Sugarbell

Lol! Love this clip!! Thank you. They do the elf in all the classrooms...that's how I got forced into this thing. My daughter in Kindergarten was the only kid without a stupid elf: I am in Stepford....of course we do Elf on a Shelf. And this morning...of course I forgot...Luckily the 13 yr old realized it and moved it before she came down the hall. They used to move the damn elf for 12 days and the kids got a gift each day they found it. (When the hoopla first started...think my oldest was in 3rd)... but since both boys quit believing in Santa by 1st grade...they thought it was ridiculous and never wanted one. In fact my sarcastic quiet middle son blurted out to the classroom "Your parents move the elf and parents buy you gifts...it has nothing to do with you being good but your parents pocketbook"... (oh yeah I had a few phone calls that year but pissed parents). I hate this shit. Call me grinch. This is Disney on Crack here in Stepford.

I am really sorry and I feel/empathize with your pain. Added bonus of the holidays and it's enough to send anyone In your situation over the edge. You get a pass on irritability-hell it comes with the territory of grief and parenting solo. I think we are forced to compartmentalized our grief to an extent for the kids sakes...and it's damn hard! I used to almost be programmed to not cry/lose it till they went to bed. And then like clockwork would cry for hours. And the mental/emotional exhaustion.. Don't be so hard on yourself ...this is the first holiday and it stings ...the first one really stings. And yes most of the outside world won't get it..we get it...this board literally saved me my first year because I was a train wreck of emotions (I had 3 kids under age 5) Vent away...

Good for you CG!!!😊.. I had always been independent, living on my own..and didn't marry DH till I was 28. And when married was used to us being apart several days a week. We all have different histories, experiences that shape how we handle different situations. And I fell into the mistake of desperately needing someone to complete me after his death.(Something that was out of my usual self..but widowhood and pills can do that) ..And spent 4 years in some real messes. I have said before my 2.5 years of being completely solo...was one of the best decisions I have made to date. I really healed and got to know myself. Yes..I am now involved in a long term relationship....but honestly...I kinda like it when he leaves Sunday evening after the weekend. I like my space with my kids. And if it ended tomorrow...yes I would be upset...but I would be "Ok". I have learned to be happy alone. 😊 Glad to see this post.

Does she go to a Reading Resource room outside of class? I know my daughter, last year in first grade struggled with reading and she would go to the resource room for like 30 minutes a day. It helped her so much. Just getting the more individual attention with specific sight words, etc. --She ended up only being there for 5 months then tested out and was back in her regular classroom all day. This year in 2nd grade she loves reading..and reads all the time, is into all those AR reading points...And reads on a 3rd grade level. In first grade she was reading barely on a Kindergarten level. So kids abilities, maturity with learning changes so quickly when they are young. You are doing everything right!!

Holidays stress me out. Always have...even before being widowed, kids, etc. Luckily the weather is so warm...very few people are in the Christmas spirit this year..So its been a little easier ( I know..I am bizarre) Except the stupid Elf. Luckily my boys do help move it for me (yeah I have forgotten quite a bit)

Ohio Valley area in West Virginia. All my years on the boards...I have never met another WV wid from here. I end up going to bagos with Ohio and PA peeps.

I don't need nor want to be attached to someone 24/7. When I was married to Ben...shoot both of us traveled for work. We were usually apart 2-3 days a week due to travel. So that became my norm. I think that is what NG finds appealing about me..although he would never admit it. That I don't want..nor need him all the time (because he is hella busy...like on a Saturday will drive 8 hours to pick up mattresses that are super cheap to put in his warehouse)--And I never blink an eye because I usually got a zillion things going on. I was just curious on peoples take on it. I have never heard anyone living separate while married...but I am sure many do it for work, etc. I would have no problem living where he is if I didn't have school age kids...That's the thing.. I think we will just keep on doing what we are doing..and thats perfectly fine. Think its suits both of us.

