Getting close to the end....the view from the desk of a professional student

[Wheelerswife]

I'm sitting at my desk, trying to write one of the seven papers that need to be written in the next few weeks.  As usual, I'm distracted and now back to actively procrastinating.  I might as well write a post here, as I haven't posted in awhile.

 

I anyone else tapped out?  I have three more weeks of class and one week of finals, and then I have a final project and my Master's degree will be completed.  I've been back in school for 5 years.  I started about 2 years after the death of my first husband.  I was close to finishing another Bachelor's degree when my second husband died unexpectedly.  School has been the force that has kept me putting one foot in front of the other since my second husband died.  It is hard to believe that I have been at this for the last 3 years alone.

 

So...this era will be coming to an end.  It is time to join the world of the gainfully employed again.  That means a job search, selling my house and moving.  I don't know where I'm going, so that makes it fun.  Yeah.  Fun.  Well, no.  It just makes me anxious.

 

More than likely, I will end up within earshot of the northeast.  I have no one here in the middle of Kansas, but I will be leaving the university my husband adored and where I have found a home for the last several years.  I need a fresh start, though, where the world hasn't seen my collapse and my less-than-graceful moments.

 

I'm trying not to look too far ahead.  Have to finish what is on my plate now, and then make myself a new list.  What is unfinished?  Get the house ready to put on the market.  Revise my resume again.  Start writing cover letters.  Find a real job.  Pack up and move.  Start all over again.

 

I hate that I have to do this again.

 

Rant over.

 

Maureen

 

 

[First Widow]

Hang in there Maureen.  You've been my idol since I first came across your posts here on the site.  You've even made me consider going back to school myself.  I'm excited to see where you land! 

 

I'm in about the same position, minus the 7 papers and finals.  I've been working for a non-profit for the past year while I get back on my feet after my husband's death, but it's time to start the job hunt and get the house on the market for me as well.  It's daunting!

[SemperFidelis]

You've got a lot happening, Maureen. Congrats on the end coming up. I am encouraged by the fact that you have gone so far with schooling after everything..... I started school in January (five months after being widowed), and it's been so hard to juggle work, school, NG, and mental health.

 

Congrats. I am excited for what lies ahead for you!

[canadiangirl]

What First Widow said.  I admire you very much. I also share your anxiety, as I need a new job and I need to move and I have no time, energy or motivation, and I am completely tapped out, in every way.  Wishing you the very best in the home stretch of your degree. 

[RobFTC]

Hi Maureen,

 

It is good to see you at this culmination point, it's such an achievement.  At the same time, I know it's so hard to know what's next.

 

You rock, and I know good things will be coming for you.  I hope that you get clarity on your next adventure in due course, and that in the nearer term, the papers go well.  Hugs and love!

 

Take care,

Rob T

[Quixote]

Go Maureen!  I'm thinking big adventures ahead.  You've got guts. 

[Trying]

Maureen I can only imagine the range of emotions as this journey comes to end and you face moving on.  I wish you peace and clarity with the decisions you have ahead of you.  I have no doubt you will face the challenges ahead with grace and determination as you have faced so many before.  For so long I hated when people told me I was strong because I thought it discounted the pain, fear and struggle I was experiencing.  Then someone explained to me that strength is pushing forward DESPITE the pain, fear and struggle.  So I now accept that description and I think it applies to no one better than you.

[Ruth]

Good luck!! It's indeed a real achievement, well done for that. You'll find a way, one step and day a time, just like you've done this far. But I can imagine it's also stressful, sad, difficult and well, that it clearly has two sides. So take it easy or fast or whatever way feels best to you at the time. Again, good luck!

[Guest TooSoon]

As I face the likelihood of still more big changes - still more changes I NEVER could have imagined might materialize - I have tried to find comfort in telling myself, that all things have their season.  Run their course.  I thought I would retire from this hard won position I hold in the knowledge that I served in an educational system that I believe in.  And I've done that.  My identity is deeply wrapped up in my work and my students - even when I am miserable - but things change, and though change is hard, new challenges and achievements await.  The unknown is the hard part, I get that.  I hear you and I understand.  Big hugs. 

[Suki1]

Hi Maureen,

 

Just a few more weeks and you'll have your MA – hang in there! You've achieved so much in the past five years. The fresh start post-MA will bring new opportunities, even if it's not yet evident what they might be.

 

I was in the early stages of writing my PhD thesis when my husband passed away. I had no idea how I would manage to finish it, but completing it gave me a purpose and a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Since getting the degree last year, I've seen doors open and opportunities appear, sometimes in surprising ways. So keep going, and trust that you'll find the road to follow.

 

I wish you all the best in the coming weeks and the months that follow.

[JeanGenie]

Maureen,

Just remember...one day at a time!  You've come this far and you'll do great as you figure out the next phase of your life. After all you've overcome, this is nothing!  Keep your eye on the prize (MA) and then take it from there! Congrats at getting this far!  You rock!! <3

[MauiMermaid]

Hang in there Maureen.  You've been my idol since I first came across your posts here on the site.  You've even made me consider going back to school myself.  I'm excited to see where you land! 

 

^^ This! You have continued to be such a positive light to so many of us here. Sending you some hugs. You have accomplished so much in the last 3 years... kudos to you! Is it possible to take a weekend trip just to clear your mind? Sometimes I find just getting out of dodge for even just a day or two does wonders. HUGS! You'll get through this.