Needytoo

Quixote I think she might have a little bit of an ego problem. I worked in vet medicine for over 20 years and wow did I see the "experts" in everything. But there is that side of me which kinda understands her side, because as we know there is always two sides to a story. Had a guy invite me over for a bonfire on his second sentence. Just doesn't seem right.

Was stood up again by one legged man. Go ahead laugh, I am. Was chatting with this other guy that said he just moved to the area. I noticed he was always showed that he was online. I finally asked what he did for a living, he then fessed up he was unemployed. Next. This brings up a question. I have had a few guys ask what I do for a living. It does rub me wrong especially when they haven't even asked my name yet. But then again it is a question that you ask people? Any comments on this? I just don't think I am asking the correct questions and waste so much time.

Did you apply?

My heart goes out to you.

My friend did sign up for the weekend but her words were still eating me alive so I went back into counseling. I know this sounds very strange thing to do, but I just couldn't shake that horrible feeling. This therapist was new but I had no problem opening up to her. Generally I find therapy a little draining but I felt so much lighter after our appointment. My friend and I drove to the retreat together. It was a spiritual retreat with a lot of focus on native Indian culture. The other ladies were fantastic and I just felt I could be myself. I even met two ladies that worked with my husband that was just icing on the cake. I had a few ladies do tarot cards readings and even had tea leaf reading all with very positive results. My friend's hers wasn't all the great. At the end we all pulled a name to say a positive comment. The native spiritual leader got mine and she just blew me away with her very kind comments. I pulled the name of one of the ladies that worked with my husband, shed some tears on that one. My friend pulled a name of the retreat organizer and her comment was a little off and everyone felt it. Then my friend got her comment. The lady that got her's said she has to speak the truth and just laid into her. She said she didn't appreciate being reprimanded all weekend by her. Very awkward moment but it sure opened up my eyes a little more. This sounds really horrible but I had no empathy for her at all. The lady was speaking the truth, just wish I saw the truth earlier. So guess I am not going insane.(wish is a plus) We will see how are friendship goes from here. I have texted her a few times and haven't heard back. I understand but I have to say I feel fantastic. This weekend I am going to the relay for life with a few ladies I met last weekend. Very glad I went. thanks everyone

Me too.

I think you should count your blessing on that one Momtojandj. I have been continuing on getting advice from one lady online on how to date over 40. She has some great advice and then some times she contradicts herself, but lets face it life is unpredictable and there is no magic formula to this online dating thing. I am also reading Deeper Dating, so far really has nothing about dating but how to get in touch with yourself. I have been having some other life issues this week and avoiding the whole online dating thing. The guy who has an amputated leg is still messaging me and I have no idea what to say to him. I really like hiking and it might be something he can't do but I have been doing it by myself and really enjoying it so is it an issue? My brain can't decide. He loves motorcycles and I am a bit terrified of them. The other guy I have been chatting with decided to end it, he is chatting with another lady and he said it is serious. Oh well. Last night was back on there and do these guys actually read what they put in their profile. I agree profile writing is difficult but when they just write they like the outdoors or when it is totally full of negatives it is very hard to strike up a conversation.

My son decided not to attend his graduation. His decision I have to respect it. After graduation I returned to my office to find a gift on my desk from my two SIL for my son for graduating. I had no idea they were going to attend. I called her to thank her and she gave me such a blast. I wanted to scream at her but in a calm voice I told her maybe Nicholas would have come if he knew there was family members in the audience, and she could have called us. She then went on that I should have refused to go on stage and that I am a basically a horrible parent. Guess I am, but she has a son who is transgender and has such strong anxiety he barely leaves his room. Do I bring that up, no because it isn't appropriate. People are crossing my boundaries big time. My son opened his gift. It was a picture of his father. Not sure what the point of that was? I normally don't dream but last night was dream after dream. I have this according dream of turtles and dreams of being in a crowd and being totally invisible. Weird. Today I am going on a hike and hopefully don't don't get eaten too badly by black flies and try to just let this all go.

Today had a very hard time pulling myself out of bed. I just don't want to face what we call life. Just too much going on right now and I am feeling so exhausted. Maybe, Maureen it is anxiety or anger or a mix of both not liking what every it is. My son is going to go to his graduation and there will be no one so take his picture when he gets his degree. Getting really sick of this reality slaps. Thanks again listening to my whine, and I plan on buying a bottle of wine.

Ever have one of those weeks where everyone needs your attention all at the same time. Co-workers, my sons, friends, bank and contractors all demanding something from me right away. And I swear they are all looking at me like I am some kind of freak because I can't deliver during when they want me too. In my mind I am telling them all off and yes I am even using swear words. My one friend that I complained about in the social forum (said she was glad she wasn't me, because I don't have friends) is trying to help me. She isn't working right now so she offered to sell our boat and camper. I thought I would have them pulled to the dump but she sold them, and I still haven't received the money. My oldest son is having some issues mentally and also physically so she has been offered suggestions to him. He isn't isn't happy with that at all. She has stepped over the line and I know there is no way I can calmly talk to her right now. I feel everyone is crossed my boundary level all at the same time. To top it off I am talking a mental health first aid course this week and I feel I have every symptom. I am complete drained, angry and even hating my husband right now. Tomorrow my son graduates college but instead of me being in the audience I am on stage to congratulate the grads from my program. Something very wrong with all of this. Yes I would like some cheese with my whine.