My boys no longer believe in Santa and they haven't for years (I know many many kids their age still do-but that's another topic)... and anyway...the "Elf on a Shelf hoopla" wasn't around when they were little so I never fooled with it. My 8 year old daughter still believes (or acts like she does) and this is our 3rd year with that creepy Elf that moves around every night. Except my daughters elf is lazy...that's the story I tell her anyway...Because her Mother is too overwhelmed and my mind is juggling hundreds of things that I keep forgetting to move the Elf after she goes to bed. She gets up this morning...the elf hadn't moved...it hasn't moved in 3 days now (Epic Mom failure).... "MY ELF IS DEFECTIVE!HE doesn't move!!! Why WHY do I get the Lazy elf" and she's crying this morning. (her elf in her 2nd grade classroom even moves every night) Well I moved the damn thing on my way out the door this morning. I have way too many tabs open in my brain. December needs to be over ASAP. BA Humbug!

Yes. He does all of that and has for a few years. (I never asked him to). I know it's not age appropriate...I have an 11 year old who has no interest and will probably never do it. It sounds totally inappropriate...but if you met him you would get it. Not into much computer stuff...doesn't play video games (that's the 11 yr old) Has never played with toys...like ever...my other son always has. But with school work....will find anything to do except schoolwork

Ok...this is preliminary...but we have discussed the future. I am moving back to my hometown in WV...he is still in Ohio. When the kids and I move that will put us only 30 minutes apart. He says he would marry me tomorrow if I said the word. (I think he just knows how I am though and would probably freak out if I took him up on it)... I don't want my kids ever going to school in his school district. He has always known this and supports my decision to move in WV. I am buying a house that I can afford...just me. Of course if we bought a house together...it would be much nicer. (And no I am fine buying solo-just things we've discussed)... he doesn't want to sell his place...like for years...Because he has a building with one of his side businesses on his property. (Mattresses). He also is on several boards, coaches, referees in Ohio...Has his full time job, and 2 businesses there, etc. He knows a few couples who are married and live separately for these types of reasons (one is a teacher in my hometown and her husband lives 45 minutes away in Ohio). Or maybe we will just date exclusively for 9 more years till my kids are out of school?? Of course...with his full time job (CFO at State university) step children can go to school at a huge reduced rate....And then he jokes that he could have a few dependents at tax time too. I know this talk is not romantic at all....but I guess it's stuff to think about. Oh to be 24 in love and have nothing....we just went on excitement and hormones then:

Yay!!! So happy for you!

Thank you all. Yes he's an overachiever at things he wants to do. Changing air filters, cleaning gutters, mowing, weed eating...anything mechanical the breaks in the house-he's on it and it's fixed. I don't even have to ask. But household cleaning-laundry-forget it...his room is a mess and has never cleaned a kitchen. Up until this year (he's in 7th grade at high school) his teachers have challenged him...So he was sorta excited for school. Now he's absolutely bored outta his mind...forgets simple things (like bringing a permission slip home etc). He still makes all As...but his motivation is gone. I guess it frustrates me as a Mom because his brother and sister don't have nearly his academic ability...And they study every night...read books, etc. They may all As but it's tough for them. But he just doesn't care...he would rather year apart a machine or something. I have always felt like my younger 2...I was Mom...I was raising them....my oldest...since he was a toddler...at times took charge and was raising us (not literally-I still ground him make the rules..but he's always been like an adult equal...Even to the neighbors..since he was 5 or 6 he would hang out with the neighbor men and talk like an adult. My Dad is 81...He goes with my Dad to his coffee table and talks to all the retired men like he's there equal. And within 10 minutes they are treating him as an equal. And so now...he's a teenager...bull headed when he thinks something is dumb to do...then we go at it. Man SimiRed...sounds like my son. My boy is very high maintenance and at times exhausting. It seems like 75 percent of my time is spent on him...the younger 2 get about 25 percent.

