Adley

Thanks Lola, she was so cool. . . words can't do her justice. I know what you mean, still being able to feel your spouse. Thank you for sharing with everyone

I'm sorry guys, I know how they just pop up. The other night I was at a neighbors who somehow came up with a large box of random wines, and told me to pick a bottle. Bam! the Portuguese wine made me tear up. He and his wife were stunned for a minute but handled it well and I just brushed it off, but I sure wasn't expecting that.

For five or six months every morning I woke from the same dream. The noise of that terrible breathing machine. So every morning my mind would replay the entire history of her being sick. The nightmare spilled over into waking time for a good while every day. Now the dreams are different, and happier. The other night we were just talking in the living room and she was standing on one foot clipping her toenails and talking like she used to do. Lol now that makes me smile. She was so funny.

Six months in I had just dropped the kids off to visit my dad for the weekend. Halfway back on the three hour trip I had to stop and get gas. I was crying. I could see all the strangers going in and out. I knew it would hurt to take it off, but it hurt to leave it on. I wasn't sure if I was being honest with myself or with other people. I didn't want them to look at me and think " happily married". AAAAGH! I pulled it off ( that's what it felt like, like pulling out an arrow or something) and sobbed for a while. I paid inside and put it back on. Took it off. It rode in the console of her minivan for months, I'd put it on every now and then when I was alone.

Hello everybody, I wish I'd found this site long ago. Thank you all for sharing your stories and encouraging words. Jessica was my lover and best friend. We were together eight years and married almost five. On our fourth wedding anniversary she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. We knew we could beat it, she was vibrant and athletic and a natural born scrapper. We did everything the doctors said, and chemo withered her away. She died in a Boston hospital seven and a half months later. I was right there with her. Our children were two, three, and five. The dreams, the sadness, the anger, the loneliness, I hear you all loud and clear. The ring, the bed, crazy comments, photos, triggers, children, lost careers, the hope, thank you all so much for sharing. You all have given me hope. To the newly widowed- just hold on for a while. Eventually you will find yourself smiling over some small thing without realizing it. Not every day at first, and maybe not for long, but it will happen and become more frequent. You can do this, there are genuine people here who have been through a similar situation. Sending you all the best, Adley.

SW Louisiana. @Captains Wife, my wife was from Fairhaven, and I fished from Buzzards Bay many times. To all, this group has been a life saver to me, thank you all so much!