klim

I'm not a hugger. Hugs from friends and acquaintances have always been awkward. Even in my first few days after DH died, when the hugs were all over the place, it wasn't doing it for me,( although the gestures were appreciated.)I felt uncomfortable on the two occasions I went for a massage. Having said all this I don't think hearing about it as a grief aid would weird me out. I just don't think I'd choose it. Ps thought I should add I've always like being hugged by my guy, but that is different.

hope you get some sleep.....sleep is my ultimate fixer upper of moods....Nytol is my friend now when I'm having trouble. Slightly OT: your post caught my attention and brought back memories of my reaction. There were no screams ...but when told he was dead I kept repeating "ooowwh, ooow ooowww" , as in ouch. I was not crying or screaming just saying ow. Even then I thought to myself "you are weird" but it didn't change my reaction. MY husband and I watched alot of "true Life mysteries and they were always saying things like " The suspects reaction when given the news just didn't seem right".....I kept thinking they are going to suspect me of something cause me reaction "just isn't right" but I kept saying" ow" .....cause apparently that was my reaction

My sons were 15 and 17 when their dad died, they have not seems interested in looking at pictures. I gave them both a copy of the one I use in my tag line . Although they put it in their rooms to begin with, i don't know that they even have them dispayed any more. We have fmily pictures down one of the hallways so they do see them. We talk casually about their dad but the idea of making a special time for conversation or doing something to honour their dad has been vetoed ....not what they want to do. I'm okay with that i like casual.

All the pictures that were up when he died are still up , he's in pictures by himself, with me, with the kids( just a bunch of family photos...not shrine type pictures). I have two teenage sons. I do not want them to feel that Dad is being removed from the house. NG spends time here..... but this is my place....it has my family's pictures. He's never commented ...he understands that as a mom I watch and care for my childrens well being. He has a lot of repect for that. I spend time at his place and truthfully I find it strange that he doesn't have any family photos up. He's moved 3 times since his divorce and I guess when he redecorated he left it neutral. Right now with where I am in my relationship.( the fun for now don't know where it's going mode) My kids comfort level in their own house is what counts. The only thing I'm debating is whether to put up a few photo's with him in them.... but it feels so highschool......"This is a picture of my boyfriend:)"...."look see, I have a boyfriend" Instead I keep photos on my computer

I wondered about the guilt thing....but it didn't happen. My husband died all of a sudden, no warnings or conversations.....so I just had to analyse and think for myself about what was right for me in the future. I worked on the premise , that I've always wanted to have a happy life( we always worked at enjoying life) so if I was feeling lonley and meeting someone was going to make me happy I was going to persue it. At first I just wanted to be social and then I noticed the attention I was giving the guys I was meeting ( got my flirt on). At this point actively seaching out dates made sense. Timeline :9 months......but as said over and over ...only you know and what is right for you depends on you.

It is funny ....but you're right, putting it on facebook is a certain step. I laughed, in March after a getaway, I snuck a picture in that had both our feet in it. It was a practice run in my mind .Maybe gave people a hint. Then in the summer I put a whole picture in.

I get it ,my oldest moved out 4 months after dh died and that left just me and my 15 year old at home. It seems extremly lonley and empty. It definitley initiated me looking for distraction outside of the house. I joined meetups.

Older son's in third year....not really good at getting back on email....told me to expect a 24h turnaround. It's neat to see them mature...I call him my quasi adult. Younger son tried to move 5 hrs away to uni........he's back...... didn't adjust well and wasn't sure of the program. Sounds like your daughter knows what she likes and is finding her way. Enjoy it. JUst maybe , for your sake, but maybe for your sake ask for the 24 h rule on the txts.

So went with plants and new curtains and rearranged photos, etc. Asked for an innocent nights sleep first so I could adjust. But in the end all is good in the land of activley intimate........... except game changed again, my son had difficulty transitioning to university so is back home. Regrouping is in order for him and me. Onward and forward.

