DonnaP Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 You know that feeling? You just want to pick up the phone and talk to your spouse. Tell him about something. Discuss things. There are days, like today, when, for no particular reason, I just want that. I wish I could tell Mick how much I miss him. And, yet, how happy I am with Andrew. What a good man he is. How wonderful he is to me. I wish i could chat with Mick about my family, and how their lives shifted after he died. How my twin and her husband hang out more with my brother and his wife now. I wonder what he'd say. I wish he were here to put his arms around me and tell me not to worry. My mind is so scattered today. I hate that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widowat33 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Oh there has been so many things that have happened that my first thought is "I've got to tell him about this", and then I remember I can't. I also wonder what he would think about certain things, at times I can even imagine his response. It's difficult when for years you had that sounding board, the one person you told everything to, and now they are gone. At night I still tell him I will always love him as I had for the last 15 years, and now I add in how much I miss him. Sorry for your scattered mind. Hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 He and I worked together and there have been so many juicy changes going on that I wish I could tell him about it and hear his reactions. That feeling has been so acute lately so I get it. I've also had a lot of life change with my move and I want to know what he thinks about it. It is hard to have a sounding board for years and then poof! Gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swilson Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Yes, lots of things I would love to talk over. And don't get me started on losing close to 40 years of shared history and memories that I have no one to re-live them with <sigh> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Yes! About the good things that are going on, to get his opinion on the tough stuff going on, and those shared memories. I have the worlds worst memory and Tim could remember everything. Several times a week I want to know someone's name or what was that place we went to when...and there is no one to ask. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaP Posted August 17, 2015 Author Share Posted August 17, 2015 Yes! About the good things that are going on, to get his opinion on the tough stuff going on, and those shared memories. I have the worlds worst memory and Tim could remember everything. Several times a week I want to know someone's name or what was that place we went to when...and there is no one to ask. YES! Exactly! There are memories -- SO many memories -- that Mick and I shared alone. So, if my memory fails me, there is no one to ask Plus, I just miss our conversations. We could always talk. Even after 24 years of marriage. It was one of the things I loved most. He was not only my husband, but also my best friend. I miss him so much. It's weird. To be, all at once, happy and settled in a new marriage, and also missing my former husband. Luckily, my new husband totally understands these feelings. He is widowed too. And luckily, we can talk about things. But it's not the same. Since he doesn't have the same history as me. In a lot of ways, it feels like starting at square one. Which I guess we are! Some of that is cool and exciting (especially the romance part - which is HOT HOT), but other parts are just frustrating. Like having to get acquainted with all new relatives and not feeling the same around family gatherings... I don't know. Just rambling today. Thanks for listening... Donna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmg19 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 My thoughts today exactly. I just want to talk to him. Need to discuss all the changes taking place in my life. Need to discuss our children's future. Need to have an opinion I trust right now and you are the only one who who would tell me the truth. No sugar coating, no avoiding criticism, no hidden agenda. Today I could also ramble but I'll spend some quiet time before bed and try to get the answers you would give me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donswife Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 oh god yes I so am feeling the same these days I went to our favorite neighbors party (75th) and I really didn't know anyone Don and I would've still have had fun sitting at our own table talking and giving each other the "look" of lets get outta here Will say I pulled an irish goodbye and slunk out of the party I still can't believe the person who knew me better then I knew myself and who was the only one that I had a lifetime of inside Jokes with, is really gone ..Man those were some really funny jokes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Yes, and if I mention wanting to talk to him to non-wid friends they say, "then talk to him." We all know it's just not the same. My mom died just three months before my husband. I'm always reaching for the phone to share with her too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Yes, this need never seems to lessen as more time passes-so much more to discuss has happened. I miss talking with him so, so much. I still talk to him, but I want to talk with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I still talk to him, but I want to talk with him. This! Thank you for wording that the right way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaP Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 Thanks, everyone, for your words and understanding. At times, it is just hard to relay the continued sense of loss to non-wids. They figure enough time has passed now that it should no longer be bothering me. But some days, the longing is so acute and widow fuzz brain sets in again. It's not the grief monster. I'm not breaking down into tears, like I would back in the beginning. But, yet, I don't quite feel like my old self. Hey - revelation - I am NOT my old self. I'm this new person who is still evolving. I wonder if five years from now, if I will look back on THESE days with longing... Nothing stays the same. It's a fact of life. One conversation with Mick. That's all I want. I almost had one in a dream this morning. But he was elusive still. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hikermom Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Yes! About the good things that are going on, to get his opinion on the tough stuff going on, and those shared memories. I have the worlds worst memory and Tim could remember everything. Several times a week I want to know someone's name or what was that place we went to when...and there is no one to ask. This is so true! I can't remember a darned thing and DH would remember all the details of things. I feel like so many memories died with him. I want to turn to him all the time and share some part of my day. There is a challenging situation at work that has me questioning myself - my skills, knowledge and ability. I hate this self-doubt and have no one I can share it with. To just download emotionally. He was my safe space. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DansSoulmate Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Absolutely feeling this huge gap in my life today as my oldest daughter is in labor right now with our first grandchild. I'm going to really miss seeing the look of love on his face I saw when he held both of our daughters. It's been a tough week, his birthday yesterday and grandson's birth today. I'm a mess but trying to keep it together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexswife Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I had that feeling all weekend. Sunday morning when I woke up the first thing I did was grab my phone to call him and tell him about a dream I had. Then reality sank in. I hate reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaP Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 I had that feeling all weekend. Sunday morning when I woke up the first thing I did was grab my phone to call him and tell him about a dream I had. Then reality sank in. I hate reality. Reality does indeed suck sometimes, Alexswife! I hear ya! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guaruj Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 You know that feeling? You just want to pick up the phone and talk to your spouse. Tell him about something. Discuss things. I do know this feeling very well, because I have wanted to call Catherine on the phone while I'm at work. Sometimes I wonder if I called her enough when she was alive. This is one reason why I so frequently visit her grave. I talk to her while I'm there. It's not the same as a phone call to a living person, but it's the best I can do. |+| M a r k |+| Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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