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Weird stupid widow shit


MrsDan
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NG spent the night for the first time last night. He asked which side he should take, so I told him to pick. He said he felt like I probably slept on the left so he would take the right. He was right. Dan slept on the right, and I slept on the left, and that is where I've stayed. I was hoping he'd pick the left, for some reason I didn't want to take Dan's side myself, but I felt funny giving it to him.

 

I like how I have no problem having sex with him on that bed but I felt guilty letting him have Dan's side. I know I could have talked to him about it, because he's been incredibly understanding. But I just didn't want to bring up grief again. I've shared a lot with him, but I don't want it to be a constant. It ended up fine; it got less weird for me but what a mind fuck this whole thing can be.

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To me, sharing a bed is very extremely intimate. It's not something I have done lightly. So personal, the only people I have even slept with are my parents, sisters, long- term lovers, and my husband who once had the status of lover, then became family- closer than parent or sibling.

 

In the many places we called home,no matter the position of the bed, left or right, my husband slept on the side closet to the door. Protector. Knight. Ready to charge at any intruder who came thru.

 

In almost 4 years, I have not taken a lover. So, I guess I have no real advice for you. If he ( imaginary lover) chose the place closest to the door? Would I feel grateful, doted on, cherished? If he, (imaginary lover), chose the side farthest from the door, would I feel abandoned? Poor imaginary lover, can't do right. He is damn if he does, damned if he doesn't. Uspurper or shrinker.

 

That's why I don't take a lover.  I'm not there yet.  But you, Mrs. Dan , are there.  You've done the hard work.  We have been your witnesses. It doesn't matter which side of the bed he chose, you were ready to deal........ 

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Ya know its not stupid,but it is "a thing",I bet it's thought of by many in your shoes.

  Sounds healthy, seems your living NG,but still holding on to history or your husband.

  As I said sounds healthy & congrats ;) .

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The fact that he asked says a lot about his character. It's not silly to have those thoughts.  It's normal.

 

I was just discussing with a friend if I should put the framed wedding photo that sits on my nightstand away if my guy friend stays with me tomorrow. I'm still debating.

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The first time Ex-BF spent the night, he said liked the right, which was my side. It was the first time I had slept on the left but actually liked being in DH's spot. I was glad to not mix those two worlds. I stayed on the left even after Ex-BF and I split.

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Thank you for your thoughts. I'm not sure how much the issue has to do with the actual bed as much as just the ritual of sleeping together (literally). I do feel a little funny that I don't feel guilty about having sex on "our" bed. The weird reality is I'm attached emotionally to that bed and can't let it go. So you would think that would prevent me from being with NG on it, but it hasn't.

 

 

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I was also weirdly ok bringing NG into my bed.  We both sleep on the right so on the rare occasions he has slept in my bed, I get the right and in his bed he gets the right. After 2 1/2 years I have not crossed over the imaginary line to Tim's side even when I'm alone, not that I actively think about it.

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I thought I'd be weirded out by this sort of thing the first time we had a sleep over at my house. I even asked the first night that we just sleep together literally, platonically. I wanted to test whether I was emotionally ready to share my bedroom and my/our bed.  NG was very understanding and I was totally  fine. All sorts of anticipation of emotinal upheaval and then it just unfolded without any upset.

 

Glad it went smoothly for you too.

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