MissingSquish

Hugs to everyone. I got some Mac and cheese takeout and am watching some tv. I got a lot done as far as chores and cleaning up around the house today.

Thanks for the advice CW. Sending warm hugs to you as I know your sadiversary is coming up too. I think a break from dating is a good idea.

Thanks for the encouragement and support SVS. Tight hugs right back at you.

I've been dipping my toes back into the online dating world again and met someone last night for coffee. The date didn't really go great, and I felt like I revealed way too much about myself to him. After the date, I went by myself to dinner. I sat at the bar and got into a conversation with this couple that sat next to me. Again, I revealed way too much about myself and even starting crying when I was talking about Squish. The woman proceeded to say that it's been too long (3 years) for me to still get upset like this, then also said I needed to put my sorrow "away" and needed to move on with my life. I hold my shit together most of the time. I never talk about Squish at work. I take decent care of myself, my home and my dog. I do a great job at work, though it's very exhasusting. I've been feeling weepy and vulnerable recently for a few different reasons (sadiversary coming up, recent breakup of my bf and I, ongoing crappy dates). Unfortunately she got into my head and I'm not feeling very confident on the person that I am projecting outside of work. I'm tired of feeling defeated about my future relationship prospects. I'm tired of missing Squish as much as I do still. I'm tired of therapy and self help books. I'm tired of feeling stuck.

I also did a blast today. Tossed some old melatonin pills, ant baits and some Tupperware tops that don't have bottoms.

This takes creamation keepsakes to a whole other level. Before I clicked the link, I thought it was just going to be a solid glass dildo with ashes dispersed throughout. The fact that there's a whole separate receptacle for the ashes is truly creepy. The locked box and shit is super horrifying too.

Sending strength your way AW. Good luck in your decision.

Huge hugs being sent your way. I'm so sorry

Meh. Went grocery shopping tonight, am currently sulking over my fairly new single status. I miss my ex bf, though I know I did the right thing by breaking it off with him. A random guy I had been in contact with over a year ago messaged me. I agreed to coffee tonight without remembering who he was. I'm flaking out on it. Do not feel like leaving the house. Was on the online dating sites tonight as well, and I'm feeling extremely frustrated. Sorry for my rant. Just not feeling good right now.

Hugs needy too. I'm sorry that you were let go like that; very unprofessional. Sending warm thoughts your way.

Hugs Rudi. Happy anniversary.

Hugs Grace. I'm glad you are feeling a bit better today. I have experienced the teary stuff too, and then realized it was a significant date later.

Just Jen, have no idea what your dream means, but glad that he came through for you.

Huge hugs . So sad for you and your pup.

Thank you guys so much. Huge hugs to you all.

Hugs to you guys. Losing a pet is ridiculously hard without dealing with the loss of our spouses.

Thanks DonnaP. Sorry to hear that spring is hard for you too, but I'm happy for the understanding and support.

Thanks so much, trying. <3

I've tried to keep myself busy this weekend, but today I could barely get off the couch and leave the house. I know that work this week will be a good distraction. I'm just tired of being alone, though being with the wrong person makes one feel alone. I miss Squish.

Hugs to everyone here. I never had one specific moment that I realized I was a widow, but rather many of them. One was the funeral procession in which I was the first one after the casket. Another was at the wake, where the biggest chair was in the front and center, presumably for me. Then came the many times I had to tell people that my husband died. Sometimes it still doesn't feel real.

Another sexy widowed Saturday night is upon us! What are you guys doing? I'm relaxing on the couch with my (mostly better) dog.

Thanks so much for your support guys. Making sure I have a busy weekend filled with fun and being around supportive friends helps.

Thanks so much guys for sharing your stories and your words of support. I had a full on meltdown last night.

His medical records from the hospital. If I were to die, I would not want my family to see what's contained in his records, but I can't bring myself to shred them. That goes for his autopsy report as well.

Spring is a time of renewal for many people, but for me, it still has been a major trigger. Squish died in the spring, and I've been feeling a huge resurgence of grief lately. It doesn't feel any different than last year around this time, and I'm finding that I am starting to obsess about the upcoming sadiversary and his birthday. I started a new job in February and I haven't told them that I am widowed (and I don't want to as I see this as a new start for me). I am afraid that my mood around the sadiversary will be transparent and that I will need to tell them. My dog also hasn't been feeling well (I took her to the vet yesterday, she should be ok in a few days). I see her getting older, and I am growing more anxious about her dying. She is the only thing I have left from Squish, and I can't comprehend the day that she is no longer here. Thanks in advance to my supportive widda posse