My husband has two dates of death and today is one of them

[linda5]

Today, Palm Sunday, it is snowing.  Just like it was 3 years ago.  My husband died on the afternoon of Palm Sunday 3 years ago.  So Palm Sunday will always be a trigger for me.  But the actual date on the calendar was March 24, 2013.  So, that's the second day I get to be dragged down into the pits of despair.

 

Do we ever really recover from such a devastating loss?

[widowat33]

Hugs. I'm sorry you have two dates this year that remind you of that painful day.

I don't think we ever fully recover, and I'm pretty sure we grieve the loss forever.

Thinking of you.

[Wheelerswife]

My first husband was Jewish.  He also had 2 dates of death, one on the Jewish calendar and one on the Gregorian calendar.  After the first couple of years, I dropped the acknowledgement of his death on the Jewish calendar, although his family still acknowledges it.  It is bad enough that there is one date of death, eh?

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

[Portside]

Do we ever really recover from such a devastating loss?

 

Linda - I'm not trying to be flip but truly, it's like anything else as we are all very different people and react to life experience differently: Some completely recover, some never recover, and most are somewhere in between.

 

Best wishes - Mike

[SoVerySad]

Sending you tight hugs, Linda. I know we are on the same timeline as tomorrow is 3 tears since T died. It must be very hard to have 2 days as you do. On the recovery question, I agree with Portside that there are so many unique circumstances it can't be generalized. I also think that perhaps over time our idea of recovery can morph more into integration, which is what I am hoping for. I do think the hurting and missing them will always be there to some degree. I'm sorry you are hurting so right now.

 

Sending love and more hugs...

[Carey]

My dad had two dates of death too .. as he died Easter Sunday morning, March 23, 2008.  This is the first year since then that Easter has fallen this close to the actual date he died and it was not pretty.  I hate the number 23. As my husband died on November 23, which just happened to be his birthday. I can commiserate.  No we never get over it.  We maybe work around it? My husband died in 2013 as well so I'm on a similar timeline .. I hear the words "almost 3 years ago" when people ask how long ago Chad died, and I just stop because in my heart, it does in no way feel like it's been almost 3 years.  I can't account for LARGE chunks of that time apparently.  Almost 3 years away ...and I still mark events ...3 years ago I was.. we were ... he was.....

[BrokenHeart2]

Big giant hugs Linda.  One sadiversary date is more than enough.  I'm 2 months shy of 3 yrs and I too wonder where the heck the time went.  Poof!

[Jen]

So many hugs...

[Mizpah]

There's some kind of specific torture to having more than one date.  I consider myself rather well-adjusted to life after death, but every year there are so many dates for me, and invariably the drawn-out nature of it really gets to me, in a way I think it wouldn't if there was just one date.  There's the date of the accident, the date I knew he was gone (the next morning), the date he was declared dead (2 days later), the date his parents consider the date he died (even days later).  And there's the Hebrew calendar's date of the day I consider his death (when I knew he was gone - I felt it, I knew), and the Hebrew calendar's date of the day his parents consider him to have died.  Also, every year, Passover feels like torture because he died right after it and even though he was alive for it, it feels all wrapped up in death.  It just goes on and on and on.  So my (long-winded) point (the long-windedness illustrates my point perfectly, no? hahahaha): I feel you.  One date would be way more manageable emotionally, in my opinion.  (My widower boyfriend's fiancee died instantly (in a car accident) - how insane is it to be jealous of another widow(er)'s death situation????!  But I am.)

[Tatianakm]

I am with you on this, but here is my screwed up ironic life: my husband passed away on 2/29; I, apparently, am not worthy of even having a date, but only every four years! Yep, not me, i do not get a date every year; is it a curse or a blessing? It is so like my husband though...it makes me angry, cry and laugh at the same time.

[pammierae7363]

Many many hugs to you . . .

 

I understand exactly . . . because I have two dates, too, and it sucks.

 

Bowman died January 20, 2014.  It was Martin Luther King Day . . .

 

So every year I dread January 20 and MLK Day . . .

 

and I just realized that next year the whole country will be celebrating the day I dread . . . Inauguration Day is always January 20 . . . every four years the country will be having a party . . .

 

I think I'll just hide away for the whole week next year.