Radio Hell

[Michael797]

Radio Hell is back on the air. And in honor of today?s holiday, the first item on our playlist could best be described as a ?bootleg? recording, done in one take rather than stretch it out and blow our deadline of St. Patty?s Day.

 

This song goes out for Marianne, who was so Irish she could make a potato spit Lucky Charms ? and to all of our Euro-Wids, who we?ll be seeing soon enough. Radio Hell loves you madly!

 

Without apology, Radio Hell presents ?If I Ever Leave This World Alive.? In the spirit of the day, we say "Enjoy it or fuck off."

 

https://www.dropbox.com/s/4mk39eays4ikt1j/If%20I%20Ever%20Leave%20This%20World%20Alive.mp3?dl=0

 

[Guest AC]

  I was planning on posting this in the thread about what you listened to in your early days.  When I was very early out, an old school friend who had no way of knowing what had happened posted the Flogging Molly version this to my fb.  That version is a bit different, but also great.  It was always one of Andy's favorites - my sweet, Irish lad but she didn't know that either.  I listened to this over and over and over.  And then again. 

 

Thanks Michael - glad to see you back on the air.  I think I will pull up a chair, put my feet up and enjoy the tune.

 

 

[JacklessSally]

Boss man! *Big squeezy hug*

 

Thank you for sharing this! And thank you to the glorious mystery voice who belted that out perfectly.

 

I had long forgotten about this song (part of my life before B) but now I just wanna blare Flogging Molly in the office [virtual and real] all day!

 

Happy try not to pinch a leprechaun day!

 

*Drags in the totes of merchandise, the idea pin board, my camp chair and my lap desk* Where you want me?

 

 

[Michael797]

Lest we forget, our playlist couldn't possibly be complete without the song that started it all. Ladies and gentlemen, once again we're honored to offer The Despondents performing "My Baby's In Heaven, But I Went To Hell."

 

https://www.dropbox.com/s/vco29c6usg8bymx/The%20Despondents-%20My%20Baby%27s%20In%20Heaven%20%28But%20I%20Went%20To%20Hell%29.mp3?dl=0

 

This particular incarnation of The Despondents consisted of:

 

Kamcho - first verse & second chorus

injo - first chorus

Lcoxwell - first & second chorus

Momtokam - second verse

Just_Jen - third verse

Michael797 - all the other stuff

 

Btw, all of Radio Hell's downloads are certified VIRUS-FREE. We're not so sure about the station manager, though.

[injo]

Thank you Michael!

Good to see you back and looking forward to meet you(and Jen ofcourse)!!

[Michael797]

Major props to AC and Sally for recognizing Flogging Molly as the source! Both of you are entitled to a t-shirt; as soon as I get laundry done, I'll send one to you. If hygiene is an issue, you have the right to refuse your prize.

[Carey]

  I was planning on posting this in the thread about what you listened to in your early days.  When I was very early out, an old school friend who had no way of knowing what had happened posted the Flogging Molly version this to my fb.  That version is a bit different, but also great.  It was always one of Andy's favorites - my sweet, Irish lad but she didn't know that either.  I listened to this over and over and over.  And then again. 

 

Ah yes Flogging Molly.  I had seen P.S. I Love You  many many times before he died. He watched it with me and called me cheesy but he liked it too...with a name like Carey you know we have to be irish I binged on that movie and the song a little right after he died.  Fairytale of New York is good to. They played that at Jerry's funeral and it's irreverent and funny as hell.  Luck of the Irish to ya' all today

 

[JacklessSally]

Major props to AC and Sally for recognizing Flogging Molly as the source! Both of you are entitled to a t-shirt; as soon as I get laundry done, I'll send one to you. If hygiene is an issue, you have the right to refuse your prize.

 

Boss man. Speakin of shirts, I got some info to send ya. I need your approval

[Michael797]

Answers to frequently asked questions:

 

1. Where can I find Radio Hell on my dial?

We're at 666 & 7/8. Kinda thought that was obvious. Then again, everything you're listening to these days probably sounds like Hell already.

 

2. What's this Despondents thing?

What started as a bitter, cynical, and pathetic post on the old Transmissions thread sort of unexpectedly developed a life of its own. Originally intended as the worst country song ever written, it wasn't taken that way (it figures); before long, people were actually requesting to hear the song, so "My Baby's In Heaven" was released and The Despondents were born. The Despondents are an ongoing project that suggests maybe we don't have to go gentle into that good night; their contributions to "My Baby's In Heaven" elevated the song to a status that, imho, at least comes close to anything KISS ever released.

 

3. Can I become a Despondent?

If you're here, you already are. Over the next few days, we'll re-release our last project from the old board, complete with directions and stuff. Please consider contributing your pipes to our cause.

