sdarrah1130

I technically haven't been "widowed" twice however, my boyfriend before my husband died while we were sort of still dating. Jamie and I dated for 5 years and I actually thought at some point we would marry when he was clean. He fell into a drug habit with dire consequences. I tried for a little over a year to help him get clean. We got an apartment together the last year and I ended up moving out about 6 weeks before he died. I went to pick him up to take him to work and his friend said the hospital called and wouldn't speak to anyone but me. He was shot and killed 3 days before Christmas 2000. The craziness of the situation is my DH & Jamie were friends. We all hung out together during and after high school. My DH and I rekindled our relationship (we dated for 2.5 years before Jamie) about 6 weeks after Jamie passed away. When DH died, I thought "I know how to handle this grief stuff" not realizing it at the time (hind sight) but my DH pretty much heald me up through the grief of losing Jamie.

I still slept on "my side" at my old house with old bed. However, I did/do have a pillowcase made out of one of his flannels that I sleep with. I would find my self waking up on "his side" or close to middle. When I started dating NG, I would not let him into my bedroom/bed. We always slept in the spare room. 15 months later, New house, new furniture, new mattress. Now I am forced to sleep on "his side" due to configuration. It doesn't bother me at all and most of the time I end up in the middle of the bed sprawled out and I still sleep with the flannel pillow (except when NG is over).

WOW I feel/felt the exact same way excluding the parenting part. "My current relationship provides me with both emotional and physical intimacy that I had been missing since the early years of my marriage. But DH was family, we were co parents, we had history, we had a tight social circle ( that is mostly gone now), I could always count on him, and we had a comfortable rhythm to our life together. Two completely different relationships, two men I love. " NG is also widower and has 4 girls- 18, 16, 14, 9.

My nieces and nephews always remember DH in his work uniform. I found a lady who made teddy bears out of the shirts for each of the kids for Christmas. All except the oldest (boy 17) I had her make a pillow for him. They each had their names embroidered on the foot along with his ont he other foot.

1. Facebook has an option to change your relationship status to widow. Has anyone done this? 2. Has anyone changed their relationship status to "in a relationship" when dating again? I just don't know how to approach the subject. UGH!!

I don't know if this question has been posted somewhere else so I am throwing it out there. February 26, 2016 will mark 1 year since E has been gone. Many of my family members and friends have asked if will be closing his FB account. Has anyone done this? I have his sign-on and password and am sure I could close the account. I am just not sure if I want to. Any suggestions or thoughts on the subject. Thanks,

About a month ago, I joined match.com just to see what it was like out there in the dating world. More for curiosity than anything else. I happened upon a gentleman who's profile pic had a shammrock in it (E was irish and I see shammrocks in weird places) so I thought I would check him out. Ends up he is a widower for a little over a year. We started emailing/texting and found we have an incredible amount in common (other than losing spouses). We have been talking/texting and seeing each other for about 3 weeks. I have extremely strong feelings for him. So weird. I am actually having dinner with my MIL on Thursday to discuss the situation and let her know I guess, I am seeing someone. I am exteremely anxious about this discussion mainly afraid of how she will react. I am all over the place today with thoughts. Thinking that I am forgetting E, that maybe I am moving too fast, E and NG thoughts intermingle, etc. Sorry just needed to vent and see if anyone has advice.

I am not sure how I started binge watching the show Switched at Birth on ABC Family. I was on one episode where the son (19) had gotten divorced and was talking to his new "friend". She said something about calling a friend to do something and his reply really struck a cord/hit me hard. He said "there's a million people to do something with. But, there's just nobody to do nothing with. That's, uh, what I miss" I think this might be the way MANY of us feel but don't/didn't know how to put the feelings into words.

So, it has been about 7 1/2 months since E passed away. I have noticed in the last few weeks that being alone in my house doesn't feel weird any longer. I don't look at the clock at 7:30 PM and wonder if he will be home soon. I don't get freaked out about noises. I don't think about having to hurry in the shower cause he has to get in after me or if there will be hot water when I get in. It feels semi normal to get into bed alone and the dogs are there. I have been on anti-depressants for about 2 months and I am wondering if it's the meds are taking some of those feelings away or if I am just really adjusting. Anyone else have these feelings around this time or meds blocking/diminishing the feelings? I know the meds are supposed to help with the diminished feelings but I almost feel guilty for not feeling sucky. UGH. I'm confused.

We (my family, mom, sister, brother) are thinking about a cruise. E hated the beach so it would be a great distraction and I will have my main support with me.

What will you do for 1 year? I have a few months until the 1 year mark (02/26/2016) and I am thinking about a vacation that week. I think it is a good idea to be away and not focus on the "this time last year" but I am feeling a bit guilty to be "enjoying" myself on vacation. UGH! What to do.........

