klim

Going to join the pity party( although I had a very nice valentines with new guy). My dad died 5 years ago on Valentines day. A little over 2 years later DH died and finally a year later my mom died. Today on facebook I was reading some remebrances about my Dad, It made me think of all I've lost in the last while...my dad was the first. It's kinda a double whammy here in Ontario.... Valentines day followed by Family day......just kinda accented those absent from my life.

In my opinion, you deserve and need to get out. Her needs are being met, as you mentioned, the nanny seems to know what she is doing. If you keep it routine then she hopefully will adjust. My son when he was little, fussed/cryed/clung when ever I dropped him at the nursery school and yet after I left he would play and colour and participate. In otherwords he was mostly upset when he had to say goodby but not afterwards.I had to drop him off... I was heading to work. It pulled on my heart strings. Perhaps your daughter puts more of a fuss when you leave but will settle. I would keep the weekly event happening keeping it as routine as toosoon mentioned. It may pull at your heartstrings but I think it's a good

I have been dating NG for over 2 years. I was a little vague at the beginning with my then 16 and 18 yr old as the relationship was a little on and off to begin with. After a while they met but their first few meetings were brief, sort of passing in the night . He'd come to the door to pick me up and my kids were in the kitchen...hi....hello ...that's about it. We have not been moving toward a combined family, so there was no rush to have my guys to meet. My older one has always been willing to meet and do things but my younger one has resisted. When I have NG over to watch movies etc, my kids will pass through the living room going about their normal activities but still little interaction. Only after dating solidly for a year did NG and I do something with my older son. We chose to go out and play a game of pool. I liked the idea of the activity , not just sitting at the dinner table. I don't force my younger one to socialize with NG. So that's my story so far I think with a 16 year old that has asked for an introduction, I would honour that request. She is probably curious Personalities and age ,as well as where you think you want your relationship to end up play a big part in when and how your children to introduce your new partner. Anyways good luck with whatever you decide.

That is cute and it must have felt good. It's reassuring that they can percieve our efforts. One of my feel good moments was when my 17 year old was stuggling away at uni and we'd been conversing an awful lot trying to get him through his rough start. He told me that i was too caring. To me it said "i know how much you love me" I think that's what her statement said too.

I talk about him and NG talks about ex....we've compared wedding stories, birthing stories, vacation stories. I may consciously limit it a little but not much. He's met some of my dh's siblings and we have actually gone to dinner with his ex sister inlaw. Maybe we're weird but neither of us seems too bothered.

I have an opinion......and yet have trouble managing my own situation. You have a young daughter and you can guide her with your actions and conversation. She has little world experience to know what"mommy's "are supposed to do...... if you tell her that NG is going to be staying over every once in a while she will assume that's what happens when mommy's have boyfriends. There will not be any sexual connection with the action as she hasn't developed that far. And when she does ,it will seem normal. I take it from your comment you aren't worried with " the marriage factor"...nor am I . I have yet to have my NG sleep over when my sons are home ....and it sometimes bothers me that I can't be that straight forward with them..... but they're 18 and 20 year old guys ...their conclusion would be different then your daughters. Last comment with the idea that this could come back and she might request the same privledges..... some teens are mature, they may not be in a forever relationship but in a good stable long lasting one... at that point,if they want to sleep together they probably can handle it.

I call my NG " cutie" but that is a private term.....It would sound a bit funny if I introduced him that way. I introduce him as my friend.....reference him as the "guy I'm seeing" and on very few instances I have said boyfriend. The point I have to deal with is DH and NG have the same name. I called DH Mike ...so call NG Michael. DH was sweetie.....NG is cutie. Is any one else careful about terms of endearent?

