Personality

[Adley]

Has anyone read up on Myers&Briggs personality typing? Just curious. INTP here. I wonder if similar types have processed grief in similar manners. Maybe we can help one another more effectively if we have better understandings of our perspectives. Just a thought. Thanks!

[Wheelerswife]

E/ISFJ here.  My second husband was an INTP.  I tend to like to make connections with others who have walked this road.  DH2 was also widowed, but tended to process more internally.  He read a lot, listened to music, and would come to me for quiet comfort when he was sad, but he would listen to me when I wanted to talk.

 

Maureen

 

 

[momtokam]

ENFP here....

[MR]

ESFP

[Mrskro]

INTJ here

[Adley]

Way cool, thanks! Although my wife was working on her master's in geriatric psy, we never discussed it together. I'm certain she would have tested ESFJ. Our relationship was. . . . . irreplaceable. It's so interesting to me to compare our writings, relationships, and experiences with our 'types'. They're all percentage based, of course, but it is refreshing for me to draw the parallels. Thank you all. And of course, anybody or anybody else that wants to discuss it further, please continue!

[HCE]

I'm an INTJ, and so was my wife. People said she was a female version of me, and vice versa. It's no surprise we hit it off so well....

[WarriorModeMom]

I am an ENFP:  The Campaigner and Free Spirit (according to the website). 

[nerdywidow]

INTP here as well.  I know that many people don't put much stock in personality types, but the INTP description really does describe me perfectly.

 

As far as grieving, I feel like I mentally accepted the fact that I was widowed almost immediately, and still don't know even 3 years out if I've actually processed it emotionally, or if I'm just pushing it down.  I'm all about logic and don't deal with strong emotions well.  As a result, I feel like some people may have found me to be cold, or oddly well adjusted early on, and the flipside was that when I was feeling (and still feel) strong emotions I didn't know how to express them to others.  I spent a lot of time that first year appearing perfectly fine and then sobbing in the bathroom at work.

 

I hope that's the type of info you were looking for.  Interesting topic!  I've often wondered how other INTP's process grief.

[klim]

ESFP, -A/-T

 

just did the test ...now I have to read what it means...you've got me curious.

[Trying]

ISFG here.  As far as my grieving goes, my personality has caused me to isolate myself.  I don't open up to people easily and constantly feel like I'm being judged for how my children and I are handling our grief and rebuilding our lives. Other people's emotions and moods effect me greatly and can drain me.

 

I think that's what makes this forum a comfortable place for me, I can be more open here than with friends and family in real life. 

[trying2breathe]

I tested as an ENTJ years ago, just took the test again twice and now am an ENFJ.  Life experiences change us, don't know if it takes the death of a spouse to change a personality type.  Interesting, thanks for the post Adley!

[66etype]

ESFP - A The entertainer.

 

I would have tested this prior to Michael's death... Now almost 5 years later I test this way. I'm curious if I still would have tested this way in the depths of grief? Does your basic personality stay in place even during deep and polarizing grief? Interesting question.

 

Tracy

[Wheelerswife]

ESFP - A The entertainer.

 

I would have tested this prior to Michael's death... Now almost 5 years later I test this way. I'm curious if I still would have tested this way in the depths of grief? Does your basic personality stay in place even during deep and polarizing grief? Interesting question.

 

Tracy

 

Hi, Tracy,

 

I took the MBTI for the first time when I was 22 and I was an ESFJ at the time, fairly strong in all categories.  Each category is really on a spectrum, so you might be stronger in one area, but closer to the middle of the spectrum in another area. 

 

Over the years, my extroversion has slid toward the middle of the spectrum, while the other categories have remained somewhat fixed.  I call myself an introverted extrovert.  I do gain energy from other people, however I also require a significant amount of time alone to regroup.  I prefer to be on the edge of the room at get-togethers and prefer one-on-one conversations. 

 

I do believe that some changes occurred after my first husband's death, and I don't think I will ever be the strong extrovert I was when I was younger.  That is okay, though.  I kind of like this version of me.  I loved the relationship I had with my INTP husband - such opposites in how we functioned, but it really worked well.

 

Maureen

[Adley]

Thank you all for the feedback! Yes, lol, this should be discussed over coffee. Difficult conversation online.

