Kids and Christmas

[RobFTC]

So I thought my kids were oddly non-busy on Christmas Eve - I would normally expect company in taking some surreptitious time to go stuff gifts into gift bags and stuff stockings.  There was a reason - they hadn't got gifts for each other or for me.  I asked Sarah if she was all set with gifts and she said she'd tried to buy stuff but her debit card was out of funds.  She had meant to tell me, she said.  She had a savings account and can transfer money herself a couple of different ways, but didn't think about that.  Rebecca got up later and came down and apologized for simply forgetting to get me a gift, she'd been shopping without a list, etc.  They both got stuff for their friends, of course.  It helps fractionally that they didn't buy for each other, either.  I paid the sitter to take them shopping, too.

 

I wonder if they will ever think of me for gift giving?  Maybe when they are in relationships and their SOs are appalled that they don't usually do this?  Do your teens buy gifts for you?

 

Take care,

Rob T

[Trying]

I have 3 boys. My middle one bought me a mug. The other 2 didn't even mention gifts. The youngest would need one of his brothers to take him shopping so he's off the hook. I'm very hurt that my 19 year old didn't so much as get me a card or a pair of socks.  I didn't think I raised them to be like this.

[widowat33]

Mine are younger, my parents took them shopping, but the kids did buy gifts with their own money.

Maybe it's because they are younger? I'm thinking once they get a little older they probably won't unless they are reminded, repeatedly.

So sorry. I don't think it has anything to do with you, teenagers can be a little self absorbed and thoughtless at times!

[Virgo]

My daughters don't have an income, so no they don't buy for me. Occasionally my mother in-law will take them shopping. My youngest daughter 8 always makes me a gift. This year she colored a picture of four butterflies. They represented the four of us.  Each one was colored in our favorite colors.  Very thoughtful!

[Portside]

Do your teens buy gifts for you?

 

Five out of my six do (or did when they were teens). They are well balanced in all other aspects of their lives too - school, work, money management, friends, etc.

 

The one that doesn't has a slow-moving trainwreck of a life - flunked out of college and lost her scholarship, poor work habits, and refuses to learn life skills from her mother or me.

 

Some kids seem to know intuitively that what goes around comes around. Others - well, not so much. They may learn it in time or might never catch on. The only thing you can do is provide a decent example of how to live and hope for the best.

 

Good luck and Merry Christmas!

 

Mike

[imissdow]

All 3 of my girls got me Christmas gifts.  My youngest beaded necklaces and bracelets for her sisters and I. She got some help from her godmother the weekend she spent at her house.  My older 2 got some nice gifts for everyone, some they made themselves others they bought.  The oldest now has a almost fulltime job so she actually has a fair amount of money to spend and she bought everyone really nice gifts. She is the kid that in years past has been questionable in her choices of appropriate gifts. Most of the time she would wait till the last minute and just get something odd or very cheap. 

 

A few years ago I kind of made a big deal out of the fact that my kids had forgotten about me.  It was the first mothers day and it was bad to begin with.  They didn't so much as make me a card.  I told them I was hurt  that the one of the few days of the year they were to think of me they hadn't. I think I even made a big deal out of going to my room crying.  After that I started asking rather pointed questions. Like "your mom's birthday is next week  what are you going to do for her birthday?"It was weird for all of us. I got lots of comments like I have no money,I can't get to the store, I don't know what to do..etc.  So we talked about that.  It's not about how much money you spend but rather about being thoughtful and about how they could do that with the resources they have.  I still ask the questions and sometimes need to tell them what I would like or expect and/or run them to the store.  This year they ordered everything off amazon and I got some lovey thoughtful gifts.

[Trying]

The first 2 Christmases they bought me thoughtful gifts and youngest was still at the age of making things at school.  Middle son has a GF which I'm guessing is why he bought me something. Oldest son is so incredibly self centered lately.  11 year old showers me with love and appreciation and asks for the least so basically it's my oldest I am hurt by. 

[Guest running with scissors]

No my son didn't get me anything,  Just a big fight Christmas day.  Doesn't want the things I gave him and broke and destroyed some things around here.  I am working on a way to get him out of my home.  He has no respect for me.

 

If only his father was here.

