Lost my wife 5 weeks ago

[donswife]

Being without your spouse...it might as well be that we are the last person on earth sometimes...because it sure feels that way.

 

 

Maureen : this says it all

it does feel like this even if you are surrounded by people

to fight the loneliness I do have my dog ,

sounds simple but if it wasn't for her and the fact it gets me up and outside I'm not sure what I would do

take care and keep coming here .

 

[MamaZ]

I am SO sorry that you've had need (loss) to join us! Like you, I was shattered for a long time after that dreaded day. We also were the very best friends who got real joy out of everything that we did together (which was darned near everything!). To get by, I started trying some new activities or places that did not have a husband sized hole, almost an act of rebellion when I went through many "pissed at the universe" phases. Only later, did I tackle things that were more "ours". Whatever works to get you through. There is no playbook full of rules.

[Heartspy]

Kenneth,

I hate that we have to welcome you to this board. Cancer is a brutal beast. There were many months I wished that I hadn't survived my husband's cancer, either. The grief was too much.I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe. I'd beg him to come get me- to take me with him. I'd come home from work and sometimes only make it to to the living room floor before I'd break down and cry. I cry really ugly, so I'd try my best to hold it together in public. But, had a few melt downs: at the grocery store, work, the car dealership, the doctor's office, the nail salon, the vets office - you get the picture.  WidTip: ALWAYS keep your sun glasses on!  8)

I did meet another widow on this site (well, the old one: YWBB) and we became and still are great friends. But early on- we would text each other all night. Neither could sleep, so we'd text each other our tears, fears and some really funny shit, too! It helped more than I could ever articulate. We were never shocked or offended by our outburst of insanity, caused by grief.

The anxiety (which I never experienced before his diagnosis/death) was alarming! I didn't take meds, but my doc wrote the Rx for them and told me, "This isn't because I think you're crazy, this is because I don't want you to feel crazy- through this insanely difficult time." Just knowing the script was in my drawer made me a smidge calmer. Weird, but, true. This board and all the beautiful wids are my pillow - I come here to rest my head. It's been 3 years since my husband had to leave his body, but he has never left my heart. Love Is Stronger Than Death. Trust that.

 

[linda5]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your wife, Kenneth.  I read your post and it put me right back to that time in my life 3 years ago.  I wrote the same things as you ... felt my life was over and at that time wanted to die with him. BUT, now at 3 years, I have found some joy and happiness again ... not every second of every day, but joy and happiness is there!  No, I'm not with anybody.  I had my soulmate and if I never find another, I was still blessed for the time I did have him.  I just want you to know, that yes, you are going through some very dark days and times.  Please know (and I know you think you'll never laugh again) that it will get more tolerable.  But it doesn't happen overnight.  Just hold on. 

[Mizpah]

Loosing ones soulmate is like loosing yourself.

 

Yes, it is.  When DH died, I turned to my mother and said, "My life is over."  And it was.  A new life emerged, but very slowly and very gradually.  I think of us (widows/widowers) like starfish now.  Our arm is gone - arm being our heart, or our life, or our self, etc.  A new one grows in its  place, but it takes a long time, and it's different, even if no one else can tell it is.  Be patient with yourself.  You can't see hope right now, but that is natural.  Surviving comes first, thriving after.  The intense grieving is all-consuming.  It hurts so much.  That is your occupation right now.  Very slowly and gradually - that's how the healing and rebuilding happens. 

[arneal]

So sorry to hear about your wife, Kenneth. We are here for one another. Reach out as you feel led and know there are many of us going through a similar ache.

[Kenneth]

It has been 10 weeks today. While I don't break down and cry quite as much now and I started to eat a bit more (lost 45+ pounds so far) I'm still in disbelief and shock. I keep fantasizing she will have returned to me every time on my way home but she's never there...with the lack of support I have tried to join up with 3 different young widower support groups but they were all cancelled due to lack of participants so not sure what else to do. I'm still waiting for the "stone" to be finished, I'm not doing anything until that is all set. I'm glad to see so many people caring here, a little light in the otherwise permanent darkness. Still feel completely lost.

 

Kenneth

[arneal]

Oh, most definitely! My Christopher and I talked the morning of February 1; he was fussing because the nurses and tech's wouldn't let him rest through the night, said he was tired and was going to take a nap, and would call me later. The next call from the hospital was from the doctor, telling me he was gone, so I still feel like I will get that call to come pick him up, just like in the past. I know that won't happen but every now and again ... Deep breaths, letting the tears fall when they do without apology, and we go on. This is my first attempt at a widow's group. Wish I'd known about something like this when I went through it the first time.

[Quixote]

Glad you checked back in.  Was wondering how you were doing.

 

Five years out, I still half expect to see my wife when I come home.  When I'm on the road, I want to call her.  The feeling never really goes away, but I'm not sure I'd want it to.

[Kater]

While I don't break down and cry quite as much now and I started to eat a bit more (lost 45+ pounds so far)

 

When someone comments on my weight loss, I tell them it's "the widow diet - highly effective, but not recommended"