 

4. Can I request a project?

Absolutely. Be prepared to contribute to it. Post your suggestions here and we'll get a consensus. You can even be anonymous if you wish. We don't care. We just don't think you should be alone anymore.

 

Thank you for your support. Honestly.

 

(Apologies to Dylan Thomas and Rodney Dangerfield)

[Jen]

I'm late. Sorry. Don't fire me. I must've taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque. Hang on, I've got the Staples delivery van here. I'll leave your credit card on your desk, boss.

 

All right, guys! Around this side-- back it up! Yeah, over here-- watch it--

 

The big desk goes in the big office. Smaller one goes next door, with the copy machine. Lazy Boys-- yeah, I know, those were a special order. Scotch-guarded and designed to repel tears and chocolate. They go in the break room. Yep, fridge too-- where else would we put it? I almost ordered us a soda machine, but here in hell they could only guarantee to stock it with Sierra Mist and Tab.

 

Hmm. I'm not sure all my chairs are here. Where's the invoice?

 

Oh, there's the sun lamp. Coffee maker, check. Two-gallon can of Folgers and a jumbo pack of 1000 filters, okay. Microwave? Well, how did you think we were going to heat up our lasagna?

 

Oooh, my copy paper and Post-Its. Very important, also the Sharpies. Pens, paper clips-- no, the purple stapler is mine, thanks. I'll take that. The rest can go-- um. There's a supply closet around here, isn't there?

 

Mop and bucket. Who's on clean-up duty? We are NOT letting this place get to the condition our last office was in! I mean it, if someone doesn't volunteer, I'll draw names.

 

All righty, I think that's everything. Nice. It's starting to look like home around here. Anyone want to order pizza?

[JacklessSally]

Mop and bucket. Who's on clean-up duty? We are NOT letting this place get to the condition our last office was in! I mean it, if someone doesn't volunteer, I'll draw names.

 

NOT IT! Oh hell, who am I kidding. I'll do it. I don't do much else here.

 

*stops whatever record is playing, tosses it aside, and puts on Philip Philip's Gone, Gone, Gone on repeat*

 

"Baby I'm not moving on, Ill love you long after you're gone... "

[Jen]

Aww... give it here, you're making me feel bad. You've got more important things to do-- I want my t-shirt!

[JacklessSally]

Aww... give it here, you're making me feel bad. You've got more important things to do-- I want my t-shirt!

 

Production has been delayed for the time being. Hopefully I will get back to it soon.

[Michael797]

Special holiday post: tomorrow (the 21st) is M?s and my eight month sadiversary. Your humble station manager has been celebrating the days leading to this monthly event in the traditional way ? by having a series of little holiday nervous breakdowns. The following post represents an equally traditional attempt to spew all the associated creepy thoughts onto a keyboard in the hope that it will sort of exorcise the little shits. Please stop reading this if exorcism doesn?t sound like your idea of a good time.

 

Bonus Warning: to those of you who equate a high number of I?s in a sentence as a sign of egomania, be advised you?re going to lose count here. This might be a really good time as well for you folks to go find another thread.

 

Still here? Jeez, you must be bored. Fine - let?s call the following thoughts ?realizations? since that?s what they are.

 

Realization #1: the number of months I?m ?out? doesn?t mean jack to anyone beyond this board (apparently a common phenomenon, based on other threads around here). When M first left, mention of the ?w? word used to typically trigger reactions of shock and pity ? maybe once in a while there would be a hint of sympathy. Around six months, people began to know when I was just thinking the word, and the reactions subsequently morphed into resentment and repulsion. By eight months, it?s become ?the condition that dare not be named,? (to borrow from Potterspeak).

 

Well, fair enough, perhaps. The fact is, I was a fraud anyway; I?m neither young (58) nor am I legally widowed (we were engaged, but time ran out before we could get married). Maybe that?s what?s behind the ?banned from grieving? status. I?m a widow wannabe. Is that pathetic or what?

 

Realization #2: let?s face it, widowhood does bring out a certain amount of what one might call ?militant megalomania? in many of us. After all, literally overnight the person you used to count on to always be there for your ego leaves the building for good. That?s an incredible blow; with your support system washed completely down the drain, all that?s left is a terrified child who?s panicking over where their next bit of reassurance or attention is going to come from. It?s enough to make any sane person a little self-absorbed.

 

BUT the rules of reality clearly mandate that you only get to milk that particular cow for so long; the expectation is that you had damn well better find a way to evolve past the pain ? grow out of it, sonny. Otherwise, you?re just a MISERABLE FUCKHEAD to everyone you know. That?s considered selfish behavior, and it?s not very nice of you to do that to people.

 

Ok, take all this stuff and throw in Realization #3: if this new board finds its way (as we unanimously hope), there will be other, newer, needier widows who will be looking for some kind of solace and consolation in each other. This is a natural and correct process, no question; it simply doesn?t work as well for older, buffoonier widows who might reach a point where they?re just deluding themselves into thinking their grief still matters.