[mmg19]

Teenagers tend to be innately selfish.  I remember I was at that age.  I believe the following has helped my boys in their thinking about gift giving.  In elementary school there was a Christmas shop designed just for young children to purchase family gifts. Usually from 50 cents to $2.00.  My kids saved and used their money to buy for each other and for their Dad, me, and grandparents.  I don't think they ever had more than $10/00 total but the gift was worth more than any amount of money to me.    Of course, they are past that stage but this year as tween/teen they still remembered their gift list and had added friends to it.  I received a bottle of finger nail polish (out-dated cheap kind) and it was my favorite gift and they were so excited when I couldn't wait to do my nails.  I am well aware that next year it may be a different scenario.  This is probably more helpful to those with little ones but I highly recommend this approach.  Add greed, commercialism, and teen selfishness to the mix and parenting gets harder.  ((Hugs)) to parents of teens and I may be the one needing the hug tomorrow.

[luvmy2babies]

My daughter will be 13 in April.  My son is 5.  She doesn?t get an allowance; and doesn?t have a card to access her small savings.  I could give them money; but no one steps up to take them shopping for any of these ?days? (Mother?s Day, my birthday, or Christmas) so it would be kind of pointless.  My husband wasn?t really here long enough for my daughter to learn the importance of giving to me.  Honestly it would be nice if a grandparent or a Godparent or someone took this on without me having to say anything.  I haven?t yet figured out how to do that myself.  I have worked on them not taking things for granted and knowing things just don?t happen by magic around here.  They are learning about people who are less fortunate than they are and the money that would have gone to dh?s presents goes to some charity (orphans, children with cancer) every year.  But I think I have gotten used to not getting anything. 

 

That being said, my daughter also didn?t really ask for anything.  When asked what she wanted, she said not really anything; but some clothes would be nice; so that was what she got along with some art books and an upgrade on her headphones since she is seriously studying music.  She also doesn?t ask to buy anything for anyone else.  Only one of my daughter?s friends gets a gift from her/us and it is mainly because her birthday is on December 22nd.  They?ve been friends for a long time and she is like a 2nd daughter to me.  If she had found a way to shop for others and not me, I can honestly say that would really hurt. 

 

When this comes up, I always remember asking my mother for a ride so I could get her a Mother?s Day gift one year prior to getting my license and she refused saying she should not have to drive me for that.  Mind you I asked for a ride, not the money.  Now that I?m a parent; I still don?t think I?d mind providing transportation for that.  I think it was more the fact that it was the day before so she knew I had waited until the last minute.  My stepdad wasn?t going to be home until dark and there was no guarantee I wouldn?t get the same response from him; so I rode my bike to the store.

 

[momtokam]

Mine (17,11,11) are starting to get the idea of doing something for me. Last Christmas my cousin took them shopping and they all bought me little gifts.

 

For my 50th earlier this year, my older daughter bought me a gift and again for mothers day, with her own money. This Christmas my two daughters bought me something (we separated at the mall, 2 daughter's,  me and my son). My son made me a Christmas ornament. Now the girls used my credit card mind you (daughter forgot her wallet)...😀  It is a step in the right direction though.

 

Rob, at your daughters' ages, my oldest didn't really think about getting me gifts. I did always get nice homemade cards though. She would tell me she had no way to go shopping on her own. Now she is realizing it is a nice thing to do. She still needs to get to stores though and she has been venturing out on her own these days.

 

My youngest daughter and son will always bring me breakfast in bed for birthday and mother's day. It's not a cooked breakfast but still breakfast. My oldest won't wake up early to do that! 😊 DH used to do that for me and they remember it.

 

 

[Wynne]

Hi.  I'm new.  My DD's aren't teens yet, but I am a high school teacher so I wanted to share an experience with you.  While talking to my class of 17 year olds the topic of gifts came up.  I was appalled that many of them don't give any gifts at all.  Some said they only buy something for their best friend but not their families.  I couldn't believe it, but apparently it isn't uncommon.  When I expressed my surprise the response was that "it isn't my time to give gifts yet."  Just wanted to share.  I'm sure your girls adore you.  Teens are just in another universe and sometimes don't understand how their actions affect others, especially adults.

[trying2breathe]

My  kids, 17 and 19, did not give gifts this year.  Oh wait, 19 y/o DS brought a "Mom" t-shirt from his college for me   

 

Wynne, you're right - teens are in their own world, it's all about them  :