serpico

This would likely only happen if things weren't explained to her, which I'm sure isn't the case. I think as she gets older, it will be more of a 'hey, this is sorta unique and cool' quality that she'll be proud of. And she should be!

Simi, That was heart-wrenching, but thanks for posting. I certainly wouldn't consider you stupid for falling into his trap. The trick now is extricating yourself, if indeed that is the best thing. It sure sounds like it, but that's up to you. Mel, I'm impressed with your thought process. I said I saw red flags but NO ONE except you can tell for sure, and despite how unsettling some of the advice on here has to have been I imagibe it has made you think, which is always good. Sincerely, Damn male Serpico

Fuckers. That's all I've got

^^^ Absolutely no reason for any ass-chewing here and what you say makes sense. To Melbar's point earlier, I agree that losing a dead spouse's Social Security income stream while gaining a potentially well-earning new spouse probably isn't a terrible trade, love and all that stuff notwithstanding.

My kids are 14, 12, and 8, so they are old enough to be left home alone. I told them pretty early on that Dad needs to get out of the house from time to time or I'll go crazy. The 8-year old in particular isn't thrilled staying home with her brothers, but I made it clear that they aren't to call unless the house is burning down But yeah, it's definitely hard to do this with kids. Even though they realize I have to get out, there is still a fair amount of guilt-tripping going on

Okay, now I'm gonna change my thoughts a little bit. There is absolutely no way any of us can know exactly what this guy's intentions are or how truthful he is being. I said there were red flags but I have no idea whether or not this guy is bad news or if he holds no accountability for his actions...and neither can anyone else.

I also agree that I recoiled when the mother gave in, though mine was at the point where she allowed the kid to go to the store even though she didn't want him to. Just tell him 'no', for crying out loud. But I'm sure we've alll made similar mistakes in giving in. I don't care much for calling the police in either of the circumstances, though. If the kids were throwing rocks at cars while walking home from the park, sure, but not just BECAUSE they were walking home by themselves. And the kid in the car? If I came upon such a situation I'd be curious and probably wait by the car, but unless it was clear the child was in distress there is no way I'd call the police.

Not widow-related, but still very thought provoking: http://www.salon.com/2014/06/03/the_day_i_left_my_son_in_the_car/ I found this while reading a similar story about a couple who got in trouble for letting their kids walk home: http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/maryland-couple-want-free-range-kids-but-not-all-do/2015/01/14/d406c0be-9c0f-11e4-bcfb-059ec7a93ddc_story.html Because I have three kids of my own and I am the sole decision-maker (hey, THERE'S the widow part!), I'm sort of intrigued by the Helicopter Parent vs. Free Range Parent debate. Thoughts?

I think the 'let it go' advice is great, but maybe not practical. I was in a similar situation after my wife was killed and it drove me crazy, so I did some digging. Other than some credit card debt and a related savings account that I didn't know about, it was all very innocuous, but I had to know and 'letting it go' would not have been possible.

My wife was unable to donate to due overseas travel soon before she was killed, but before finding that out I was given a lot of information and part of the process was flying her to a large city for the harvesting process. No mention was ever made of any cost to me, and I can't fathom how that could be the case. I haven't seen anything directly related to this issue addressed online, but the www.organdonor.gov site is pretty clear... Are there any costs to my family for donation? No. Your family pays for your medical care and funeral costs, but not for organ donation. Costs related to donation are paid by the recipient, usually through insurance, Medicare, or Medicaid.

Nope, not your business. It's probably best that you stay out of it.

My world is about to topple completely over ( ), but I think I agree with Sugarbell pretty much all the way here. And Mel, you may not like hearing this, but I don't think it's YOUR insecurity at work here. When two people with mindsets as different as SB and me see the same red flags, it means they're flying tall and whipping madly in the breeze. I hope like hell this guy is the real deal and we're all wrong about him, but something doesn't seem right.

If you haven't refinanced already, bought a house recently, or are close to paying yours off, consider refinancing your mortgage. Rates are still historically very low, and depending on your balance and the level of closing costs, you can save a lot of money even by trimming a half a point or so off your current rate.

Eight, in a house of four (he said, cringing). The three in the kids' rooms aren't hooked up to cable, though. I can't conceive of getting rid of cable, even though I probably haven't watched a full TV show in years.

I would give them either a literal or figurative kick in the ass. No one can take advantage of you without your permission. Right now, it sounds like you're giving them permission.

Sort of, but not if you ask for a new one... https://mygift.giftcardmall.com/FAQ#faq_8

Do all (single) men still only want one thing? Sure, and all (single) women are only looking for a sugar daddy. Generalizations are fun! ;D

That would be the extra large model

I'm not sure what your reasons were for not being able to date at these times - and they really don't matter - but I'm wondering if since you've expressed it twice in one post maybe you've done so more than that in your everyday conversations, and that's where your friend got the idea that you've sworn off men?

I'm curious about whether you knew his marital status when you accepted the date? When I started dating I was still seeing my counselor and I told her that I went on a couple dates with a woman who was separated. She told me that was fine, of course, but she asked if I realized that the woman I was dating wasn't really available. I was taken aback, thinking that separated means not married (there isn't much separatin/divorce around here), but I've come to realize that she was right. I've since avoid dating women unless they are truly available, i.e. not married. Good luck on finding that second date, though. It's not easy to find a keeper.

Hoo-ha!

Not a criticism, just a question, but why ignore the FB friend invite?

Believe it or not, you and I are sort of on the same page, Sugarbell. I'm not with anyone now, so I guess we're not on the EXACT same page, and I'm not into sex with men either, so perhaps we're on a different chapter, but hear me out... I've become comfortable with just myself and the kids and anytime a friend points someone out to me I immediately start thinking of reasons why it wouldn't work. The weird thing is, unlike what I've gathered from your posts, I would actually very much like to get married again and 'play house', as you so eloquently put it. So it's what I want, but I'm doing just about nothing to achieve what I want. Strange, huh? I think I began 'the hunt' too early in the process, burned myself out looking, and now I'm just not very impressed by what's out there. Well, whatever you decide, please know that you'll get no ((hugs)) from me! :-\

Does anyone have one? I'm looking for suggestions on which model, etc, is best. If Jesse Pinkman can have one, I can too, dammit!

^^^ Yeah, that says it all. LisaPop, trust me, there is a need for some of us accident widow(er)s to see pictures. I talked to my counselor prior to doing so and she essentially told me that my curiosity was completely normal and that NOT seeing the visuals would likely hurt me more than seeing them since they were so 'top of mind' for me. Of course every case is different, but I think JacklessSally has a good reason for her curiosity here.