klim

okay I must say generally I don't seem to have attracted that type of conversation when I was on a dating site. I would not appreciate that..........fun and flirty was great. Down and dirty not so much. I had lots of great conversations, a number of first dates....,a few multiple date runs (that i terminated) but through all these i actually found the guys very timid. Fun but timid. Just my experience.

Trying you know I want the answer to this too....... Keep thinking I'm going to get brave and just say it some day...... but nope can't do it. My boys are 17 and 19 and it's a tough age . Teenagers are aware their parents are sexually beings but don't want to think about that. If our husbands had still been alive, the activities involved in a "sleepover" would have occurred covertly. No announcement "Mom's going to have sex tonight" And now we are basically saying that when we say " I'm staying over at New guys" So far I've been ok telling them that we are vacationing together, which means staying the nights together, but I feel they are ok with that because there is another reason for me staying there. I've even faked a overnight trip to a "cottage up north" and then just stayed at his place.( maybe I should have put that in confessions of a widow) but I don't like that I did that. Again just saying I'm in the same boat.......

Major steps are often followed by bold moves. You'll decide how brave you are as you approach August. Onwards and forwards.

bumpity nump

bump ....hanging out for a bit got bored talking to my cat

Just gotta pipe in... I really like taking care of someone else. it's actually one thing I miss .............the trick is they also have to like taking care of me. another thing I miss I think that's the best kinda relationship for me.

bump see like that

My husband passed very unexpectedly. No preparing for death, no conversation about a future without him. But I knew him.....his only thought would be for me to do what ever I needed to be happy.....if holding hands was what I needed he would say go for it. We were in love and it was good ...but he is gone and I am here. We are allowed to love again if it feels right........in my opinion anyways.

At the moment the chatt room information is pinned. This is good as the "how to" of chat is readily available. BUT I did like at ywbb that you could bump the floating chat thread and that would indicate to people that you were in the room. I see that people are adding comments to the pinned thread that they are "in chat" but it's just not as noticeable as when the thread actually bumped. SO Was wondering if unpinning the chat room info......or creating a floating"i'm in the mood to chat" topic that can be bumped anytime someone is headed to the chat would make sense. with the chat being pinned at the top i personally don't notice any action in it. just a thought

A bit of a different situation but I think the same procedure could be applied to help reduce the overabundance of pictures. I've always had trouble throwing out pictures. My mother passed away last year and I, ironically, was put in charge of going through the boxes and boxes of pictures she kept. I pared it down by choosing to keep only original/unique pictures capturing the essence of the different eras represented.The best of the best as they say. Because I gave the pictures my attention and chose carefully i reduced the guilt of throwing away the rest. I reduced 4 bins of albums to a small shoe box. Probably could do another round of paring it down but ....later.

His name was MIKE. He should still be here. His name was Dad He should still be here. we loved him.

Thanks for all the input. I did end up doing what works for me. A quiet moment with his ashes this afternoon, short and sweet and then back to routine. Had new guy over for dinner. He brought everything including a small bouquet of flowers. Nothing was said but he was extra sweet tonight.( although he's always sweet) Anyways made it through the day without any real anxiety. onwards and forwards.

Rob I get you.... my son is the worst for not following through on things...and it's a pain in the butt because then we have to adapt. I've gotten to the point of when my son is involved in plans...I consider it not happening until it does. I think I would have handled it in a very similar fashion . And you scored a clean bathroom .BOUNUS!! I probably would have gotten negotiated down to him tidying his room.

Today is the second anniversary of DH's death. I have been seeing a guy for quite a while now.. It is Saturday and we usually go out Saturday night. He knows the date. He says it's up to me what I want to do. The thing is I am not doing any honouring of dh today...not my style . if anything I'd rather choose his birthday to celebrate him. I'm conflicted though I somehow feel I should go slow today but not sure I want to sit at home I know New guy will honour my mood. I just can't figure out what my mood is. Any stories about you handled new mate and sadiversaries or other special dates from the past.

good on you. why not. your friend seems to get it

Happy you met.......seems like a nice relaxed start that could lead to something more or just be a great neighbourhood friend which as you said knows how to use a shovel. I laughed at the blind rattling image. My neighbour is an 85 year old widow who watches out for me. She is so cute....and bold. She always checks on me and when I first started to date she was over quite quickly telling me how happy she was for me and even telling me I'd found a"good looking " one too.She said it with an odd twinkle in her eye. I think she maybe living vicariously through my dating adventures.