bump keep trying chatt can be fun

bump bumppity bump

Hey Trying (Hugs) Lots of good advice here. Sounds like you are working the right angles. My younger one,now 18, has many of the same issues. Only lasted 3 weeks in his first attempt at uni. Came home in October, tried getting a job, lasted 2 days and quit. He was too stressed. Became depressed, felt like a failure.Has no ambitionand and hardly ever leaves the house. I did get him on medication for anxiety, because that is really what caused him to quit uni. I also got him to see a therapist( for a while). He didn't think the talk therapy was helping, so we've stopped. I've don't have him on a contract( although that idea does sound interesting)but I do set out weekly goals to help him move on. When he quit uni, his biggest fear was that he would stagnate. I promised him I wouldn't let him. Sometimes I think I'm failing him but I'm not giving up, I keep trying to nudge him to do the next step.....it's hard. Does cleaning your room weekly and finally learning how to drive sound like forward motion? Anyways I think I'm just commiserating with you.This isn't easy at all. Hopfully some of the advice here will work for you and your son.

Daysofelijah ....are we dating the same guy??? Your description sounded so similar...ALL the descriptors , the financial situation and even the last girlfriend part, but..... our timeline together has been stretched out and is even longer than yours. I wrote this in another thread but will repeat it here because it seems relavant.NG and I have been dating for about 2 years, the 1st year being slightly interupted( alittle hiatus to reevaluate feelings)I have told my NG "I love you" twice probably about a year apart. First "i love you" was met with" be careful what you say, those are very powerful words" and then he told me that all he could say was he cared for me alot. I backed off with the I love you statements....it wasn't right for him. He put a different importance on those three little words, because when I used them I had meant "i care for you alot" About a year later, caught up in my lovey dovey feelings , I said it a second time. This time he answered "I love you too." As you can guess it meant alot because he doesn't say it casually. I have had some pondering about where will this relationship go because in a way it seems to progress so very slowly and then I think about if I had someone who was eager and wanting to move forward really quickly I would totally be freaked out. Some might say that if you aren't sure after a year that there is "forever love",you're wasting your time but what I know is ,that for now, he is caring, sweet, fun and makes my life better. I'm happy to have waited for the "I love you" Good luck

Home sick today ...anybody want to chatt

Who do you want to know that life in chapter one wasn't perfect? I had a very very positive first marriage.........but......it wasn't perfect. I think I sometimes make a comment to that effect to NG for no othe reason than I like to be truthful with him.I want to know where he is emotionally coming from and I don't want to hold back information about how and why I think just because the person that had the most influence on my adult life( and how I leraned to be a partner) is gone. I don't think there should be a concern about photos although I know this had arisen in other threads. I am not getting rid of family photos/marriage photos/highschool photos/ baby pictures or basically any photos I have. I may choose to place things less prominently / put some away/add new ones....but I feel I don't have to erase the old to accept the new. But that's just me. Good luck ...it's hard to navigate.

I thought I'd be weirded out by this sort of thing the first time we had a sleep over at my house. I even asked the first night that we just sleep together literally, platonically. I wanted to test whether I was emotionally ready to share my bedroom and my/our bed. NG was very understanding and I was totally fine. All sorts of anticipation of emotinal upheaval and then it just unfolded without any upset. Glad it went smoothly for you too.

can you share what type of questios these would be.mzybe some examples...or heck the whole lidt

Love happens slowly for some and quickly for others .It can ebb and flow. The statement "I love you" for some is frought with deep heavy meaning and for others it can be a simple as' I'm feeling good and you are the reason.' NG and I have been dating for about 2 years, the 1st year being slightly interupted( alittle hiatus to reevaluate feelings)I have told my NG "I love you" twice probably about a year apart. First "i love you" was met with" be careful what you say, those are very powerful words" and then he told is that all he could say was he cared for me alot. I backed off with the I love you statements....it wasn't right for him. He put a different importance on those three little words, because when I used them I had meant "i care for you alot" About a year later, caught up in my lovey dovey feelings , I said it a second time. This time he answered "I love you too." As you can guess it meant alot because he doesn't say it casually. That was about two weeks ago. We don't utter it as our parting statement or a greeting but it has been said and it feels good. I think communication is the key...as you said sometimes an action such as meeting family can be interpreted differently by different people. You sound like you realize this and also that emotional drama can even change the intensity of feelings from day to day.