You are correct Portside, I do feel the online conversation should remain very light. I messaged him and told mentioned that I feel bad that he is in pain and reminded him when he is feeling better we should attempt the coffee date again. Deep down I am thinking this relationship isn't going any further than being online. That is very unsettling arneal, good thing you went with your instincts on that one. I have to say I think I received my official scammer copy and paste message. Very long message and he went on and on how beautiful I am. He is says he is a widow as well. Didn't fall for it.

I think I found out why that guy stood me up for our coffee date because he forgot. Last night he messaged me that he isn't doing very well, his prosthetics are making it very hard to walk. I don't want to sound like a shallow human being but is this something you should or shouldn't tell someone early when you are dating?

OMG Bunny!! Oh no, now I feel like a total ass. I think years ago someone did tell me this woman is bipolar. I never really thought too much into it, since I don't like gossip. Now my brain is totally stalled on this one. I sure in hell don't want to be an insensitive to mental illness. How the heck do you put that into the conversation? She texted me telling me she is now going to the women's retreat. This is just a lot of drama for me

Captain's wife, I thought I was doing so well letting things roll off my back but wow not lately. Maybe it was the counseling that has opened up those old wounds again but not liking it one dam bit. Got a text last night 10 minutes before yoga was going to start that she wasn't going to make it. And then she sent me this extremely long text that how tired she was because of the weekend with all her friends. Seriously?!? I really wanted to text her back maybe next time she should go on a hike by herself and have the company of mosquitos and black flies, but I didn't because I don't want sympathy. Some respect would be nice. Don't these people realize they should be grateful for what they have? Mediated for an hour last night it does help a lot. MrsDan, I am back doing the online dating thing and I think I am getting better at it. Same friend is worried that she is going to lose me to a man. At the time I said no that would never happen, but heck if you are blowing me off all the time it could happen. Three years has been the longest I have been without a special someone in my life since I was 13 years old. I actually really think I needed this time to find myself. Goal in my life is to find a true intimate partner. Thank you everyone for your words, I do feel kind of normal today and I hope it stays that way.

Survived my first weekend solo, this is the first time my kids have been gone on the same weekend. I was doing well till I got a text from the same friend that I mention previously. She asked if we are going to yoga Tuesday night and I said "sure". She then proceeded to tell me how she had friends over for a bonfire and had a great time and it felt like salt being poured in a wound. Then my brain is suck on how to reply. So instead of being totally honest and tell her I spent the weekend alone I told her that her weekend sounded great. I think you might have hit the nail on the head Captains wife, I too have a deep fear of rejection. I know part of it comes from having no support after the death of my husband but I think it even goes deeper than that. I do go out and do a lot of things solo. I have met a lot of people who I would call acquaintances and maybe a few people I would call friends. It took me a few days to get my brain to calm down after her first jab at me and now my brain is just fixated on this. How did you eventually handle the rejection Captains wife?

It was a social worker I went to see a few years ago for therapy. I remember her telling me I need to find my passion. I had no clue what the hell she was talking about. Then she went on about how I need to take care of myself first before my children. She again was speaking some foreign language. I am not sure what kind of social work you do but I am betting you have heard those words before. To make a long story short, I started doing things to find and found out I do have passion for a few things. I am still discovering myself but I am so much better. Currently reading Deeper Dating, so far it has nothing to do about dating buy finding your true self and finding your Core Gifts. Core Gifts are those things that when you do or feel you get that feeling in your chest. That person that use to love her job, she is still there but maybe she has that protective shield up. What would you tell a client to do? Big hugs to you.

Thinking of you

I am proud of you for at least communicating to her about what you feel. Something that I really have a hard time doing, but I am working at it. I really in a situation like this is always try to remain positive. For example I might have said "hey I saw on Facebook you made it to the zoo, that is great how was it? Hope you are still able to come out to the race." I think there is more going on here. When your friend said she had so much going on and you told her you are willing to help and I got the feeling she wasn't able to ask you for help pulled a bit at my heart strings. I am getting the same feeling from a few of my friends and it hurts. I really have no clear answer on this, I am going to wait and see how things develop and try to keep a clear mind.

