Marriage

[Lmsmdm]

If you were married over 10 years remarriage does not matter. My parents were divorced for over 30 years, AND remarried. They both scoped out the others SS when it came time to collect SS as they were guided to do by the SS office.

[Guest IronBear]

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[anniegirl]

That "piece of paper" can protect you (and your new spouse) if something should happen - and we all know that things do happen.

 

Everyone's situation is different and it pays to do your homework and weigh the benefits of both scenarios.

 

 

[singinmomo4]

A little bit of misinformation here.

 

SS is federal and the same regardless of what state you live in.

 

If you wait to actually marry until after age 60 you don't lose anything.  As some have mentioned, depending on your earnings compared to your deceased spouse, some people can collect on their deceased spouse's record at 60 and then switch to their own at 72 (or whatever it is) possibly getting a higher amount, again, depending on your work record. 

 

Myself, if I were to be interested in marrying again, I would wait until after I turn 60 to do it since I turn 53 later this year, my husband had a very good income and I was a stay at home mom for 24 years.  My work record wouldn't pay me squat.  I also plan to wait as long as possible before I start collecting so I can maximize the amount.  Hopefully the job I have now will help me be able to do that. 

[Guest marian1953]

Hi,

So nice to see familiar folks here! I started collecting Pete's money 2014. I turned 60 12/23/2014. I can remarry, and collect the higher of my husbands. However, Mike didn't move to the USA until 2007 and then got cancer. I would never want his SS. I will, however, switch to my own ss after I turn 67 beacause my own kicks in then.

I can remarry anytime in our school retirement syentem. I am blessed. But please do not give up penions to remarry.

 

[Guest look2thesky]

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[Guest Lost35]

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[Sugarbell]

That "piece of paper" can protect you (and your new spouse) if something should happen - and we all know that things do happen.

 

Everyone's situation is different and it pays to do your homework and weigh the benefits of both scenarios.

 

I am prepared to get my ass chewed for this....but basically...I suppose it depends who financially is worth more...dead spouse or new spouse (meaning...if someone was going to remarry a millionaire-I don't think that would bat an eye over a piece of paper to lose a pension...if remarrying someone who doesn't have much-then it's an issue.

 

I know that's crass.....but that's how I am interpreting the thread.

 

But I was raised by a feminist activist.:a child of the 70s. "financial independence for women (or men) gives you freedom. Never depend on anyone else to take care of you". This was ingrained in my brain since preschool.

 

My view isn't the right view at all.....just the philosophy I was raised with.

[serpico]

 

I am prepared to get my ass chewed for this....but basically...I suppose it depends who financially is worth more...dead spouse or new spouse (meaning...if someone was going to remarry a millionaire-I don't think that would bat an eye over a piece of paper to lose a pension...if remarrying someone who doesn't have much-then it's an issue.

 

I know that's crass.....but that's how I am interpreting the thread.

 

But I was raised by a feminist activist.:a child of the 70s. "financial independence for women (or men) gives you freedom. Never depend on anyone else to take care of you". This was ingrained in my brain since preschool.

 

My view isn't the right view at all.....just the philosophy I was raised with.

 

^^^ Absolutely no reason for any ass-chewing here and what you say makes sense.  To Melbar's point earlier, I agree that losing a dead spouse's Social Security income stream while gaining a potentially well-earning new spouse probably isn't a terrible trade, love and all that stuff notwithstanding.

[Trying]

Whether it's my age or being a widow or most likely a combination of the two, I am much more practical about financial matters in recoupling than I was in my 20's.

 

Initially, I thought for personal and emotional reasons I would not want to remarry but was open to committed long term relationship and even cohabitation some day. Now I am wavering a bit and would not say NEVER.

 

Financially though I would weigh all of the financial implications for new guy and I and make the practical part of the decision based on what is best for each of. My new guy already knows there would be a prenup or legal agreement for cohabitation to protect my kids inheritance but the retirement issues would have to make sense for both of us because he would be who I plan to retire with.

 

Off topic just a little, I would suggest everyone by age 50 look into long term care insurance. If you can afford it you will be grateful for it if you are lucky enough to live to a ripe old age.  If we are working so hard to get the most out of retirement income you should protect it against the possibility of needing skilled care some day.

[Momtojandj]

I want to thank everyone for chiming in. I would never give up pensions to get married. I will do research to see if at a certain point , I can remarry without losing it. I honestly have been saying I wouldn't ever marry again.  But I liked being married , it's sad that I won't have that again. I do realize , I could commit to someone and it doesn't have to be legal.

[MissinGrizz]

Basically, if you do not wed before you are 60, you can start collecting DH's social security AT AGE 60! So, if you are in a committed relationship but chose to just live together, you still have that second income but you collect your departed spouse's social security from age 60 until you switch to yours, which will have been growing because you didn't touch it. It allows people to retire earlier. Right now the retirement age is 67 for those born after 1959, so that's seven extra years. What's more, if you don't switch to yours until age 72 (maximum), then your will have grown further, so you have a better retirement.

 

If you get remarried and that spouse lives (which one would hope!), then you don't get his or yours until you reach your full retirement age, so retirement will have to wait if you don't have a pension or 401K or something.

 

Now, to all, I'm going to tell a story for those of you considering never remarrying for this reason in hopes you'll reconsider.