This post is piggybacking from my other topic....but I ended there saying "I am often torn between my needs,my NG needs and my interpretation of my boys needs..." I'm nearly 3 years out. My boys were 15 and 17 when DH passed. They were approaching adulthood...but obviously not there.I stepped up to the plate pretty well (I think.) I was strong....Life goes on. I think we weathered this life event well. I'm struggling with deciding how much of my attention my boys need. They are 18 and 20 now. One lives away during the school year and the other is at home after having some anxiety issues in first year uni. They don't really want to do stuff with me or me and NG. And I know even before DH passed that they were less likely to want to join us on hkes or whatever. I know it's part of growing up. It's complicated by the fact that they are reaching towards independance at the same time as I am starting a new relationship...so I have difficulty telling whether their pulling away is situational or normal. Anyways don't know whether this should have been in the parenting section or here but any stories about children transitioning to adulthood through the turmoil that is associated with death and new relationships

Thanks for all the input.....I feel I'm almost there...... and I know I'll be straight forward when I get there. I know it's complicated and up to indiviual personalities and timelines and relgious views. I guess I was just looking for a magic method or at least some reassurance that my family won't implode if I venture forward. I am often torn between my needs,my NG needs and my interpretation of my boys needs...

"With teens/young adults it's tricky because I feel like it's an announcement that their mom is having sex with this man.": Trying This is exactly my problem. My 20 year old has a girlfriend and she has stayed over a few times as she lives in another city( they met a uni). I can joke about it with him ..winkwink nudge nudge type thing, asking how comfortable was the couch in his room, for sleeping etc. I just wish I could relax , not over think and see how it pans out. I think my older son would be amenable to it but the 18 year old is tighter wound and has yet to have a serious relationship, so couldn't relate as easily, and therefore will have more of a difficult time. Still waiting for the magic answer...even googled it.....one suggested a all inclusive slumber party....but I think that was for younger kids

How do I get to the point where I can say to my boys Age 18 and 20 "NG is staying over tonight" Or a little easier but still " I'm staying over at NG's" I go on vacation with him, Went on a mini overnight in the city and had no trouble telling them. Even phoned and said I was staying over because of some snow we had.I'm ok as long is there is a reason. But I can't seem to just say I am doing this because I want to. Any advice?

Feeling happy so thought I would sharere

My husband died in an instant in April2013. We were a very tight family unit. We just did things together.lots of things......but friends,socializing with any one other then with our extended families was nil.And even with family it was the obligatory bithday /christmas type stuff. So all of a sudden I had noone to do things with. My kids were 15 and 17. Not really in the prime hang out with mom stage. 4 month after dh was gone, my older son moved out to go to university.I went from having 4 people in the house to only 2 of us. I had work but I was used to being active, hiking,biking.camping, looking after people in the house cooking washing clothes...I was bored. So I joined a meetup group at 4 months out.It got me out of the house doing the stuff I liked.It was a hiking and biking group. On Halloween they had a social and I decided to go. That is when I notice I was getting interested in the guys .Went to a couple more of the social events over the next month and was dating by December.( 9 months out) Over the next year our relationship was on and off mostly to do with his issues around dating, not mine.Because of this rocky start perhaps, "love"has been slow to blossom. I have been very trpidatious about allowing my heart to be fully involved. A great friendship for sure but what abot love? Well now having been together steadily for the past year I allowed myself to tell him "I love you",just this past Friday. he responded with "I love you too".He's had such difficulty with this possibilty that he could ever love again( and he's divorced not widowed) that I was a little surprised we made it to this point., So I don't know that this counts as early recoupling but this is how my second chapter is playing out. Now to see what the future brings??????

Canadian here. Near Toronto

You're attracted or at least intrigued ......and he's really considerate.... I'd suggest riding it out and see where it goes.

Thankful for a job and the stability it brings me, both mental and financial. Thankful that my older son is succeeding in getting where he wants to be and that my younger son who remains confused is at least not as down as he was before. And thankful that I've been able to provide what they need and that we are on good terms.