BrokenHeart2

Way to go JG. Yes it is another difficult thing to do and glad to hear you got through it relatively ok. You struck a cord with me about the suits, tags on clothes and the names on his work shirts. Yup, sounded like my DH's closet. I too kept some of his clothes to wear as well. Loved his flannel shirts lol although way to big on m they are comfy on those cold nights. Another step in the process and we all do it in our own time. Hugs to you.

Well Roshy, if Grandma thinks throwing a late cheque at your son is going to be enough the joke is on her. I don't blame you at all for being done with them. As my old pa used to say "they made their bed now let them lay in it". It all sucks. Hugs

Sometimes you just need to sit with it. Hugs to you Calimom.

Way to go klim!! Don't you just love when these stupid corporations try to dictate to you what should be done. I'm glad to hear that you like to buck the system (yes, I meant to put a b there LOL) I will be selling so I figured I may as well get it done.

Hey NT way to go!! Glad you had a good time with him!! Keep us posted on your progress! Some of us are living vicariously through you brave ones!!

Hi Monique I'm sorry to hear you are having this hard time with your parents. I know for me at 4 months I was pretty raw with my emotions. How about just giving it some time and see what happens? I certainly understand your anger with your Mom that's for sure. As for your in-laws, I'm not surprised that you can talk to you MIL and she can relate. She sounds like a very compassionate woman and she too is in immense pain as well. Maybe that's why you can talk to her with ease. Be gentle with yourself and take things slowly. You'll get there all in good time. Hugs.

Hugs KK. I understand how hurtful and hard all of this is.

I am so sorry you are going through this right now. I know this isn't the same but here is a big giant smooshy hug from me. Believe it or not you will get through this. Remember you are Widda Strong!! You've already been through the worst. Another hug never hurts! Hugs to you.

Careful what you pray for!! So sorry to hear this. I'm sure that's not what you were praying for anyway. Please just remember...... this too shall pass. Hugs

KK, I'm sorry you are having to endure this at your lowest point. It's their issue, not yours. You don't need to put up with this shit. My 2 SILs have their issues and they are now out of my life and as sad as it made me at the time it is liberating to me now. I have learned that is my old life, whether I like it or not. I have no room for BS anymore and I've learned that's not a bad thing. Yes, it hurts right now for many various (and unbelievable) reasons but in time it will soften and you will grow in ways you never expected. Blessings and hugs to you.

Thanks folks. Yeah it is hard. I guess I just didn't expect my reaction and it took me for a loop. I do feel better that it is finally done! Hug to you all!!

Hey NT, are you sure the 1st one was 16 not 61? LOL Is there any chance you could talk to the woman you know. Maybe find out a bit about him? If not, why not meet for coffee? Hey, you just never know!! Good luck!

So I finally did it. Today I had my second visit with the lawyer, signed all the papers and the house is in my name only now. On the way home I felt like I have betrayed him by taking his name off the deed. How insane is that? I cried all the way home. WTF, it's been a bit over 4 years and I'm still feeling this crazy shit. As hard as it's going to be, I am even more convinced that it will be good for me when I sell and find a house in town.

Hug to you Maureen.

Van Morrison - Reminds me of you.

Great article Bunny, thanks! Ah yes, all those judgy people! I don't have room in my life for that kind anymore.

KK you describe this so well. 'This layer' that underlies your life right now. Yes, I too have that layer you are describing. Early out and I am referring to a few years out (I'm at just over 4 yrs now) that layer was pretty thick and I felt just as you are describing and wondered if I will always feel like this. I have come to find that the layer has thinned or I have just learned to live with it and not let it be as predominant in my life. I still have my days but they are different now. I know we are all different in our grief and I hope your layer thins in time as well. As Katie so well states 'let the good days be good.' Its taken me a lot longer than I thought it would but that has started to happen for me and for that I am thankful. Hugs

Thanks KK that was too good! LOL "cheese, bread...oh crap my husband is dead. I totally forgot!'" Nothing more to add LOL

To Abby78 and all of you so new in the sad journey, my heart goes out to you. We are or have been where you are and you are not alone in this although it sure may feel that way. We get it because we've been there too. I was so thankful when early out I found this forum (well it was it's predecessor YWBB) and it's has helped me so much to not feel crazy and alone. We are all crazy together lol. Seriously, read and/or share here and you will almost always find that someone has had a similar experience in one way or another. Hugs.