 

My mom was widowed at about the same age I was, age 40. Because of this logic, she never remarried. She had several long-term relationships, but because her late husband was a veteran, she also couldn't live with another adult without losing benefits so chose not to. She's now 71. She loves her boyfriend of five years and stays with him on weekends, but what a lonely life to have led simply for benefits that were meant for those who had no other option.

 

This is why when I was proposed to at 45, I didn't chose to just shack up. I have a young daughter, and want to be a good role model, but I also would feel like I was scamming the system, also not a good role model. If I was in my late 50's, sure, I'd consider waiting. That makes sense. But those of you with a decade or more to go . . . don't halt on life for this. I'd much rather work a second job and save for retirement that way than not live life to collect when I'm older.

 

Okay . . preaching done. To me, love is the reason for life. I was so blessed to be loved so well for over two decades. I wanted more.

 

 

[Guest look2thesky]

It's a simple equation. You give up that pension if you remarry before age 60.

 

[Guest IronBear]

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[anniegirl]

This is a strictly finances thread and I am not disagreeing that once you are past your 40's, you have things to think about if pensions and SS are in play.

 

However, for most younger people today, a defined pension with archaic rules simply isn't a reality. 401ks, other tax deferred vehicles are more likely and of course, life insurance - things that you simply cash out or roll over into new savings vehicles minus the Victorian era remarriage prohibition. And if there are children involved it's worth noting that their SS benefits are not impacted by remarriage or even adoption.

 

Being married though in financial terms protects you from step-children and in-laws because it gives you rights to life insurance, your house and your fair share of everything (especially when we are talking about 2nd unions that might be longer than the the first ones).

 

It also means that you will have legal authority over bank accounts and health care if either of you are incapacitated. Not a small thing. Also, being married (in most places) entitles you to health care benefits that come with your spouse's job and you are entitled to some or all of their SS too should they die.

 

And a big one for those of us with children is that should you die and your partner is not your spouse, his/her being able to be your children's guardians could be challenged by your relatives even if you have a will.

 

Someone mentioned pre-nups and I would throw in wills (again) and trusts if you are really concerned.

 

Marriage is just as much a practical thing as it is an emotional one and the younger you are, the more practical it is. Frankly, if I were under 40, I wouldn't count on the eligibility rules for SS being the same 20 or more years from now. The gov't can change those rules (and they have in the past) to whatever they want. If SS is your plan, I hope you also have a back up one.

 

I think the larger point of these kinds of conversation is to let newly widowed know that there is no one size fits all and that because every situation is different, people really should talk to a financial planner and get information that pertains to their situation specifically.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Sugarbell]

I bet they change in 11 months Barney 

 

 

 

I have a ways to go before I hit 60 (just turned 44)...But in no rush to get married. I got it too good right now! (like my space-my yard)...Plus guy friend has no desire to move up here anytime soon....he has 9 years until he hits 60. His plan is to retire at 60 (they have a great retirement like almost 70 percent of salary) Then start a new career. )

 

He's a money whiz....which is good because I am not.

[singinmomo4]

Sadly, I am too old to be a boy toy for a rich woman. 

 

I don't know Bear, you might be able to find some 80 year old woman willing to give you a try.  You are in the land of old people after all. 

[Lmsmdm]

 

 

I don't know Bear, you might be able to find some 80 year old woman willing to give you a try.  You are in the land of old people after all.

 

Ha ha ha ha lol snort

 

[anniegirl]

You are never too old.

 

My mother's older brother basically became a serial gigolo after his wife died. They all left him money. He is, according to Mom, "well off".

 

He is 88. His current girlfriend is a decade-ish younger.

[Guest look2thesky]

See there is hope for old people

 

; )

[Guest nonesuch]

I was 53 when my husband died.  I started dating within a year.  I soon realized that I wouldn't be re-coupling any time soon, and it wouldn't be hard to wait until 60 to marry.

 

Once a woman is over 45 or so, the demographics are not in her favor.  If the profiles in dating sites are to be believed, exceptions may be made for women who LOOK like they're under 45, or who have money, or who have very large breasts.

 

Sometimes there are good reasons to get married and other times good reasons not to.  I just ran into an old friend who told me that he and his domestic partner got married sort of secretly over two years ago. They have been together for over 20 years.  His job provided health insurance, but the company he worked for was approaching financial ruin, and my friend had already had cancer.  His partner could add him to her plan, but only if they were married.

 

Actually, if they had been a same-sex couple in a state that didn't recognise marriage for same sex couples, the insurance would have allowed that, too. 

 

They have told very few of their friends about the marriage, and they don't wear rings. Eh, none of anybody's business, really.  I did meet one fellow who thought it was important to marry eventually, as in his words, "It codifies the relationship so everyone knows where they stand." 

 

 

[MissinGrizz]

Lots of great points were made here:

 

-each one of us has a different situation (no "one size fits all")

-getting spouse and steps on insurance and easier paperwork be a factor

-prenups are available for those who feel at all worried

-second spouse's income may matter

 

What it comes down to is knowledge. Be aware of YOUR pros and cons based on YOUR situation before deciding.

 

As for the statistics with marriage over 45 comment . . . phew . .  I got remarried two days before I turned 45. I just made it! LOL. 

[Guest IronBear]

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[Guest IronBear]

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[anniegirl]

So now that I think about it, my uncle has only even dated widows.

 

His late wife was widowed young. He met her when he was 40 and she was 48. She had seven kids ranging from about 13 to mid-20's. I think she had a grandkid or two even. They were married about 25ish years.

 

Maybe he should write a book. About widows.