Virgo

1 hour of cardio today. I needed it. Terrible week so far!!

Terrible day today. That's understating. My confession ... I'm back to thinking 15 years from now my youngest will be 23. All three of my daughters will be adults. I can be done. I'm tired. Done feeling beaten down. I will endure whatever is to come for at least 15 years.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Today I need to hopefully straighten out my taxes. I went to file last week and there were issues with the 1099Rs for me and my 3 daughters. Getting through to someone has been a challenge. Yesterday I ordered new lenses for my middle daughter. I have an appointment Friday for annual blood work. I'm also going to order a granite counter top for one of our bathrooms and set up an installation appointment. It's about time I finish that bathroom! ! I have a few other projects to complete in there too.

When I first started dating my daughters asked a lot of questions. I also have 3, ages 16, 14, and 8. They looked at incoming messages and calls on my phone all of the time. I was uncomfortable with them seeing different names popping up on my phone, but in some ways I felt I owed them an explanation of sorts. It's difficult navigating parenting in our situation. Hearing them say repeat names and ask about them was to much for me. Not good! I put a lock on my phone, and I'm more aware of where my phone is. When I go out and they ask what I'm doing my answers are short, "I enjoyed my evening." "I might see a movie." I reassured them if I ever feel for another man the way I felt about their dad they would be the first to know. Until then mom is just dating. It's nice to have adult company and have fun. They seem to be handling my dating better now, so it's working for us.

This weekend. .. Friday - 300 abs, chest, triceps, and 40 minutes of cardio Saturday -legs, shoulders, and 30 minutes of cardio Sunday -300 abs, back, biceps, and 40 minutes cardio I leg pressed 545 lbs Saturday. Working my way back up.

My date cancelled on me. He mentioned rescheduling. I told him I was available tomorrow, but he didn't text me back. I won't be contacting him. I agree ... why bother? Why ask to go out at all?

I agree! It depends on where the party is, her friends, and your daughter. My oldest is also a junior, 16. If it was just her friends fine, but boys too? I would want to know who, and if their parents would be home. Now my middle daughter I think will be a different story. I would want to go with her. I'm hoping her friends change some as she enters high school next year. She agrees about her one friend, so that's a good sign. Phew

We had a great time! Just missed Phil.

So amazing! ! Continued prayers for her.

Our second family vacation just the four of us. My youngest daughter said, "I miss dad." Me too! We enjoy ourselves, but it's not the same.

Intense sex dreams all last night, but as I was putting my groceries away this morning all I could think about was how my husband would come up behind me. Wrap his arms around me, and kiss my neck. That's what I need today. Cuddles and kisses.

My plan is to keep my pants on.

Just when I thought I might take a break from dating ... I have a date Friday. Not an online match. I'm looking forward to it. We've been messaging off and on for a long time!

Snap Chat, which alerts you to screen shots. No head shots.

Full circle back to ... needing a sex weekend! Yes, please! Jen, I agree with self pleasuring not being very satisfying. Just makes me want the real deal even more.

Daily hugs would be ideal, but I would even embrace weekly hugs.

Hopefully they can figure out what is causing the heart racing. ((Hugs))

I'm so sorry for your loss. My daughters were 14, 12, and 6 when my husband died. My 6yo's biggest fear was that she wouldn't remember her daddy. I got her a journal to write memories down. She's 8 and still writes in it. Not just memories but things she wants to share with her daddy. I know your daughter probably isn't writing yet, but maybe she could tell you what to write. Maybe sharing memories will help her process him being gone.

A part of our children's innocence was stolen when their parent died. Death is a guarantee, but it's something that you hope doesn't touch your children at such a young age. Your parents are your stability. You think they're invincible. Heartbreaking! About a month after my husband died my youngest daughter got sick. She was crying hysterically. She said, "I don't want to die! Memaw was sick and died (ALS). Daddy was sick and died (cancer)." What do you say? I reassure my daughters, but also explain that every living thing dies.

I saw an e-card today that said, Sometimes you just need a hug. In your vagina. With a penis. Lol! Sounds about right.

Yesterday was back, biceps, abs, and 40 minutes of cardio. Today was legs, shoulders, and 20 minutes of cardio.

I just got home from the gym. Exciting Saturday night!! I won't be able to walk tomorrow, and I really wish that wasn't because of leg day. Last night I went to see a movie by myself, and then to the gym afterwards for a midnight workout.

Fucking a ninja! LOL

I felt numb the first year. I just went through the motions for my girls. The second year was accepting our lives were forever changed. I'm just a little over a month into my third year and starting to feel like I'm ready for some big changes. Every step forward is bittersweet. I feel like it's another step away from Phil and our life together. ((Hugs)) Jen!!