Marriage

[Momtojandj]

Guy I'm with, has been married twice and divorced twice. Myself, married once and widowed . I said never again will I marry , partially due to pensions set up, that I will lose if I remarry . Guy and I have talked about how you don't need a piece of paper. However , I can't lie .. I think I would want to marry again . Sigh, if I could give up pension .

[Guest TooSoon]

God I never thought to ask what might happen to his pension if I remarried!  Better check on that as I, too, once said I would never remarry and now sheepishly retract that in full. 

 

Can you cash it out and reinvest it?  There is a heavy penalty for doing this (at least with mine) but I was planning to cash out and put it in a college fund, though haven't gotten around to it yet.  It is all I have and it is really not very much in the grand scheme of things.

 

Most interested to hear what others have to say.  Thanks for bringing this up.

 

 

[Sugarbell]

I was told that if you cash it out...you get 1/6 of the pension. And yes if you remarry before 60 you lose it.

 

DHs pension was with a pharmaceutical company that ended up getting bought out by a larger pharmaceutical giant. I have been told that employees of the smaller company had pensions slashed. Very unstable market it was in.

 

I cashed mine in right after he died and bought a mini van with the cash. I have no regrets (Plus I had a 6 month disaster marriage in 2011 so I would've lost it anyway)

 

Also remember if you remarry before SS age-you will lose his SS check. New husband I believe (could be wrong here) you have to be married to 10 yrs before getting his. If he also dies...I think you get the largest of the 2.

 

When DH died our SS benefit was about the same. I will be working for the next 20-25 yrs so I never gave that one a thought.

[RobFTC]

I don't know from actual pensions, I have never seen one offered in my working life.

 

If you will be able to collect on your late spouse's social security account, you can start to take benefits from their account at age 60 if you have not remarried.  That may also mean that you can let your own benefits get better (at I think 8% per year) the longer you can wait to take them (up to age 72).  Everyone in that position can put a dollar value on waiting until age 60.  It's not really that far for me anymore.

 

Take care,

Rob T

[Momtojandj]

Ok, I thought since the boys and I are collecting social security now, that's all I get from him on that. And when boys each turn 18 it all stops. So when I turn of ss age, I will only have mine to collect?

As far as pensions.. I thought it had to be cashed out at beginning or it went to monthly ? Boy am I confused ..

[maddalena]

each pension plan is different. My own policy was set that if my husband outlived me (yeah, right) he'd get it, but if i remarried and predeceased second spouse, my pension would not continue.

 

social security is different; you should call the social security office, momtojo.

[RobFTC]

Momtojandj, your kids get a benefit now from your husband's account, and you can get one as caretaker until the kids are 16.  But you are entitled to monthly benefits starting at age 60 from that same account if you stay unmarried.  It is some percentage of what his benefits would have been, based on when you start to collect.  And that trick of collecting on his and then switching to yours later can work, too.  If you call in with your husband's' SS number, they will tell you the dollar amounts.

 

Take care,

Rob T

[Guest look2thesky]

SS only applies to children until they turn 17 not 18 thanks to governor ex forgot her name.

SS for surviving widow or widower at age 60 you must remain unmarried or you lose it.

Me I will stay unmarried. I will need it.

Even if I met the woman to end all others I wouldn't part with steady income.

1 day after?

Who knows?

 

Have seen a lot of multiply married and divorced people,

not trying to be judgmental but it raised questions to me, I was really happy being married,

but it seemed different. My Wife was without thinking or wondering, true to every thing I had, and desired in a woman.

And I haven't found anything or anyone close since.

people do make mistakes but someone close to me once said and I wonder: too many marriages

cost too many people too much money.

And I think it may be true.

[Guest look2thesky]

Oh yes governor ex Christie Whitman.

[Lmsmdm]

Call the benefits center for his pension. Ask every question, to EVERY scenario you can imagine...to include cohabitation, marriage etc. you both worked hard for the security you have today.

 

Make a list of pros and cons.....financial, and legal, not emotional.  Remember you can take legal action for medical end of life decisions without being married, as well as any financial ones.

 

I just hate how all of that sounds, as at my core, I am really a romantic. I have a deep seeded fear of being a bag lady. That has been around long before I was married, or even met Big Guy for that matter.

 

Have a commitment ceremony if it makes legal, and financial sense.

 

I dunno, I'm a mess 

 

[Guest look2thesky]

Well at least you are an organized well educated..

Mess : /

[momtokam]

Sorry MJJ that you need to deal with choices like that.

 

Here in Canada you don't lose the company pension if you remarry, at least his is that way. Same with the government pension. I however would not get a second pension if I remarry and get widowed again. I would only keep the higher of the 2. The kids pensions will stop at 18 or at 25 if they are in post secondary school.

 

I however, have no plans to remarry at this point but at least I won't be penalized if lightning were to strike by some unfathomable chance.

[MissinGrizz]

I said no way and changed my mind. My kids will no longer get college aid and I won't  collect at 60 social security, but I'm 45.  That's a long way off.