  Regarding all of us with changing types- I did not find this system until late in my wife's illness. I was desparate to communicate some things to her and had no idea how. Our communication had been at least 75% jokes for years. So I came up INTP on multiple tests. As a father and husband who was desperately studying biochemistry. Then I took more and answered them the way I might have in my early 20's. A little on the ENFP side. Hm. Here was a head scratcher. So I took more and answered them as I would at 12 yo. Strong INTP. I haven't tested since, but I'm sure I'm more introverted postwidowhood. More NTP too. So I wonder do we all become a little more introverted or is there a trend to reverting back to our childhood type?

  I agree with Sunshine, there are LOTS of variables here. Nerdy, I got you loud and clear. You put it into the words I was looking for- almost immediately processed it mentally, but still not sure emotionally. People thought I was fine for a year and a half, though many have told me recently that I looked sick...and I did nearly all my crying alone. I found this site last fall and I think it must have been my first attempt at tackling the emotional side. Lol makes me feel like a big dummy. Thank all you guys for being here!

[Mrskro]

It's funny, I didn't really think about it much until this topic came up. 

 

I definitely became more introverted after his passing.  Rob was a huge extrovert and made sure I got out there.  Now, because I've had to go to all the kids things alone now, I find it taxes my emotional batteries and I don't have a lot left for other socializing.  Spending 2 hours making small talk with other parents on the team just about kills me. 

 

I do have to admit this forum has been a huge help for me to work through the emotional side of things.

 

xo

[Newgirl]

INTP "the thinker"

 

formerly ENFP when I was 20, though LH taught me about being introverted. I suspect I was "faking" extroversion dor social survival in my environments.

 

Now I give zero fucks.

 

A dear friend will often say "I know you love me, but I can tell by the glazed look in your eyes that your 'people time' has come to an end for the day. I'll see you later!"

[Newgirl]

OP- just caught your update... hi fellow ENFP to INTP!

[Wheelerswife]

So interesting.  INTP's are a rare breed, but are showing up here.

 

Maureen

[Adley]

Maureen, I love your empathy developer signature at the end of all your posts. It fits you so well, and your insightful posts always drive straight home. Lol, regarding your last, my INFJ sister who is much more well read on the subject than I, has a new tshirt that reads 'Introverts Unite! (separately in your own homes).

  Mrskro, the small talk drives me batty these days. I think Jessica used to handle it all and we could dissect it later. We would watch Seinfeld. I think George once termed it the 'excruciating minutae'. Once we could laugh about it. Now it taxes me to pieces, and thats just one more thing thats no fun. But I know the humor is still there, just gotta find our way back to it . . . . 

  Newgirl, totally dig the survival mechanism. I didnt realize it till years later, so I dont think it was fake. Maybe just a study of yourself and others?

[RobFTC]

INTJ - the few, the proud, the odd :-)

 

Take care,

Rob T

[twistedmensa]

INTP here.

[donswife]

interesting topic , it was interesting to read  ..INFJ here  :)Advocate

[Wheelerswife]

Maureen, I love your empathy developer signature at the end of all your posts. It fits you so well, and your insightful posts always drive straight home. Lol, regarding your last, my INFJ sister who is much more well read on the subject than I, has a new tshirt that reads 'Introverts Unite! (separately in your own homes).

 

 

Adley,

 

My signature line comes from an assessment called StrengthsQuest.  After answering questions on a survey, they give you a list of your top 5 strengths - out of a total of 34.  Mine tend to align in the relationship building domain.  The other domains are executing, influencing and strategic thinking.  I guess it is a good thing I don't want to be a rocket scientist or a CEO!

 

If you are interested, you can find it at www.strengthsquest.com.  It isn't free ($10, maybe?) but I did it through work with a cohort of colleagues.  It helps to understand the different strengths of team members, and like most of these kinds of assessments, I think they are helpful, but certainly cannot define the complexities of each of us.

 

Maureen

[Adley]

Thanks Maureen, that is a really cool concept. One day, when I have a real job again, I'll throw that site out there and I know it will be highly valued by our team members. And thanks for tapping the brakes for me. To properly categorize humanity, we need 7+ billion boxes. And there aint nothin proper about humanity lol. Thank you again!