klim

This idea was prompted by a statement from imissdow in another thread. I hate making all the decisions.......I have two older teens and there are the decisions I have been making with my boys(...young men) about their lives.They are trying to make life choices...what career works for me , what school do I go to.etc. ...and they only have me to help them with it. There are decisions I am making about what is acceptable for young men living in my house( girlfriend, friends, chores,drinking). All of it rests on me.If dh was here there would be another voice in the discussion . And then there are the household/living decisions that seem simple enough, like do I get a new driveway, but still I have to make them on my own. Sometimes I think I can discuss these things with my boys and then I switch right around to being protective and not wanting to burden them with something I should be responsible for as the "adult". The financial decisions are the ones that weigh on me the most. I don't want to screw up. DH and I had investments( which is good because we didn't have insurance) but I was never the risk taker, Dh would come up with the plans on how to make money and although I was involved I was never in charge. It was always ( sort of) "what ever you think is best dear" kind of involvement. Now I'm in charge. So just complainig that I'm tired of being the adult all the time....

The misrepresenting myself is the part that gets me talking. In conversation I don't use the term late husband ( propbably should because that would casue less confusion), just doesn't roll off my tongue. Therefor I simply explain fairly early on that I find myself in this position not because of divorce but because I'm widowed.I tend to ask for their story......what brought you to the point that you are onine dating..........which I then follow up with " for me it's a bit different.....I'm widowed". I then add something like" it was rough but I'm doing ok,as you can see ,hahahaha" ......yes it tends to be a bit awkward but after that everything goes much smoother because I don't have to monitor what I'm saying......husband, late husband, my kids , our kids , brother in law....none of it needs explained after I get over that first declararion that I'm widowed. Good luck.

Wow good stuff with regards to your daughter! And with regards to you new job , mastering the new hospital system maybe stressful but I would also think itwould be a confidence booster. Way to go!

Ifonlyicould I'm still being indecisive I organized everthing, downsized the area that the stuff took up.......think I will have a quick discussion with my boys before I do anything permanent. My guys are 17 and 19 so I think they have a good feel for what they think is important to them with regards to keepsakes. With regards to all the things that were my husbands this tends to be my modus operandi. Organize , downsize and then decide later what to do with it......

ok heres my two cents worth. Live for now. Guard your heart til you're sure but have fun on the way. I'm going with a guy that was off and on and off again for quite a while at the beginning. Had I asked for advice I would have been told "run " or "dump him , you deserve better"........But he gives me what makes me happy day to day. I think I'm pretty mixed up about what I want long term so for now I'm going with" make me happy today"! People other than ourselves can be mixed up about what they want. Maybe he figured out what he wants and if it's working right now...be happy. onwards and forwards

What to do with funeral momentoes??? There are cards, a memory book , a guest book from the funeral home. These are easy to deal with , I can file them as keepsakes......... But my husband was a teacher and coach . His school gave me a signed bat and ball, senior letter plaque ball cap. I've kept them on top of a wardobe in my bedroom but I'm renovating and they are covered in dust. They mean a little to me but admittedly not much. I know he was an amazing teacher I don't need these to remind me. I feel bad if I get rid of them but then a practical side of me says that they served their purpose.At the time of the funeral it allowed the staff and students to convey their sorrow in a concrete form. Any thoughts...... experiences

Every once in a while I just have to say it out loud. "Fuck how is it you are dead?" Said it again today while getting tools from the workshop So yep still working on the sureal factor.

Here's to a better day tomorrow! Always to a better day tomorrow! Hugs

hellloooo any body want to play?

Thank for all the insights New guy knows what he signed up for and has been very understanding so far. As all steps in this odd rprocess, I expect I'll figure it out eventually. So far I think I like the idea of plants.........just cause I like plants and it never has been part of the bedroom before. It would make it seem new and different. Onwards and forwards

Plans are allowed to change and fantasies ,even brief ones are totally allowed. Have fun with your thoughts.

Any stories/ any advice.... will I be able to?? here's the scoop. I have a boyfriend whom I have been dating for almost 2 years ( with a 4 month hiatus thrown in there somewhere) We are actively intimate ( is that a fair term to explain it?) at his apartment, on holidays....never at my house. Totally makes sense. I have two teen boys and he lives by himself. This September both my boys will be heading away to university... A game changer. Now my house will be available. My house is nicer..... it will make sense we hang out here and that leads to this question......will I be able to share my bed.....the one that was "our " bed.....the one in which room dh's ashes sit. Thoughts????? Sometimes I'm practical and say what difference does it make,,,and sometimes I can't ever imagine sharing my bed.

Go SIMIRED go!

I just read through this whole thread ... thinking about all I miss. Theres a lot....the handyman abilities.....the affectionate partner.....the lively adventurer ......the personal supporter. But the last two post bring out what I miss the most. I miss my coparent.....It's such a huge responsibility. I know my dh and I were slightly different in our raising the kids philosophy. He was more strict, more demanding...I was more of a pushover. But between us we struck a good balance. Now it is just me...... and I second guess myself all the time. They are such a prescious gift and I don't want to screw them up. Helping my youngest figure out his life plans as he heads off to university this fall would have been so much easier if there was another parent here. so I miss my coparent

Yeah. ...that applies to the update not the original post.!!!

Fun and who knows about this stuff. Not a believer myself( the old scientific brain here too) but hope is a marvelous thing. Enjoy

I sometimes think what I've got , which is only good for the" here and now" and very shaky for " the forever and ever" might be ok with me . But I don't know if I'm fooling myself. In otherwords I've had similar thoughts

ok so last night apparently i needed some sex. Went the self satisfaction route. Thankyou BOB! But you know what....I pulled a muscle in my back.......how the hell does that happen!! So not only did I not have the satisfaction of real sex but I have a reminder of it haunting me today and maybe tomorrow!

Sunday evening bored....bumpity bump

My teen boys come first......sort of I work with them....making sure they're adjusting to the next step...whatever it maybe...giving time.... moving slowly. I've not stopped moving forward but they are ever in my thoughts. Their comfort is important but so is my hapiness. A work in progress...

Reading about your excitement, makes me excited ! Have fun! Enjoy!

I think momtokam may have a point. They might be blind to the situation. I think next time you find yourself in a similar situation, you should put on your brave face,be bold and ask someone for what ever it is you need. Of course whether you can do this probably depends on your personality but I have upped my game in this department ,getting brave and doing things I never would have before and most of the things have worked out. Good luck and I think people are right school age children will open up different opportunities.

I think what you say rings true. For me as well it is when I have to deal with things that he was particularly good at and dealt with. NOt the regular day to day stuff, I've figured out that and have dealt with it but for me something like when there is car maintanace or right now I am packing for a camping trip with my son and he always got the trailer ready. Writing this sounds dumb because it sounds like I miss him because of how practical he was but it really is it brings it all to the forefront. Right now I'm even wondering if all this packing for the camping trip is worth it because he was the excited one that made the trips fun. I'm not sure camping is inately fun. Oh well we going to do it . Only time will tell Onward and forward.

kids are a proirity. If a relationships bolsters you and makes you stronger ,you'll have more to give your kids because you are invigerated. If the relationship's draining you then it won't work for you or your kids. Take care

Oh dear I'm going to miss you guys by ,....well a couple of weeks.( going at the beginning of AUG)...but since I've never made it across the ocean to anywhere in europe...I'd say it's close. Be interested to hear what you thought was the best things to do in Amsterdam as I've only got two days to see it. Have fun!