MrsDan Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 NG spent the night for the first time last night. He asked which side he should take, so I told him to pick. He said he felt like I probably slept on the left so he would take the right. He was right. Dan slept on the right, and I slept on the left, and that is where I've stayed. I was hoping he'd pick the left, for some reason I didn't want to take Dan's side myself, but I felt funny giving it to him. I like how I have no problem having sex with him on that bed but I felt guilty letting him have Dan's side. I know I could have talked to him about it, because he's been incredibly understanding. But I just didn't want to bring up grief again. I've shared a lot with him, but I don't want it to be a constant. It ended up fine; it got less weird for me but what a mind fuck this whole thing can be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quixote Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 I know it sounds silly, but have you considered getting a new bed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMisterman Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 To me, sharing a bed is very extremely intimate. It's not something I have done lightly. So personal, the only people I have even slept with are my parents, sisters, long- term lovers, and my husband who once had the status of lover, then became family- closer than parent or sibling. In the many places we called home,no matter the position of the bed, left or right, my husband slept on the side closet to the door. Protector. Knight. Ready to charge at any intruder who came thru. In almost 4 years, I have not taken a lover. So, I guess I have no real advice for you. If he ( imaginary lover) chose the place closest to the door? Would I feel grateful, doted on, cherished? If he, (imaginary lover), chose the side farthest from the door, would I feel abandoned? Poor imaginary lover, can't do right. He is damn if he does, damned if he doesn't. Uspurper or shrinker. That's why I don't take a lover. I'm not there yet. But you, Mrs. Dan , are there. You've done the hard work. We have been your witnesses. It doesn't matter which side of the bed he chose, you were ready to deal........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torn Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 Ya know its not stupid,but it is "a thing",I bet it's thought of by many in your shoes. Sounds healthy, seems your living NG,but still holding on to history or your husband. As I said sounds healthy & congrats . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 The fact that he asked says a lot about his character. It's not silly to have those thoughts. It's normal. I was just discussing with a friend if I should put the framed wedding photo that sits on my nightstand away if my guy friend stays with me tomorrow. I'm still debating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max2507 Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 Yes, its crazy some of the weird stuff. But glad to hear other stuff is going well!!! Good for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daysofelijah Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 I had to get a new bed when NG and I started being intimate. It was just too weird to share the one I shared with late dh. He doesn't sleep over yet, not sure when we'll be ready for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abitlost Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 The first time Ex-BF spent the night, he said liked the right, which was my side. It was the first time I had slept on the left but actually liked being in DH's spot. I was glad to not mix those two worlds. I stayed on the left even after Ex-BF and I split. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsDan Posted January 2, 2016 Author Share Posted January 2, 2016 Thank you for your thoughts. I'm not sure how much the issue has to do with the actual bed as much as just the ritual of sleeping together (literally). I do feel a little funny that I don't feel guilty about having sex on "our" bed. The weird reality is I'm attached emotionally to that bed and can't let it go. So you would think that would prevent me from being with NG on it, but it hasn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 I was also weirdly ok bringing NG into my bed. We both sleep on the right so on the rare occasions he has slept in my bed, I get the right and in his bed he gets the right. After 2 1/2 years I have not crossed over the imaginary line to Tim's side even when I'm alone, not that I actively think about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 I thought I'd be weirded out by this sort of thing the first time we had a sleep over at my house. I even asked the first night that we just sleep together literally, platonically. I wanted to test whether I was emotionally ready to share my bedroom and my/our bed. NG was very understanding and I was totally fine. All sorts of anticipation of emotinal upheaval and then it just unfolded without any upset. Glad it went smoothly for you too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kjs1989 Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 I get this. It took me a full year to even let NG see my bedroom. I kept the door shut tight. He was fine with it and referred to it as my "lair." So many of us on the same page... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Well I get the male in my bedroom thing. I was weirded out by a real estate agent coming into our/my bedroom just to look at it. He didn't belong there. So odd. This widow shit freaks me out sometimes! I was never ever illogical like this before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairlanegirl Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Strange though isn't it (speaking personally) how things we expect to upset us often don't, then we get ambushed by the oddest stuff. I too expected it to be strange having another man in the bed, but it was fine. Go figure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayspumpkin Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 ^^^^THIS!!! I dated a guy for a year, he lived with me...bothered me every time he laid on Daniel's side. I feel your pain. I could also have sex without an issue...but letting him SLEEP on Daniel's side...that was an issue. Smh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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