What did you do for 1 year? I have a few months until the 1 year mark (02/26/2016) and I am thinking about a vacation that week. I think it is a good idea to be away and not focus on the "this time last year" but I am feeling a bit guilty to be "enjoying" myself on vacation. UGH! What to do.........

My first bago was in April 2015 at 8 weeks out. I connected with a few widows from OH, PA, NY & MI. I was terrified! I am a social person by nature so the "being terrified" was very unusual for me. As soon as I walked into the restaurant and started speaking with everyone, I KNEW I found new friends.

you are interviewing a potential new hire. start to explain the job, ramble on for 3 minutes and then can't remember what you were originally explaining.

I took all my rings off one night to play softball (as I usually do) but I only put his back on my left middle finger. This was about 3 weeks ago at 4.5 months out. I am still rubbing my left ring finger

anyone? anyone?

I share this date too. This is the day in 1992 that I actually started "dating" my husband. We dated 3 years, broke up 5 years, got back together in 2001 and got married in 2002. The day he passed away, the vision I had in my head was of this day and his stupid red dew rag.

So, this is how my day actually went...... Sushi for lunch one of our favorites and where we last went for sushi for our anniversary. Went to get nose pierced but then realized it proably was NOT a good day for it as I had been crying off and on all day. Snot does NOT promote healing. I did end up with a new tattoo. 4 leaf clover with his signature on my right forearm. I know this is probably not the best placement on myself for a tattoo however, this is where E's black 4 leaf clover was located and it just seemed right. Met my SIL at the Dr office to see how my niece was coming along. My SIL is due on June 13, 2015 and I was convinced over the weekend she was going to have the baby on Wed. No luck...... Dinner at my MIL house with the whole Fam Damily..... It was emotional, sad and happy at the same time. I came to find out my BIL went fishing that morning. I miss E with all of my heart every minute of every day. Happy Birthday my love!!

So my plan for the day is as follows. This morning I am watching SuperTroopers. This is/was one of E's favorite movies. If you have never seen it you NEED to. This afternoon I will be getting my nose pierced even though E would have hated it. I have wanted to do this for a while and never did. I am hoping while I am there I can get a small black 4 leaf clover tattoo with E's signature. Lunch I will be eating McDonalds Quarter Pounder with Cheese meal. Dinner will be spent with his family cooking out and having peanut butter pie for dessert.

A year ago E turned 40 in Ballyvaughn Ireland. Tomorrow would be is 41st and I want to do something. I am having a hard time figuring out what to do. I was going to get a memorial tattoo but the artist tried to tweak the design and couldn't figure it out. I would love to go fishing (something he loved) but I don't have anyone to put the worm on the hook (he used to do it for me, I have a weird fear of worms) E also probably would have spent the day at home relaxing, playing PS4 and vegging out. I DO NOT want to do this as I have been doing WAY TOO MUCH of this lately. Any suggestions??

The past 2 weeks/weekends have been particularly rough and emotional for me. E always helped me with the house work and yard work on his days off. I have been feeling overwhelmed at the amount of things that I have to take care of by myself. So, I have to post that I cleaned the carpet in my bedroom today. I moved all of the furniture myself and will be buying new bedding, curtains and sheets. I just need a bright, cheery, smells good (3 dogs) bedroom.

My E and I are campers. I have planned a trip with our camping friends the first weekend in June at our favorite campground. I fee the same nervousness and anxiety to go to the place where we would sneak off to "get away from the world" Good Luck!

Lately I've been feeling everytime I go out people are looking at me. Like I have a big stamp on my forehead that says widow. I know it's probably just me but does anyone else feel this way?

It will be 11 weeks on Thursday. I think I'm at some type of turning point and am not handling it well. I don't know where I am today, yesterday, this weekend, tomorrow. I have had a rough one. Nothing specifically has triggered me and it is frustrating. I had a melt down over cutting the grass. Not that I didn't want to do it, it is that E is supposed to help me..... he trims while I cut. We tag team. Cleaning my house is the same way. Tag team. E dusts the bedroom while I clean the bathroom. E does the dishes and I wash the floor. I just don't even want to do it if he's not helping me. 3 weeks ago this type of stuff would have been done because I don't have a choice in the matter, "it Needs to be done"

I was actually thinking about posting something like this on my way to work this morning. I am waiting fo the Emotional accptance to hit me. Logically I know he is physically gone but I just can't seem to move the shoes from thier spot on the stairs because of the emotional attachment to the fact that that is where E left them, I have had days where the emotions take over and I just want to do nothing. I wonder if this is still shock/denial. Waiting for the emotions to catch up with the logic??