs and their own lives and be gone soon. The one just 12 would be my greatest concern!

Thank you for posting this Jen, and for bumping it WifeLess. Its the first time I read it.

Kate. I'm not wise enough to give you words of wisdom. I just muddle through day by day myself. I'm closing in on the 3 month mark since Jenny passed. I found this site a few weeks ago and read about don't make any big decisions for a while, and guess I am glad i didn't read that earlier. I was packed and moved to a new town in under 3 weeks. The house I bought was vacant so got immediate possession. Renting the house we had in Victoria to some nice people. I sold a ton of things, and bought lots of new stuff to. I changed my life radically in the first month. Heck I let a 4 year old pick which house to buy of the 11 we looked at.....probably not logical but its her new home to....and I have no regrets on the changes. My daughter even chose the perfect new home for us. I read that most even sell their spouses cars...I plan to keep her car and I drive it occasionally. Jenny always wanted a Lincoln because she had great memories of her grandpa taking her for rides in his. So for her 32nd birthday i got her a new lincoln. She was stunned....but she loved it....and it is a fun car to drive. We do road trips with Stick in the backseat and Kate riding Shotgun. I gave most of her things to her family or the Salvation army. I am planning us a trip via boat to the Sea of Cortez in January and returning in March. Every one says that it is crazy too take my little boat to Mexico...but no one can hive me a good reason not to so we are going. Its your life....as you said the world is your oyster now. Go enjoy it and really live life....because as you know all to well it could be over suddenly. You will always regret the things you didn't do a lot more than the things you did do. If you find yourself in Mexico mid January to mid march drop me a text. Come fish with us and swim the warm waters. We will be the crazy Canadians on the Kingfisher boat, my angel girl, cool black lab/mutt and the captain me....i may change my name to Ron just for this trip. But whatever you do Kate, do it for you and nobody else, you deserve it. If you're on the Rock aka Vancouver Island the invitation is open to come by for a visit. Actually its open to all of you on here. Man or woman, young or old, stop by the house. If you are boating past long beach area we are at Chesterman beach. Look over the heads of the surfers....the log place with blue metal roof and a red helicopter in the yard....its a bit hard to miss really. We literally live beach front. The dog won't bite, but he will lick. Grab a stick and toss it and he will be your pal for life....I didn't name him Stick by accident. Wasted 200 dollars on doggie toys, and all he wants is a free stick to play with. Just follow your heart and soul on this one. I'm sure that you can find what makes sense for you if you are open to listening to your own soul. Blessings Kate.

Very sorry for the huge loss in your life. You will be added to my prayers. Blessings

Every day is a victory, and should be celebrated! Some days are more of a struggle than others, but they all are important. As I near two years without Marsha, my life has changed so very much - my days are not filled with struggle anymore. I have those hard moments, but they don't fill the day. Keep living! That this best advice I can give, and I truly think it what Marsha would want for me and our daughter. In many ways I feel feel that I owe that much to her: to make the most of MY life. And I think your motorcycle therapy is good. My widower-mentor is also a motorcyclist, and he told me that he loves riding because he can't afford to think of ANYTHING else but the road and its changing conditions. It's healthy to give your mind a break. Thank you so much Justin. And yes he is right about riding. Once on the bike and leaning through the turns, nothing else is in my head but the ride. Same when I fly i find...i can't be thinking of many different things and fly to. So i just fly. Day 89 today and it was not a bad day. Work was okay, and then a little fishing with a friend. Some fresh fish on the bbq for dinner and texting with a few friends including a brand new friend i just made on here....thanks for the chat M. Good night all and I wish you all sweet dreams. ☺

The weather is beautiful out. My girl is going having fun at grandparents house. I'm done work early today and going fishing with a good friend in a few minutes.

My daughter was 4 years and 10 months old when her Mom passed. That is nearly 3 months ago and she already doesn't talk about Jenny too much. Kate was always a Daddy's girl. But she really loved her Mother to. So i have no idea what her memories will be over the next year, two years, five years. She has caught me not thinking and pouring a coffee for Jenny in her favorite cup a couple of mornings, and says that I shouldn't because Mommy is not coming home to drink it. But she has not so far been to vocal about it. I'm torn that she won't remember Jenny...at the same time as I hope it might spare her a lot of pain if she doesn't remember. A crystal ball to tell the future would be nice. Now I just pray my little girl grows up healthy and happy, and we take it one day at a time.

