serpico

I agree with you - saying it to a widow isn't something I'd advocate. It's calling the people that hold these beliefs stupid is where I took issue. I'm happy I could flatter you and also wish you well. The energy stuff didn't really strike a chord but stuck in my mind because I'd never really heard of that sort of thing before. Also, not in a mood, really, just not crazy about you calling people/beliefs stupid...especially considering I've gotten crushed on ywbb for saying far less. But I understand the leanings of most on this board and ywbb and should be used to it by now. I'll try to adjust

Probably the same reason some people believe they can communicate with their dead spouse or the same reason some people sage their houses or keep energy rocks around. BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE IN IT. And I can go on and on, but I won't call any of those things (or the people that believe them) 'stupid'.

^^^ I'm not sure exactly how to frame my reply here, because I'm not one to get offended, like, ever. However, I have a hard time seeing people described as 'stupid' because of how they believe the world works, whether it is based on their religion or just their general worldview.

In June of 2013 my wife of 14+ years returned from her fifth overseas mission trip at around 2am. We talked for awhile before bed, and I let her sleep in the next morning, though I did tell her goodbye before going to work. She went to work and we talked briefly on her way home while she was getting her beloved Diet Coke from McD's. About an hour later when I hadn't heard from her I began to worry, so I left my son's ball practice and retraced her route home from work. About halfway there I saw flashing lights and an accident scene and I asked a volunteer if that was a Lexus that was crumpled beneath a semi trailer. He told me to keep moving - thinking I was a rubber-necker - but I explained that I hadn't heard from my wife and this was her route home. Soon after, a deputy came up and asked my name and my wife's name, and he told me she had been in a fatal accident. He then drove me home, where my mother-in-law and two of my three kids were waiting for me. They saw me stagger out of the car and they knew - I'm sure of it - but I had to tell them nonetheless. It's been a long journey since then. I started dating after about five months and thought I'd found love again but those hopes were quickly dashed. I then dove back into dating but found that doing so as a 42-year old with three kids wasnt easy. I've since throttled back and am trying to get used to life as a single Dad. Quite honestly, it sucks, but I still have so many things to be thankful for so I try to focus on the positives. I found YWBB about nine months out, and while I wont describe it as a lifesaver, it was helpful. I've found that I have a different take on things than many on these boards, but I firmly believe that I need to keep giving my opinions rather than trying to conform to the norm on here. It hasn't made me many new friends, but I don't plan on changing any time soon.

Not a fan of the widower card. Just seems manipulative to me. I have a feeling it's one of those things you'd regret later.

I've thought this as well, but then I figure if loneliness is driving me into a relationship I'm not sure I'm getting myself into something that's good for me. Right now I'd really like to be in a relationship, but I think I've set such high standards that it may not happen for some time. And right now I'm okay with that. Maybe next month I won't be

My son is starting the Confirmation process (we're Catholic) and we had the first meeting this past week. I have to believe that if he tried something similar somewhere along in the process I would also play 'the heavy'. Yes, this is his commitment, but he's come this far as a Catholic and I don't believe I could let him suddenly stop because I believe he would regret it down the line. I know our circumstances are different, but I also know how manipulative and indecisive teenagers can be. I wish you well.

Or, in another vein, the next Ghandi or Mother Teresa?

This is a little tangential, but it sort of morphs this topic and the 'doing good' topic so... Please consider signing up on Be The Match, which puts together a pool of potential bone marrow donors (from the living) so that people with myriad blood diseases can receive life-saving transplants. The daughter of a friend received such a transplant and is doing very well, and it's so easy to get registered, so please consider it. http://bethematch.org/Support-the-Cause/Donate-bone-marrow/

My wife would have loved to have been able to donate, but she had just returned from a mission trip to a third world country the night before her accident and thus they couldn't use anything. I was in a haze when the company called the night she died but I remember scrambling frantically to find out exactly which countries she had visited so they could determine whether they could use her corneas. I suppose it could have seemed invasive coming just hours after she died, but it gave me a sense of purpose to try to have some good come out of the tragedy.

^^^ You wouldn't, uh, happen to have the name of that app, would ya? It's for a friend...

About ten minutes after I told her that her Mom was killed in a car accident, my 6-year old tearfully told me that I had to get remarried right away. She has since recanted.

Yes to chemistry and different packages. But the attraction is like the gatekeeper for me, at least right now. Just because someone gets in the gate, though, doesn't mean they stay there if they don't have the real important stuff, e.g. humor, kindness, worldliness, etc.

I recently stumbled upon this book, which was written by a longtime funeral director and embalmer. It's not going to be for everyone, but for some reason since my wife was killed I have more of an interest - call it morbid curiousity, if you'd like - about the deathcare business. And wow, did this book appeal to that curiousity. I wouldn't call it macabre, but it doesn't spare too many details, and of most interest to me was its lengthy discussion of the business end of things. I highly recommend it if you have any interest in this sort of thing.

What is it about looks that is so important to us...well, to me, anyway? I'm no Greek god, but as of now (19 months since my wife was killed) I have zero interest in going out with a woman unless there is a physical attraction. And it's not like I only want model-types...my one extended relationship was with a woman who wasn't a stunner, but she was, I don't know, 'cute' is maybe the best word. I've been thinking about this for awhile now, but I'm watching Shopgirl right now, and Claire Danes is just beautiful to me. Many of my male friends wouldn't think she is attractive, but I sure do. I can't explain what it is, either. She doesn't possess the curviness that many associate with hotness, and she's basically pretty plain-looking in this flick. I've thought about this a great deal, and part of me wants to feel like I'm hollow, but I can't change this about myself. My wife was conventionally beautiful, I guess you could say, so maybe that's part of it, I just don't know. But I'm also not fixated on beauty, because a vacuous hottie wouldn't hold any allure for me, either. I dunno, I'm just thinking out loud here and would like to get some input from others. What is it about physical attraction that is so important?

I wanted to see the accident photos - including two with her in them - because I had to in order to wrap my mind around things. This was at about nine months out. I went to the sheriff's office with a friend and the officer walked me through them all and left the office for a little while as I viewed the two she was in. It was tough, yes, but I was and am grateful that I had the chance, and since they gave me the pictures I've had a chance to share them with certain family and friends that have expressed an interest. I understand there are good reasons for not doing it, but if you want to see them, I would strongly consider doing it.

I was a part-time writer for 13 years before my wife died so I know my way around a participle, but if I'd been picky about grammatical errors and misspellings I never would've married her.

I dunno, to me 'Boy Sex' seems even creepier. How about 'Man Sex'?

Frank Serpico was an honest, badass cop who lived in NYC and wasn't afraid to blow the whistle on corruption in the force. I'm an honest, normal dude from Ohio, so if you can't see the connection I don't know what to tell you.

I need a change of scenery so I am declaring myself IN right now. We enjoyed Hocking Hills when we were there a few years ago, but I'm good with anything EXCEPT the ghost stuff...Sugarbell, you are a believer in that hocus pocus stuff and I'm not, so I'd just be a Debbie Downer

Count me in.

Try this one..."Maybe we could get together and just eat a bunch of caramels." If she doesn't know what you're talking about then it's probably best you avoid her anyway.

From our last vacation together - Nashville - about three months before her accident...