The "incidental" expenses of being widowed

[Guest TalksToAngels]

Just wanted to post this (just saw a post in SS similar) to see if other's feel concerned about the seemingly unfair expenses incurred when becoming widowed.

IE motor vehicle changes, having to "buy back" what should already be ours.

I had to change registrations, pay more for insurance, change titles, wills, legal fees, probate fees, utility bills, bank accounts, etc. and it has cost thousands.

I actually have put off and delayed (for years now), putting the house solely in my name. That also now involves apparently much more. Getting the paperwork titles and the like together to go down to the govt offices, of which I've called 10 times and got nowhere.

Anyone else ??

[serpico]

Thousands?  I wonder if this is a state-specific issue, because other than legal fees I don't remember having to spend much to get things switched around.  I don't believe in my state (Ohio) that a vehicle title transfer would cost anything when it goes to a surviving spouse.

 

I remember doing a lot of these things in the first month and I actually looked forward to them because they gave me something to focus on.  For someone with less anal-retentive tendencies I'm sure they can be a pain, though.

[soloact]

Legal fees associated with probate can easily cost thousands.

 

TTA what is SS? I was looking for the post your referenced. Thanks

[Justin]

I remember doing a lot of these things in the first month and I actually looked forward to them because they gave me something to focus on.

 

 

Me too!

 

 

 

 

I think settling everything with probate was a only few hundred bucks for me (around $500, I think). Car insurance went up, and paid my neighbor to mow that next summer because I was zapped. More expenses with eating out, as my culinary skills weren't that great and sometimes I was just too tired to cook or shop.

[Guest TalksToAngels]

Registration change requires retitling all vehicles even though it was in both our names. I don't know if it's a state thing, if Ohio doesn't require it I'm moving. But I don't fancy ohio, maybe Florida. Even though it's hot as hell they have Palm trees and coconut drinks.

 

The post was on social section I think "confessions".

[sojourner]

In my state, the transfer of our kids' American Funds education accounts (which were the only thing in LH's name alone) required a specific document to transfer to me. Terms of the will (where all went to me) were denied due to state law, as were any substitute documents that could be attained outside of probate. Had to hire an attorney and go through probate court, complete with an estate audit. I ended up paying thousands and thousands of dollars in accountant, attorney, and court fees.

 

This was totally unforeseen, and I still see red when I think about it.

[Guest TalksToAngels]

^^^

Yes I know the bs I had stocks which had to be transferred.

3 hour trip 3 X

Plus fees and each time they said I had the wrong documents.

 

Now I know how Dorothy felt with the frigin broomstick.

 

Total BS

[kjs1989]

My husband's estate was huge and complicated plus we owned a business. He had his hands in everything. It has literally cost me thousands in legal fees to sort it all out. I used to worry what I would do if he should die. Now I know; I write checks. Thankfully, I have an excellent attorney who doesn't miss a beat and is one step ahead all of the way. But, wow, it sure adds up at $350.00 an hour. And 3 1/2 years later it is not over yet. Ugh.

 

[Trying]

Car registration fees, attorney and accountant fees, and now I pay for our medical benefits out of pocket.  I had to pay some hefty taxes related to his business payout that even made my accountant lose sleep.  But on the other hand, DH was the spender in our marriage so I have also found lots of ways to save.

[soloact]

Everything changed/transferred usually requires a certified copy of death certificate. Ordering several copies adds up. Each certificate is $25 if paid by cash, money order or personal check with photo ID. There is an additional charge if paid by credit card.

 

The link below is the procedure for transferring a vehicle title to a surviving spouse in Ohio.

 

http://www.bmv.ohio.gov/titles-transfer-spouse.aspx

[sojourner]

Oh, yeah, can't forget the new medical insurance, all out of pocket, with high copays. Too many investments after his 30 yrs in the workforce for any obamacare help, and insurance providers in my area are scarce. I was a part-timer while LH was the main financial support, and I'm not able to go for fulltime employment right now. My youngest turned 16, so no more social security parent benefits (because of course kids cost less to support after age 16????). I have to be much more careful with expenses, definitely.

[klim]

I personally like how when I changed my insurance policy from two driver on two cars down to one driver on two cars....it cost more!!!    cause of course as 1 driver I can only have one car on the road at a time which you think would reduce my chance of having an accident but no...insurance goes up!!!

 

I hate insurance companies......and I don't hate that often.