My old soul now 13 year old. Won't crack a book...makes all As to keep me off his back...and I worry constantly about this kid. He forgets his homework, tests to study for, etc...But completely does all "adult man" tasks in this house. I have never taught him...he just watches neighbors, whomever and remembers how to do it. So tonight...out of the blue....he's looking out in space then looks at me and says "Dads last car was a Black Impala...and his last phone was a Nokita N95". Uh...how do you know that? His last company car was black and he only had it for a month...but I have no idea what kind it was" My kid "An impala...and the phone a Nokita N95. I don't know how I remember that but I do" His Dad died in 2007...he was 4. I have no clue what kind of phone he had...but I bet my kid is right. This is why we are moving...He's the one I need help raising ...it takes 3 adults to keep up with his mind...and I am scared to death I will screw him up. Solo parenting sucks. He needs his Dad. His Dad had his mind...NG, my brother, my parents we all try to stay on top of him...but he outsmarts us all. His Dad got him...even at 4...they connected...it's how my son knew his Dad was dead. He should be here....even if we were no longer married...or whatever (hypothetical) he understood our son. Damn

I went thru this right around 4 years. Actually when I had my spiritual experience that changed/saved my life....I started steering away from traditional organized religion. (I was also raised Methodist and my kids are being raised Methodist). And I want them to continue to be raised in the church. There is so much good that comes out of it-not just the organized religious part/teachings. I go...I daydream....I look at it more of a place that does good works in the community. I believe in God, an afterlife...I think all religions were just created by man...They all have good teachings and when taken to the extreme are bad news. I practice meditation and aspects of Buddism...I love nature and worship in nature....herbs/sage/energies and practice aspects of Wiccan...and I practice aspects of Christianity. It's what works for me. It's a personal choice and makes me a better person. Ultimately-I believe religion or lack of religion is a personal thing and whatever gives a person peace. The whole "blessed" life made me pissed at God early on. I believe most things are random. I think God, higher power, universe, etc...basically wants us to use our talents to help fellow man. I am still evolving and searching....but this is the track that makes the most sense to me.

SR and ABL-Yes I can relate. My 13 year old is horrible in the mornings...and yea if he misses his ride I am stuck driving him into school. It's a nightmare every morning (the 8 and 11 year olds are easy, get ready...he used to be too until hormones or whatever the hell happens when they hit 12/13. ABL-Love the idea about taking the phone until he walks out the door. I think that might work with my kid. It's worth a try!

Ok this is weird. Last night NG came up to help us get a weight bench for my oldest sons bday present. (We used his truck).. one the way home we were talking about one of his teachers and I mentioned that one of his Dads friends years ago had the same full name as his teachers. Out of the blue my son says "Yeah I remember him I remember Dad taking me to his house after Tball one night and he had a big bonfire going...I don't know why I remember that ibur I do" (He was only 4 and has few memories) This "friend" was his Dads pot dealer. He grew it outside..it was very potent and expensive pot. Very distinct strong smell. So I was a little shocked his Dad took him there but brushes it off cause it was years ago and my kid had no idea he was a pot dealer. So later that night...NG and I are in my room...I opened up my closet and from the top plastic bin on the shelf I smelled the distinct pot smell. Like I said it's very potent. NG asked "Are you stashing weed up there?"--got out the bin and looked through it-nothing..but a distinct smell of this potent weed. I would've thought I was crazy but NG smelled it too. The smell was gone this morning. Ben used to hide his weed in the top of the closet until I made him put it in the garage because the smell was so potent. I didn't tell NG anything about it..or that he his it there. There has not been an ounce of weed in this house since he died over 8 years ago. WTF? Just odd...very odd.

Count me in!😊 I am in for a long ride with this teen stuff. Oldest just hitting teen years and two more behind him. I will need all the wisdom and support I can get! Great idea.