Trying thanks for replying. That reaching out is so dam hard but I did it and then to have "I don't want to end up being like you with only a few friends" said in a flat outward manner really hurt me. But she is speaking the truth. I have another friend who has been very distant all winter as well. Memories of when there was no one are creeping back into my mind and I am not liking it at all. I mediated last night and practicing being mindful. I will still try to reach out to people when I can and be open to them. SimiRed, thank you girlfriend. I needed your words. I needed to be reminded that I am my best friend. I now feel really good that I am going to this women's retreat solo. As far as this weekend, I have it all planned out. Went to the library picked up some books and going to go hiking out on some trails that I always wanted to go on. The house is quiet but I can hear someone mowing the lawn and the birds chirping. What a perfect day it is going to be.

You go girl!! I feel the same, I am different with a few wrinkles that I am still working on. I too have to schedule things down to the minute as well. I find it interesting you do as well. I started it at first because I couldn't remember things, now I do it so I know what to look forward in the week and also make sure I get things done.

Just finished my counseling and it really opened me up on things that I have to work on. After decades of living with an alcoholic I have become a co-dependent and working very hard on changing my outlook on things. Through counseling I have been working on how to make healthy boundaries with people, asking for help and trying to open up and trust people again. All of these things my therapist said will help me to develop health long lasting relationships which I am really hoping for, since there wasn’t anyone there for me after my husband’s passing. I am also worried because of my co-dependent tendency my children might not be able to develop true intimate lasting relationships with people as well. I am developing what I considered some good female friends, although I do feel I am the one that always finding things to do. These ladies have told me many times that they are thankful and we all understand what having female friends has so many benefits. Part of me feels a little bit of a child complaining about this and I hope you will just humor me with my problem. One of my friends emailed me a link about this female retreat thing. She was so gun ho about it and I signed up for it. On Wednesday both of us attended a workshop and I saw the flier for the women’s retreat, I mentioned “hey look the flier. “ Her remark was “I am going to a friend’s cottage for that week”. I felt a huge tug on my heart strings. But thanks to a member here I remembered his words “don’t agree to do anything unless you can do it by yourself”. I believe Mac said that. I thought screw it why even mention that I signed up for it. I am very conscious when I talk to people so I don’t make them feel uncomfortable and I don’t want to hurt their feels, still not sure if that is the co-dependent showing its ugly face again. (Darn I think I answered my own question on that one) On facebook under the event tab I said I was going to this women’s event. Guess the page showed up on my friend’s facebook page. She called me and asked me why I didn’t mention it to her and I told her why. Her response was that “I don’t want to end up like you with only a few friends, that is why she I am going to my friend’s cottage”. Being a co-dependent or not I found this so hurtful, not sure how I can trust people when they do this kind of behavior. I agree who would want to be me, this is true. I cannot change my friend but what can I change about myself? I am sitting here at work waiting for 4 o'clock. People are stopping by my office asking what my plans are this long weekend. I have nothing, no planes at all. No invites nothing. The lonely bug is slapping me big time.

Thank nonesuch for your advise, I have to agree. Had a coffee date with the same guy and he was a no show. He is apologized that he totally forgot. Not sure if I totally believe it but giving him some slack. Joined a group on facebook on women over 40 dating. I have a problem with guys wanted to get together the same day and not giving me notice, then it looks like I am too busy and not approachable. Most of the people agree that you need some warning for a date and last second seems like a "booty call". But there is this one person who thinks I am so horrible that I just don't drop everything when a man asks. I am keeping myself calm with her. Interesting experience, lots of different outlooks. Now chatting with another guy and he seems human. Keeping my fingers crossed.

My husband was a master collector of junk. It wasn't just his junk but "heirlooms" that were his parents and grandparents that we had to move from one house to another house. After his passing I worked at getting rid of the clutter. My kids before his passing also hated the clutter but once I started getting rid of it they were so angry at me and in turn I got angry because they wouldn't help me. I am really believe that decluttering your life has so many benefits to it but I also realized that my children needed to be ready as well. For the last two days my sons and I have been working at it. One more closet to clean out and I can proudly say my house is clutter free. It feels amazing.

I think everyone has made very good points, but it comes down to it is Mother's Day and it is a day that our children should spend with us not us making someone else's Mother Day a wonderful day. Hugs to you.

Great news CW!! Sorry about your Friday night Momtojandj. It does seem very rude. I also had problems with guys googling me and then having their picture show up on my facebook of people I may know. It does bother me, I wish I was invisible online. Online dating and trust is a hard one that is for sure. Once I feel the person isn't a nut case I am trying to be more open, which in all honesty isn't really that open but whatever I say isn't a lie. Wonderful story nonesuch. Still chatting with this 60 year old fellow and mentioned that I am getting quotes for some renovations. I thought it was a pretty innocent ice breaker. He is giving me great advice and actually offered to come look at my windows because he use to be a contractor before his retirement. Wasn't expecting that. We still haven't met in person and I told him I would think about it. My brain has no idea what is the correct thing to do. I need to trust but I also don't want to be a chump. Or what if I go with another contractor and he thinks I am an asshole? Advise wise daters.