BrokenHeart2

Haven't slept well the past few nights so hopefully and nice hot tub and sleep. Before that I'll do up the dishes too. Saturday nights certainly aren't what they used to be. Just watching "Shall We Dance?". Oh would I love to be doing that instead!! Sweet dreams to all my wids!

Oh SD, I am so sorry for the loss of your DH. I remember only too well those early mornings when you wake up and then.... remember. Welcome to the group nobody wants to join but we are glad you found us. This board is so full of amazing caring people that have been where you are today but only in their own way. When you are feeling like nobody 'gets you' just remember someone/some many here will get it and there is such tremendous support here too. Post when you need it! Early out for my this board was my literally my lifeline. Yeah, it made me feel a bit crazy when people told me I was so strong. Really? Um, if only you really knew. But we have no choice, we keep going on and you know what I've come to learn at over 4 yrs.... hell yeah, we are widow strong. I believe only those of us that's been through it will get this. Giant gentle hugs to you.

A lot of great responses to my original question, thanks folks!! Before this has a chance to go off the rails again I am requesting one of the moderators to please close this thread to anymore posts. I hope everyone has a nice rest of their weekend. Hugs

Well said JG! Very thoughtful!!

My stepson came for a visit today. I haven't seen him in 6 months since he moved out west and he's home for a visit. He has cut his hair right down and his receding hairline is very noticeable, just like his father had. He is now near the same age as when I met DH. We had a really great visit up until. We were sitting at the table and he was sitting where DH always sat. His mannerisms are so predominate now he is so much like his father. Right out of the blue while I was talking I looked at him and the way he looked back at me I felt like a lightning bolt hit me. For a split second I felt like I was talking to DH. With his beard now trimmed the same, the way he was sitting, his lazy eye, the black tee shirt on, everything, it was like the perfect storm and I just started to cry. I was freaked out by it and I'm sure I freaked him out too. I told him what happened, quickly composed myself and got on with it. I'm sure he must think I'm nuts and I kind of feel like I am too. I have been feeling unsettled about it since. The ache of missing him has welled up so much. Has this ever happened to any of you?

My DH loved to put his arm around my waist when we walked. I loved that. I think holding hands is a symbol of connection. Sure hope I get that again some day.

OOT I couldn't agree more. There was so much we took for granted only to realize how much we miss those little gestures that came so naturally to show our love.

320s I would say it is probable but I'm not doctor. You have had to deal with so much since you lost your DH that it wouldn't surprise me if all your grieving was suppressed. Isn't that what delayed grieving is? I have always read that eventually the grief will surface somehow. Maybe that's what's happening now. Congratulations on 5+ yrs clear!! I'm sorry you are going through this now. Gentle hugs.

kae please come back often and read and post as much as you like. I have found so many people here on this site that their words resonate with me so much as well. I know how you feel about crying in Costco. Been there done that. Hugs to you.

I'm just curious if anyone knows why this board is so quiet over the past long while. I can remember it used to always had a ton of posts. YWBB was always busy back in the day. Your thoughts???

Alrighty then, now back to this regularly scheduled thread as it should be. It's been over 4 yrs and holy shit do I have skin hunger, no more like skin starvation!! The crazy thing is if it was presented to me I really have no idea what I would do. It could go one way or another! I sure know what I need LOL!

Well said Adley. And another factor could be a lack of something else LOL

And that rain is heading this way into Ontario for tomorrow. Just got in from a lovely dinner with my neighbors, a really great couple that I went with on Wed night and played...get this....car bingo . Yup, car bingo here and believe or not we really had a fun time. I'll be heading to bed shortly. A friend died yesterday and I'm going to see his widow tomorrow morning and spend some time with her. Hugs to all my wids!!

Thank you MD17 for sharing your journey with us. I'm envious

Yes things certainly did for me look so very differently around that 8-9 month time frame. It was very dark,lonely and painful time and place. There was a statement on YWBB that I read and helped to sustain me at the time. "If you're going through hell, just keep going" Winston Churchill. I realized that I wasn't alone in hell and others kept going and so can I and you can too. Keep going. It didn't stay that hell for me and I pray it doesn't for you. You can do this and you're not alone although you probably feel at many times that you are. We are here to listen and help how we can. I don't know what I would have done without all the amazing caring people here that helped me survive hell. Hugs to all of us. XO

Wow. I haven't dreamt of DH in so long. I sure would like to have one!

Chiming in here at a quarter of the way into year 4 and you all echo how I feel as well. I'm trying to find a new way for myself but still have that "how can this be my life" feeling and thoughts every now and again. POAP yes this... "It's sad that - that life seems so far away- like it never was- even though it was 20 years together". This time of year for me is kind of sad too as it was DH's favorite time of year. Summer ending and him getting excited and prepping for hunting season. Today is a colder overcast fall kind of day and this morning all of that rushed over me. Thankfully its not as long or dark as it used to be. Hugs to all.

Wow. Euf your writing and poems are amazing. Thank you. Hugs on these rough August days.

Yes, DT I have a thought. I know just how you feel because the very same thing happens to me on the weekends. I am constantly the one to reach out but sometimes you just get damned tired do that too. Hugs

That is uncalled for serpico.

Jen, I also didn't see anything wrong with what you posted. I have to admit I had a problem with the comment about widdowbagos not happening enough (not made by you). I certainly do not want anyone thinking they are get together's for anything other than support and friendship. Especially for the newbies since this is not a known term. Plus they/we are vulnerable enough as it is which could turn people off checking out a bago some time. Hugs to all.

Yes it is nice to remember those little things just between the 2 of you. I remember early out when I remembered those little moments it hurt like hell. It's different for me now and it makes me smile. Now and again it hits. I remember at about 4 months being told by a "friend" that I'm getting better. I wanted to say "Um ok, I don't have a cold don't ya know" I get when you say "strange and painful set of words" It is so unbelievable isn't it. Hugs to you Bromans

No, it didn't happen.

Drafter, I'm sorry for the loss of your wife. My DH to died of lung cancer. I don't understand why you think her family should be able to have some control over the house you and your wife purchased together and lived for 20 yrs. Just because your state law doesn't recognize common law I hope your wife's family do the right thing by you and turn all of it over to you. Hugs

Good luck Frederick. I found the 4th year for me smoothed out somewhat and I hope that happens for you! Hugs