 

Realization #4: I think the Transmissions thread did its job back in the day. It was a place where I could post the bleakest of horrors and people would understand and sympathize. People read, identified, and responded, which in turn inspired even more of the emo stuff to come out. What happens, though, is that one tends to paint one?s self into a corner that way; do you keep yourself in Hell for the entertainment value, or do you try for something maybe more uplifting in another thread (like this one) instead?

 

Well, right now isn't such a great time to be a clown; looking through other threads, I see those all-too-familiar depths of despair pretty much everywhere, and it doesn?t seem like anybody really feels like laughing lately. Maybe there were some genuinely funny bits in this thread on the old board, but? well, that board?s gone. And jokes aren?t meant to be repeated.

 

And maybe a time comes when you just have to accept that your fifteen minutes as a widow are up.

 

Which takes one directly to Realization #5: As I was reading through the other threads here at our new home, two phrases stood out ? namely ?career widow? and ?professional widow.? They may sound like shitty career goals, but I can understand how some people, finding themselves in a state of desperation (and new-found poverty), might grasp at a chance to generate an income, regardless of how unsettling the methods may seem to you or I. Being fairly destitute myself, I can relate. But I don?t think I?d make a very good career widow; I keep finding things to be grateful for ? specifically, the board and the wids who showed up and pulled me out of the abyss not so long ago.

 

I?ve simply become an ?obsolete widow.? That?s one polish-resistant turd.

 

Sooner or later, the Hell threads will have to sink and the studio will have to go dark; it?s one of those circle of life things. My gratitude for the YWBB, this board, bagos now and yet to come, all of my dear widow friends, and even all the folks who used to just voyeuristically observe my meltdowns in the old days will never ever fade. But it?s better to leave the party before everyone gets sick of you; short of death, nothing?s worse than watching yourself become useless. It?s time to fuck off.

 

HAVING SAID ALL THAT ? there is still one piece of unfinished business left to address, sort of an attempt to go out with a bang instead of a whimper. It requires fulfilling a promise to one of our Despondents (namely, lcoxwell) by resurrecting the last project from the old thread: David Bowie?s ?Heroes.? Ironically, the chorus seems timelier than ever; it truly would be nice to think that, for one tiny moment, each of us WAS a hero, if just for one day.

 

Below is all the stuff for the project. It?s pretty clear that M and I need to take our show on some other road. But at least maybe we can go out in something resembling style.

 

All done now - unless you?d like to hear some music. Then by all means, keep reading.

 

[Michael797]

Here?s the lyrics:

 

https://www.dropbox.com/s/b2ydfek891mnt1k/Heroes - Lyrics.docx?dl=0

 

Here?s the rough track of the music so you have something to practice with:

 

https://www.dropbox.com/s/1kbcf6yd1uiwb7l/Heroes-Take 1.mp3?dl=0

 

And here are the directions for recording vocal contributions:

 

https://www.dropbox.com/s/syju7s1j77fw8z9/Directions for Recording.docx?dl=0

 

Any questions, ask ?em here or PM me. Let?s set a deadline of April 25th or so, so I can release by the first of May. Sound reasonable?

 

[Guest Kamcho]

Ever see "Pirate Radio,"

 

We can move to a sinking ship in international waters... but we can't stop the signal.

 

The "young widow" term is so divisive. I don't like it. Did your heart get ripped out as your love left this world? Check. Widowed. Did you lose your love way before you were a nursing home candidate? Check. Young enough.

 

I'm two years out. Does my grief still matter? It does to me, to the people who still care about LH and me. Does it matter to the world? Naw, I'm not that important.

 

I am however, grateful for you and Radio Hell. You brought some of the humor and attitude I had allowed to lapse, back in. You did something impressive with your grief. Few get to say that.

[Jen]

I've been looking at this post sporadically for the past-- oh, 15 hours now. Nope-- hasn't changed. Damn it.

 

If I thought anything I said would do any good at all, I'd write a long impassioned post... but I know better. And that's heartbreaking to me, because in the end, all I've got is words, and I set great store by them. Your words gave me the courage to live again. That's not a small thing, and I hope with all my heart you know how grateful I am-- will always, always be.

 

... but we can't stop the signal.

 

 

I haven't seen Pirate Radio, but this quote made me think instead of Firefly-- well, the movie, Serenity. Can't stop the signal. The impact of what you've done-- what you've given us-- will last longer than you'll believe.

 

Funny... just now, thinking of the incarnations of this thread, from the original transmissions to the pirated thread, to the various Radio Hell threads on the new boards... I'm thinking of the fugitive wizards in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows-- the Weasleys and Lee Jordan and Kingsley Shacklebolt and Remus Lupin, how they had to keep moving and changing passwords and dodging Deatheaters because the message was that important. Did you ever think maybe Radio Hell was something like that? Because, you know, for some of us... it is. And the message is crucial-- I think it is, anyway. Know what it is?

