Sick

[Dark Rose]

This is my first time being sick since I lost the love of my life. Just feeling sorry for myself, there is no one to make me feel special, to remind me to take care of myself. No one to hug me. I really just want to sleep forever. Memories I don't want to accept that they are what I have. The memories feel incomplete, they are moments we both shared ...for me to feel and remember them alone feels incomplete, like seeing half a picture. I am so tired. I need his love? Why can't this be a dream when it feels like one? Why can't I fall asleep in his arms? I want to be naive again, to feel safe. Tired of existing in total darkness no longer aware of what the next moment will hold.

[Jess]

I hope you feel better soon. The first time I got really sick after my husband passed I realized how helpless I really was. I was too sick to drive myself to the doctor or deal with a pharmacy, too sick to get over the counter medicine, and so alone. It is a horrible experience. I guess all I can offer is I made it through.

[Jen]

(((((HUGS))))))

 

I could have written your post word for word, and I'm not even sick. I hate it, I hate this reality. I can't imagine ever feeling safe again.

 

I'm so sorry, I hope you feel better soon.

[Trying]

(((Darkrose))) I hope you feel better soon, it totally sucks not having someone there to take care of us.

[donswife]

oh yes being sick makes it all way to real ,

reminds us that we had someone just to be there , to make sure we took a nap or got us medicine

i am sorry that you don't feel well and the added emotion of missing your love is even harder one days like this 

take care

[br0peth]

I haven't gotten sick yet although my stomach has been in knots ever since.

 

Tearing as I write.  Hang in there.

[Virgo]

I hope you feel better soon. Sometimes it still feels like a bad dream.  ((Hugs))

[Mizpah]

This is one of the hardest firsts, in my opinion. 

 

You articulated something I had forgotten - the terrible feeling of being the only person who has a memory of something you both shared.  It almost feels as though it didn't happen if there's no one alive to share it with.  I took to telling stories about him often, and writing them down in the early days. 

 

There is nothing easy about this loss.  But we are all here for you, and understand the terrible feelings you have to experience.  I'm thinking of you.

[Captains wife]

I'm sorry, its certainly the last thing you need. And it doesn't help the grief - in fact it smacks us again in the face. I remember one of my first issues - I had to drive myself to the emergency room while my body was suffering from some severe allergic reaction and I had to take my toddler son with me. I just wanted someone to take care of us.....hope u feel better soon and be good to yourself....

[Dark Rose]

Anytime something upsets me and he is not there I am hiding tears. Constantly playing characters... Grief isn't well understood. Thank you for the kind words, I really appreciate them. Yes, about the memories feeling incomplete has really been bothering me almost like they didn't happpen, then I go back to feeling crazy. Buzzing in this weird fog, denial, and deep endless ache all at once.