[Portside]

Klim, a widow (or for that matter, any single person) is a much greater insurance risk than that of a married person.

 

That's why your insurance premium went up as it did. The number of vehicles does not have as big as an actuarial impact as marital status.

 

Mike

[klim]

Mike, I know ...I'm a numbers person and know it's all based on stats......but I'm still the same driver I was before and the logic  of that fails to be recognized.  It's frustrating. Also they have a "second car discount" available....that's what they call it.......oh but wait that's only available if there  are 2 people...............Then call it the "2 people 2 car discount"

 

Also  now when I tell them my son is away at university and will not  have access to the car , they won't listen to me because apparently  his home address is still here  so according to them, he  has to be listed and therefor is primary driver on the second car........which he can't even drive because it's  a standard.

 

So maybe hate was a strong word but definitley highly frustrated.

 

 

PLus they pestered me ever since my sons turned 16 to add them to my policy. They didn't even get beginners till they were 18 and 20. ...and every time I told them they didn't have a license yet, it was like they didn't believe me.

 

See , you shouldn't have got me started....everybody has pet peeve and I think mine is insurance.

[donswife]

yikes I haven't put the house solely in my name

put that on my list

I really need to get to a lawyer to get will etc done but as usual delay ,delay !

its never ending

[daysofelijah]

I let the house go and just signed dh's name on the title when I sold his car and "our" truck. Anything else just seemed like I just needed to show a death certificate which the funeral home ordered me a big stack of (I spose I prolly paid for them in the funeral fees.) I think my car insurance went down because dh had had some speeding tickets and I switched to a much cheaper company not realizing how much we had been overpaying for years. 3.5 years later I still haven't taken his name off our joint bank account or sent in the death certificate to get his student loans discharged. I hate paperwork...

[BrokenHeart2]

At almost 3 yrs I'm relieved to hear I'm not the only one that hasn't finished things.  I guess I better get my DH husbands name off the deed of the house if I'm going to sell it.  I still have bills coming in both our names or just his but I can take care of that when I move. 

I too hate paperwork 

 

[serpico]

The point about the house deed is a good one.  I am a loan officer and recently had a closing held up by two months because the seller's wife had passed away some four years earlier but her name was still on the deed.  In some situations the longer one lets things go the more difficult it is to change them.

[Justin]

Everything changed/transferred usually requires a certified copy of death certificate.

 

 

I've found that quite a few companies have been willing to accept a photocopy of the death certificate, but here and there I did have to send an actual certified copy. They are only $8 in KY, but no sense in spending more than I have to...

[SoVerySad]

Our death certificates here say it is unlawful to copy them, IIRC, but I also found that several places I went to in person took my original and made a copy of it then gave the original back to me.

 

I have changed/removed his name from everything except one account. I admit I love still seeing our names listed together when I get the monthly statement, so I've just needed to keep that one last one as is. I know from an ID theft perspective it isn't the smartest choice, but it's the only one I have left with our names together.

[blue]

omg yes

 

childcare!!

 

an additional $20,000 a year

[soloact]

Our death certificates here say it is unlawful to copy them, IIRC, but I also found that several places I went to in person took my original and made a copy of it then gave the original back to me.

 

 

Two financial institutions looked at the certificate, made a copy and returned the original to me. Personal visits to change IRA beneficiary. I was surprised that they didn't require the original since I was removing a spouse. Some of the other places were stickers for insignificant changes.

[Guest TalksToAngels]

Serpico how do I go about changing the deed. I have the documents, where do I go?

Thanks if you can help.

[sojourner]

I took my deed for the house to the county courthouse, to the section that records deeds/taxes, etc. My car registrations were changed at the courthouse in the auto registrations dep't. This is in Iowa; other states may differ.

 

Edited to add: also required was a copy of the death certificate & proof of identity (may have required a copy of birth & marriage certificates- something did, but that's kind of lost in a blur now).

[serpico]

Serpico how do I go about changing the deed. I have the documents, where do I go?

Thanks if you can help.

 

Like sojourner said, it's going to vary by state.  In Ohio it's not as simple as taking the old deed to the courthouse like you would a car title.  An attorney has to draw up a new deed with the accompanying paperwork showing that your wife is deceased and you are the rightful owner.  I believe you stated earlier that you had probate expenses - I would be surprised if your attorney didn't take care of this already, but if not give him or her a call.