MissingSquish

Wiz Khalifa ft Charlie Puth "See you again" Lyrics: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/wizkhalifa/seeyouagain.html Video:

For me, it's flaking out of plans. I have been crappy about over-booking, double-booking or just losing the desire to keep plans. I give myself an out if I truly don't want to go somewhere, but I don't think its a bad thing.

That is so amazing Linda

Thanks guys. You all make the getting through heartache a lot easier knowing you have my back.

I used to dream about Squish all the time when I was much earlier out. He's appeared in fewer and fewer dreams as time has gone on. My only conclusion is that he established himself in his role in heaven (or wherever he is) and feels less of a need to communicate with me in my dreams as time has gone on. Maybe that's what's going on for you Linda? I'm not sure though.

Last Thursday morning, I had a beautiful dream of Squish standing on our front steps in his favorite boots. He was smiling and happy. I felt like I was on a cloud the rest of the day. Despite being almost 3 years out, I still get these dreams occasionally.

I'm glad you were able to clear your head a bit. Hugs!

Hugs MrsDan.

Hugs Alexswife. Anniversaries without them are really tough. I know losing Alex has torn apart your life so much. Do you have a friend or family member that you can spend some of tomorrow with? Maybe you can go for a walk or treat yourself to a manicure in his memory. Take care of yourself and do something positive for you.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and support. He has not acknowledged or responded to the message that I left for him Saturday night. Par for the course I guess. I love my widda posse.

I've ended (for real I think) my relationship with my bf. I am feeling really vulnerable, lonely and guilt-ridden over ending it. He was a great guy on paper, but in the end, I never really knew how I stood with him. He was overcommitted with work and volunteering, and it left me with little of his energy or his time. I have put way more effort into this relationship in some ways than even my relationship with Squish. I am so tired of not having a genuine connection with someone, and I'm tired of having sex only once a year in the past two years. I don't understand why this has to be so hard.

Amazing day! Loved hanging out with everyone.

I went to ballet again this morning .

Grief and life ebbs and flows. The only thing that is constant is that everything changes. There will be bad day and times and good days and times. Hang in there, we're all rooting for you!

Have tea at the Plaza hotel.

I went today with my dog to her house. It was ok, and the accommodations were in place for my dog. MrsDan is correct; my dog is all I have left of my husband and our life together. I have no children and my family hasn't been very supportive of me since he died.

I went to the cemetery this afternoon and left some flowers there. I haven't been since thanksgiving last year.

Thank you all for your perspective. I have spoken to her and am planning on going tomorrow.

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate the advice and support. I do feel like I'm constantly being baited and switched with her. I spoke to my mom, and she was backpedaling about my dog being able to stay at her house during brunch. She was making excuses again about her stupid plants but said that she'd move them. I said I'd stop by and try to attend, but I'm fairly sure that it's going to be a waste of my time and that I'll have to turn around. I am so torn still. I hate the backlash, but I also hate being alone when there aren't many places open for the holiday to eat.

Holidays always bring up a lot of anxiety for me, always have. Many of my worst memories of childhood centered around the holidays for many different reasons. As many of you know, my family and I do not have the best relationship, but Squish seemed to help smooth things over when he was alive. They are very demanding about me making it to every holiday, and the meals often last 4-5 hours. I can't leave my dog at home for a long time, and they do not like me bringing her to their house (which is over an hour away from where I live). They segregate her into one room and don't allow her to intermingle in any other place in the house (even if their dogs aren't home). They insisted that I come over their house for Christmas, and I had to bring the dog with me because of how long I would be gone. I let them know this ahead of time, and they filled the only room she's allowed to go in with plants and insisted she wasn't allowed in that room or inside at all. I didn't stay there long that day and regret that I even went. My mom spoke to me over a month ago about Easter, and she made reservations for a restaurant close to my house. Yesterday, she decided she didn't want to go to that particular restaurant, and changed the reservations to close by her house. I am the only one in my family with any sort of responsibility and limitations on how long I can be gone, and she never checked with me before changing the reservation. This morning, I stated that I would no longer be able to go because bringing my dog to their house was not an option. She denied what had happened with the dog at their house over Christmas, and said that room would be avalaible for the dog for Easter. I told her it wasn't conveient for me anymore, and that I didn't want to be railed on by her and my brother for not attending. I am still upset at the conversation from this morning with her. I am tired of not being respected by them, and I don't know how to change it except to completely cut them out of my life.

No hot yoga for me yesterday. Will try to go tomorrow.

I am glad that my words have resonated with you guys. Many look at me sideways when I say I am thankful for losing my husband. I am so glad you guys can relate.

My ballet teacher keeps canceling class, ugh. Will try to go to hot yoga instead tonight.

1. Got 6k steps in today 2. Work is going really well 3. Had a nice bath tonight

Congrats!!!!!!!!!