Sugarbell

I bet they change in 11 months Barney I have a ways to go before I hit 60 (just turned 44)...But in no rush to get married. I got it too good right now! (like my space-my yard)...Plus guy friend has no desire to move up here anytime soon....he has 9 years until he hits 60. His plan is to retire at 60 (they have a great retirement like almost 70 percent of salary) Then start a new career. ) He's a money whiz....which is good because I am not.

Just throwing this out there. My kids and I will be at Great Wolfe Waterpark Lodge June 1,2 nd in Mason-right outside of Cincy. Didn't know if anyone in the area wanted to meet up or join us at Waterpark? I won't have a car (riding with guy friend-he has a conference there and got an extra room for us). I believe you get 4 Waterpark passes per room...so I will have 4 extra passes (from his room-he will be in meetings all day). Didn't know if anyone wanted to meet us there and swim or do dinner/lunch at the lodge.

I am prepared to get my ass chewed for this....but basically...I suppose it depends who financially is worth more...dead spouse or new spouse (meaning...if someone was going to remarry a millionaire-I don't think that would bat an eye over a piece of paper to lose a pension...if remarrying someone who doesn't have much-then it's an issue. I know that's crass.....but that's how I am interpreting the thread. But I was raised by a feminist activist.:a child of the 70s. "financial independence for women (or men) gives you freedom. Never depend on anyone else to take care of you". This was ingrained in my brain since preschool. My view isn't the right view at all.....just the philosophy I was raised with.

So glad Mike is doing better Marian!!

Agree AG. I was never a marriage white picket fence kinda person. DH was equally as phobic about it. I wasn't commitment phobic-I was marriage phobic as was he. It took us 3 years of dating exclusively....and honestly it was the fact that we both wanted children that we saw the need for marriage (protection of the kids...weird kinda foreshadowing). And really I am the same way now. Has nothing to do with being widowed-just the way I am wired. Luckily the man I am seeing is kinda the same way. We are exclusive-but like our own homes/space. Different strokes for different folks...it's what keeps the world interesting.

I can relate so much to this. Year 3 I hit my rock bottom. I even got remarried (after chugging an entire bottle of codeine before going to Justice of the Peace) Year 4 I got my life back and became happy again. Hitting year 8 in September. Life is good...and has been consistently good for several years now. No magic wand. Everyone's timeframe is unique to them. But year 3 (for me) about literally killed me.

I think sometimes..:.looking at it from the outside sometimes people want to cut thru the bullshit and call it as they see it. I know I am guilty of it sometimes....however on this thread I intentionally was careful with my wording. Best of luck to you Mel

It appears mine is on hold....Although I do occasionally get out alone-lately with sports it's rare. One of my gal pals offered to pay for my flight to go with her to the beach to recharge over Memorial Day weekend (trust fund divorced friend..who has a heart of gold but we live on different planets sometimes)...Turned it down-Son was asked to play in Memorial weekend 10U baseball tournament. Also had planned for a weekend with all of us and guy friend to the mts that weekend::again cancelled. I start to get cranky when I don't get a weekend break--I only need it once every 5 or 6 months--but with kids activities it appears I don't have a free weekend till July. Adults need time too.

I have a 12 yr old now (but it's been over 7 years).... I don't let my kids quit anything-unless (and it's only happened once with one kid)..I feel like there safety/mental well being (meaning dealing with an abusive coach in my case) is at stake. It's easy for me to say "No..don't let him quit" But I have never dealt with raw grief with a 12 year old boy (he was 4..) But I just think it's important to keep routine and life as normal/predictable as we can for them. If it was me...no I wouldn't let him quit. But I am not in your shoes and I don't know the issues he's dealing with. My daughter goes back and force wanting to quit dance (like lives it one day then hates it)...She knows the rule-finish out the year and she doesn't have to come back next year if she doesn't want to. They sign up for something-they need to finish it through. ((((hugs to you and your son))))) Only you know what's best for him

Shocked and heartbreaking news. I "knew" Leslie from ywbb...but she reached out to me in private messages early on in my recovery from pills. We discussed at length addiction and how recovery can work. We also talked about the RX problem in her area and what she saw thru patients at the VA. Damnit.

