Revisiting envy...

[SoVerySad]

I don't know if it because it is Springtime or what, but I am going thru another spell of feeling such envy when seeing other couples together. I don't like feeling envious. It is such a negative emotion. Yet I'm stuck in a serious case of it right now.

 

Sometimes the strangest thoughts go through my head. Earlier today I saw a Lays potato chip commercial with Mr & Mrs Potato Head in it. I thought to myself, look even Mr. and Mrs Potato Head still have each other. What is the normal life span of a potato?

 

I try to combat the envy with remembering all the amazing times I shared with my T and reinforcing I once had that as well. I just have no idea why this envy has come back so strongly as of late. Another else experience recurrences of this?

[2ManyQuestions]

hi,

 

I totally get it but on the flip side imagine lots of people who don't experience love or in a bad relationship. I know this does not help. Our loved vones were taken away too soon and was not by choice.

 

Wow to be loved and loved back, how awesome beautiful is that. To experience something not everyone does.

 

For sure our hearts our broken our souls are lost but we also experienced something we cannot really put into words. The pain we endure is the price we pay for this tremendous love.

 

Like you I see older couples holding hands, I think to my self I will never experience this. I also see  relationships who are not joined at the hip and really don't get it.

 

 

2MQ

[Torn]

It's definitely not just you..

  I'm filled with the same feeling & I also feel as though my grief is exasperated because of seeing families & couples.

  How do you cope with this ? anyone know? What the Hell to do?

  Heck it's dawning on 2 years here aswell and simply is epic emotionally to see couples,aswell as fathers with their children that are toddlers,well they are so icky which makes me feel so sad.. just a tough spot,I sure wish you all the best....ToRn

[Guest TooSoon]

I hope you don't mind that I had a little chuckle at your snark toward Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head.  Thanks for that! 

 

Mostly, I wanted to say, try not to be too hard on yourself; feelings that we normally wouldn't have feel terrible when we have them.  Irrational feelings that sometimes get the best of me and bring out the worst in me.  It feels rotten but is sometimes stronger than I can be in a given moment.  Just by way of saying, sending you a big hug. 

[Tatianakm]

I feel ashamed to admit it, but now when I see couples I wonder who out of the two will die first. I am not an ill-meaning person and was always trying to be kind and understanding of people, but now, after my husnand's death this thought crosses my mind; I just can't help it. I actually just saw a couple in the park today, who were just a little older than I, strolling together, enjoing the nice weather. And all I could think was that yes, you look cute now, but wait until one of you dies...then i immediately mentally wish them a long and happy life, as I do not want anyone to experience what I have to now.  I am ashamed and afraid to turn bitter, but here, it felt better to admit it.

 

I am with you, Torn, on seeing fathers with kids. It is gut-wrenching, as I think  of my little girl who will not have chance to experience it with her dad.

[Captains wife]

I hear you. I particularly get hit when I am out and surrounded by millions of two parent families. My son deserves his dad : ( I purposely booked a vacation house for July 4th on a more secluded beach/area to help give me a little space from the vacationing full families. It doesn't help that my dating life is a disaster and decoupling doesn't appear on the cards for me. Keep venting here - and let's hope it gets better for all of us. I also remind myself that many families or couples out there aren't happy and just don't understand how lucky they are.

[SoVerySad]

Thank you all for the words of support. I appreciate knowing it's not just me.

 

TS, I'm glad you got a chuckle. Laughter is always good.

[Torn]

Sorry to hear & to think about your lil girl & daddy.I lucked out I guess my daughter was married 3 weeks prior to my wife passing so she did have a mom when she was small.

  It's just that seeing couples with kids kinda forces my subconscious to think the couple's are married & this goes ahead & slam dunks the sadness.

Best to you all in this

[Jen]

I get it. The envy-- oh, yes. Now when I see couple-- old or young-- it's not the gut-wrenching agony that it was a year or so ago, but it still burns. It's not fair. It's just not. I don't care if I sound like a 6-year-old. It's not freaking FAIR.

 

Once upon a time, someone loved me. I was one person's everything. I had love, intimacy, affection. Now I have... time. And that's all.

[linda5]

I also felt the same way.  I was in a "town hall" meeting at work, and while the CEO was going on and on about whatever, I was looking at all the back of heads in front of me and wondering who's going to die next out of these people? 

 

I'm still envious of couples, but I now wish them well in my mind (because I spent the first year thinking one of them should die because I got my life blown to bits.)  I'm trying really hard to let the anger, resentment, and bitterness go.  Some days I do better, other days I don't. 

[mizjsea]

I get insanely jealous when I hear of someone who has stage 1 cancer (instead of stage 4) or someone who goes into remission. I have to learn to let that go.

[Torn]

I get insanely jealous when I hear of someone who has stage 1 cancer (instead of stage 4) or someone who goes into remission. I have to learn to let that go.

 

  It's not just you...I get CRAZY JEALOUS when I've seen countless people receive brain surgery for my debilitating condition & I've watched them move on in life & work..but I've learned that hopefully my time will come & ill be able to carry on & wait &  TRY to stay positive until I can locate a specialist..it's hard to see others have the chance to get on with life,while I feel stuck in the background begging for help,in excruciating pain.

Its hard.

  Please know it's not only you.

[Mizpah]

I get this when I see old couples.  Also, when on FB, friends my own age (in my 30s) post things about their 10th or 15th or 20th anniversary with their partner.  I am jealous about the longevity of their relationships, the history they've been able to have together, whereas ours was cut off prematurely and we had such plans and had only just begun, and begun so well.  I get "jealous" (on behalf of DH) when I see old men, because he only got to be 28.  And the same with fathers (even my daughter's father), because he wanted so badly to father our children and never got to experience parenthood, which he would've been so good at.  I'm happy for them all.  It's lovely.  It's not an anger or wanting them not to have it, but just a nagging feeling of injustice.

[Quixote]

I get insanely jealous when I hear of someone who has stage 1 cancer (instead of stage 4) or someone who goes into remission. I have to learn to let that go.

 

I feel terrible about it, but yeah.  Add in the usual torrent of Facebook posts with "You can DO it!", which feels as if they're accusing those who didn't "DO it!" Of just not trying hard enough to stay alive. 

 

Tomorrow I'm visiting a friend whose wife just officially was declared in remission from aggressive breast cancer.  I love them both to death, but part of me (which I hate) is saying "why her and not my love?"  Jealousy is so ugly.