Forgottenwife

I'm going to check this podcast out! I am a huge podcast fan, and I highly recommend 'Snap Judgment.' Its just regular people telling stories of their lives. Some episodes are better than others.

There were so many weirdos! Ugh, I remember that and I had to block a couple of people. I just kept at it and finally weeded through the ghosters and creeps and met some actual regular people. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it. Not sure about the paid vs. free sites, I have heard people have success with either. I found someone on a free site. I seem to remember a discussion on here (maybe even this thread) where people talked about what site was best depending on a variety of factors like age, religion, region, things like that.

Hi needytoo! I met my current partner online, it took time and patience. I chatted up and met a lot of men and then one day found my match. You can do it! Not sure what to say about the long nonsensical profile? I would be sort of turned off and cautious. Who knows?

...Yuck... Even though you didn't ask for advice here, I think you should go full no contact. Tell him to stop texting/calling/begging you immediately. If its over, let it be over and be done with the drama. My sympathies, that has got to hurt like crazy.

Hi Tybec, yes, we were in the same state, about 35 minutes apart. I was always mom first so we had dinner a couple of nights a week, maybe a little time on the weekends too. The good thing for me now is I can have everyone in the same house! I can have dinner with my sweetheart, watch a football game with my son, and do my laundry, all in the SAME HOUSE! That is the best for me, no having to choose if I spend time with one, I'm literally missing the other. So for your only son ruling the world... you are his mom and looking out for his needs! Good for you. I always considered my sons needs in my decisions. I was a step-kid and my step-father was an amazing man. His love and guidance was a positive in my life too. And my mom and I moved in with him when I was fifteen! It can be good. I guess it depends on the relationship your son and NG will have, and how can you know until you try? This is a big decision, good luck!

Wow, you know, only you can say what is best. I think this is a very individualized scenario, and what is best for one family will be very different for another. I can share my experience. I lived in the same community for 21 years too, same house for 15 years. Met and fell head over heels for my Chapter 2 almost 4 years ago. We made the decision to not change anything for my son. I stayed in my home with my minor child until he finished high school and then my son and I moved across town to start my new life last year - I sold the house and my business and left the community where I had love and support. Looking at my life now, it is clear that I could have done it sooner and that may have been better for my child because my boyfriend is funny and loving and supportive to my son. Living with him has improved our lives. I'm happier. My son is happier. I miss my old community in many ways, yet today I would not change a thing about my living situation. I enjoy having a partner in life, financial decisions, day to day home operations, and someone just to share my life with. For me, this is the way I want to live, and I recognize much of this is because of the person my partner is. If you are moving into a happy, healthy, loving home and community, it may be a good choice for everyone involved. You are entitled to love and happiness and your own life. I am not saying you should just do whatever makes only you happy, and it is evident from your thoughtful post that you wouldn't anyway. You obviously love your kid and will take good care of him and his needs. But don't forget you deserve some happiness and love and support too. I think you can have both

Wow. What a creep, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I trust the authorities will set him straight. My guess is a visit from uniformed officers will get him to immediately stop. You definitely made the right decision to go to the authorities. Unbelievable, I am shocked. Thanks for this cautionary tale to be careful.

So eloquent. This post describes my feelings so well. I too thought of my late husband during the election cycle. And I have had the thoughts of no more firsts... my life has truly changed in ways no one could imagine. Had our fates been reversed, and he was left to carry on without me, I wonder what his life would be! Another life, it just is.

Most insensitive? Relating the loss of my husband of 22 years to the loss of their dog... Suddenly calling me by my maiden name that I hadn't used for 22 years. That was so hurtful.

I remember this... and I was so lonely. I can only offer what I did, I kept at it and went on even more of those boring coffee dates. And what is up with those guys that talk and talk and talk and don't seem to understand the art of a good conversation. They bored me too and I never went on a second date with them. I would feel so alone and lonely and want to give up. Sometimes I would take a break for a few days but I knew my ultimate goal was to find a partner, so I just kept at it. I kept trying and endured the crazy insults from the weirdos, BLOCK, and the nervous guys that talk too much and all that. The Lions Club sounds great. What I love about your post is that you are still trying new things and new ways to meet people. That is challenging, yet we know that is what we must do if you aren't getting the results you want. Although I was immediately turned off by the insults and the superficial aspect of some of the people online, I quickly decided to not take it personally and I weeded thru the men until I found some genuine, nice guys just looking for love. I know they are in there yet it is so hard to not get discouraged. Online dating can really get you down, I'm guessing some guys feel the same way. I remember one thing I changed about myself is I made a point to talk to people that I had no interest in, or people that would never ever be with me. I met a lot of interesting people and I learned so many things about myself. I chatted up the maintenance man at a charity event once and he was quiet at first but turns out he was the most interesting guy in the room. Keep your chin up. Sorry for the loneliness - it sucks.

I found my Chapter 2 on OkCupid. I think it depends on the area you live in, and what works best for you. I liked the easy interface and being able to see how well we matched up on important issues.

Hi Jcharlie29 - I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. Welcome to widda.org, I'm happy you found us and sorry you have reason to join this club.

