Marriage

[Sugarbell]

Marriage was created to attempt to keep us civilized. Lol

 

I do agree Barney-the younger wanting kids part....shoot that's why we got married-We wanted kids and wanted them protected (civilized part)

 

I look at it more as a civil contract for protection. Middle age/older we start thinking of retirement, SS, pensions,money ,power of attorney, wills, families, assets. I mean really.... It's more for protection of each other.

 

 

[Guest IronBear]

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[Sugarbell]

That is brilliant Brie!!!!

 

 

[Guest look2thesky]

I think widows and widowers make the best compatible mates lovers friends etc.

Although being well off by someone giving me gifts money means absolutely nothing.

If I were ever to again recouple I would want to keep what's mine and keep what's yours.

And at best share bills living expenses and frozen Reese's peanut butter cups

; )

[singinmomo4]

Marriage was created to attempt to keep us civilized. Lol

 

I do agree Barney-the younger wanting kids part....shoot that's why we got married-We wanted kids and wanted them protected (civilized part)

 

I look at it more as a civil contract for protection. Middle age/older we start thinking of retirement, SS, pensions,money ,power of attorney, wills, families, assets. I mean really.... It's more for protection of each other.

 

I don't agree that marriage was "created" to keep us civilized, I mean, I think people get married  because we, as humans, like companionship and are territorial by nature.  I think government has encouraged marriage (with tax breaks and such) to keep us civilized. 

 

Obviously marriage as evolved over the years with some ancient and not so ancient, civilizations allowing being married to more than one woman (never more than one man, I mean, come on! )  All over psychoanalyzing the institution of marriage aside, these days, it's not about children, security, any of that, it's about love and wanting to build a life together, that may or may not include children. 

 

When and if I get married again, I won't need a man to make me secure, I'll be fine on my own.  I will be getting married for love, companionship and to build a life together and we will be equal partners, working together to make that life happen.  That was the best part of my marriage to Rick, it was a partnership, we complimented each other and we were there for each other, able to depend on each other,  through everything.  I want nothing less the next time around, if there is a next time. 

[Guest look2thesky]

All this talk about marriage is making me seasick : (

Can't we just go out and have a good time ?

 

[Sugarbell]

I guess now...I could be in a committed long term living together relationship without the official " marriage" part. Not saying it will never happen again...but I do know of several couples that have been together over 20 years now without "marriage"...they have there own commitment ceremonies, etc...but not the religious "marriage"

 

Actually the two I am thinking of seem to be more passionate and don't take each other for granted like some of my married friends...But I think it takes two very secure people to pull it off long term.

 

 

And yeah-the tax breaks, money, etc all makes marriage more appealing (civilized part...man made part)

 

But I think really it's what ever makes the 2 people happy.

[singinmomo4]

Oh I could definitely be in a long term relationship without marriage.  Heck, I didn't expect Rick to propose when he did and I was fine with that.  If the relationship is good, and both people feel secure, they won't usually need that validation. 

 

I think Rick and I, the last several years especially, took each other for granted. Now, hopefully I've learned enough from our loss that hopefully won't happen again.  I really wished he had lived. I know everyone wishes that, but damn, I think we could have made a good marriage incredible, just from what we would have learned.  It's awful that it takes illness and death, to sometimes knock the sense into us to realize what we have and what's really important. 

[MissinGrizz]

damn, I think we could have made a good marriage incredible, just from what we would have learned.  It's awful that it takes illness and death, to sometimes knock the sense into us to realize what we have and what's really important.

 

I agree with this, Mary. The fact is, after 21 years together, I stopped trying as hard, although Michael really did still do lots of romantic things, right up to the end. I even found a couple of little love notes after the fact (he used to leave them in random places).  I sometimes feel as if it's unfair how much more patient I am with my current husband, less of a nag, more happy-go-lucky. But, then I realize, I'm still a newlywed, and while we have three teens, they aren't each other's kids, so we aren't really co-parenting, and they are teens, not young kids, so we can focus on each other more.

 

I think we should all cut ourselves a break on the "shoulds haves" . . . as Michael would say, don't "should all over me." :-)

[Guest look2thesky]

The times I felt uncomfortable about "advances" in a relationship, concerned me.

I don't wish to remarry, and it was a deal breaker at least once.

I feel communicating is essential to anyone in our situations.

Whatever tax breaks are concerned, it is not going to convince me that being married again is essential.

It's a very indiviual decision. And I definitely think widowing changed my views.

And if one were to ask I would say the tax system is BS.

We are penalized for being single, when married two incomes are even hard to keep a home, and support a family.

Why are we doubly penalized for being single ?

 

[Guest IronBear]

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[Guest look2thesky]

I don't think I would like a threesome with my brother.

: (

[Guest IronBear]

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[Guest look2thesky]

Still I don't like the five wives analogy.

Just thinking if they all had a bad day I would be hanging upside down from my toes.

Not good.

[serpico]

Still I don't like the five wives analogy.

Just thinking if they all had a bad day I would be hanging upside down from my toes.

 

Five wives all having a bad day? I doubt it'd be your toes you'd be hanging by. :'(

[Guest TooSoon]

Thanks for the laugh tonight, serpico.  I needed that.

 

[Guest nonesuch]

I think the take-away is that government social security has it's own convoluted rules, and a pension that one receives from an employer has it's own, different rules.  I dated a widower whose wife had a choice when she took her pension: a larger amount that she could withdraw monthly until her death, or a smaller amount that would continue  (should she pre-decease him) to benefit her husband.

 

 

[Golorth]

It just slays me that something that DW worked her whole life to accrue goes to the frigging government, of all people, if I remarry. It seems to me that that money rightfully belongs to her estate, and that it ought to be treated as such. Ugh.

[DansSoulmate]

I completely agree about the ignorance of SS going to the government if you remarry and it most definitely should be part of the deceased's estate, like any other asset.  This is essentially a forced savings plan and goodness knows when Dan and I were first married and raising two daughters our finances were constantly strained because of it.  I, for one, am not willing to give that up as Dan had paid into it from the time he was a teenager working for his dad's construction company all the way up to last year when he passed.  I will definitely wait to turn 60 to decide to remarry (or not) but I totally understand the reasons others have given to remarry.  Again, I believe this is another one of those totally personal decisions after looking at your own individual situation.