I left all 3 of my kids in the car when I had to run in the post office quickly etc. Oldest was always in charge-Never more than 5 minutes and never on a hot day. Again necessity

I think it's a "Damned if you do damned if you don't" debate. Kinda like the working vs SAHM debate. I don't really have the time nor do I care whether parents are helicopter or free range parents. I am friends with both...but I admit certain helicopter parents annoy me more at times. I am probably both but err on the side of free range. My kids are one of the few in school who ride a bus home. It's a necessity I can't be at the school everyday at 2:45 to get them. They are also the only ones who walk from the bus stop home. I am in a safe out of town neighborhood-it's less than a half a mile from the bus stop. Sure if I am home in time I will wait on the bus..but it's 50/50. My oldest is 12...this is the first year that I don't have anyone with them after school (and my current job..I never work later than 4:00...so they aren't home more than 30 minutes alone). They walk home, get a snack..start homework...but again it's not very long at all. But it depends I know on dynamics location of neighborhood. My kids walking home alone from school is very different than if we lived in a large city in a bad part of town. If my kids don't like what's on the menu for hot lunch...they have to pack there own (although I do check it) If they forget there cold lunch-tough. they eat hot lunch. dozens of kids call at school for Mom to bring them subway or whatever when they forget there lunch. Doesn't fly in this house...same goes for homework. They know to be involved in activities they have to help out. My son does yard work (and yea runs a weedeater)...Some think it's too dangerous for a 12 year old ( he's 5'9 and 150lbs-he runs it better than me) I support and am involved with my kids...but I don't coddle . They are pretty independent for there ages. I don't hang out at the school....I don't hang out and talk to other Moms during my daughter dance class-drop her off and pick her up (usually do errands during that time) Same is true for sports practices..I do to sit and watch and discuss. I have stuff to do. I think circumstances have caused me to make my kids more independently....but really when I was growing up my parents were the same way with us.

I do struggle with being passionate about my career and a work/home life balance. I am typically a workaholic...it's how I am wired. My "dream job" I resigned from about 18 months ago. I admit I do sometimes miss it. (Drug prevention in the stAte)...Bur as a widowed Mom of 3...I couldn't keep up with working till 6:30 or 7:00 a few nights a week...traveling to overnight conferences, trainings etc. I am passionate about what I learned...but am passionate about being a Mom too. Now... My job (case manager) is boring, not challenging, sucky pay-but I am home by 3:00 everyday to get the kids off the bus then head and be present at there activities. But I am glad I had the opportunity to dive into a position like I did before (I would probably have more regrets about work now if I had never had that opportunity) My passion now is volunteering with the drug recovery community and recently back into suicide prevention. I need it because professionally I am really not fulfilled right now. But that's ok. Life changes constantly. I say Go For your dream job....you can always change positions later if it's too much.

I know. I don't get it. Why even have state laws...when legally you can buy a handgun without paperwork.Background check or anything. There is a reason you can't buy a firearm if you've ever been committed to a mental institution or have a felony. (At least here-no clue if that's a state or federal law. Then really what's the point in any gun laws period? I don't know if anyone they sold to was underage-just used that as an example ... And I do agree....that some truly mentally ill people will kill themselves whether they have a gun or not. But some won't...after a few days they can't believe they ever thought it. Even if DH was still alive (no suicide no gun) I would be appalled at how easy it is to get a firearm.

My very limited 3 week experience on Match....it was only the young 25 year olds who would message "You're a MILF let's hook up" that were blatant about sex. Really the men in my general age group were looking for substance/relationships. But again...my experience was VERY brief.

It's buts when all 3 kids are into various activities...My sons know and understand they can only do one activity at a time (but shoot with baseball around here it's impossible anyway to do anything else) My youngest (7) is just starting to understand that she (we) can't do it all. I wouldn't let her do softball this year-She takes dance class and has a tumbling class. She has been asked to be on the dance competition team with her studio next year. After a long talk...she agreed not to do it yet. She would be in the studio 4 nights a week and she wouldn't be able to do anything else all year (not to mention the crazy $$$$ and travel involved-ridiculous)...She was upset at first but understood that it just wasn't doable with 3 kids. It's tough-in the spring my mind is going a mile a minute trying to keep everyone straight.

Love Canada!

Again...please ask yourself (and you don't need to share "How long has he been divorced?" I know there are a plethora of reasons for "drawn out separation or divorce" but the house isn't even sold yet. I know I am being black and white here. The gray justifying and making excuses is always what got me in trouble in the past. Why the marriage rush ? Is it the sex thing? Kinda manipulative of him to mention "Ex wife offering up sex when he knows you aren't ready to sleep with him" You all maybe true soul mates...you do seem to care very deeply for each other. I have just learned (the hard way)the gift of giving relationships time. Time is your friend.