Hi ST I don't cry anymore when I look at DH picture. For the longest time I couldn't even look at it because that's all I would do is cry. I'm thinking it may be acceptance that yes this is real, he is gone. I now get a warm feeling when someone recalls a memory of him (unfortunately that doesn't happen enough) or see a picture of him. I do still have my sad times but they aren't as low or as long as they were early out. I didn't know if that deep dark feeling would ever lighten and it seems to be happening and for that I am thankful. Early out when someone would tell me it wouldn't always be that way I couldn't imagine it not and bothered me. What I've realized is that at some point though we need to turn and look towards the future and try to rebuild our lives and not let our significant loss be our major focus. Kind of like what my signature says. I guess that's what it means to me. Hugs.

You are so right Winnie. We get through them one day at a time. I still don't like holidays anymore. Hugs to you.

I am Catholic. I wasn't a practicing Catholic before DH died. I was too angry with God after for almost 3 yrs. I had a shift in my anger with God and started back to mass. Over the past year and a bit my faith has strengthened more that ever in my life. I turn to God for guidance, strength, grace etc in handling situations I think are beyond me and it has helped tremendously. I am very thankful. I have joined committees and have met many wonderful caring parishioners. And like JeanGenie I too believe in heaven.....

Happy Independence Day to all my American Wids!! Once again JG we were thinking the same thing LOL I logged in to wish you all a happy day and there you go doing it too! Sorry you had your down time as well. It's always hard when they leave, such an empty feeling. I'm envious you have wids around to celebrate!! Have a great time all of you! Hugs to you Maureen.

So sorry Meemzie. Yes the guilt is another thing to deal with in this horrible journey. Bunny, you nailed it with the comment about the way other people will 'help you' figure it out. Suicide, cancer whatever the disease. In DHs case he died from lung cancer, yup first question out of their stupid mouth is did he smoke? Really, so what if he did? He didn't but asking that stupid question is like implying he deserved it if he smoked. My guilt is that I'm a stupid smoker, then the next thing people say is then it's from your second hand smoke. Wow, that sure makes me feel better, only once again, no, I never smoked in the house. Usually by this point I want to tell them to shut their stupid pie hole but I don't. Only 20% of lung cancer patients smoked. Stigmas are so hard to break And then again you nailed it by saying "says everything about them and nothing about our partners" yes, yes and yes thank you for that Bunny! Gentle hugs Meemzie

Here's my opinion, since you asked If you know you probably won't get anything from the contractor, end it and heal, take the extra money you won't spend fighting him in court and the patio money to buy your trailer. I'd keep the trailer as my zen den if I were you. I'd also tell the boys they are not welcome there until they grow up. Why do you have a grown man (albeit young) working full time living in your home for free? You aren't doing him any favors by allowing this to happen. Living at home and paying rent is a good way to start to learn how to take financial responsibility for themselves. Give him a rent amount he is to pay and a timeline to pay it. His options, 1-pay or 2-get his own place. If he chooses option 2 he will very quickly learn how good he had it. Lay it out for both of them, you are not their maid and enough is enough. You will no longer tolerate the messes they create. They clean up after themselves and stay out of your booze or else..... option 2. Remember though, you can't make these demands without following through or they will keep doing the same thing over and over knowing there are no consequences. Yup, that's what my Mom called "tough love" and she raised us 6 kids on that and I had the gift of her lessons to pass on to my 2 stepkids. Yes, I consider it a gift. Best of luck to you NT!! I know it's never easy and especially when you don't have DH to back you up! Hugs