Sorry for the anxiety he is causing you. You're correct he should respect your time and space....sadly some people are insensitive. Blessings to you.

It is very different for each person. I am self employed and own multiple businesses. For the most part i have great employees. Its more if i get a cranky customer that i worry i may get pissed off. The part of my job i really enjoy is ths flying aspect. I self access if i am stable enough to fly before I take off. Thing is that the flying makes me happy so much more than any other parts of my day. I'm engrossed in what I am doing so my thoughts of Jenny don't haunt me for those times i am airborne. She used to go with me somedays so its sad that she will never be a long in the helo with me again. But otherwise work is like my therapy. She is not home till tomorrow yet from her visit, but often my daughter goes with me to. She since she was 3 has been with me most often. She would even do little work road trips with me or sit and play on her tablet or build lego while i was in meetings....she loves rides in the helicopter and said by age 4 she was going to be a pilot when she grows up...I'm sure that will change 15 years from now, but her current career choice is Helicopter Pilot. Lol You have to do as much as YOU can handle at work....not what anyone else thinks you should be able to do. When to overwhelmed maybe just go for a walk and let the sun shine on your face. Do only what you can.

AubreeAnn. Sorry that you joined the worst club you will ever join. I have no words of wisdom for you dear. But as clueless as us men are, we know when a woman loves us. I'm sure he knew. It is not about how often you say the words to us. Its the tender touches, or playful squeeze. Those looks you give us men. You can't hang on to regrets or they will eat you up. Try as hard as it is to remember the good moments and forget the bad. Jenny never had to tell me she loved me in words, I knew. After reading your post I know that you loved him....so he knew to....

Tatiana, I am sorry for your loss. Just never lose focus of the treasure that is your baby. That is the miracle your husband left behind for you.

Took myself out to celebrate surviving 88 days. Jumped on the honda and had a nice 40 min ride to one of my favorite restaurants, had scallop and halibut with a salad. The weirdest thoughts came to my head sitting there eating alone. Like how I was the main cook in our relationship, with Jenny going by and grabbing food to munch on while i prepared a meal. I miss slapping her ass....most probably cannot understand this but i just liked to smack her ass.....on a slow day i might only get in 3 or 4 smacks.....then she would squeeze my ass back. Odd ya, but it was one of our things. She was a popcorn addict....and used to toss it in the air for me to catch in my mouth....we were a good team after 15 years together i could catch 99% plus....while our loveable mutt was always hopeful that I would miss and it would hit the floor. How I am so relieved to get home without hearing one of those songs that makes me think about her and i just instantly cry. The smirk she used to let me know she was up to no good. My new shirts I just bought will no longer be MIA to reappear on her side of the closet ....and her saying "Well it looked so good on you that i thought it would look good on me to" even though they were far to big for her.( Jenny was only 5'5 and 120 pounds to my 6'2 and 210 ) Or how when she was really tired and just wanted to rest she would say " YOUR daughter needs..........." as a not subtle hint that i had to go see what she needed or put her to bed or bath her, whatever she needed. Mostly I miss that look she gave me that said I LOVE YOU a lot louder than words could ever say it. But i survived day 88.

Sorry this is happening to you. You're in my prayers.

Thank you, Ian, for resurrecting this post. I went back and read what I had written about my guys and it brought me warm but sad feelings, and that is okay. I'm so sorry you and your little girl had to lose your Jenny. I've read your other posts, too, and I know you are struggling. Please know that your feelings are all pretty normal, although unique to you. Nothing is right in the world when our beautiful love stories are crushed by the death of such wonderful people. I hope you can continue to find solace in reading the words of others who have faced our same kind of loss. Continue posting as well. It may be the only place you can say how you truly feel. Hugs, Maureen Thank you for that.

Today was a hit better. Didn't want to smash anything or punch anything today. Even just nice customers which helps. Its almost 6 pm and alone since my daughter is with her grandparents, so think i might drag the motorcycle out and go ride over a town for dinner. Not a big deal normally, but today I consider it a success.

How do I get into chat?