((too soon)) Breathe....okay breathe again......... now you got where you are because you're good at what you do. Yes you have to stay on top of things, but have confidence that the stuff you're doing is good......or good enough. Your daughter will be fine. you love her and will look after the priorities for her. you got this ....just stay real,prioritize and it will come together

I think "reliving" will always be part of our lives, whether it is privately in our heads or outloud with those that forget. As far as your sisters statement... she was right .......and perhaps it was all she could process after being a little freaked out........but then again I have no insite into this

Hey right back atcha! Life goes on and here you are. Glad to see ya!

Little bit freaky but kinda cool........and hey you got to hear from some people you may not have otherwise

I'm here tonight

Oh it's weird alright....every step is weird but it can be good too!!! Trying said it quite eloquently........LIve in the moment and enjoy.

nobuddy was visiting an now I 'm falling asleep

DGI "don't get it"s they haven't walked in our shoes. mind you when I first interpreted DGI I was being dyslexic and thought it was "god damn idiots."......that work pretty well too. Back to OP for me in the second year I was a little less energized , it was like in the first year I had to prove I was a capable widow. I worked ,I mothered ,I took care of the house. I was super widow....don't worry about me folks....I got this! Second year it became a little less important to prove I could do it all. I'd already proved it ....now I didn't want too do it all. At first I relaxed off a little(you know it's okay if I didn't edge the lawn every couple of weeks..etc) and it could have been viewed as a depression but I think it was just a slowing down and functioning at a more normal level. I then started to indulged myself, focused on things I liked,looked after my needs. That helped a bit. Part of what I needed was out of the house. I joined meetups for things I liked ( hiking groups for me) . In the second year these carried me along and gave me a focus. I was very involved in them. Now I'm more an occasional user, but they served there purpose.My DH was still dead but I began to get involved in not just the mundane of life but some of the thrills Not sure I'm helping with suggestions but just giving you some perspective.

I thought of this too because that is what my aunt does ALL the time. I also thought this. .....so I guess I could have pushed the "like" button

I think I'm mostly in the stuff is just stuff category. Memories are what count. Having said that I haven't necessarily got my house in order but I'm procrastination isn't an emotional procrastination it's economical considerations are stopping me. I have two or three ok maybe four areas I haven't dealt with but probably should. Any suggestions on how to handle these would be great. 1. I tucked all his dress clothes in a closet (he had some nice stuff)....the idea is that if my sons(young men now) end up employed somewhere where they need to dress nicely they won't have to put out money just when they are starting out...........I don't know it kinda makes sense...right? 2.He collected model trains....worth lots of money.....I don't even know which are the really expensive ones or much else about them. I don't want to get ripped off and sell them too cheap so that is waiting till I have time to research.....when ever that will be. 3. A recurring theme in this thread...tools, lots and lots of tools( he built cabinetry, fixed cars, built us an addition) ....I use some of them... and again my sons might use some of them.............so it'll be a little while till I decide which ones of those are going. 4. And lastly a motorcycle...really just procrastination, I've already got rid of two dirtbikes and a car. It's nicley tucked in the corner of the shed so not really bothering me. I have no real desire to remove evidence of him from my house...actually it's impossible because he built half of it. But if his stuff is not what I like or need I have been able to remove it without much turmoil. As I said memories are what count.

yep i get the holding back. My relationship was never hidden but never flaunted...if you get my drift. MY sons knew everytime I went out and even when I vacationed but I didn't post facebook pictures until recently. I wanted them and my inlaws to adjust with out being bombarded with images. And when I finally did It felt right

it's true it does help doesn't it. thanks from me to everyone as well.

Thankyou all for the support. I spent the morning going over strategies to "survive". I'm hoping for better than survival but we will see. His approach is now he'll try it for a month and if he's not feeling any better he's out. I don't think I can argue with that. He's not really feeling it...he tells me he's glum

I've just dropped my youngest off at college, he's not handling it well. i texted him to see and he said he's not doing great. He always tells me he's fine....for him to say not great is upsetting. I don't know what to do......and I'm sad cause nobody can help me. I feel alone

hanging out for a little while if anybody wants to drop in

can so relate and am worried it's just going to get worse...... by this time next week it will just be me and my cat in the house as both my boys will be off to University. Empty nest time......time to enjoy life as a couple once again........oh crap that ain't going to work....dh is dead! Just venting .... I'm sure I'll get through this and figure things out. onwards and forwards