serpico

Yep. It'd be like telling someone they looked nice and them responding by getting offended, peeling off their makeup and Spanx, and showing us how they 'really' look. I accept all compliments, especially when I don't really believe them

Ima suggest you sage your phone

It's been my experience that political topics are fine...as long as everyone agrees with the OP. And it looks like pretty much everyone here does, so...carry on!

So tomorrow, well, actually today I guess, is the second anniversary of my wife's accident and death. And it's gonna be weird. You see, I've been seeing someone and things have progressed relatively quickly, but still at a natural enough pace that it doesn't seem all that fast. So tomorrow will be difficult for many reasons... 1) My MIL arranged for a Mass to be said for my wife, and it's at 7:30pm, smack dab in the middle of our huge town festival, and my kids aren't happy at all that they have to miss a lot of it. The Mass just is not a huge deal for them and they don't get the old school Catholic importance of having a Mass said for a deceased loved one. 'Oh wow, Dad, so they say Mom's name one time during Mass...big deal' is what I keep hearing. 2) We feel like we're 'on stage' during milestone dates, when to us, they're just another day. We've been through enough over the past two years and we miss her every day, so we're not gonna parade around in black and act all somber just because it's 'that' day. 3) On the day when we're supposed to be sad, I'm happier than I've been in a long time because everything has been going so well for me, but mostly because of my new relationship. See how strange this will be? But there is a silver lining here...I've been sharing these feelings with her, and I got the most wonderful message from her tonight, so I want to share it here: I don't know what it's like to walk this road that you have, or experience the milestone dates that I'm sure you are expected to address in some capacity other than 'normal'. What I do know is that I want to walk this journey with you, whether it's from a distance tomorrow and thinking about you and the kids, or whether someday it's by your side. I'm on this road with you wherever you want me to be. When I said I was all in, I meant it. The hard days and the great days. I wish we could be together tomorrow and it wouldn't be so trying for you. I am so happy that I make you happy, and I hope someday everyone else in your life sees that. Happy tears!

Awesome news! I kept hearing about how 'it' will happen when you stop looking, and 'it' has happened to me as well. So happy for you, Kate!

Gotta disagree with you here, Mel. I'd be pissed if my counselor didn't offer advice.

I'm with you on the 'abandonment', but let me caution you about something there... Try not to get consumed with hatred/dislike/loathing for those that have abandoned you. Obviously they are not going through anything like you are, but they are also in uncharted waters, and I found it best to give them some slack. Plus, carrying around a grudge doesn't help the grudge-holder, it just makes for a bitter person. And you've been damaged enough the way it is. Good luck.

From what you say here I think it's pretty clear he isn't your boyfriend. Stick with 'nah, we're just friends' and that should do it.

^^^ Well that's a horse of a different color. If you aren't 100% positive that your kids won't behave I wouldn't take them all. The thing is, rather than exclude your man friend, maybe don't take the kids. It's not like he was the problem at the last party - they were. And if they're offended or pissy about it, well, they should look in the mirror. But I'm from the tough love school, and I know some will disagree.

Sugarbell's Mom: Why so cranky? The battery on your rabbit die from overuse?

I'm sorry to tell you that 'sleep mode' may feel good compared to facing reality, but you're going to have to dig through the muck and the mire of grief before you can truly come out the other side. I don't think it's healthy - or even possible - to live the entire rest of your life in sleep mode. I hope this didn't sound harsh because I think I know where you're coming from, but I also think you've got to do the grief work or you'll just be postponing the inevitable.

I have two dogs named Alvin (female border collie/black lab mix) and Ruby (female St. Bernard). The kids and I love our dogs but they aren't house dogs at all or treated like they're family. They sleep in the garage and come and go as they please through a ridiculously small dog door that Ruby (150 lbs) somehow still fits through. We also have a mangy, ugly, one-eyed cat name Gooby who through some miracle found a tomcat to impregnate her (I'm thinking beer goggles) and we now have five kittens until we can find someone gullible enough to take them off our hands. If not they'll soon be forcibly relocated to a nearby farm!

^^^ I'm sort of the same way. My wife died when she didn't stop at a stop sign at an intersection that has a history of fatal accidents. A couple months after the accident one of her friends started to bang the drum to get a flashing light put up there, but I just couldn't get any enthusiasm for it. Part of me didn't want to be seen as somehow assigning blame to the state or anyone else for something that was indeed my wife's fault. Accidents happen, and I'm sure there are plenty of things everyone could do to make our lives safer, but a lot of those things would also reduce our freedom to just be humans, fallible as we are.

Carey - You had a specific example and it makes complete sense. I'm sorry if it seemed like I was singling you out.

Not sure if 'creepy' is the word I would use, but the worrying about those who have left us is a little puzzling. I don't think there is any need to assume that the current state of the board made these people leave, or that changes are needed because people are leaving. This IS a safe place, even if there are occasional dust-ups. (I was going to suggest somebody start up www.rainbowsandunicorns.com until I realized that's an actual site...and a weird one at that)

One person's drama is another person's disagreement. I haven't seen anything untoward going on here, but we each have our own thresholds for what we can take. People are going to come and go all the time no matter how well this place is moderated (and I think it's moderated well).

And that's absolutely fine and probably something I should do as well. It's when 'some posters' are singled out as the ones who will be ignored is when it gets a little dramatic around here (not saying you are doing this, SB). I mean seriously, is this 7th grade? What gets accomplished by publicly announcing you are going to ignore so-and-so's posts or not give them advice? As to fleur's point(s), I agree completely. Just keep things somewhat civil. If someone asks for my advice and then questions the validity of it, I'm likely going to respond, and it won't be (hugs), either - well, it never is, lol. And sometimes I'll admit that I'm wrong - I've done that as well.

It's extremely sad to read what she wrote because I was very much in the same position, and as terrible as it sounds, the 30-day mark was actually when things started getting worse for me because the shock had worn off. At that point in my grieving I felt a bravado that as bad as things were, I could charge through the grief, learn more about myself, and perhaps help others as well. And maybe I did, but it sure as hell was a longer and harder process than I thought it would be, and I imagine it will be for her as well. I suppose there are some lessons in life that you have to learn the hard way.

I was recently informed (in a nice way) by the woman I am dating that it unnerved her when I spoke about 'my wife' instead of using my late wife's name. She suspected it had psychological undertones that indicated I was not ready to move forward. We had a nice conversation that helped us both, and I've since made sure to use my late wife's name when talking about her. These issues are going to pop up, and it relieved me greatly that she brought it up right away rather than letting it fester.

Five wives all having a bad day? I doubt it'd be your toes you'd be hanging by. :'(

It's where he wants to put his pernis, silly. :-[

This is a tough one. On one hand, depression is a chemical imbalance and it's not 'her fault' that she has to battle it. On the other hand, I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't hesitate to enter a relationship with someone who had ANY physical ailment that affected their mood the way depression can. With that said, though, depression can be dealt with through medication and other means, so she's not necessarily defenseless.

^^^ Wow, very well said.

Paging whiteirony...come in, whiteirony...

This was my first thought as well. A civil court is is likely the best place to actually punish this dude.