Haha - if this wasn't a scam? No matter, I'm not gonna date a guy who can't even write his own email and intro message! Jeez. I never got a message like this online. What's the scam? Dunno, but whoever garykieser at yahoo is, he would then have your email address, and can easily get your IP address...

Congratulations!! And no, you are not wrong. This makes sense to me. Its your wedding and your vows, you should say whatever you want. Only words that you really want to say and feel are genuine. The rest of the world gets to say whatever they want when its their turn. Some people wear tennis shoes and go to the court house and some people go to the beach and some people have a formal event, everyone gets to plan their very own ceremony. Make it how you want.

Here's my trigger today - Halloween. Everyone talking about their kids costumes and trick or treating. Oh, we used to love having Halloween with our kiddos. And, I can't wait for all the little goblins to come out tonight, I'm just feeling sort of sad right now.

Only you can answer this. My heart goes out to you to be falling in love with someone that is pretty casual about it. I guess since you are asking for advice? I say tell him. You deserve to have what you want in life and if that is love and a firm commitment and out of this world sex, then go get it! He's either in or out. There is nothing wrong with wanting something deeper than 'a physical relationship until you find someone you want to date.' Huh? I'd just tell him I want to date him! And only him! Then he gets to choose. You never know what his reaction will be, maybe he is falling for you too. But this is so easy for me to say on this side of things, its not my heart on the line. FWB is not for everyone, we are all different.

I hope all is plugged up for you soon too! It sounds like your current leak problem does suck. Please put your feet up and get some ice cream/wine/favorite whatever and grab a good book or your favorite movie. You deserve some pampering! Sometime you just gotta.

This can take you out for a bit - I understand. My husband also died by suicide and telling people is so hard. I hear you and I'm feeling for you today.

Background - DH has been dead a little over 5 years. I have a new job, new place, no one here has ever asked about my past, its just not known. I'm just a fellow employee, with a nice boyfriend. Scenario - We are looking for a consultant. My husband was a successful consultant. I walk into the room with my team to meet and interview a candidate and the man reminds me so much of my husband. Same: height, hair color, eye color, build, shirt style, easygoing, intelligent. He was so nice and as we were chatting I was just in wonderment that this man was so much like my husband. I couldn't believe it. And I am fine. Everyone here likes the guy, he's got the right skills and the right temperament and it looks like we will move forward working with him. I certainly couldn't say no. Just so weird. I had some moments of do people ever ponder how lucky they are just to be here? Just to be alive? He pleasantly chatted about his wife and daughter - he looked so happy. I immediately wanted my old life and my husband back. It is not to be for Forgottenwife. I have to live this life as it is. I drove home. I'm ok, just a reminder for me to live and love now, don't leave anything unsaid, now is all we have.

Yes, I had something similar. He wanted to use my second car since I couldn't 'drive two cars at the same time.' I dumped him immediately and moved on. I certainly don't need another dependent! I even had someone from a dating site ask me about my finances, when we were just doing the preliminary chat on the phone. Good for you for telling him not to call you anymore. You can do much better.

I'm with you. It sucks.

Perfect!

I hear ya Sugarbell. This always strikes a nerve with me too. I see memes and messages like 'please offer the suicide hotline number' and 'Suicide is 100% preventable,' that one really makes me feel like crap. And man do we know its just not that simple. Pretty sure the deceased knows there are suicide hotlines and emergency services. I see the same shit too, people come out of the woodwork to go to the funeral and act all supportive... then vanish. My husband was well known in our community and I saw hundreds of people that day. For many of them, right after that it was like me and his kids died right alongside of him. I get it. I don't know why people think some post on social media or acting like they care about something for a week will make any difference at all. Ever. I see people ignore the family as well and act like the loss is more traumatic for them personally. We HAD great friends that pledged to be there to help raise my kids. They came over one time after he died, and then said it was too painful for them to come to our house when he wasn't there anymore. Unbelievable, they put their discomfort above the children they made promises to, but they post all the time on facebook how much they miss him and what a shining light he was. I keep my mouth shut too. But, I have changed. I love the people I love, my kids and my closest friends, and nothing keeps from spending time with them and telling them how much they mean to me. That's what I learned from living that social media shitshow. This life and love is all we get, I do my life with actual meaning.

I'm so sorry for your loss and for what you have endured. Coming here for the past years since my husbands suicide has given me comfort, I'm glad we can offer the same to you. Our stories are quite similar. I get the guilt, the guilt, the guilt and the what ifs and the shock and horror. Why didn't I try one more doc? Should I have said this or that or not gone out that day or whatever? I agree with other posters here, there really are no answers to these questions. We are not responsible for the deaths of our spouses. No one has that control over others. It took me a long time to really know these things, I too carried guilt for a while. You are not a hypocrite for being a grieving widow. You lost your husband to illness and depression. Our journeys may be different than others who lost their spouse in a different manner... so what? You are deserving of love, compassion and support. Be gentle with yourself, this suicide road is hard. Know that we hear you and we care.

...Me too...