[Carey]

Wow ... so is SS different from state to state? I thought it was a federal thing? Here they get it till 18, unless they are still in high school, as both of mine will be, then they get it through 19.

[Melbar]

I am not sure on the specifics of pensions, but unless you are 59-3/4 years old, I have never understood the argument NOT to remarry based on collecting your late spouse's SS well into the future.  Are you not eligible to collect your new spouse's SS should he or she die (or as sugarbell pointed out, given a choice if they die before 10 years...).  And on the flipside, should they hopefully live a long life, does that second income not make up for whatever you're afraid of losing in SS?  I must be missing something because gaining an income and possible SS from a new spouse seems to be a step UP financially.

[Sugarbell]

Wow ... so is SS different from state to state? I thought it was a federal thing? Here they get it till 18, unless they are still in high school, as both of mine will be, then they get it through 19.

 

Carey-Ypu kids will keep SS benefits regardless of whether you remarry (like you could get married at anytime it doesn't change there amount)...It's 18 or until they graduate high school. If you remarry you lose your portion of the check but the kids checks get your balance (Like I used to get 4 checks-one for me and each kid. When I briefly remarried-it went to 3 checks-just for each kid-but the checks were larger-Same monthly benefit)

 

It's confusing I know. The SS benefit is when you reach SS age. It's different. I will not get DHs because I briefly was married-But he was only 34 when he died. Mine is currently higher-Plus if your new husband works-He will receive his.

 

Yeah it's a bunch of information that I wish I never had to learn.

[Guest nonesuch]

The SSA website says you may remarry *after*the age of sixty without losing your benefits.  Late husband earned more than I  did when he was working, but he didn't work much the last six years he was alive.  My benefits may catch up with his, by the time I try to collect. 

[Momtojandj]

How sad is this, I called social security once to clarify .. And the woman made no sense . I have learned more about ss from this thread . Lol .. pensions, I will have to call and ask , but pretty sure I lose if I remarry .

[patriciad]

When new guy and I discussed the whole marriage thing we considered every angle.  He is widowed as well and if we were to legally marry we would both lose the spousal social security that we could take at age 60(he is 60 this year, me 57).  I also considered health benefits(I would lose DHs lifetime health benefits if I were to remarry).  New guy could put me on his but if anything happened to him, I would be out of luck.

I know that all of these considerations are a lot of "ifs".  For us, the piece of paper doesn't mean that much.  We had a beautiful ceremony with family and friends-just no license.  Our spouses worked really hard and we just weren't willing to give up the benefits that they had worked so hard for.  But...we are older.  If I were 45, I might think differently.  I just wasn't willing to give up hard earned money for a piece of paper.  We go by "Mr and Mrs", have the rings etc.  Whatever works for you.

 

Pat

[Guest nonesuch]

How sad is this, I called social security once to clarify .. And the woman made no sense .

 

The site said it is very complicated.

[anniegirl]

I remarried. I's worked long enough to have my own anyway and if you are in a position where you are eligible on your own to collect SS, it's worth checking to see which benefit is higher - yours or his - because it maybe that his isn't the better one. In my case that was true. My benefit on my own was the better one.

 

Before you discount the possibility of remarriage, and if you are not already certain that it's a financial lose for you, gather your data and sit down with a financial planner and run numbers and scenarios.

 

SS in the US for widowed was originally designed with stay at home moms in mind and apparently under the illusion that women were widowed when they were too old and used up to want to marry again (the perils of a mostly male Congress). Times have changed and SS should too but work with what you have. Check things out. Weigh the pros and cons.

[Guest look2thesky]

There are rules about widowed SS.

Almost everyone I spoke with at SS have no idea.

Age 60 you are eligible.

Income restrictions yes.

I have too much to lose by remarrying.

Also don't feel the need.

I'm fine with being independent and not afraid to remain single.

If I were years younger it might make a difference.

It is a personal thing I guess.

[MissinGrizz]

I am not sure on the specifics of pensions, but unless you are 59-3/4 years old, I have never understood the argument NOT to remarry based on collecting your late spouse's SS well into the future.  Are you not eligible to collect your new spouse's SS should he or she die (or as sugarbell pointed out, given a choice if they die before 10 years...).  And on the flipside, should they hopefully live a long life, does that second income not make up for whatever you're afraid of losing in SS?  I must be missing something because gaining an income and possible SS from a new spouse seems to be a step UP financially.

 

It's because you get it at 60, then your own or  at full retirement age, giving you years of extra retirement money.

[Guest look2thesky]

^^^^^

Exactly.

[Melbar]

Ah, OK.  I don't think it's right that you lose your late spouse's SS if you remarry before a certain age if technically, they earned that money while married to you - then somehow they can justify, under certain conditions, paying it to an ex-spouse who was not married to them during same said earning period.  That is some government logic there. 

 

That being said, I would never trade marrying the man I'm dating for an extra check.  But I'm 43, so, that probably makes a difference.