BrokenHeart2

Hi Stardust Glad you came back. When did your spouse die? I'm at 4 yrs and I don't recall your nickname from the predecessor board YWBB. Many came here from there after they closed down YWBB.

Such a handsome young man Michael. I'm sure there are no words of comforting right now. Hugs to you.

Awe ATJ once again such wonderful comforting words. You're pictures are so beautiful and fitting!! And yes, I will keep on climbing! Thank you JG!! We are travelling such a similar path! May it level out soon!!

ATJ Thank you for hearing my heart, that's what you do in your special way. You posted ‘solitary confinement of the soul’ Yes it is. Soul crushing actually. I so love your connecting posts. I miss you!! I know that may sound corney but ATJ brings gifts to all of us no matter where we are.

RAM I would just like to chime in and remind you that's what we are here for!! Although some may not agree with your choices, that's not theirs to choose or judge. This board is not here to judge, we've been over judged by those that are DGI's. Some that are not so early maybe forget how it is/feels and I'm so sorry for that to you. Keep coming back please! Many of us get you!

I too have been where you were with your 2 children T2B, only it was at my nieces graduation at a restaurant. First time out to a big gathering like that, I watched the teens yakking it up while the parents were getting the bill and bantering/joking with each other about paying. Melancholy hit me, they have no idea is what I thought to myself. "Sharing the moment" yup it's just those moments that gets you sometimes. Oh I miss that life I had. Once again, it is what it is.

Well stated MissingJoan, more like BAM!! You nailed it!!

It has hit me hard today that I don't have anyone who really knows me and what I've been doing or what is happening with me. Nobody, nada and that makes me sad and lonesome even more for DH. I had a gentleman friend visit last night for dinner a drinks, first time ever happened, I knew I was safe to do this. Wow, I learned real early it wasn't a good idea, I'm no where ready for any kind of anything even after 4 yrs. He is still too much in my heart. I refrained but all I wanted to do was talk about my DH. DH was so prevalent in my mind. That's not fair to anyone, I sure would hate it if the shoe was on the other foot. So this surely was a lessons learned thing. I have a lot more work to do. I'm not actively grieving but at the same time I guess I'm just not ready for anything else yet either. That's ok though. Maybe I just need someone to rock my world the way DH did.

KMO, it may have taken longer to hammer out but hey girl, give yourself some credit, you did hammer it out!! Way to go! So what if you broke down in the car!! Good for you for letting it out because holding it all in is even worse. You're doing better than you think! I know, everything is so different now and we have/had to learn about our new selves, that's how it felt for me anyway. Hugs to you.

I am agreeing with Trying. You've been clear so if he doesn't want to respond that's his loss!

Yes, everything Trying said! Before I met DH I went on my one and only ever blind date. I got to the restaurant and the guy had a big gold tooth right there in the front. I thought, so what I'm here now anyway. Well, all he did was want to talk about what a bitch he ex wife was. That's what did it for me. No more blind dates for me.

Yes JG good analogy and I get it so well. I have been thinking lately about how it is different for me too at just over 4 yrs. Early out I really never thought I'd get here and I am so thankful that I am. "Where did it come from?" Probably all those things you stated. Remember early out each one of those things would bring on the onslaught and now it seems, most of the time anyway for me, it is cumulative before the onslaught happens. To having more "grip-less" days!! Hugs

Could shoulda woulda please try not to let that eat you up. As for the council lying, I went for a year. No shame in that. Mine helped me to process it at my own pace. She was wonderful and I was so glad I went. Way to go Mac! Hugs

Hi Mac. I am so sorry for your loss of your dear wife. Welcome to the group that nobody wants to belong to and we're glad you found us. Apologizes are certainly not necessary here because we get what you're going through. We are or have been there. I am 4 yrs out and I know I was right where you are back then. Please remember to drink lots of water as crying is dehydrating. I don't think I ever cried so much in my life after I lost DH (Dear Husband). If you want to come here and just talk about anything that's in your head, go ahead and do that. You will find that someone somehow can totally relate while others may not because although we have the loss of our spouse as common our grief is unique as we all are Showered and brushed your teeth every day, you're doing a lot better than I did. I just didn't give a crap until I had to because...well we won't go there LOL Remember to breathe Mac and come back and also read others posts, I found that helped me, it just may help you Hugs to you Mac.

Hi Candice. Maybe you're typing this to help get it out of your head and that's a good thing. I hope you got to fall back to sleep. How about getting back into your own bed with the big teddy bear, that may help you sleep. After DH died I bought a body pillow. I was so used to throwing my leg over DH when sleeping. All of it is just off in so many ways that we need to find something new to make it work. Could it also be the anticipation of his upcoming birthday? That wouldn't surprise me at all. Many of us on here has experienced just this coming up on those birthday/anniversary dates that sets our minds reeling days before. Now that I am finally able to read books again I find reading make me sleepy. Thank God for that. I hope you find what works for you! Hugs

And you did it again!! Beautifully said ATJ! Thank you!

Hey Mrs. Reader, I came across an article and thought of your post from the other day. I came on here and saw that the thread took a serious spin for a bit so on a lighter note, if it happens, statistically you picked a good month!! LOL. http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/06/05/june-one-night-stand_n_16957250.html Good luck on whatever you decide to do!! Hugs

Way to go RAM! I have discovered over time that a lot of times the anticipation turns out to be worse than the actual event. The timing of the ambulance certainly doesn't help. You did it and now its time as you say "making new happy memories with my family"!! Hugs and blessing to you and your family!

Congratulations Marion!!!

Thank you ATJ! Your once again beautiful response brought happy tears. Yes, my path is finally starting to even out with some hope and faith to the future. I remember early out how I just loved your posts with your comforting words and beautiful pictures that reminded me that life wasn't all grey in my darkest times. I hope you come back to widda more often, you are missed! Hugs and blessings to you!

A Tout Jamais, I echo WifeLess about seeing your beautiful posts after so long! The video 'I remember" sounds passionate but I don't know what she is singing. I hope you and Ginger are doing well!! Hugs

If you decide to tag her in let her know how it's difficult for you to talk about DH at certain times and why. By the sound of it that may just scare her off again. I don't know but after what I've been through, and all of us here as well, I don't have much of a problem just being straight with what I need and if they don't like it that's fine by me. I'm not flippant with them the way it may sound here but my tolerance for BS is pretty low. Good luck with whatever you decide to do KK. Hugs to you!

Good for you KK! That's right too many think they know how we should grieve. Fuck em!!

Yes, me too! I did go to the funeral with her and when she brought it up I told her I didn't want to talk about it. What's the point, there is no point because she doesn't understand and won't listen anyway. I will not bring up my DH with either sisters again. That's the crazy part, I hadn't in so long and the one time I do, that's what happened so I'm not willing to go there any more. Our relationships were forever changed when they weren't there for me for so long so it is what it is.

Hey Monique, truth is I remember feeling all of this too early on. You nailed it! Something I read that resonated with me was " if you're going through hell, keep going". Believe or not, that helped to get me through some pretty dark days. Oh, and the people here to of course. Hugs