 

This whole wid gig SUCKS. It's an all-expenses-paid trip through hell, full of curveballs and insanity (your own and others') and jackboots kicking you when you're down. But there is love, and there are hands to pull you through, if you're brave enough to reach for them. Hell is one long fucking nightmare, but the company is excellent. We will survive-- because, in the (paraphrased) words of Mal Reynolds, "we are too damned pretty not to."

 

In other words, yes, we are heroes.

 

This is much longer than I intended it to be. All I know how to do anymore is babble. But at least you gave us a safe space to do it in, and I thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

 

love always,

 

Jenni

 

 

[Stargazer74]

Michael, my thoughts are with you today on this sadiversary.  Man, you have my permission to deck anyone who dares to trivialize your loss.  Love is love, no matter if you had a piece of paper or not.  You may not have many folks IRL who get it, but you know we do.  I never ever saw your threads as a pathetic attempt at getting attention, btw.  Some of us just use humor as a defense mechanism, and can crack a joke even in the worst of circumstances, even though you are dying inside.  The real draw to your posts to me was that I saw through that humor and saw the real, raw pain, and that was honest.  I hope that you are moving into a better place, I think that is the goal here, but I don't think you become obsolete.  Maybe a little more seasoned, maybe a little bit more able to cope, but certainly never useless.  I hope the best for you, as everyone here does.  And, thank you, for opening your broken heart up to us, for it has given many of us a place to be able to smile through the tears.

[Amor]

Micheal

Thank you for starting this thread.  I know it has changed a lot since it as moved. 

 

As some of your first posts.

 

1. This has got to be a form of PTSD

2. My baby wen to heaven and is probably talking to Robin Williams and Joan Rivers, i am so jealous.

3. I saw an old man walking with a cane the other day and said lucky.

 

Even when the clouds lifted and reality sets in you still made a difference.  You are getting attacked from people who have never been in your shoes.  So next time some says you should not be sad your love died take off your shoes and tell them to walk a mile in them. 

No matter how old or young, many years or few with the one we started to weave our hearts together with theirs, we will have pain as the woven pieces of our hearts get torn out. 

 

[MissingSquish]

Huge hugs michael on your sadiversary. Fuck the haters.  You are as much of a young widower as the rest of us.

 

 

[JacklessSally]

*Big squeezy hug, and all the support I can give*

 

We appreciate all that you have done for us. I wish had better words..

[Mrskro]

Michael

 

Hugs to you.  I still have no words for how grateful I am to you and radio hell and transmissions from hell.  You so eloquently put into words my journey and the torments of this hell we have all been thrown into. 

 

 

Mrskro

[Michael797]

Michael

 

Hugs to you.  I still have no words for how grateful I am to you and radio hell and transmissions from hell.  You so eloquently put into words my journey and the torments of this hell we have all been thrown into.

 

Dammit, I'm trying to kill a thread here! And then you people come here and stick up for me and give compliments and stuff.... pain in my ass.

 

Ok, look - the party's moving to the newbie forum, where the transmissions thread is sort of responding to life support. Besides, eight months out doesn't mean shit; I'm no better off than I was at four months. Life after death, eh? Well, she's still not alive.

 

Maybe if there's enough momentum in the other forum, we'll reopen the station  - maybe have a contest or something. It's probably not healthy to occupy two stages of grief simultaneously - might lead to schizophrenia (shaddap, I'm talking).

 

Still, hugs help. Thanks, folks.

 

 

[lcoxwell]

HAVING SAID ALL THAT ? there is still one piece of unfinished business left to address, sort of an attempt to go out with a bang instead of a whimper. It requires fulfilling a promise to one of our Despondents (namely, lcoxwell) by resurrecting the last project from the old thread: David Bowie?s ?Heroes.? Ironically, the chorus seems timelier than ever; it truly would be nice to think that, for one tiny moment, each of us WAS a hero, if just for one day.

 

Thank you so much! I am deeply and honestly touched, and crying tears of joy, over here.  I had intended to work on the song, then I came down with the flu and bronchitis.  Then, the old board shut down, before I had a chance to contribute.  I was so deflated, that there wouldn't be another Despondents song, in which I could contribute.  My singing voice is much better, so I should be able to start working on this within the next week. 

 

You are an angel of a man and my personal hero of the moment, for fulfilling this promise, and you truly made my night.  Once again, thank you!

[Carey]

I refuse to let you go. So there. 

 

Yesterday sucked so damn bad, but you made me smile.  Matter of fact since I "met" you you've made me smile, and even downright irreverently giggle. You have a GIFT my friend and you give and give so much of yourself here, I don't even think you realize your own impact Sir.  I agree.... an angel of a man.