Ugh it's not for the weak that's for sure...Oh I sympathize with you Rob! bossy boy will be 13 Friday...And he's pretty much become more of a know it all over the past year (he's always been that way but much worse now) My tween 11 year old...he's a slob and yea food wrappers/Popsicle sticks under the beds, dishes...sneaking food shut in the living room. I talk, lecture, yell, vent at him about it...it does no good. I can clean up all the shit behind the couch and within 24 hours it's there again. I have taken away video games, privileges, etc. Doesn't help. Short of whipping his ass with a switch I am not sure what to do. I clean every freaking day.If I didn't I know we would have bugs and rodents. It's my number one gripe right now with solo parenting. The amount of housework is killing me. It was not this way when they were younger at all!!! Vent away

The only time it hits me is when I travel with NG. Mentally I think about traveling with Ben and how easy and fun it was. He had a mental GPS system and could get us anywhere and always found the coolest spots-B and B, off the map trials. But then I come back to reality and think "Uh yeah it was relaxing...but on every single trip he was high as a kid cruising down the road smoking a bowl every couple of hours...Life is different now..without it he would be an irritable asshole traveling with 3 kids: But I still have moments--The only person I have ever met with his natural sense of direction/photographic memory when traveling is my oldest son. And oddly I never get worried traveling when he's navigating-been that way since he was 7 or 8. NG has no natural sense of direction...he looks to me to help. It is irritating I admit. But I know it's because my kid and dead husband were natural navigators without trying. But I don't dare let NG know...that's totally not fair to him. And he has qualities Ben never had-that are much more appealing to me now in this life.

I have never had the "choose me or NG dream-It's probably coming though Lol.😳I just wonder like how long this will go on. I haven't had one since our trip..but it's only been a few days. This last one did shake me up...Logically I know that we were talking about places Ben and I stopped on the way down and we did use to go down to that area for football games when we were in our 20s. But Ben and I were like gypsies when we were dating. We were on the road for work during the week and took road trips almost every weekend. Seriously-I have found anywhere I travel to within a few states north or south-pretty much are places I traveled with him. Some I forget about until I am on the road.:(like this one).. It's why I love traveling with my kids-because I literally have more memories/places/stories to tell them there than I do our years together in Stepford. We were never in the community on weekends-even after kids every weekend we took them somewhere-they weren't in school yet so it was easier. But him not knowing he was dead was disturbing. And him being upset at that moment was disturbing. I wonder in the afterlife if our spirits ever float between different time frames? Because when I communicate with him daily it's always present/here and now. I will stop there and not elaborate. Not really in the mood to be mocked for my belief system. (not by anyone who responded I appreciate your input.❤️)

Hi Marian..Glad to see you on here. We are here for you lady!😊

TOH-Thank you...I really do value your insight into this topic. It was just stramge...the whole not knowing he was dead and then him freaking out. Just bizarre. MJ-True-it is like 2 separate lives. The dreams don't scare me-but they are always sp vivid and I am shocked I still have them. I have heard people say they forget certain things after so long. I haven't-the voice mannerisms everything is clear as day in my dreams. And I have had these since I was a kid. From the time I was 10. Not quite sure what to make of it but I value and appreciate all input.

What's alternate reality?? I guess they are dreams-I have always had vivid visitation type dreams from dead people since u was a child. My Mother has premonition dreams--my dreams are never premonitions but dead people visiting. Too many to count. I guess this one upset me because it's the first one I have ever had that the person in the dream didn't know they were dead.

Laying here with my kid trying to get her to go to sleep (we have like a suite separating bedrooms in this lodge)...And I had a dream last night about Ben-on a trip with NG. One the way here I remembered taking this route quiet Ben to go to Clemson games (where he went to college) but I wasn't at all sappy...told NG and we were trying to find some cool outdoor spots. Well last night...I am here...Ben is 24 or so...and we have just started talking and he shows up asking for my phone number. And I am excited to see him and talk to him...because I am aware he's dead and am welcoming the visitation. But in this dream he doesn't know he's dead. And I have to say "You end up marrying me...we have 3 kids...this is the baby your daughter. She's now 8). And he panics and says "What are you talking about I am not dead you're acting psycho we don't have a 8 year old kid we just started dating-" And I start crying--no this is her...And his response...still panicky "Del...time gets mixed up here...yea I am dead but it went back to me being 24...I went back to being 24...and I start holding him. Then I wake up. Shit. I am going to have these the rest of my life. I love NG...it's been over 8 years. And they still happen. Weekly.