Not saying "No guns allowed" Saying more restrictions...I know the black market exists...shoot I saw it in my suburbia neighborhood this weekend (legal but it's still buying off the street) Guess I look at our Canadian friends...a country much more similar to the US than say Africa. Guns aren't illegal...but the culture is not "pro gun" ....the statistics prove it...less gun deaths across the board. I used to travel via car extensively all over the state. People couldn't believe I never carried a concealed handgun. Most the people with lots of guns here...that worry about break ins etc. No one wants there shit anyway (except maybe the pills they have stashed). it just baffles me that the less people have...the less there home is worth.... The more concerned they are with someone breaking in and stealing there junk. We have more shacks and dilapidated trailers here....with trash all over the yard...a pitbull chained out front...no trespassing and beware of dog signs...on welfare...that hate liberals (who financially support them) cause they are afraid that "Obama might take our guns" Like anyone who want there shit to start with. Sorry off course...don't want a debate...just eye opening this weekend.

Some yes...will kill themselves regardless and find a way. Some.though will not....which is why 3 and 7 day wAiting periods have been proven to prevent suicide and crimes of passion. And let's face it...GSW -pretty good odds it's going to work. Men are 4 times more likely to successfully complete suicide because they are more likely to use lethal means. A lot of women stick with overdosing on pills-and sometimes it works and sometimes they get lucky and it doesn't. But legally being able to buy a gun at a yardsale???? And this is legal in all states. Even states with very strict gun laws. (Something about being a private owner..) I have a 22 Rifle-it's locked up in a closet...unloaded. My Dad has more guns than I can count. Locked up unloaded in a closet (he hates gun cases-Said it's advertising-He never wanted any kids coming to our home to even know he had guns) But we would give them all up in a heartbeat if it meant the end of all guns in Amerca. It's an issue I am quiet on. My family is known in our hometown as "hunters" and my Dad won rifle and bow/arrow shooting awArds. They are also liberal (rare here) and support gun control. It's caused a stink before and even issues in the extended family so I say nothing. But seeing dozens of pistols and handguns being bought at yard sales in my neighborhood just sent me spinning. I mean any young adult/teen who looked older could easily have bought one. WTF? But they can't buy alcohol till they are 21. If a bar serves minors-they get fined and in trouble-If that minor gets drunk in there bar vas drives drunk and kills someone the bar owner can be prosecuted. But if a 17 year old shoots up his family with a gun they bought at a yard sale-no one is held responsible. It's a controversial issue....but I just hate it.

Wow. So it seems very varied...some none, some with no cable some homes with many. Every evening after ball....my 2 younger kids hang in my room to watch Disney channel. The other TV upstairs is just PS...so instead of going downstairs-they lay in my bed for an hour. I really don't like my room becoming grand central station. I have yet to watch TV in my room. I have a habit of playing documentaries on Netflix on my phone to put me to sleep. Never watch TV. So...not sure what I will end up doing. Kids won't have TVs in there room...I have an old 19 inch from 25 yrs ago my daughter wants in her room-not paying for the cable hook up. So 3 isn't an excess number. Think I need a padlock on my bedroom door. I don't like my room being the " kids cave"

I know!! That's exactly what it reminds me of!

Good points. No...I was far from a virgin when I got married. When I started having sex in high school-my parents knew...but obviously we weren't doing sleepover at there house...so I snuck around with high bf. my folks knew I was on the pill...and didn't approve of me having sex--but were glad we used protection. (Same guy all thru high school) My oldest is the same age as your youngest Trying. He saw us early on in bed (dressed in sweats) the next morning. He's a bright old soul. Pretty much said "Mom it's just weird and freaky...even if you aren't doing anything but sleeping...I don't like S (7 yr old) and W (10 yr old ) seeing that" That was my cue...to be discreet and respect my kids wishes. To me it's not e Lying......if I stay at his house and they aren't with me-really they don't need to know if I slept in bed with him. At the house-we don't always get to have sex...it's just not feasible. There is a park close to my house that's deserted-we've been known to go pick up snack and movies and stop there quickly. Or the detached locked garage. (Yeah sad I know...but they don't need to see, hear or assume anything. Probably TMI...But situations with several school age kids...well you do what you gotta do I suppose. It is what it is.

Carey-Ypu kids will keep SS benefits regardless of whether you remarry (like you could get married at anytime it doesn't change there amount)...It's 18 or until they graduate high school. If you remarry you lose your portion of the check but the kids checks get your balance (Like I used to get 4 checks-one for me and each kid. When I briefly remarried-it went to 3 checks-just for each kid-but the checks were larger-Same monthly benefit) It's confusing I know. The SS benefit is when you reach SS age. It's different. I will not get DHs because I briefly was married-But he was only 34 when he died. Mine is currently higher-Plus if your new husband works-He will receive his. Yeah it's a bunch of information that I wish I never had to learn.