Yeah I kinda make up my own version when I'm reading. The one I did really wrong ( mostly because I seem dyslexic sometimes) was DGI....I though it was God damn Idiot........ which really doesn't work. I have since learned it mean ...Don't get its....as in people that don't get our situation and there for generally say something or do something stupid.

Nice! ... and with teenagers yet.....good work. Glad it was a success.

okay I'm going to join in here and reflect. I view my journey as not so much rebuilding as keeping the structure that was in place from falling. In the beginning there was shock. My husband passed suddenly due to a heart attack and he was fit and had healthy habits so totally unexpected. But I took command right away. My boys( age 15 and 17 at the time) needed looked after. They needed to know we were going to be alright and I was going to be the one to show them that.That was my prime concern. My husband had lived life fully, always 100% involved in everything he did. He would not have had any regrets. He died doing what he loved doing. We were happy, he loved his kids and me. My boys were old enough that their dad had left his stamp on them and all I had to do was make sure that this blow did not bring us down. I think I have succeeded. I have done it mostly on my own and again I don't know why that is important but to me it is.. In the beginning my mom offered emotional support but she was an 80 yr old in failing health so often I was worrying about her instead while she was worrying about me. I work full time and manage 3 rental properties. All of this is because it has allowed us to continue on as before. I have searched out a new set of friends because as a couple we were so close we didn't need outside friends. I keep in touch with his brothers and sisters( he had 9 of them) because they're cool people and he loved them and they love me. I've kept the idea that it's important to live life fully...putting words into practice by planning adventures and sharing them with my sons or not( they're teenager and doing things with mom is not always cool) So I have kept the structure not rebuilt it...brought in a few new friends to to prop up the main beam (me) but have not really changed the way we live.

"This isn't how it's supposed to be. You're supposed to be here." I regularly think this. It will be two years on Saturday...and yes I am rebuilding maybe not as rapidly as you but at my own pace. The incongruency of being happy and feeling the idea of this isn't how it's supposed to be plays on my mind some times. BUt onward and forward. Enjoy your new found life.

At first when I was lonely I figured I'd fix it by passing time and sociallizing with a new crowd....so I joined a meetup group, hiking and doing other outdoors stuff( around 6 months). It was great. I figured I may be interested in dating when I was paying more attention to the guys in the group and appreciating when they paid attention to me. ( around 9 months) When one of the guys asked me out I didn't know if I was ready but thought I'd try. No regrets...life is full of learning and what comes next is always a mystery. So how did I know I was ready ...it was my reactions to outside stimulus , not a matter of searching within myself and deciding I had mourned long enough. When I showed interested I figured it was worth the risk.

Physical attraction counts for me. I'm no model and I don't need to be with a model., but I do need certain things. For me,it showed up when I tried dating a very pleasant fellow for about a month...we had a lot in common, talked easily but I felt it wasn't going to work. He on the other hand was taken by me . My feeling was I was uncomfortable because he was an inch shorter than me.... I told myself this is really shallow....get over it.... he begged me to try, said that he didn't care. I tried, but guess what it mattered and I couldn't adjust my thinking. I felt bad but I couldn't get over feeling uncomfortable. So pretty sure I need to date guys taller than me....it's just me....but that's the way it is.

Joining the discussion with stories but no answers I have 2 boys 17 and 19( 15 and 17 when their dad passed). 19 year old has transitioned to university and living away since his dad passed and seems to be doing quite well. Younger one is supposed to be heading off in the fall.....he struggles with school and what he wants in the future. My problem is I don't know whether its the loss of his dad or just his personality or normal teenage angst. I too try hard to find a balance of how hard to push him. He is moody( always has been) and I don't want to demand too much but know I can't just have him lazing around. I have not had him to a therapist because"therapists are stupid"...his words. So no answers just a similar story

no goodbye just "I'm going downstairs to do a ride and then finish my fruit" He had such healthy habits.....how was it that his widow maker artery was 75% blocked WTF sorry for the language but seriously it's what always comes into my head when I think about it........ WTF

No suggestions/ experiences but wishing you luck. Keep trying to communicate and if you gave the email lots of thought don't give up on referring to it.